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So here’s the thing: I like Gordon Ramsay. I mean I really like him. It’s not just the British accent either. It’s the yelling and the swearing and the insults too. Of course, I’d probably feel differently if any of it was directed at me, but since it’s not, I still enjoy it. I probably also like him because he says things that I only wish I could say…..in public, not just in my living room. For instance, I too, call Tom a “fat ass” and Giacomo a greasy haired “donkey,” they just can’t hear me from my couch. So, I watch this show and secretly wish I could be more like Gordon Ramsay….or at least that I could date Gordon Ramsay….or whatever else….. Okaaay, enough of the personal disclosures. Let’s get back to the task at hand! It’s time for the next episode of Hell’s Kitchen.
We last left our hopefuls after the surprise elimination of Gabe. Everyone files back to the dorms in stunned silence. The guys decide that they should be studying as hard as they can…..as if studying is going to save them. Garrett admits that his nominations didn’t work out very well. No kidding, dude. Tom says that he was definitely given a reprieve. Not only that, but he thinks Chef Ramsay wouldn’t mind seeing him win. Sweaty and delusional, party of one? Your table is ready.
The women are also shocked that Gabe – who wasn’t nominated for elimination – got the boot. They’re realizing that no one is safe.
It’s 6:15 a.m. and everyone is actually getting up without the assistance of clanging pots. It’s a miracle. Heather is showing off her burned hand for sympathy points while Sara rolls her eyes. The sound of the phone ringing interrupts the whining and Tom answers the phone. It’s Chef Ramsay and he wants everyone in the dining room right now. It’s 6:16 and everyone runs around, throwing on their chef’s jackets. By 6:20, everyone is assembled in the dining room….except for Sara, who is nowhere to be found. Cut to Sara hopping out of the shower and finding herself all alone. She finally rolls into the dining room at 6:24. Ramsay thanks her for coming. Apparently, Sara doesn’t have the ability to recognize blatant sarcasm because she just says, “You’re welcome.” Chef Ramsay calls the 7 ½ to 8 minutes that it took them all to get into the dining room “pathetic.”
You know what else was pathetic? The dinner service last night. They made the same mistakes on both crappy dinner services. Chef Ramsay tells them that there are two crucial elements in the kitchen: timing and communication. Both are in short supply in Hell’s Kitchen.
Since everyone has sucked quite a lot, why not have another challenge where the suckiness can really get out on the open highway?
Terribly Troubling Tortellini
This week’s challenge will involve cooking three dishes from the existing menu. The catch? Only one person from each team will be in the kitchen at once. The red team has more members, so they have to choose someone to sit out this challenge. Because her hand isn’t 100% better from the burn, Heather volunteers to sit out this time. Sara, wearing what looks like a tiara, calls Heather (in a moment of pure irony) “Princess Heather.” Sara doesn’t think Heather’s hand is that bad. Seeing as how Sara seems totally incapable of NOT expressing every little feeling she has, I’m sure she’d suck it up if her hand got fried in the kitchen. [/sarcasm]
The three entrees the chefs will be preparing in the challenge are the chicken, the tortellini and the salmon. All entrees must be completed in 20 minutes and each entrée has different cooking time. Each chef will get five minutes in the kitchen. They will then turn things over to one of their teammates, relaying - in 15 seconds - all of the important information about what needs to be done.
First up are Tom and Virginia. Tom finds some cooked tortellini in the kitchen and thinks he’s being reaaaally smart cutting corners. Virginia, on the other hand, is starting the tortellini from scratch. Unfortunately for Tom, nothing gets by Gordon Ramsay. Chef Ramsay busts Tom for trying to take a shortcut and orders him to make the tortellini fresh. The first five minutes is up quickly and Giacomo and Rachel are next into the kitchen. The first switch goes well and everything seems to be going great. Of course, you know this can’t continue. It never does.
Here comes trouble in the shape of Maribel and Keith. When Rachel and Maribel switch, Maribel doesn’t hear Rachel tell her about the tortellini, which is now in a pot of water on the stove. The tortellini is causing problems in the blue kitchen as well. Even though Giacomo told Keith that the tortellini was done, Keith starts in making another batch. Cut to the tortellini being boiled into submission in the red kitchen. Sara will be last into the red kitchen and Heather is trying to give her a pep talk. Sara isn’t hearing any of it. At this point, something’s burning in one of the kitchens, but no one can figure out what it is. Plus, there’s no time because the last team is about to hit the kitchen.
The tortellini continues to cause problems as Sara and Garrett step up to the plate. Sara doesn’t even know that the tortellini is one of the entrées. The blue kitchen is now overflowing with tortellini because Garrett is making yet another batch of the stuff. As time runs out, Sara is able to plate both the chicken and the salmon. Final tortellini score: blue team – 3 batches, red team – 1 very mushy and forgotten batch.
Since the red team only completed two of the three entrées, the guys are sure they’ll be winning this one. Chef Ramsay starts his judging with the tortellini. The men win this one by default – even though Garrett didn’t put any sauce on it – because the women didn’t complete this dish. This is the moment when Tom – who is leaning on the counter like he owns the joint - goes from “Misdemeanor Stupid” to “Felony Stupid” and starts interrupting Chef Ramsay, “Can I speak? Can I speak?” The question isn’t can you speak, it’s should you speak. Ramsay smacks Tom down verbally, telling him to stand up and to stop slouching like a fat slob. Tom the Badass tells us that Chef Ramsay had better be careful. Ramsay doesn’t want to get into a street fight with him. Uh-huh. You might sweat so much he’d drown. Tom then tells us that Ramsay is lucky the contestants had to sign an agreement regarding no physical altercations….and I run to get my shovel. You just know that if Ramsay actually called him out, Tom would make that sour lemon face and start crying.
Okay, back to the challenge judging. The chicken entrée is next. Ramsay says that both are moist, but the blue team burned the lettuce and there was no sauce. Yikes. Each team has won one entrée and it’s down to the salmon. The blue team’s salmon is missing both the sauce and the bacon, while the red team presented a complete dish. Once again, the women win the challenge and the men fume. The punishment last week was preparing all of the meat for the dinner service. This week, the guys will have to do all the laundry, ironing included. The women will be accompanying Gordon on a little boat trip.
To add insult to injury the men find that they will be doing the laundry by hand. Tom is particularly ticked off about having to do the laundry and he actually says that the women should be doing this because women are better at doing laundry. Well then, it’s a good thing this isn’t a laundry competition, ‘cause you’d be losing that one too, sour grapes.
Bikini Boating Bimbos
For the second week in a row, the ladies get dressed up for a date with Gordon. They all do a little happy dance as they head to the dorms. Today, the red team will be meeting Gordon – who is looking rather sexaaaay all in black – at Marina del Rey for lunch and a boat tour. Everyone starts drinking and, soon enough Victoria is flirting with Gordon again.
The ladies all seem to appreciate getting to spend some time with Gordon out of the kitchen….especially Victoria. Considering what we’ve seen from Victoria thus far, I‘d say sleeping her way to the top is as good a plan as any. She’s not going to win this thing by cooking. Once everyone is finished with lunch, Gordon announces that he’ll be leaving them. Victoria actually calls out, “Miss me!” and I want to smack her. With Gordon gone, the girls really loosen up. The alcohol is flowing the bikinis come out. Victoria, who has now turned stalker/fangirly says that she wishes Gordon was there to rub lotion on them. Jesus.
Back in the kitchen, the men are still working on the laundry and going over the various dinner entrées out loud. Garrett says the laundry thing is no big deal. He likens it to his prison experience and says it’s the best thing that could have happened. There’s “men in prison” joke in there. I’ll let you find it on your own. The girls return to Hell’s Kitchen and find the men still at work. As the ladies head back to the dorms, Garrett tells them to go cook dinner like women should. *Oh no he di’in’t! * At that moment, Heather becomes a strong, black woman. In the yard, she utters the line we’ve seen in the previews for the last month about not being Garrett’s mother or his girlfriend, so he can’t speak to her that way. Like then it would be okay?
Griping to the women just isn’t doing it for Heather, so she goes in search of Garrett. He sits ignoring her while she talks at him. He tells us that he doesn’t appreciate people talking smack to him, proving that he can dish it out, but can’t take it. Heather tells him that the ladies have to work twice as hard to be taken seriously, but it’s in one ear and out the other. Long after Heather heads off to her room, Garrett continues to yammer on about being disrespected. Because the walls are made out of rice paper, the women all hear him and laugh at how he still can’t let things go….much like Heather earlier.
Just Don’t Cry in the Sauce
The next morning, the men are getting an early start in the kitchen, while Maribel is crying in the bathroom. It seems that she’s missing her family. The red team finally makes it to the kitchen where Maribel cries some more. The ladies try to comfort Maribel while the men are trying to get it together. Sous chef Steve tells the men that it would be bad if they lost tonight. Giacomo foolishly reassures him that they won’t lose. The red team vows to focus on getting all of the entrées out and actually serving dessert. Dare to dream, girls. Meanwhile, Sara (aka The Pot) slams Heather for talking trash.
Chef Ramsay calls everyone out to the dining room for his version of a pep talk before the dinner service begins. He tells them that the goal for tonight is to get all of the tickets out. In no time, Hell’s Kitchen is open to yet another group of masochistic diners. It’s 7 p.m. and something tells me they’re in for a long night. Seriously, I’d at least be packing a Power Bar in my purse.
The first orders hit the kitchens and Sara and Keith are on appetizers. Ramsay, supportively, tells Keith not to slop it up this time. Yeah, too late for that. From all the way out in the dining room, one of the customers notices Keith tasting food and then plating it with the same spoon. He says that he hopes that guy isn’t preparing his food. Amen. To add to the “ick” factor, Keith is wearing his pants low and his boxers high…because that’s how he “rocks” them. Yeah, well start rocking some suspenders.
Pretty much nobody is escaping Chef Ramsay’s wrath tonight. Garrett gets yelled at for whistling, while Heather gets scolded for trying to take over Sara’s job by calling out times on the appetizers. Sara smirks as Ramsay admonishes Heather and, even though Ramsay is probably right, I still want to smack Sara.
It’s now thirty minutes into the dinner service and the teams are off to the fastest start yet. This is not saying much, but at least we’re seeing some improvement. Of course, nothing good can last forever. The blue kitchen is starting to work on main courses and Giacomo is on meat. Giacomo complains that the oven isn’t hot. Sous chef Scott needs only a quick look to figure out why the oven isn’t hot: it’s not on *shakes head* Chef Ramsay lays into Giacomo for not turning the oven on and calls him a donkey. I’m not sure what the oven snafu has to do with donkeys, but it somehow sounds right.
Once again, Garrett is whistling and Ramsay is about to lose it. Garrett apologizes and vows to stop whistling. Then he starts humming.
Chef Ramsay is looking to Heather to get the entrées in the red kitchen done. The first dish she sends to the pass is rejected: the wine sauce is too thin. Sara smirks like someone who’ll be getting to know Karma later on. No one should be this smug. In the blue kitchen, Keith is about to run out of tomato sauce and he asks Tom for help. Ever the team player, Tom bitches. Quickly, Keith finds some more tomato sauce and yells to Tom that he can stop preparing more tomato sauce. Of course, Tom is wrapped up in his whining and says that he can’t stop now that he’s started. Huh? This is the moment that Chef Ramsay chooses to check in on the blue team. He yells at Tom for messing with the tomatoes while Tom fumes at Keith.
Because he’s just not getting enough attention, Tom needs to find a way to get the focus back to himself. He quickly burns his hand on a pan and starts moaning.
We’re now two hours into dinner service and many of the blue tables still haven’t gotten any food. On the other hand, the red kitchen has served half of its tables. Things are going quite well in the red kitchen and you know what that means. The Lamb Wellington is a huge favorite with the red tables and this is putting pressure on Maribel, who I think just stopped crying maybe 20 minutes ago. Eight orders have come in for the Wellington, but there are only six of them prepared. Everyone is flummoxed by the situation until Ramsay asks Maribel if there is lamb and pastry. Of course, they have both and Ramsay yells at them to make the Wellington fresh. Why is this something he needs to tell them?
Tom is still moaning about his hand and Chef Ramsay asks to see it. In contrast to how solicitous he was with Heather’s burn, Ramsay tells Tom to stop being a drama queen and buck up. Tom whines that he thinks he’s going to puke. As if sweating in the food wasn’t bad enough.
Troubles a brewin’ in the red dining room as the customers at table 37 start threatening to walk out. Maitre ’d Jean Philippe attempts to placate her while Maribel sends cold Wellington to the pass. The customer at table 37 – another who has never seen this show – asks to speak with Chef Ramsay. She doesn’t think it’s right to do this to people and she, apparently, likes to be sworn at and insulted. In the red kitchen, Chef Ramsay tells Jean Philippe to ask the table 37 diners if they can wait seven more minutes.
Tom is now trying to work the veggie station. He quickly becomes the only person on the planet to burn mashed potatoes. Dude, five year olds can make mashed potatoes. Of course, Ramsay yells. He says that Tom has just stopped caring. Tom corrects him, saying that he does indeed care about something….he cares about making an ass of himself.
The foolish girl from table 37 has come to the kitchen to get her food. I really want her to leave with burned mashed potatoes in her hair, but no luck. She tells Ramsay that she’ll be leaving in 45 seconds. You might as well just leave now, sweetie. Cut to Maribel sending rare Wellington to the pass – the customer ordered it medium. Ramsay yells at Maribel as table 37 leaves. It’s 10:25 and Chef Ramsay has had enough. The kitchens are closed and the remaining diners are sent home.
Bad News, Time to Go
Once again, Chef Ramsay must choose the least crappy team. He tells them that they really needed to complete a dinner service tonight. This week, Sara is named the winning member of the red team. Ramsay blames Maribel for the team’s failure. The red team didn’t fail quite as miserably as the blue team and Giacomo is labeled “phenomenally bad.” Tom the street fighter is near tears. Ramsay says he wishes Tom would have actually cooked more and Tom concurs. I’d like to add that I would like Tom to speak less. Overall, the blue team ate it big time. (<----paraphrasing). Because no one on the blue team was any less sucky, there is no “winner” on their team. Each team member will nominate one of their own for elimination.
Keith tells us that both Tom and Giacomo were horrible. Giacomo says that he doesn’t want to go home and blames a lack of psychic ability on his crappy performance. Tom tells us that he refuses to lobby to stay this week. He then goes to Keith and starts lobbying away. Keith and Garrett discuss their votes and the inherent dilemma: how do you pick between two quitters?
The teams meet back in the dining room for the elimination. The votes fall out this way:
Tom: Giacomo, because he didn’t turn the oven on.
Giacomo: Tom, because he’s a loose cannon.
Garrett: Tom, because he’s still talking about what went wrong, not what could be done to fix the problems
Keith: Tom, because they need someone on the team who won’t give up.
Chef Ramsay calls Tom and Giacomo forward and gives them each ten seconds to convince him why they should stay. Giacomo spouts some b.s. about digging deep. Tom takes his turn, telling an amused Ramsay that he is the sharpest, smartest guy there. Maybe not the best cook, but definitely the sharpest and the smartest. Ramsay says that this is a tough decision and I cross my fingers for a double elimination. Sadly, only Giacomo will be leaving tonight. How can he run a kitchen if he can’t even turn an oven on? Giacomo turns in his jacket and goes off to pack up his hair gel and blow dryer. Ramsay tells Tom that he dodged yet another bullet tonight. He then instructs Tom to thank Giacomo for being even worse tonight. Tom - attempting to sound menacing - vows revenge on his teammates for voting for him.
Next week: Hell’s Kitchen is open for lunch….to children! Also, the lying turns ugly (when is it ever pretty?) and one chef sabotages the others. Of course, there will be the usual yelling and swearing and crying. Oh my.
Working on my Gordon Ramsay fansite….. Critical@fansofrealitytv.com