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Before I start this, the recap of the Last Comic Standing 4 premiere episode, I have a little confession to make. I have watched every season of this show religiously, so during LCS3, when NBC decided not to air the finale for whatever reason, there is a possibility that I sent an angry email to them, vowing never to watch another NBC reality show. Never! *Ahem*. Sometimes it hurts to have to eat my words. In my defense though, I didn’t think NBC would actually air another season of this show, so I thought I was safe declaring that I would never watch it again. But, I am so glad that NBC did decide to air another season that I will suck up my pride and admit I made a stupid, emotional statement.

So, yay for a new season of Last Comic Standing! Jay Mohr is AWOL this time around, possibly because he made a lot of bridge burning type statements at the end of Season 3 in the media and on his website, so instead we have Anthony Clark. Anthony Clark? Really? The guy from Yes Dear? Yeah, I know he used to be a stand up comedian, and all, but… Yes Dear? Okay, whatever. I will give him a chance as long as he doesn’t allow Mike O’Malley to make a guest appearance.

Anthony catches us up with former LCS winners John Heffron and Alonzo Bodden, but fails to mention Season 1 winner, Dat Phan. Hmm. Can’t say I really wondered what he was up to anyway.

Our esteemed judges, Ross Mark and Bob Read are back, and they are ready to find some new comedic talent! They’re holding open calls in six cites to find a Top 10 that will live in a house together and show what happens when people stop being polite and start being real… er, I mean, compete to be the Last Comic Standing.

LA: Where it all begins.
The line for the LA auditions stretches for miles and miles… well, blocks, actually. Out of all these people, they have to find some comic geniuses! First up is a gentleman named Felix McNulty, and Bob remembers him un-fondly from a previous season. I can see why as he’s not funny. At all. I guess the comic geniuses are auditioning later in the day.

Next up is son of a mariachi, Gabriel Iglesias with a joke about how his mom raised him and provided him with cable and food, and one about the five levels of fatness- big, healthy, husky, fluffy and Damn!! In case you wondered, Gabriel considers himself “fluffy.” Bob and Ross bicker like an old married couple, but decide to put Gabriel through to the next round.

You know what Ross hates? Talentless hacks wasting his time. You know what NBC loves? To show us these people. We get a montage of auditioners, (mostly women, and men who look like women), just making complete asses of themselves in an unfunny way.

Oh, but who is this? VH1 darling Bill Dwyer! Bill jokes about doing morning radio shows, tells the guys he’s been doing stand-up for 15 years, and makes it through to the next round. I for one am shocked. No I’m not.

Here are some unmemorable auditioners, and then Marc “Skippy” Price takes the stage. That’s right- washed up 80s TV stars are now auditioning for reality TV comedy competition shows. Ross and Bob know that Marc was on TV, but he has to remind them that he was on Family Ties, and when they ask him why LCS, he replies that it’s either LCS or standing on the Celebrity Fat Club scales with Chastity Bono. Oh, come on now, Marc! That was uncalled for! Skippy makes it through to the next round, and calls himself “A new improved Skippy with nuts.” Well, I could have done without that, thankyouverymuch.

Anyone remember a comedian by the name of Buckstar? How could we forget, because we had the misfortune of seeing him audition, and get turned away in every stop for LCS2. He tells us he’s been practicing, and doing a lot of stand-up, and is now funny. Will Ross and Bob agree? No. Buckstar can’t even remember his material, so he’s sent packing. I’m pretty sure that’s not the last we’ve seen of him tonight, although I’m hopeful.

Now on to performance night at the Improv, and man that place is packed! Backstage we see Doug Benson- Best Week Ever talking head. I wonder what he’s doing back there. Hanging out with the contestants? Wait, he is a contestant? Sometimes I just do not get this show at all. Doug takes the stage, makes some jokes about infidelity, prostitutes and Faberge Eggs, and the audience loves him.

Other comics perform, some very funny, and some just mediocre, and then… wait. I must have switched to MTV, because there’s Theo Von on my TV. Yikes. I didn’t change the channel, and Theo is auditioning for LCS! He says that he’s known for being on Road Rules a few years ago, (and on challenges last year, the year before, the year before that, this year, and right this very moment), but he wants to be taken seriously as a comedian. All I know is that with all the rumors going around about what goes on during those Real World/ Road Rules challenges, if they put Theo in a house with any pretty ladies, there’s going to be some hooking up going on!

And, some more comics… and then the announcement of who is going on to the semi-finals: Theo Von, Doug Benson, (anyone surprised? Anyone), Bill Dwyer, (again, anyone surprised?), Rebecca Correy, Matt Fulchiron, Wild Willy Parsons, (Note to self- must think of adjective to put in front of my name when I become famous), Stella, Gabriel Iglesias, Chip Chinery, Tig Notaro, Vargus Mason, (yet another VH1er. I think I watch too much VH1), and Nikki Payne. Whew! That was a long segment. Next city?

Tempe Arizona: Comedians are future rock stars.
Bob and Ross dive right in to the Tempe auditions, and first up is a local guy named Josh McDermitt. Josh has some pretty funny material about living with his dad, and sleeping in the same bed as his dad, because he broke his dad’s bed. Bob and Ross are happy to find someone fresh, and they ask him back to perform that night.

I don’t think Ian Noble knows this audition is for a comedy show, Buckstar makes another appearance, and gets asked back… but only to sweep up the venue after the show, and a guy dressed as an Indian Chief works some very blue material, that I can’t even get the gist of, because every other word is bleeped out.

Here’s a familiar face from LCS seasons past- Jim Biggins. Does this guy only have one outfit or what? He’s wearing the same clothes as last time, and that’s been a few years. I hope he has some duplicates, so he’s not constantly washing his one outfit. Bob and Ross like Jim as much as they did last time, and put him through.

The Tempe Improv is hosting the evening’s festivities, and fiery April Macie is up first. She has some funny stuff about having the nickname “whore” during high school, and recently attending her 10 year high school reunion. Hey April, me too, although I didn’t find any stand-up worthy material at mine. Oh well.

During Chris Porter’s audition earlier in the day, he told the judges he was single because “no one wants to hook up with Willy Wonka.” Bob and Ross envisioned Chris as a sitcom actor and put him through to the next round, where he wows the audience about how women could control the rapidly rising gas prices by just having sex with guys who ride the bus… because all men would then ride the bus. It’s pretty good material, and the audience loves him.

On to the semi-finals for: Ty Barnett, J Chris Newburgh, (if he makes it through to the house do you think he’ll drop the “J” or the “Chris?” One of them really needs to go!), April Macie, Bruce Fine and Josh McDermitt, (who scored with some funny stuff about stealing things from your friends while you’re helping them move). I am disappointed, because I don’t think any of these people have appeared on VH1.

Austin, TX: Population: Weird.
Buckstar, this is becoming very old, very quickly. Dude, you could be Carrot Top, and Ross and Bob still wouldn’t let you come back to perform! It’s time to cut the hair and get a job in corporate America.

Bob thinks that the Austinites are a weird bunch, and NBC proves this by showing a mini-montage of Texas auditioners and their bizarre nicknames, which all seem to be food-related. I don’t think any of these people make it through, but at least someone loves them enough to have given them nicknames.

We haven’t seen Fred Bothwell since LCS1, and he’s grown much hairier, and still loves to perform topless. He seems a little… off, and makes some Lord of the Rings jokes, but Ross and Bob decide to let him have a chance to move on.

A lot of funny people made it through and get to perform for the audience. David Huntsberger makes a joke about a Mexican gynecologist, and then states that he doesn’t like stereotypes. Fred Bothwell (shirtless, of course) talks about daily affirmations, and Kristin Key makes the “when I’m naked I look like Mr. Burns” joke that we’ve been seeing on the promos for months.

Brendon Walsh has some good material about how all of his friends now have children, but I’m so preoccupied by the fact that he has the same name as one of my favorite 90210 characters, that I’m really not paying attention.

Four lucky people make it through: Doug Mellard, Brendon Walsh, David Huntsberger and Kristin “Mr. Burns” Key.

New York, New York: An ass is a terrible thing to waste.
Anthony decides to catch up with the auditioners in New York, and walks the line like a pro, talking to his peeps. Some of them seem mildly funny, and one tells us that Anthony Clark is his favorite comedian. Liar! Liar, I say!

Sonny Bromer? Sorry, but this is not Last Rabbi Standing, and you don’t even know how to work the microphone! Joey Gay? Your material is slightly offensive, but you’re coming back tonight! Andrea Kold? You’re not funny, and you won’t. stop. talking! Buckstar? I’m not even going to comment.

As soon as Mike Bochetti walks into the room, Ross and Bob joke about how he has the biggest head they’ve ever seen. That can’t be a good confidence booster, but Mike doesn’t care, and he wows the judges and is sent through to the next round.

Caroline’s Comedy Club is the scene for that night’s performances, and first up is Brody Stevens, who tells us that he’s a good looking man, and a model in Pakistan. John Fisch is up next with some material on sex vs. cuddling, and Josh Blue, (who has cerebral palsy), jokes that this is his Make-A-Wish, but if he could do it all over again, he’d select sex with an audience member.

Lots of people from New York make it through: Joey Gay, Roz, (with her very funny “celibate= sell a bit, give a bit away” shtick), Moody McCarthy, Michele Balan (who bears a striking resemblance to Mama Weaver from the Amazing Race Family Edition. At least to me, anyway), John Fisch and Josh Blue.

Chicago: My kind of town.
The Chicago auditions are not out to a great start with Victor Cohen and his love for I Can’t Believe it’s Not Butter. I can’t believe he actually gets to the point where he’s smearing the butter spray all over his naked chest before Ross and Bob stop him and send him away. They must have been tired.

Chicago provides quite a few non-comedic comedians. Sonya White jokes about running into drunks everywhere she goes, while seeming a little drunk herself, Scott Wheeler does some material about people literally dying of laughter, and Swin does one of those “you know what white people love to do,” jokes.

Up next is Jimmy Pardo, and that’s another name I recognize, but not from VH1. Jimmy is really confident, a little too confident, if you ask me. He seems so sure that he’s going through that he doesn’t try very hard. He tells a joke about how he is growing 90210- inspired sideburns to hide the fact that he’s losing his hair, and Bob calls him out for using such a dated reference. Bob tells us that 90210 was on when he was in Jr. High, and I think he might be fibbing about his age just a little bit.

The last Chicago auditioner we see is Nikki Glaser. She’s just a student who wants to make comedy her life. Bob likes her, but Ross does not think she’s right for the show. They allow her to tell another joke, and she earns a spot on that night’s roster.

That night at Zanies, Gerry Dee is up first with some stuff about snowsuits on pot-smoking kindergarteners. Jimmy Pardo tells the audience he’s a superstar, and John Roy makes some religious jokes.

Who made it through? Gerry Dee, John Roy and Nikki Glaser. Sorry, Jimmy. I guess the audience wasn’t as impressed with you as you are with yourself.

Miami: Where people are as funny as a helicopter crash into an orphanage.
Jim Holland calls himself the “white Mike Jones.” I don’t know who that is. Am I out of touch with popular culture? VH1- you’ve let me down! He puts on some big white gloves to do a Mickey Mouse impersonation that scares children, and he does not get asked back for that evening’s performance.

Buckstar is back yet again, and wants to take the opportunity to thank Bob, Ross and NBC. How about thanking me for watching your unfunniness through two seasons’ audition shows? Bob and Ross let him give a little sample of his material, and actually put him through to the next round. Great. I’m sure he’ll kill at the Improv.

Flip Schultz dreams of being as famous as Robin Williams, (though hopefully not as annoying), and has some good material about how he calls his grandma “Grams,” because she deals coke. When Ross asks him how he got his name, Flip replies that it’s a nickname… for Flipper. Bob and Ross like him, and push him through.

That night at the Improv, Malik S jokes that no one is scared of him because he’s short, wears a seatbelt and is ticklish. Al Jackson talks about hung-over teachers, and Buckstar announces he has “premature” problems in bed, and sex is a race that he’s never lost.

Only two people make it through from the Miami auditions, and sadly, Buckstar is not one of them. Maybe he should try auditioning for American Idol next? That would be a new experience for him. Flip Schultz and Malik make it through, and I can’t wait until this audition process is over and we get to see all the drama, drama, drama caused by ten comedians living in a house together1

For the record, I know Jason Priestley’s character on 90210 was named Brandon Walsh, not Brendon Walsh, and you can reach me at: SueEllenMishke@fansofrealitytv .com