Yoffy lifts a finger...
Survivor - Standing in the Shadows - Week 2
This article is a collaboration by the writers at fansofrealitytv.com.
The intent is to offer an amusing look into the way the characters behaved and how each writer viewed their particular "shadow".
I have had it with these women. It is chaos here and I can't tell if we have a plan or not. I am going to have to be more assertive if I want to know information. I finally asked what the women talk about at night and I was told Joanna has a problem with the immunity idol because of her faith. Well that is just stupid and I said so. I didn't say it to her but she heard me anyway. Now Joanna is the only person in the tribe to have anything for dinner because she is still chewing on my ass.
She tried to give the talk to the hand sign in my face too , boy do I have a few signs for her. I am totally feeling excluded and I sense it might be a bit of a plan to do it on purpose. I guess I am an easy target.
I don't think I had my finest hour when I sort of vented about the shelter and the lazy women. I wanted to just cool off and go try for some fish when they wanted to build the shelter. I am sure Jenna and Joanna will vote me out at the tribal council. That Jenna is just such a snot, not even one word to me this entire time. I don't want to sing sorority songs with her, but we are living together and she could try. I am not contageous. Jeez, if things don't start getting organized here it is going to be a dangerous place to live. Especially if Joanna gets very hungry. I bet Janet is happy to be gone.
I am going to have to be even more assertive. I sure wish one of those challenges involved not being able to hear instead of a blindfold one. Then they might just know what I am going through every day. Every single day with them is a challenge.
Oh, Glory! Can I get a hallelujah? Today at the reward challenge, we won a huge container full of fishing bait! Just like in the Bible when Jesus feed the thousands with the fish, we'll be eating dinner tonight!
Most of our tribe members know my feelings on the immunity idol. I think it's wrong, because idol worshipping is clearly condemned in the first commandment. The rain we've been having is surely punishment! Anyway, I overheard Miss Christy having a conversation about it with Janet, and she said it was stupid of me! That really made me angry, because I do *not* tolerate having other people talk trash about me! So, I got in her face and told her exactly what I thought! She's been having a bad attitude lately anyway.
Unfortunately, we lost the immunity challenge to the guys. When we got back to camp Christy started having a fit because we weren't all slaving away on the shelter with her. She has *got* to go. Unfortunately, I didn't get my wish- Janet was booted at tribal council. Oh Glory, I can only pray Christy goes next week!
I spent most of the last three days back at camp sitting on the raft we built. Itís pretty cool, but sometimes, I sit there so long doing nothing that my ass falls asleep. I decided that I was going to stay out of the idol worship debate and wasnít getting involved in the granola bar thing either. I donít have the energy to argue. I havenít really eaten in five days. Basically, I donít care what goes on with the other girls. Iím so bored.
Losing Janet was no big deal. Iíve thought about voting her off since that day she made Heidi and I do all the rowing.
Oh, and about the immunity challenge... I knew it was nuts.
It has been a difficult last few days for me in Jaburu camp. The girls are starting to get crabby, and I canít just make them play dodgeball to get their aggressions out, like I would do with students back home. Plus, I made my homemade manioc maggot cakes, just like Mom used to make, and nobody seems to like them. That jerk Janet even choked on hers, right in front of me. I voted for her just because of that.
I sure wish someone would take charge around here and get a roof built, itís tough sleeping in the rain. Iíd try to become a leader but the damn cameramen keep following me around, and it never seems like they are pointing the cameras at my face. It is hard to talk to anyone when I have to push them out of the way to get through. Itís like I always say in gym class though, it is all about second effort. Iíll keep at it.
After the reward challenge I was itching to catch some fish.
My fishing technique is to put the bait on the hook and pray.
I almost caught one today, but he got away.
He was a real beauty too!
Since we are talking about food, just let me say that I still want someone to confess about the candy bar or whatever it was.
I do not want to accuse anyone of it because I think the person should have a chance to come forward on their own. We all signed up for the same thing and it is not fair to smuggle food. I saw the wrapper in Janet's pack. I do not like cheaters. Tensions are high at our camp but that could change if we get a decent shelter up.
Welcome to Junior High. You couldn't turn around in Jaburu the last few days without seeing a catfight. The Idol...the granola bar...the shelter...what a waste of time & energy. I just had to sit back & watch in wonder as the claws came out. I'm really more of a tomboy myself and think I'd fit in better over at the boys' camp. I seriously doubt anybody's talkin' to the hand over there. It's probably all fish dinners and sports chat in a nice cozy hut.
Well, here's a few highlights from our camp. The fire has better shelter than we do. We've got bait now but still can't catch any fish. And we still haven't figured out why they gave us the kerosene. What I wouldn't give now for a good propane tank and a tent. Maybe REI will hook us up in the next Reward Challenge. Enough dreaming. We're gonna have to get it together if we're going to survive the Amazon, much less the game.
There's already noticable weight loss.
Oy vey, these women are getting on my nerves. Yackity yackity I don't wanna build the shelter now, I need to wash my buff bullshit, all day all night. I wish I were back at my job interrogating criminals as at least they don't whine this much. Sure, I missed my question in the memory game immunity challenge, but I picked the same answer as Rob, for whatever that is worth. Maybe I was reading his mind and I can start to figure out what is going on at the men's tribe. Hmmm, think hard, um, all I can read is "Heidi is so damn hot" over and over again. Well, I guess that is all Rob is thinking right now, I'll try him again later. There was a little bit of drama in our camp when somebody found a granola bar wrapper. Just what these women need, more stupid stuff to distract them from the task of building a decent shelter and finding any food. Ok, I'll confess, the granola bar wrapper was mine. I planted it to toss suspicion on Janet. My tribe was on the fast track to tribal council and as secret puppet-master of the group I had to make sure that we weren't going to do something dumb and vote off one of the stronger and younger players just because of some silly girl fight about the immunity idol. Janet was dead weight and we needed to show her to door, of course we don't have a door because we don't have a shelter. Grrrrrr.
Well here we are, one down, but still pumped. Our shelter is cool and it's keeping us dry during the storms. I finally get the whole "Rainforest" thing now. I've decided to stay low this week. Observe, Divide and Conquer. I feel confidant that I can get Alex on board with getting Roger out of here. Alex seems to really have a dislike for him now. Of course the 8-ball told me to hang close to him, now I know why. The reward challenge was pathetic. Whatís his name might as well have been blindfolded too. Weíll make do though.. It was hard to concentrate at the immunity challenge as I got a look at Heidi and all I could think about was how damn HOT she is. Weird, the way Deena kept looking at me as though she was reading my mind. I didnít like that. She distracted me really, so I couldnít come up with the right answer to my stupid question. We won anyway. Luckily I know Heidi is still around, asÖ you guessed itÖ the 8-Ball told me!
Nobody likes a confrontation, but I hate a bigot more.
Now, Iím straight, but Rogerís little lesson in whatís Ďnaturalí really got to me. I donít know if it was Rob in the audience doing the wave and chanting, ďGo Alex, Go!Ē but I couldnít drop it. Iím straight, you know, and I donít know what itís like to be a homosexual or anything, but neither does Roger. Who does he think heís kidding? Itís not natural! It makes me sick when I see them making out in front of me! Sex was meant only for procreation! Iím not a bigot! Yeah, right! I believe that slightly more than I believe a woman was willing to have sex with this blowhard.
Youíre not a bigot? Well.. I got news for ya palÖ youíre also not going to be the last Survivor.
After embarrassing myself in front of Shawna with my pathetic performance on the balance beam, I've decided to change my strategy and remain as low key as possible.
I don't want to meet the same fate as my buddy, Ryan, did.
I've been helping around the camp, and we've all fallen into our routine. Things have been going good for us with the exception of the Roger and Alex gay talk spat. I'm staying far away from that topic. The RC was a fiasco, but we came back strong at the IC. I didn't get my answer correct, but we won immunity and that's all that counts. I'm safe for the next three days or maybe longer. It's looking a lot like Roger might be the next one out of here. Yay for me!
We really need to redeem ourselves in this RC. Wow, this is kind of a fun challenge. Itís really dark with this blindfold on, and holding hands with Daniel actually feels kind of nice. His hand is soft, and heís so young and strong. Butch keeps calling my name through the dark, itís kind of distracting. But Iím not gay.
I think someone tried to spoon with me while I was sleeping last night. I didnít say anything, because Iíll be damned if Iím going to be this yearís Ghandia. Besides, there wasnít any real grinding and it felt kind of nice and warm. I didnít sign up for this, ya know. Sleeping with a bunch of Ĺ naked guys every night in an 8x8 shanty? The fellas back home are gonna think Iím gay or something. But Iím not gay.
Things are so tense around here after our 2 losses. As the tribe leader, I think I should break the ice. Hey AlexÖletís pretend weíre back home at the bowling alley hoistiní Buds, whatdaya say man? OK, so, Iím not gay, are you gay? Iím not. Iím a procreator. So Iím not gay, and you canít make me that way. Iím not listening to you, la la la la la la. Iím not gay.
Well, that wasnít very fun at all, Alex turned out to be some kind of bleeding heart liberal or something. I like it better back home where all my friends are exactly the same as me. I wish Frank was here.
Oops! My plan to lay low and not call attention to myself went up in smoke this week. Everything was going great until it was time for the Reward Challenge. Undoubtedly, the other fellas were considering my school administrator background when they called on me to guide the other guys in their blindfolds. What they didn't realize is that I'm unaccustomed to calling my students by their names. I can often get by with just a smile and nod. If discipline is required, a stern "Hey!" is usually pretty effective. Neither of those methods worked well in the Reward Challenge, though, and we got stomped.
I was understandably concerned about my position in the game until we made it to the Immunity Challenge. If there's one thing I do know how to do, it's counting dirty little piglets. I've chaperoned enough field trips in my day to be able to take a quick and accurate inventory of even the muddiest children as they climb back on the bus. Thank goodness they posed that question to me during the Challenge! I was able to redeem myself with my correct answer, which put us up by two and helped carry us to the big Immunity win.
Believe in yourself, I always say. I think I proved that this week. Now to keep my nose clean and let the other bigmouths in our tribe kill each other off. Everything's going just perfectly.
I'm starting to suspect that the producers of Survivor are trying to give the women an unfair advantage in the challenges. I mean, it's one thing not to include any strength related challenges, I'd be fine with that. But this Immunity Challenge was so stacked against us it's ridiculous:
1. Scientific Studies have shown that women are better at remembering details in a room than men.
2. Women are hardly ever colorblind. Red-green colorblindness is common in men. One of the things we were supposed to remember was a stick with 3 different colors of feathers - yellow, red and green! Anyone wonder why I only got yellow right?
So....What did you think huh, huh? I'm pretty good, aren't I?
I'm so invisible that even I forget I'm here. Damn am I smart. You know, if they can't remember my name, they can't vote me out. I mean, I don't think that Jiffy would allow them to write "random dude in black shirt that has never spoken" on the card at tribal council and get away with it
The plan is so brilliant in it's simplicity. I stir flour cakes, I eat, I row the boat, I nod in agreement, I toss the fish net, all in complete and utter silence. During the reward challenge Butch couldn't even remember my name which I thought might cause problems later after we lost it, but once back at the camp everyone forgot about me again, so no worries. The production team forced me to speak with them at one point, but I got out of there with 2 lines and a mere 13 seconds on camera. You think that's impressive? Just wait until next week!
Well 6 days here and we still don't have a shelter, spending time trying to keep the sputtering pile of sticks we call a fire going and boiling water. The meal has maggots in it and the only fish I caught flipped off the hook. I wish I could flip off the hook and leave here, its miserable!!! Club Amazon it's not!!!! I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired I forgot that there was a spear and rope in the canoe during the Immunity Challenge. That didn't help much except for the fact that I got the boot tonight and can sleep in a real bed. This is a young persons game.
Thank you to everyone who contributed to this article.
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