Just Forting Around
The Apprentice 04/24 Recap: Arrogant, Abrasive Andrea Is Accurately Afforded An Axe
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So, what did you do on your Apprentice-free week? Learn a second language? Get married, or perhaps get fired? Gasp, did you go to such extremes as to read a book? I reorganized my closet, washed the dogs, and didn’t miss Trump, his hair, or this season's insipid group of apprentice hopefuls in the least. Does anyone really give a rat’s ass as to who ‘wins’ this season? Yeah, didn’t so.
Unfortunately all good things must come to an end, however, and we’re back to watching these yahoos vie for Trump’s attention. We’re reminded that last time in the boardroom, Charmaine took it upon herself to inform Trump, that Lee, not Leslie, should be booted to the curb. Trump, running his own agenda, however, gives Leslie the axe on her birthday, providing her with a birthday story to try to forget. We’ve all had one of those…let’s see…there was my daughter's 16th birthday when she wrecked our family car, and the year I turned 21 and drank 6 grasshopper cocktails (as in crème de menthe, not Fear Factor-cocktails) only to throw up green slime for the next few hours. Leslie will always be able to say her most memorable birthday was the one where she got fired by Donald Trump in front of
millions hundreds twenty people.
Everyone is waiting in the loft to see who returns from the boardroom, and when Lee walks through the door, most seem happy to see him, sans Charmaine. As they all gather around the table, Lee makes the comment that out of all the people he's fired, Leslie fought the hardest in the boardroom. Man, he’s taking this I’m-just-like-Trump thing a little too seriously…reality check, there, mister (or should I say reality-show check? <---- sorry, that was so lame...see what Trump does to me?). He says he’ll be PM for the next go-round, and they’ve got to win because the chair in the boardroom has his ass imprinted on it.
How Can We Concentrate On The Task With That Hair Of His?
Helping Trump this week are his children, Ivanka and Donald 2.0, but more importantly just when I think Trump’s hair can’t get any worse, it does. Oy. The dead animal clump that sits atop his head has got to create fear for the future for Donald 2.0. The teams will be responsible for taking photographs on Ellis Island, and making a brochure for Ameriquest, who is sponsoring a souvenir tourist program. All proceeds will benefit the Statue of Liberty/Ellis Island Foundation, and the team that makes the most money wins.
Donald 2.0, “note to self, order those hair loss supplements, stat.”
Put your family members on the payroll if you can, because nepotism rocks.
Gold Rush Bags Battery Park
Tarek volunteers to be PM, and he and Michael set off to take pictures at Ellis Island for their brochure. Charmaine says she’s good at inside sales, and suggests they call hotels to get bulk orders placed. Lee assists Charmaine in searching out local hotels on the internet, basically by printing out every hotel in the area…all 68 of them, and Charmaine spends the rest of the day making phone calls trying to make the deal. She’s not successful, but Lee tells us he has the utmost confidence in his team anyway.
At the graphics facility, the team is working on the brochures with a graphic designer. They’re coming together beautifully, although Ivanka notes that Lee is placing the entire responsibility of the brochure on Tarek. Charmaine is feeling edgy about the possibility of their team winning the task, because if they do win, she doesn’t want Lee to receive all the glory. We can always count on Charmaine to be full of good cheer.
Lest anyone think this team is hygienically challenged, we see footage of them brushing their teeth. Then they head out the door bright and early in the morning, while Synergy is still in bed sound asleep. How is it, that teams consistently get out the door without the other team hearing them? Maybe I’m just a light sleeper, but I challenge anyone to shower, brush their teeth and dress without waking me. But surely they do get away with it, because you’d think if the other team did hear them, they’d also hurry out the door (early bird, and all that). Lee notes that this task comes down to three basic principles: a) price, b) location, and c) selling, so he wants to nab the best spot by getting there first. Ninety percent of people who go to Ellis Island, leave from Battery Park, and the wait is about an hour. Lee and his team collect their boxes of brochures, and scoop the other team by selling to the people waiting in line. In the midst of their successful run at selling brochures individually in Battery Park, Charmaine gets a phone call from one of the hotel owners she called the day before. The woman agrees to buy 100 brochures for $85, leaving Lee and Charmaine pumped.
“See, my hand feels just like Trump’s, right?”
Synergy Misses The Boat (Literally and Figuratively)
Allie is PM, and says this task is especially important to her because her grandparents came here through Ellis Island during WWII. She doesn’t clarify where they came from, but I think I know, because there’s a strong resemblance between her and some other people you might recognize.
Allie’s grandfather, far left.
As Tammy and Allie tour Ellis Island, Tammy is furiously taking notes along the way. Andrea and Roxanne have also paired off, doing what each of them does best…Andrea complaining, and Roxanne tolerating. Eventually all the team members board the ferry to leave Ellis Island, when Tammy suddenly realizes she can’t find her notebook. Allie and Tammy hurriedly leave the boat to retrace their steps, and they no sooner get off the boat, when it leaves the dock. The team panics and acts as if they’ve missed the last boat to ever leave the island, and that they’ll be stranded. How utterly ridiculous…uh oh…wait a minute…are those lit torches I see off in the distance, and is that Jeff Probst waving to them?
Because Andrea has touted herself as somewhat of an expert in printing and design (of course she thinks she’s great at everything), Allie gives her the responsibility of working on the brochure. It seems that she, alone, is working with their graphic designer, and from what little I see, I’m not impressed. A few minutes later, Allie tells us she isn’t impressed either. Based on her personality, people have assumed Andrea hates wire hangers, but they would be wrong…Andrea hates people who "deep sigh.” She goes off on Allie for “deep sighing” at her lack of graphics abilities. Given this recent information, I’m guessing she doesn’t watch many porno flicks.
"I didn't just hear you deep sigh, DID I?"
Eventually Synergy gets to Battery Park, and Tammy reports to Allie that Gold Rush is selling their brochures for $3.00 each, and that they’re “way nicer than ours.” Synergy doesn’t appear to be very successful selling their brochures, as most of the people have already purchased one from Gold Rush. The decision is made to take the ferry, and try selling on Ellis Island. Now, I must be missing something, because the way I see it, won’t they still be selling to the same people who have already bought from Gold Rush? Sure enough, even on Ellis Island, they are once again met with the response of, “I already bought one,” and once again we watch Andrea fail miserably at hawking. In front of Donald 2.0 she tells Allie she sells in large-volume bulk all the time, which floors Allie, as that would have been helpful information, say, maybe days ago. She stuns Allie even more by telling her, “I actually make several million dollars a year doing bulk sales. My style is really, really effective.” For a minute I thought she said, “my style is really, really defective,” but fortunately for us NBC actually subtitled the conversation.
Not Everybody Is A Star (with apologies to Sly And The Family Stone)
Robin walks the teams into the room, and Allie is quick to say she’s not confident, and that if they lose the task, Andrea should be to blame. Andrea’s head snaps with shock, and I can’t figure out why this is such startling news to her. Trump is surprised to hear Allie’s comment, though, because he was under the impression Andrea was a star. Well, Trump, apparently you’re also under the impression that your hair looks good, so I’m not putting much stock in your observations at the moment. Roxanne (my pick to win), backs up Allie, and Andrea says she’s shocked. Synergy made a total of $843.40. Gold Rush made a total of $1548.68, winning the challenge. Their reward will be golfing with Vijay Singh, and because Trump likes golfing and Vijay so much, he’ll be joining them for the day. They each will be given their own personal set of golf clubs just like Vijay uses, and everyone looks pretty satisfied. Synergy looks devastated, particularly Sean. I’m guessing he loves to golf and would love to meet Vijay, although I’m sure Trump thinks Sean is disappointed he won’t be spending the day with him.
Back at the loft Andrea corners Sean, and tells him she had made $110 by noon and estimates her personal total was over $200. She claims Allie lied about her in the boardroom. As she walks into the kitchen, she continually mutters “bitches” under her breath. She freaks me out, and if I were in the loft with her, I’d be making sure all the sharp knives were safely tucked away.
A Swinging Reward
It’s a beautiful day in Trump World, as Trump and Vijay arrive at the golf course via Trump’s helicopter. Everyone has a great time, with the exception of Charmaine, who is still grousing about Lee looking good to Trump because he was the PM of their winning team. Lee tees off and gets a slight nod of approval from those standing around, but when Tarek tees off, he does such a good job that even Vijay applauds. Trump is so impressed with Tarek’s natural ability, he asks him to do it again. I’m guessing his next swing must have been pretty lousy because they don’t show it. Either that, or Charmaine pummeled him because as we all know, she doesn’t like anyone getting Trump’s praises but her.
Synergy’s Blood Bath
Allie and her team (minus Andrea) meet to determine their strategy for the boardroom, and it’s obvious she’s intent on laying the blame on Andrea. Since I have suspected that Sean and Allie have a thing for each other, I’m surprised to hear him tell the group he’s not sure about going along with them in setting Andrea up. He says he’s interested in finding out the truth about who should be blamed for their loss. Andrea overhears them talking, and calls them on it. Sean runs after her, and Andrea asks him if he’s in on the plan to dump her. He tries to convince her he’s not on anyone’s side, and tells her the team thinks she’s brainwashed him because he holds her in high esteem. Meanwhile back in the girls’ room, Allie predicts that if just the ladies go into the boardroom, Andrea won’t be coming back to the loft. However, if she brings Sean into the boardroom, she’s not sure what will happen. Andrea vows to Sean that if Allie brings both of them into the boardroom, she’ll defend Sean and go after Allie. In a creepy, Quentin Tarantino sort of way, Allie threatens that tonight’s boardroom will be the most dramatic boardroom ever. She declares, “there will be blood on the walls, there will be blood on the walls, there will be %!&$-ing blood everywhere.” *shudder* Now there’s two reasons to hide all instruments of potential destruction.
Andrea wondering what in the hell Allie means when she keeps chanting, “REDRUM” over and over.
Robin remains seated as the team enters the boardroom. No time is wasted as Trump asks Allie what went wrong, and she immediately places all blame on Andrea. Roxanne once again says Andrea is not a team player, and that if she’s not leading, she doesn’t support the PM. Andrea tries to turn things around by saying they’re going after her because she’s a strong candidate for the job. Trump notices Sean is being quiet, and asks for his opinion. He says he thinks Andrea is a fantastic leader, and that he doesn’t necessarily agree with his team. When Donald 2.0 presses him about who should be fired, he says although he adores Allie, he thinks Allie is responsible for the loss (uh oh), but he does admit that Andrea has trouble handling relationships with team members.
Allie points out that Andrea is a self-proclaimed graphics specialist, and yet she did a dismal job on the brochure. Donald 2.0 questions their decision to leave Battery Park and move to Ellis Island where presumably people have already bought brochures. But Allie insists their brochures didn’t sell well, because Andrea did such a poor job designing them. Tammy states Andrea is disruptive to the team, and I’d like to point out that Andrea is deep sighing.
Allie brings up the fact that during the 7-11 task, when Andrea was the PM, the team won the task in spite of Andrea, not because of her. She states that Andrea sold two P'EatZZa’s, in the same amount of time that Allie sold 100. Roxanne backs up Allie, and Trump notes that Roxanne likes Allie. Roxanne confirms that fact, and says Allie is a smart, charismatic, wonderful person with a big heart. Trump seems to forget they’re talking about Allie and compliments Roxanne, by telling her she’s a very good speaker, and he would love to have her representing him in court. I maintain my original prediction to you five readers out there, Roxanne will be the last one standing.
Donald 2.0 mentions that Andrea is an expert in bulk sales, and Allie jumps on this declaration by saying it would have been great to have known that early in the task, but Andrea never mentioned it until the final hour. Trump confirms that Andrea doesn’t get along with anyone, and basically says he has no choice but to fire her. Andrea miserably climbs into the taxi and says this was a great experience (I assume she means the whole process, not just the getting fired part). Through minimal tears, she tells us she’s flattered because her first-ever firing was done by Donald Trump. She adds despite everything Trump told her tonight, she feels he’ll still respect her in the morning. Stay tuned because next week I’m hoping sparks will fly between Allie, Sean and Tammy, and if they do, I’m sure it will be superbly recapped by our own delightful Suncat7. Were you disappointed there wasn’t blood on the walls? Contact me at email@example.com.
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