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Hello everyoneÖLast week we said goodbye to the shows mancandy Ace, and suffered through a performance by Rod Stewart. Letís all hope that tonightís show will be lacking filler and full of performances that will blow my mind. I know there is a slim chance of this happening but a girl can dream, right?

Time to get the show started, Ryan comes out on stage wearing a fancy suit with a nice red striped shirt and a powder blue metallic tie, and it looks weird. He introduces the judges and they get cheers and I still wonder how Paula is employed. He then tells us all the idols will have two phone numbers that we can call on to vote, I breath a sigh of relief, because I would hate if we had another Clay Aiken voting scandal on our hands.

Tonightís theme will be love songs, with special guest helpers Andrea Boccelli and music producer and writer David Foster. The guests greet the idols and ask them to vocalize together, they sound like crap and David tells them that. I instantly like David and start my first of many letters that I will be sending to Fox requesting they fire Paula and replace her with David. David tells us he will not sugarcoat anything with the idols, he will tell them how it is. I canít wait for Kellieís session and hopefully David will finally tell her she is an idiot and working at McDonalds is in her future.

I have nothing against using what you got to get more votes!
First up tonight is Katherine and she will be singing I Have Nothing by Whitney Houston. I immediately get a little nervous for her because usually when you sing Whitney on Idol it is the kiss of death. She goes into the session and David tells her that he wrote the song she will be singing. They both think she has great voice and she starts to do an opera duet with Andrea and it sounds really good.

The song starts out slow so Katherine starts out standing at the mic stand. She is wearing a long yellow dress that is quite revealing. She sounds pretty good and seems to pulling off Whitney. As the song moves along I canít stop noticing how boobalicious her dress is, she really is trying to secure the 10-12 year old boy vote. Something happens next that also reels in the 13-15 year old boy voters, her dress slit unbuttons and I think may have given the front row and at home viewers a little more than they bargained for.

Tonight we have a special part of the recap, called what desperate celebrity is in the audience because their agent thought it was a good idea. Up first tonight we get to see Sasha Cohen, Olympic skating champion. Woo, yeah!

I thought overall her performance was good but lets see what they judges have to say. Randy thought it was probably a good choice but too big for her. Paula thought she looked stunning but there were some pitch problems. She also tells her to sing in her natural voice, not her fake voice. Right now a blood-alcohol test needs to be performed to see what we have in store for Paula tonight, I am thinking not good. Simon thought she was saying I am as good as Whitney by singing that song and he thought she was not.

Katherine goes to the stage to be consoled by Ryan from the harsh criticisms but instead all that happens is Ryan ogles her chest and gets a scary smile on his face.

Singing unknown songs sometimes works out well
Up next we have my favorite Amish look-a-like Elliott singing Donny Hathawayís A Song For You. It is one of his favorite songs and he actually sang it for the Idol producers in his first audition. When he sings it for David he thinks he needs to rearrange it and make it more of his own. David thought he sang really, really well.

I am unfamiliar with this song so I really donít know how itís supposed to sound. It starts out slow so he is also standing at the mic. Elliott is wearing an almost identical suit to Ryanís. I wonder if they were on special, buy one get one free. He sounds really well while he is singing but I am a little bored by the actual song.

Time for the random celebrity spotting, itís non other than washed up SNL alum Kevin Nealon. Yeah, all right!

I hope the judges are kinder to Elliott than Katherine. Randy did not like the arrangement of the song but he loves Elliott. He thought he sounded great and was da bomb! Paula is openly weeping and tells Elliott that he moved her. She thinks he celebrated what this competition is all about. He is a handsome evolved performer. Simon tells Elliott that seven weeks ago he told him he was the best singer and in parts of the song tonight he felt like he was in a vocal master class. He thought it was superb.

Domo Arigato Ms. Roboto
Kellie starts out talking with Ryan and he asks if she has anyone special she is going to dedicate her song to tonight. I hope she says her sheep so I can really write a good joke but she lets me down and says no one. She does go on to say how romantic the scene in Ghost is with the pottery but she is sad because she has no one to play pottery with. She is going to be singing Unchained Melody but with a LeAnn Rimes twist to it. Andrea likes her, he thinks she is happy, I think she is an idiot but I guess thatís why Fox does not call me every week and ask my opinion.

She starts out sitting on the edge of the stage and I canít wait to see how much she is going to wreck this song. Her eyes are so full of nothing I wonder if her head is also full of nothing? As the song moves along she does not sound good and I wonder if she is going to be able to pull off the glory note at the end of the song. It comes and she seems to hit it but that is the only part of the song that sounded on key to me.

The next loser celebrity we are treated to a screen shot of is Sela Ward. You may recognize her from such cancelled shows as Sisters and Once & Again. I just canít muster up the enthusiasm for it anymore.

I am ready for the lashing the judges will hopefully be doling out to her. Randy thought she had pitch problems and it sounded very strange. Paula didnít think she was raising the bar with this song. Simon thought it was like the never-ending song, so monotonous, and so bland. He thought she was like a robot in the performance. Even though she was so horrible I have a feeling that was not the last we see of her.

Where are the Cats?
Paris will be next doing her best Streisand impression singing The Way We Were. When she meets with Andrea and David, Andrea is impressed with her volume. David thinks she needs to sing softer and be a little subtler with this song.

She starts out at the mic stand and I canít help but notice her hair has been styled right out of the 80ís. As she gets going in the song I expect the back-up singers to be dressed in cat suits running across the stage but alas I am let down again. Itís nice to not hear her screeching during the song but her lack of emotion during this song makes it a bit boring. She sounded good during the performance but it was not great or spectacular by any means.

The next unknown is Joely Fisher, she truly is unknown, I have no idea who she is or what she it from and I am too lazy to IMDB her right now.


Randy liked the performance, he thought it was good. Paula thought she over sang it but overall it was the best female vocal of the night. Simon thought it was a very good vocal but a bit old fashion for his taste. He thought she sounded like she was trying to impersonate an older artist. With the hairstyle she is sporting I am thinking Tootie from the Facts of Life. I wish she were in the audienceÖ

Yeah right, like I am going to that!
Before we get to our next performance Ryan wants to remind us about the Idols being on tour, we should check out the schedule and ticket info on the Idol website. The only way I am going to see these no-talent clowns perform is if they came to my home and performed in my basement were I could go upstairs and ignore them if I so choose.

The song that is still in my head
Taylor is thrilled to meet Andrea and David. David thinks that Taylorís choice of Just Once is great, he thinks he has the potential to score big with this song. Andrea thinks Taylor chose the best song for his voice and David thinks Taylor has the most charisma of the lot.

Taylor is wearing a nice tux without the bowtie to send out the casual vibes and he looks really good. He starts off a little shaky with the song but he sounds good overall. He really seems to pull it together at the end and brings it into a big finish.

Our next celebrity is Tori Spelling. She is from my favorite teen drama from back in the day Beverly Hills 90210. She is the most well known celebrity in the audience but that is not saying much. Woo, yeah!

I hope the judges are kind to Taylor. Randy thought he sang the wrong song, he thought it was like weird karaoke. It was not Paulaís favorite song but she thought he looked handsome. Simon thought he looked uptight and it was not a winning performance.

Is this the song from the movie Robin Hood?
Chris meets with Andrea and David and they think when he sings he does it too much from his throat and not enough from his diaphragm. David wants Chris to lie on the ground to sing and see if he feels a difference. Chris feels the difference and David thinks that Chris sings great.

Chris starts out standing at the mic stand in the middle of the stage with two guitar players sitting on stools on either side of him. Idol is really shelling out the big bucks this year but I guess singers in cat suits were too much for them. He is wearing a suit with a really long jacket over it. He takes this tender love song and converts it into a pseudo rock song, it sounds just ok to me.

They have been rushing through Chris tonight and my biggest fear happens, there is no third rate celebrity to show. Come on, no past season idol contest even showed up tonight? Justin Guarini came to my mall but he could not show up in the audience, whatever!

The show feels really rushed at this point so hopefully we have time for Paulaís drunken babble. Randy thought it was amazing and he loved the jacket and he loves Chris. Paula just simply says, ďlove you, love you, love youĒ while jumping up and down. Simon thought that was a very good song choice and a good performance. I was not as impressed with Chris as the judges were, but it was still decent.

What will the Theme be?
Make sure to tune in next week for another inspiring theme like hopefully Dirty Old Men songs with guest judge Benny Mardonis. Once again, a girl can dream, right?

Now I have Young Girl Get Out of My Mind in my head, if you know anymore songs by Gary Puckett email me at Yardgnome77@fansofrealitytv.co m.