(Registered members may comment here)

Hello and welcome back to another results show. Last night the idols sang songs from the Great American Songbook with a little help from Rod Stewart, and tonight we’re going to find out who was, uh, substandard.

Ryan is on hand to greet us, and he says tonight is “the night we all dread.” Not as much as usual, Ryan, since the results show has been whittled down to half an hour this week. This means we rush through the judge’ introduction, and with barely a snarl from Simon we’re on to a recap of last night’s show. Rod Stewart channeled Ethel Merman on There’s No Business Like Show Business and gave sage advice to the idols. Well, as sage as any advice could be from a guy who, after 30 years, still looks like he combs his hair with a garden rake. Paris was dressed as an airline stewardess, and hell froze over when Simon pronounced Ace’s performance charming. It was just another surreal night on Idol.

Kids In America
This week’s commercial begins with a billboard advertising Taylor in concert and segues into billboards featuring all the idols, waving, gyrating, and in Chris’ case flinging a guitar around. The featured song is Kim Wilde’s Kids In America which has been redone and remixed many times over the years, most recently by the American Juniors. What’s next, Barney tunes? Anyway, the kids exit their silver Ford onto the red carpet, and it’s on with the show.

Do Ya Think He’s Sexy?
Rod Stewart enters to the strains of Do Ya Think I’m Sexy and the audience obligingly screams for him. He blows kisses to the contestants, then sits on the couch for a little schmoozing with Ryan. Ryan say Rod has been been nominated for 14 Grammys and has won one. His next project is a ‘70’s classic rock album, and next year the idols just might be doing themes from that album. Nigel Lythgoe smilingly nods from the audience. Of all the questions in the world for Ryan to ask, he’s most interested in Rod’s jacket, a vintage Dolce & Gabbana that Ryan says matches Rod’s highlights. Ryan looks like he wants to snatch the jacket right off Rod’s back. Jealous much?

Rod sings The Way You Look Tonight and does a great job of it – I’ve never heard his Great American Songbook series and probably won’t rush out to get it now, but I was pleasantly surprised at how entertaining he still is. His fiancée, sitting in the audience, sings along and cheers at the end.

Because They’ve Got To Be Taken Seriously
Next week’s guest is the world famous Italian tenor Andrea Bocelli. A classical artist, he’s sung with everyone from Celine Dion to Pavarotti. He’ll coach the idols on next week’s theme “greatest love songs of all time” and will perform on Wednesday night. That’s cool, but I can’t help but wonder if it gets confusing for the contestants to be coached by singers with such different styles. Kenny Rodgers’ advice was to grin and yodel, Rod’s is to wear old clothes and look elegant, and Bocelli’s will be to look serious and sing from the diaphragm. Do this, no do this! Can't they just be themselves? (Well, some of them do need a little polish. Pickler, I'm looking at you!)

Who’s Going Home Tonight?
Once again Ryan is looking for the person with the lowest number of votes. This time, he’s going to split the idols into two groups.

Elliott sang It Had to be You. Ryan asks Elliott to stand on the far side of the stage.
Chris sang Wonderful World. Chris will be on the near side of the stage next to Ryan.
Paris is next. She sang These Foolish Things. She joins Chris.
Kellie sang Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered. She dances over to join Elliott.
Ace sang That’s All. Ryan asks him to stand with Chris.
Katharine sang Someone to Watch Over Me and Ryan asks her to join Elliott and Kellie.

That leaves a serious Taylor, sitting alone on the couch. He sang You Send Me; Paula thought he was superb, Randy said he made it his own and Simon called the performance magical. Ryan says Taylor may or may not have the highest number of votes, but he is definitely safe tonight. Sooo, he wants Taylor to join the group he thinks will be safe tonight. After the break, Taylor stands with Ryan center stage as Ryan tells him again he must join the group he thinks is safe. Taylor walks to Chris’ group and shakes Chris’ hand, then turns to walk to Elliott’s group. Ryan is caught off guard and says “Sorry” before noticing that Taylor has turned. This steals a little of Ryan’s thunder and he’s forced to add lamely “That you’ve joined the group that’s safe.” I’ll bet he’s glad he works alone at his other job, no contestants to placate or cat-fighting with Simon.

Kellie and Katharine squeal and jump; Chris’ wife in the audience looks confused as Chris spreads his hands in a palms up gesture and shrugs his shoulders. Ryan is going to make it easier for someone; he says Paris can go back to the couch.

Turning to the two guys, he calls Ace and Chris the Matt Damon and Ben Affleck of the competition as they put an arm around each other. Ryan says Simon took credit for Chris’ performance last night, will he going to take credit for Chris being in the bottom two tonight? Simon is all seriousness: “I wasn’t the one who was singing.” He thinks Ace will be going home tonight. Right again, Simon. Ace smiles brilliantly and says he’s had a blast, he can’t wait to tour with the top 10 idols. He manages to hold it together through his exit story, then launches into That’s All as his brother cheers and claps in the audience. So long, Ace!

Well, that’s all, for Ace and for tonight’s show, which was mercifully short and sweet, as was my recap. Who’s up for American Opera Idol? Write me at Dinahann@fansofrealitytv.com