Sexy evil genius
Episode 2 Precap
Ah, you’re back! Step into my smoky parlor, pull up a rickety wooden chair, and gaze with me into the misty swirls of my cracked crystal ball. Ignore the polka-dotted bandana and giant hoop earrings, by the way. They’re merely for effect. Just listen carefully, for this is how the second episode of Survivor:Thailand will turn out.
As usual, the show will open with the previous week’s losing tribe (Chuay Gahn, in this case) returning from Tribal Council in total darkness. Brian is leading the way, guiding the tribe unerringly by the light of his awesome staff. Odd couple playmates Ted and Clay are giggling like Furbys as the powerful younger man tosses his tiny companion about like a drum major hurling her baton in the air. Periodically, a sound similar to a phone book being torn in half is heard as Helen exercises those fearsome teeth to pull apart a hunk of carrion she found. Jan weeps. The group decides to honor their departed comrade by posting signs all over camp which indicate important landmarks where John alienated himself from the group. For example, “At this location, John scaled a cliff wall needlessly, thereby annoying those around him and securing their votes.”
Next day, over at Sook Jai, tempers flare because everyone wants a turn with Robb’s skateboard, but for the most part, he’s only letting the pretty girls ride it. Fun activities with the board currently include: 1) standing on it in the deep sand and watching it get buried up to the axles, 2) sending rocks into the surf by using the board as a giant tennis racquet, and 3) trying to slip the board into the fire when Robb’s not looking (or, for extra points, when he is). Robb is unaware of the scheming directed at his skateboard; he’s too busy trying to figure out how to build a ladder so he can climb his arch-nemesis, The Vine from the first episode.
By now, it’s morning at Chuay Gahn, and the group has decided it’s time to get water. Helen and Jan volunteer, but for different reasons. Jan still feels vulnerable as the oldest member of the tribe and feels she must contribute mightily to keep the roving eyes of the vote-casters off of her. For her part, Helen views Jan as the weakest member of her tribe physically and, as a result, the one least likely to fight back when The Teeth awaken from hibernation and demand an offering. The two, confident of their abilities, spurn the map and paddle out to sea.
Instantly, the pair becomes lost. After countless minutes of aimless drifting, Helen thinks that Jan looks like a giant roasted chicken with an oar in its hand. She begins to carve her teeth with a wood rasp. Before Helen can act, a helicopter appears and hovers just a few feet above the small craft. Jeff leaps into the surf and pops up next to the ladies’ boat. “Remember,” he says. “There are some really creepy and dangerous snakes here! Please be sure a camera is trained on you if you should, oh, say, guide your boat into a nest of ‘em.” His eyes sparkle like the Hope Diamond as he speaks, his voice is tense yet hopeful, and a small droplet of drool forms at the corner of his mouth. After issuing his warning, Jeff dives down and swims off to go find Atlantis.
The Sook Jai tribe members have resumed work on their “shelter” only to discover that Robb has taken leave of his mind. He’s wandering from tribe member to tribe member, demanding to see their hands so he can compare each hand’s wear-and-tear to the tiny little sore on his left palm. At the same time, he’s working the crowd, trying to ID just one woman who wouldn’t mind spooning up with him when the protective floor is complete. This prompts all of the women to form an alliance to sleep far away from Fat Albert’s pal with the pulled-low stocking cap. Moments after shaking on it, the skies open up and the tribes are machine-gunned by torrential rains.
Out at sea, the lost paddlers drift by the remains of the Titanic, the U.S.S. Indianapolis, and the Andrea Doria. Vultures circle. Sharks begin to floss. And the boat collides with a waterborne nest of cobras. As the women wage hand-to-hand battle with the deadly snakes, the surreal scene is interrupted by the unexpected opening of a door in the sky. Out pokes Mark Burnett’s head. “Come on!” he shrieks. “It’s time for the Reward Challenge! Bring the boat.” As the women struggle into the doorway and drag the boat in after them, Burnett can be heard muttering, “Can’t believe I had to rescue them. Death by sea cobra would be a ratings bonanza.”
The Reward Challenge, as promised, is “all new”. Contestants have to punch each other in the face repeatedly until only members from one tribe are still standing. Winner receives another can of beans! The new can is suitable for placing next to the other can of beans in the tribal pantry. Win every Reward Challenge, collect the whole set of beans. Simple as that. Jeff, back from his scouting trip to Atlantis, turns everyone loose, then jumps up and down like a highly caffeinated howler monkey as he watches the Survivors pummel one another. In mere seconds, every Chuay Gahn but Ted is sprawled on the ground. In one of the most amazing comebacks in Survivor history, though, Ted stages a rally and takes out Sook Jai, ending the Challenge by knocking Robb and Ken’s heads together, kung-fu style. Chuay Gahn wins the can of beans!
Back at camp, everyone but Helen decides to head off into the jungle and bury the bean cans. Helen is not involved in the decision because she’s the reason people fear leaving the coveted cans out in the open. It’s generally agreed that she could eat the entire can, metal and all, leaving no evidence of her crime, and the tribe can’t have that. To mask their intentions, the other six return from the bean-burying expedition with some unidentifiable animal carcass to placate the ravenous Helen. She is gratified but inadvertently nips one of Clay’s fingers off as he delivers her prize.
Miscellaneous bickering takes place for a while as the producers ready the big Immunity Challenge. Then the tribes gather for yet another “all new” challenge. It’s time for the square dancing competition. Jeff informs everyone that square dancing actually originated in Thailand, back in 1849 when the Gold Rush was on and television was just gaining a foothold in the tiny fishing villages along the Thai coast. A traditional Thai square dance, he continues, called for all dancers to wear a blindfold and leg irons. In this challenge, whichever tribe’s dancing can generate the best S.O.S. signal will win Immunity. The square dance caller will make the final decision.
The tribes get off to a fairly even start with nearly half of each tribe face-planting during the initial do-se-do. Later maneuvers are costly as the larger men in each tribe turn their ankles and go down. In the end, just a few of the more graceful women and Clay are still on their feet, trying desperately to understand the mysterious commands issued by the Thai caller. When the music stops, it is evident that the younger, more “hip” members of Sook Jai have more natural rhythm, while the older and stiffer (especially in Brian’s case) Chuay Gahn members need a great deal more help. The caller, therefore, awards Immunity to Chuay Gahn, sending Sook Jai to Tribal Council for the first time. There, the starving tribe agrees unanimously to send Robb packing so they can all eat his skateboard.
And I’m spent. My cracked crystal ball has once again become opaque. Come back next week to learn in advance what will happen in episode 3.
(Here’s what the CBS web site had to say about the second episode. I think I covered all of these events pretty thoroughly. As a result, I’m very likely to be right on the money when the show airs Thursday night:
ON THE NEXT SURVIVOR
Helen and Jan go in search of their water source, but find themselves completely off course without their map, and heading right into a nest of snakes.
The Chuay Gahn tribe spends a considerable amount of time away from Helen, who begins to feel paranoid but in the end is moved by their touching surprise. Nevertheless, she rubs Clay the wrong way.
Things are quite different at Sook Jai, where tensions are high and certain castaways choose to sleep away from their tribemates and shelter, moments before a downpour or rain.)
Last edited by Paulie; 09-26-2002 at 10:34 AM.
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