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American Idol, Week 5 Results Show: Can You Hear Me Now? Good.
Julia, Charles, Ruben, and Kimberly have already made it to the Top Ten, and after tonight's show, we'll find out who the next will be to join them. The show opens as usual, with one major exception. The audio isn't working properly, and Ryan can't get a microphone to work to save his life. Now, some may call this a blessing in disguise, but I would like to hear what's going on. As the sound goes in and out, we say hello yet again to the judges. Ryan talks with them a bit about the "Joe Millionaire" finale, and he tells them that he found Joe finally touching him. No, wait…he said he found the finale touching. My mistake.
Ryan goes over to chat with the group of 8 (and he finally gets a microphone that works), and he asks Vanessa if she lost any sleep over her run-in with Simon last night. Vanessa says she didn't lose a wink of sleep, but she did wear vertical stripes and wore a mohawk sort of 'do in order to "elongate" herself. Now, Stretch Robinson she's not, and her look didn't bother me all that much to begin with. I'm sure, though, that if Vanessa makes it through to the Top Ten, the whole image issue will be brought up again.
Before we get to the results, Ryan tells us that he has a "special surprise" for us, and I don't know whether to be frightened or excited. What is it, Ryan? What is it? Why, it's Justin and Kelly from season one coming to us from the set of their movie! They chat for a minute about their movie and tell everyone how they're having so much fun, how the movie is going to be great blah blah blah. There's singing! There's dancing! It'll be better than "Cats"! And not only do we get to chat with Kelly and Justin, but we get to see a preview of their "love duet" from the movie, called "Timeless". Roll the tape! There are Kelly and Justin aboard a boat singing about how their love is timeless blah blah blah, and I notice that they're both looking straight ahead as they sing. Now, I'm not directing this movie, but if this is supposed to be a love song about how their love is timeless, shouldn't they at least be looking at each other? Anyway, we come back to Kelly and Justin on the movie set, and Ryan says he wants to ask them one final question…"Have you two gotten sick of each other yet?" Ryan, Ryan, Ryan…you could have asked them anything in the world, and you ask them that? You could have asked Kelly about the rumors that she's pregnant with Justin's baby. You could have asked them whether or not they're really planning a $1 million "Gone With the Wind"-style wedding. But, no, you ask them if they've gotten sick of each other. Sheesh. A golden opportunity, wasted.
We have to get to the results of our voting, but before we do, let's introduce this week's silly AT&T Wireless poll. This week's question: "Whose opinions do you most often agree with?" Now, I didn't vote, but I'd have to say that I probably agree with Randy the most. I mean, Paula is always sugar-coating her critiques. God forbid she should actually go off on somebody. Simon is honest, and the contestants need to be told the truth. However, he can be too personal in his attacks sometimes, and I don't know how necessary that is. So, I guess Randy would get my vote by default. He doesn't hesitate to praise someone when they've done a good job, and he's honest without being vicious when someone's not up to par. Of course, I could do without the "dawg", "dude", and the "yo, yo, yo" stuff, but you take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have…Oh, wait. Sorry, I guess I was channeling "The Facts of Life" for a moment. Anyway, I can see this is going to be another set-up to either rag on Simon or be shocked if something good about him comes out of this. We haven't forgotten about the results of the competition, though, and we'll get to them…right after the break.
When we come back from the commercial break, we see the obligatory "scenes from last night's show" montage. There's Simon telling George he sounds like a drunken waiter at an Italian restaurant. There's Simon telling Jordan he's like a "fish on a slab." There's the Vanessa/Simon exchange once again where he tells her she needs to lose some weight. I swear, as much as they focus on Simon, I'm beginning to wonder why Paula and Randy are even there. Anyway, enough with the re-hashing of last night's show. It's time to get to the results and find out who's in the top three this week. Samantha, you did alright, but it wasn't good enough. You're not in the week's top three. Vanessa, Simon may have thought you needed to lose a few pounds, but America didn't let that cloud their opinion of your performance. You're in the top three. Upon hearing this, Vanessa grabs her white feather boa and sashays over to the stools at the center of the stage. Jordan, you couldn't quite convince the voters that you weren't a fish on a slab. You're not in this week's top three vote-getters. Louis, you probably shouldn't have talked back to Simon like you did. You aren't in the top three either. Rickey, the judges liked your personality, and America apparently did as well. You're in the top three, so go join Vanessa on the stools. George, two of the judges thought you did a good job, but it wasn't enough to convince the voters at home. You're not moving on. That leaves us with Equoia and Kimberly. One of them will be joining Vanessa and Rickey center stage, and one of them will be staying on the couch. At this point, Ryan says, "Now, normally, I'd read this result after the break…and tonight's no different. We'll find out who gets the last spot right after the break." You know, you'd think that Equoia and Kimberly would be expecting they'd have to wait, but they both look disappointed when Ryan says this.
We come back from break, and it's time to find out who will be claiming that final spot in this week's top three vote-getters. Equoia, Kimberly…you both did a good job, but only one of you can move on. The one of you who is in the top three this week is…Equoia! Go on over there and join Rickey and Vanessa, girl! Now that the top three has been decided, let's see who the judges thought will be the two advancing to the Top Ten. Simon thought it would be Vanessa and Kimberly. Randy thought it would be Vanessa and Kimberly as well. Paula thought it would be Vanessa and George. Well, judges, y'all are off big-time this week. Ryan asks the judges what they think of the choices America made. Paula says, "I'm happy with the choices", and Randy agrees. Simon says, "Vanessa, you were good. Rickey, you got through because of your personality. Equoia, you can do better." But, there's still one more cut to be made. Who will be the first person to advance from this group to the finals? It's…Vanessa Olivares! Upon hearing the news, Vanessa jumps down from her stool and gives the viewing public (and the judges, of course) a celebratory butt shake. Ryan asks her how she feels, and she says she feels "really strange." Well, what about us who had to watch her shake her booty one more time, huh? How do you think we feel? What's really "strange" to me is how unmemorable this group is overall (with the exception of Vanessa, that is), but I digress. We've got one more spot to fill in the finals tonight, and we'll find out who gets that spot… (say it with me now)…right after the break.
We come back from the break, and before we name the second finalist this week, let's find out the results of that poll from the beginning of the show. America has voted, and forty percent agree with Simon the most. Thirty percent say they agree with Paula, and twenty-one percent agree with Randy. I have no idea who the remaining nine percent agree with, but I guess I'm the only one who catches that mathematical oversight, as nobody makes mention of it on the show. Anyway, it's time to find out this week's second finalist. Ryan brings Equoia and Rickey downstage, and as he's preparing to read the results, Equoia breaks into some sort of little dance or something. I'm not sure why she does that; I guess she's just nervous. Either that or someone has put an ice cube down the back of her shirt. Oh well, Ryan finally decides that he's stalled long enough and reveals to us that the second person to advance to the finals this week is…Rickey Smith! He gives Rickey a microphone, and Rickey sings a bit more of "One Last Cry", his song from last night. I guess it's me, but the more I hear Rickey, the less impressed I am with his voice. I would rather hear Vanessa sing again, but for whatever reason, she doesn't get to sing tonight. Rickey continues singing, and the whole group joins him on stage as the final credits roll across the screen.
Well, 6 people have now made it through to the finals. We got one more "group of 8" to perform, and then the wildcard show, where the judges will pick one wildcard and we'll call in and vote for the other one. After that, we'll get down to the nitty-gritty, and the "theme nights" will begin. Will there be another "Motown night"? Will we get to hear the finalists sing songs from the "Big Band" era? Will we have to suffer through another night of Burt Bacharach songs? Those questions and more will be answered in just a couple of weeks.
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