Just Forting Around
The Apprentice Recap 04/03: Arby's Goes Chicken, and Bryce Goes Bye-Bye
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Well, another apprentice hopeful took a fateful taxi ride last week when Dan was fired, and then proceeded to freak out the viewers and Suncat7 when he talked about eating his children when he returned home. I’m still disgruntled that Andrea didn’t fall overboard last week, but with any luck, maybe this week she’ll trip over her massive ego, and fall squarely on her snooty nose.
Tarek’s teammates are not happy to see him return to the loft, and Bryce takes him aside to give him the heartwarming advice, "stop pissing the girls off.” Sounds like good advice to me, but when the team gathers to talk about their next task, Tarek immediately tells everyone he’s flattered they keep coming after him in the boardroom, because it means they think he’s a strong player. He definitely comes across condescending and self-important to me, but then maybe he’s just attempting to emulate Trump. If this team comes together this week, it will be a miracle. In an attempt to find one good thing to say about this team, I’ll add that at least no one ran into the bathroom crying…yet.
As the day begins, Lee is off celebrating Yom Kippur alone, since Dan was sent home weeks ago. I’m still not sure why folks are making such a big deal about this. I’m assuming the producers knew they had some Jewish contenders on the show, and that at this time of year, they would be devoting time to their religious beliefs. Anyway, back at the marble-encrusted Trump Tower, everyone meets up with Donald, Carolyn and Bill, subbing for George (who is most likely also honoring Yom Kippur). This week our kids will be pimping a new product for Arby’s…an all-natural chicken sandwich (by natural, I hope they don’t mean it’s still sporting feathers). They’ll be responsible for creating a 30-second music jingle, with lyrics, that musicians will perform live. The right jingle can stick with you forever. Speaking of sticking, who could ever forget, “I am stuck on Band-Aid, and Band-Aid’s stuck on me,” that Barry Manilow wrote many years ago?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau visits the loft, or is that Columbo?
A leader must have the respect of his people. Then we see Trump ‘being one with the peons,’ as he teases some repairmen fixing an escalator in Trump Tower. I was hoping one of them would bean him over the head with a wrench, but no such luck. I guess they like those paychecks coming in.
Bryce volunteers to be PM, and at 9:40am, Charmaine gets right to work, setting up their appointment with the Arby executives for 10:15am. Bryce asks what time they’re meeting, and she not only informs him, but adds they should leave in about 10-15 minutes. But it‘s obvious they'll never make the appointment on time and not surprisingly, Gold Rush is about a half hour late to their meeting with the execs. When one of them asks Bryce why they’re late, he ignores them. But the executive doesn’t let him off quite that easy, and chides the team about making them wait. In response, Bryce offers two excuses: 1) they’re not familiar with the city, and didn’t realize how long it would take to get there, and 2) he wasn’t aware eggsactly (sorry, couldn’t resist) what time they were supposed to be there. Hey, you can’t have it both ways, there Sparky.
Later, as they assemble to begin working on the task, the team struggles with the concept. Lenny, although he’s lived in the U.S. for a number of years, claims to not understand what a ‘jingle’ is, so he’s absolutely no help whatsoever. Well, that is, unless you like his suggestion of ringing a little bell or his brilliant idea to include the sound of a chicken in the ad. Bill Rancic smirks at the latter suggestion, probably in acknowledgment that not too many of us want to be reminded that what we’re eating was squawking not that long ago. While Leslie and Charmaine work on the lyrics, Tarek takes over instructing the musicians. Bryce thinks the team is working well together, and applauds himself for this accomplishment. Take it easy, there, Bryce, you don’t want to count those chickens before they’ve hatched, hee.
Sean volunteers to be PM, and being a good ol’ chap, he’s quite excited to step up to the challenge. Tammy asks the Arby executives a critical question…what one thing do they want to convey to their customers. The response is that none of their competitors have a whole line of natural chicken products. (Now I’m all for fast food, but the way these execs keep saying, “chicken products” makes me a little uneasy. What is a chicken product anyway? How do we know it’s not simply chicken feet and beaks ground up into a crunchy little patty? Maybe I’m just too suspicious, but I think I’ll be passing up the chance to taste Arby’s all natural chicken product sandwich).
What do you mean you eat at McDonald’s?
Roxanne immediately comes up with a little jingle, and the rest of the team quickly begins making their own contributions as in suggesting harmonizing, or changing the words a little. It’s actually refreshing to see a team work well together, and they appear to be having a lot of fun with this task. It’s such a novel phenomenon, I’m left speechless.
With A Squawk, Squawk Here
The following day the teams gather to make their presentations to an audience of Arby’s customers and executives. The bands are there, and I’m suddenly grateful Burnett doesn’t produce American Idol, too, or we might be forced to listen to Bucky or Taylor jam about all-natural chickens or something. Gold Rush is filled with anticipation for Lee to see what they’ve come up with in his absence.
Synergy PM, Sean, the bloke with the great accent, introduces his team’s band, and their jingle begins. It’s a high-energy song, with a good beat. I give it an 8 out of 10. More importantly, Trump seems to really like it, because he’s doing the embarrassing white-man’s-ill-attempt-at-dancing jive to the music. Talk about killing an appetite. The audience seems to love the song though, and things look promising for this team.
Yo, check me out getting my groove on!
After hearing Synergy’s jingle, Gold Rush is nervous. Bryce introduces his team’s band with a self-promoting monologue about how well the team pulled together for the first time in a long time. Their jingle is choppy and rather elementary, but Charmaine is singing along with the band like she’s at karaoke night at Drinks R Us. Their song leaves me with kind of an ‘eh’ feeling, although to be fair, following Synergy’s high-energy song would be difficult, no matter what.
Trump asks the audience to choose which song they like better, and it’s not even close…Synergy overwhelmingly wins the audience over. The Arby executive says although she likes the jingle Gold Rush came up with, the fact that they didn’t mention you can only get ‘chicken naturals’ *shudder* at Arby’s, hurt them. Therefore, Synergy wins, and their reward? To taste one of the most expensive delicacies in the world…a six-course truffle-tasting menu, including the white truffle which can cost up to $4,000/pound. Now, I’m assuming this is a reward, right? It would be totally wasted on me, as I have yet to eat a truffle or mushroom I’ve liked. Granted I haven’t tasted a white truffle, but anything that has to be found by a pig rooting around in the dirt, doesn’t sound very appetizing to me. As a matter of fact, between the truffles and the suspicious chicken naturals, this whole show has been rather nauseating for me. Bryce looks nauseous, too, although I can’t tell if it’s because he hates truffles, too, or because his team lost.
The Most Expensive, Nastiest Food Reward…Ever!
Okay, I’m not kidding here. Caviar and truffles (unless you’re talking about the chocolate truffles) are not my kind of thing, so that’s about all I have to say regarding the reward. Just know they were supposedly delicious, expensive and elicited a lot of ooh’s and aah’s from everyone. ‘Nuf said. Now, pass the Pepto Bismol.
Pick Me, Pick Me!
As Synergy is eating fungi, Gold Rush meets to hash out their boardroom strategies. Bryce takes the high road and tells everyone he’s very proud of how they treated each other and how hard they all worked together. With much emotion, he tells everyone his family raised him to have a lot of integrity, so he’s not going to throw anyone under the bus. Charmaine cries and suggests the most ridiculous premise…maybe The Trumpster won’t fire anyone this week. Bryce must be some kind of svengali, because before you know it, people are volunteering to go to the boardroom with him. Even Lee offers to go since he wasn’t around to work…like Trump is going to fire someone who was observing a Jewish holiday. You betcha.
Bryce says they worked very hard, but that the Arby execs simply liked Synergy’s music better than theirs. He explains to Trump that Tarek came up with the music, and the lyrics were the responsibility of Leslie and Charmaine. Bryce says if Trump wants a jingle writer, he should fire him, otherwise he’d be a great asset to Trump’s business. He adds that Lenny contributed the least, and Lenny says, being Russian, he knows nothing about jingles. But Bill’s not buying it, noting that Lenny has been in the country 14 years, and Trump says Lenny’s on thin ice. When Charmaine is questioned about her culpability in their loss, she admits they left out the fact that Arby’s is the only one to sell blah, blah, blah, but doesn’t believe she should be fired over it, and Bryce agrees with her. Bill brings up the fact that the team was 25 minutes late to their meeting, and Trump is stunned. Lenny says they should fire Bryce since he’s the PM, and Tarek agrees. When Lee is asked who should be fired, he refuses to make a suggestion since he didn’t participate in the task. Trump asks Lee if he feels it’s unfair to the others that he’s missed out on some tasks, and although Lee says that’s just who he is (a Jewish man), he volunteers to be brought back into the boardroom. Trump says life sucks, and I’m wondering what in the hell Trump would know about life sucking. Sure, if he lived in a hovel, was starving to death, and didn’t have electricity or running water, he might know something about it. Maybe he’s referring to his divorce from Ivana…or maybe Marla, who knows. Bryce decides to bring Lenny back into the boardroom, and in a most-stupid move, Lee, because he could have used his help. Stupid, stupid man.
Trump begins the crash course in Stupid Boardroom Antics by reminding Bryce that Charmaine and Tarek were the two people most responsible for the task, and yet he let them return to the loft. Bryce says without Charmaine, they wouldn't have had any lyrics at all, and without Tarek, they wouldn't have had any music. And, he approved their product. When Trump asks how he’s supposed to fire Lee when Lee was observing a religious holiday, Bryce says he doesn’t think he should fire Lee. The obvious next question from Trump then is, why did he bring him back into the boardroom? When Trump misunderstands one of his statements, Bryce gets sarcastic and arrogantly says, “yeah, that’s exactly what I said,” then proceeds to interrupt Trump several times. Yowza. Look, we all know where this is going, so let’s just end this charade and cut to the chase. Trump fires Bryce. Bryce may have his integrity, but he basically left Trump no choice.
Another Whacky Taxi Confessional
With much mockery and self-importance, Bryce says, “I’m not afraid of Mr. Trump, Carolyn or Bill. Pshaw. I spit on their shoes. They mean nothing to me! Nothing, I tell you! The best candidate for The Trumpster is sitting in this cab with me. Yeah, that’s right. The cab driver. He’s the best candidate, but I’ll never tell Trump.” <----- note: may be slight exaggeration. He does, however, end with this great line, “it wouldn’t hurt Trump to listen once in a while.” Hooboy way to go out blazing, Bryce. If you think the cab driver is the best candidate, contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Last edited by roseskid; 04-06-2006 at 10:13 PM.
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