The Eny Recap
Well, it’s back to the beach, Malibu that is, for another round of “The Bachelor”.
When we last left the mansion, Alex (the too gay for Survivor 4) bachelor had just presented Amanda (the cute but ditzy 22 yr old) the final rose. Alex made this choice after dumping Trista, the Miami heat dancer in a pool of tears. More about these folks later.
First thing, they could have done this “Bachelor revealed” in 30 minutes. I hope y’all appreciate me wasting the extra 30 minutes of my life, while you were engrossed in BB3.
Typical yada yada about going through the 1,000s of audition tapes and some sound bites of the more lame ones. The Dirk Bean wanna be, creeped me out the most by proclaiming there is nothing wrong with being a (obviously 30+) virgin .Hook that guy up with Shannon, as she is still getting over the shock of having the creepy Alex suggest they sleep together Ewwww.
Criteria, incase you want to apply for the inevitable B3, are
Ready to get married - or at least give the casting directors the impression you are.
Financially stable – after the Rick Rockwell fiasco, well you understand
Sincere- well that’s quite an objective one
and of course
Attractive- after the Alex fiasco, the casting directors re-examined this one
Same criteria for the women, except the financialy stable part was missing, and the attractive one was bumped to number one.
(note to the guys - I know not ONE of you were watching, so fun fact # 1, is that one has ALREADY been in Playboy, so haul out the stack and get looking, and don't get distracted )
It was down to 5 finalists, and the viewing audience was treated to about a five minute summary of each. Good plan, except this is the last time we’ll see the losers, so a BIG waste of time. I of course watched, so since I did you must read these summaries of the finalists – Its only fair.
If I had have had one of those trap doors like in the movies , I would have sent these three into the dungeon/snake pit/fires of hell
Mark- Air Force captain, who if he didn’t say so HIMSELF was just like Tom Cruise in Top Gun. He also thinks being a pilot is quite a chick magnet. Daddy is a general.
Ka-ching -Trap door Opens
Jason-Financial something or other, who if he didn’t say so himself feels that “there are just not that many guys like me”.Brags about having relationships at the time of filming, with three different women he’s having sex with . Finishes off by saying “If he has to settle down" he can. Ka-ching – Eny pushes this one in...
John- (Not our John thank god, he is happily married) financial consultant, who whines about his two second commute to his office INSIDE his bedroom. I didn’t see, but I swear this one is probably living in Mom& Dads basement. Financial consultant, give me a break, this guy is probably running porn sites.
Ka- ching - down you go
Robert – Software bla bla bla – have Paulie or John fill you in. Now I liked Robert, I have to say. Nice looking workaholic type, nominated by his mom (have LG tell the story about her M-I-L first time she met her) I get the same vibe from this Mom, probably why he didn’t get the gig. To be fair he was also nominated by three other women. Save it ladies, I’ve met this type and there was no way he was gonna take six weeks off anyway.
I liked him, so no Ka-ching – out the side door ya go buddy.
And the winner is Aaron- 28, VP of a string of family owned banks. Eny note – Family owned banks? Only in America At least finally ,we are into serious money territory.All you gold digger types rejoice - It’s the mother lode.
He is very cute, joked around, didn’t take himself too seriously. Aaron said “he just hasn’t found the ideal mate” and “wants to maybe find a true relationship to build on”
Seems like the real deal – Casting crew apparently learned their lesson from Alex – No gaydar alert at all.
Previews of the episodes, show him with his tongue down the throat of at least six girls , so we’ll see soon enough if he’s a skank in disguise.( and should have got the Ka-ching)It’s not looking good, but then it could be the editing team from Survivor.
Brief round up of the girls , not too much time was spent on them. I could have done with no recap of the final 5 men, and that 20 minutes spent on the girls WHO ARE ACTUALLY GOING TO BE ON THE SHOW, however since this show does not exactly promote a positive attitude toward women, not surprising
This show was the final public appearance of Alex and Amanda, (sniff) who say they want to continue their relationship out of the public eye. They claimed to still be together even though Amanda has wisely not even moved to the same state. :rolleyes
I wouldn’t want to be in the same state as Alex either girlfriend. They claimed to be ever so amazed that someone “thought up” the idea Alex was gay. Um check with the survivor casting directors. They have seen it all, and made that assessment Amanda. Alex just didn’t fess up. He was also holding Amanda’s hand so tightly , he was white knuckled, afraid she’d bolt for the studio door..... Probably more afraid she’d let something slip about this sham. Personally, I can’t wait for the smoking gun guys to catch up with Alex, and they will, sooner or later.
Bye for now kids , tune in next week along with fellow fans ,Dennis Franz and uberceleb Kathy Griffin for “The Bachelor part Deux”
Last edited by eny; 09-26-2002 at 10:30 AM.
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