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Last week, Jade kissed a cockroach. This week, Nnenna kisses a guy. Not just any guy, but one of those hot, handsome, hunky male model types. Now that’s what I call a step up! Oops, her possessive boyfriend might not agree though…Also this episode, everyone kisses Janice Dickinson’s ass, and we kiss yet another girl goodbye. So spray a blast of Binaca in that mouth, pucker up and move on in for another episode of AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL.

Don’t Drop The Baby

Everyone is still shocked that Kari was sent home instead of Gina at the last elimination, but no one more than Gina herself. In fact, the poor girl is literally stunned into a stupor—oh wait, I forgot, Gina’s always in a stupor. I’m pretty sure at this point that her parents must have dropped her on her head when she was younger, I’m guessing two, maybe three…thousand times.

Back at home, there is an odd shot of Gina face down in bed, not quite sleeping, just lying there, freaking out no doubt, hanging half off, but with her legs sticking straight out in the air. I can’t help but think, Wow, Gina can’t even lie in bed without looking stiff. No wonder this girl can’t model worth a damn, she is as stiff and lifeless as a body in rigor mortis.

“I know I can rock this,” Gina claims. The only thing in her way, she believes, is Jade. “Jade [is] mean to me,” she says, “It’s really getting to me and it’s hindering my performance.” Yeah, there is that…oh and, uh, how about your complete and utter inability to emote anything other than total vapidity in front of a camera, on a runway, before panel, or anywhere in the universe, Gina?!!

Gina, however, is not the only girl in the house who is worried about turning in a poor performance. In a heart-to-heart chat with Leslie, Brooke confesses that she doesn’t like any of her own photos, and appears to be putting herself under tremendous pressure. She is self conscious about “every little thing” she does, because she is aware that she could be sent home for any mistake.

Meanwhile, Nnenna’s on the phone with her boyfriend, John, whose mug we get to see on home video taken at the airport during Nnenna’s big send off from Houston. I am a little bit shocked when I first see him, and not just because he’s not exactly the type of person I’d picture Nnenna dating, but more because of his resemblance to a certain celebrity. My initial reaction: Oh my God, Nnenna’s dating…Freddy Mercury?!! My second reaction (after hearing him give Nnenna the third degree): this guy is creepy and overbearing. Nnenna says he just misses her because it’s the first time they’ve been apart, but admits, “My gut is telling me that he might be a little too controlling”

Let’s not forget poor Danielle, who last episode took a terrible spill on the runway in treacherous platform shoes and torqued her pinky toe. She hobbles in on crutches, and says that she hopes it feels better tomorrow. I hope so to, especially since the TyraMail they receive (“What’s your favorite position?”) has me worried that they’ll be doing something physically strenuous, like playing Twister or perhaps acting in German porn, for tomorrow’s challenge.


The next day the girls are brought to the Highland Hall Cultural Center, where they see a bunch of artists sketching a mystery guest in a big hat and black coat the center of the room. “I kinda thought it might be a man,” Furonda guesses, and, well, that’s not far off from the truth. Our guest has no penis, but certainly has got balls—she turns around to whip off sunglasses and hat to reveal that she is none other than ANTM grande dame, Janice Dickinson. With great dramatic flourish she announces: “Welcome to Janice Dickinson’s posing class where I will be teaching you the fine art of commercial versus editorial po-hoses.”

There’s yet another surprise: emerging from behind a large sketch pad, we see that Janice is joined by cycle 5 firebrand, Lisa D’amato, best know for her love of booze, cookies and cactus plants. Oh, and yes, there’s no denying: this crazy bitch also knows how to pose.

Janice starts the lesson defining editorial posing as “long, luscious, lovely” and commercial as “happy, perky, skippy.” Brooke looks stumped and says she still doesn’t know how to pose and doesn’t understand what Janice is describing. Meanwhile, Janice has moved on to demonstrate the fine art of basic commercial posing techniques like “Wadding” (not as dirty as it sounds) and the old “Winding a Watch while Looking Up” trick I’ve seen in many a catalog. Janice then combines the techniques of “Checking a Broken Nail” with “Hailing a Taxi” combined with “The Alligator” (big, open-mouthed smile accompanied by loud fake laugh) in what is like the triple salchow-triple toeloop of modeling.

Editorial posing, is more “Diva,” Janice says in a deep, drawn out voice, like she is auditioning for the part of Myra Breckinridge, adding that it’s “just about wearing a feeling.” She also advises the girls on “finding the light.” No! It’s a trick! Listen to me, Do NOT go into the light, Carol Anne!!!

Janice opens up the floor for Q&A. Furonda asks a question on timing, and Janice says there should be just enough time between poses to allow the photographer to take your picture. She responds to Brooke’s question on how to “find the light” by saying you must know what your best angles are; then later comments on how “Brooke looked messy…she showed up looking like she just rolled out of bed.”

Finally, Gina starts talking in her strangled, self-conscious way about how she “can’t take a convincing photo” and Janice interrupts her by saying, “I don’t want to hear the next thing out of your mouth, but go ahead.” Gina makes a cry for help, and Janice tries to get her to break through her insecurities by loosening up, giving a big smile and laughing out loud, which Gina attempts feebly. Janice then orders her to get up and hop on one leg while she smiles and laughs. It’s cruel and unusual punishment, kind of Abu Ghraib-y even for Janice, and as Danielle observes, it is as painful to watch as it must have been for Gina to go through. You start to get the feeling Tyra was doing her no favor when she decided to keep her for another round.

Janice ends the lesson with a bit of advice for all the girls: "Just remember who you are. Be confident and fabulous." Even when the judges are trying to turn you into something else? Even when you are being attacked from all sides by the opinions of your peers, the judges, and possibly millions of viewers in the television audience? Easier said than done.

Excuse Me, Waiter, There’s a Rat in My Chosun Seng Dung Shim Gui

The girls head out to dinner at ChoSan Galbee Korean Barbecue, giving me a mad craving for Bulgogi (not to be confused with Bukkake, folks). The first dish to come out is a saucy Janice, with a side of erratic behavior, served atop a bed of extra long hair weave—What, did her hair grow an additional foot in the half hour it probably took to get there after the posing session?

Janice asks the girls to give her a beat, and she dances around the dining room to get everyone’s energy up, which is admittedly a little harder without the aid of whatever amphetamine she’s currently amped on. Janice sets her phaser on Gina, however, taunting her with orders of “Laugh, Gina, laugh.” Everyone in the room explodes in laughter of the Not With You, but At You variety, that almost makes me fear Gina (who is clearly mortified) will bust out Carrie-style and kill everyone in the room with telekinesis.

Jade feels that she and Janice “click,” and the fact that Janice allows Jade to spank her bottom would indicate that she feels the same. Because on the Janice’s friendship scale I think it goes: Level 1, Getting to Know You; Level 2, First Name Basis; Level 3, Spanking…you don’t really want to know what Level 4 is, but I hear it involves Pam cooking spray.

As the girls munch on their dinner, Janice asks everyone what’s really going on at the house. “Come here, baby,” Janice beckons Gina, “Who’s giving you [bleep], tell me and I’ll go kick their ass.” As Gina sits down next to Janice, she asks, “Do I have to?” and Janice says yes. Gina looks briefly triumphant as she literally points her finger at Jade. “Yo!” Janice exclaims, shooting an angry look at Jade, who only stares back incredulously. But even more confusingly, Janice then kicks Gina off her seat by telling her “get your ass off over there” before telling her “Rule number one: We never rat out our bitches.” Never rat out our bitches? What is this, jail? Has Janice gone off her lithium or something?

Gina protests but Janice cuts her off with a severe, “Zip it, bitch. You’re dead in my book.” I am actually feeling sorry for Gina now, because it was rather a dirty trick on Janice’s part to insist she identify her aggressor than attack her for it. And is it really worse to be a snitch than to be a bully? Not that this show is ever consistent, but last time Janice chastised Lisa D’amato for bad mouthing her peers, and Jade got off with not so much as a harsh look.

Gina breaks down on the car ride home, sobbing hysterically. Everyone seems to feel bad for Gina, but also, everyone seems to losing patience with her as well. When Gina cries at home over not knowing what to do, Nnenna gets Dr. Phil on Gina, saying, “What the heck are you scared of? What is Jade gonna do…spank you? From now on, even if you don’t know what you’re saying, just look confident so they don’t see you as an easy target.”

Gina takes a shower, and emerges from the bathroom wearing only a towel, the sour expression for which she’s now famous, and her gigantic moley-moley-mole (I’m thinking if the cockroach last week when it had climbed up her clavicle, the poor creature would have been screaming in fear itself). She comes from the bathroom only to find Jade on her bed, shooting her a look so deeply threatening, it reminds me of the one my Grandma used to give me if I was squirming too much in church. Oh you don’t think that sounds scary do you? Well, you didn’t know my grandma; trust me, that kind of look can flay the skin right off your body.

Jade confronts Gina on calling her out to Janice. Gina doesn’t really want to discuss this, but after pressing Gina for an answer, Jade gets a response she probably didn’t expect: Gina magically growing a backbone and telling her off! “Are you really shocked that I called you out?” Gina hollers. Jade keeps poking at Gina under the guise of “making peace” but this time Gina doesn’t fall for for trap, and rails, “You think you’re getting under my skin? You think you’re intimidating me? You’re not intimidating me at all. You can say whatever the hell you want, Jade. I’m done with you.”

As Gina walks out of the room, Jade—yes, Jade is rendered speechless. That alone deserves a standing ovation. “I’m glad Gina decided to stand up for herself,” Nnenna, who witnessed the whole affair, remarks. “It was my battle and I think I did pretty well,” Gina says, sounding a little less whiny and annoying.

Girl for All Seasons

TyraMail teasingly asks, “Are you ready for a change of scenery?” The girls cheer thinking this might mean it’s time to travel to another fashion destination. Haven’t they learned anything after the “Gromphadorhina Portentosa” incident? Well, the only fashion destination they are going to is a studio where they meet dapper male model professional Lawrence Zarian, who explains that today they will be tested on commercial modeling.

And talk about commercial, the clothes for today will be provided by those purveyors of fine fashion, ah yes, Sears. The girls will do a fast fashion shoot on sets corresponding to the four seasons. Not only that, they must do their own hair, makeup and wardrobe. The girls must also tailor each pose for each season, without any direction from their photographer, Russell Baer. Russell mentions that Tyra is known for getting the job done quickly, which clients love because, after all, “Time is money.”

Jade goes first, and despite being chided for being a bit too slow in the preparation department, knocks the shoot out of the park again too. Mollie Sue goes next, and also does fairly well, although her “Fall” photo looks a wee bit too much like someone stuck a cattle prod in her. Sara tries to laugh out loud, like Janice, and while it looks dorky, it apparently works, as her pictures look great—Russell likes her, as well, calling her the “total package.”

For her segment, Leslie gets “Latin Rhythm” music—which strikes me as vaguely racist. I mean, you don’t hear them banging a gong every time Gina walks in a room, do you? Brooke also decides to do the big, fake Janice laugh; unfortunately, she’s not that comfortable doing it, and it shows. Lawrence comments on how her face and body don’t seem in harmony when she’s posing.

Danielle, despite still being slightly “gimpy” with her injured pinky toe, hustles and does a great job with her photos, which show real variation between seasons. Nnenna is next; Lawrence is initially “put off” by her quietness, but he says her personality really does come through in her photos, where she “comes alive” and looks “inviting.” Furonda and Joanie’s shoots both go by in a flash, but they also seem to do well.

Finally, it’s Gina’s turn [sound of gong] and she’s determined to not let Jade ruin her concentration. Jade sits on the sidelines making cracks like, “She looks so cheesy,” and while it doesn’t break Gina’s focus, it is true, Gina looks hella cheesy. Especially, when she tries the big smile, what Janice dubbed the “Alligator,” she opens her mouth far too much, and with that gaping maw it looks like that damn alligator is trying to swallow a whole damn donkey. Russell, however, concedes that “If she could get her poses down, she could be another really strong contender.”

When all the girls are done, Lawrence and Russell pick a winner: it’s Nnenna, for the three millionth time! If they wanted to save us all a few weeks of our lives, they’d just crown her now—but Danielle isn’t worried, “That’s cool, she’s a cool female. Just give me America’s Next Top Model and I’ll be okay.” When Lawrence tells her what her prize is—he points at the racks sawing, “See this Sears clothes? You’ve won all the outfits”—there isn’t much excitement at first, until he repeats it several times, and the producers scream off camera for her act as if she’s delighted to get ten racks of bloody Sears clothing. Great, what is she supposed to do with those? Start her own swap meet?

Dump That Zero

At home, Joanie notices that Nnenna’s spending an awful lot of time on the phone. Cut to Nnenna on the phone with her increasingly psycho boyfriend, who’s giving her major grief for being away to, oh, pursue her life’s dream instead of be at home to stroke his 70s rough trade leather daddy moustache in addition to his distended male ego. She says she didn’t realize how attached he was to her—eep, I’m getting a serious Star 80 vibe from this creepo.

Like that one girlfriend everyone has that is dating a loser that doesn’t deserve her, don’t we all want to reach through the TV screen and shake Nnenna while screaming, “Break up with this soul sucking emotional vampire, you’re too good for this!” You could also simply slap her with that daytime talk show staple, “Dump that zero and get yourself a hero.” You know why people say it so much? Because it’s so often true!

Nnenna and John go back and forth in one of those irrational, untranscribable lovers’ quarrels. Mainly he’s whining and giving her guilt trips while she tries to get him to back off her so she can focus on the competition. He continues blithering like a petulant child before she does the smartest thing she’s done all day: she simply hangs up the phone on him.

Brooke, in the meantime, is sweating over not having done so great a job. She says she needs to “kick ass at that photo shoot tomorrow.” And the heavy handed editor is doing a little too obvious a job of foreshadowing her imminent bottom two-ness this week. TyraMail arrives with the message: “At 10 years old you said ‘When I grow up, I want to be a model.” I hope you’re not saying that when you’re my age. –Tyra”

Boys, Boys, All Type of Boys

What was that cryptic TyraMail all about? Tyra will say she has the girls’ future in mind, but if you ask me, it looks like Tyra has her own future in mind…They go to CBS studios to visit the set of Tyra’s talk show. In her dressing room, she tells them that although she dreamed of modeling as a little girl, even then she knew that this was a career with a limited life span. My, what a savvy 10 year old you were, Tyra! So that’s what Tyra is there to talk to them about, planning ahead for the future. Tyra can now add another item to her ever-expanding hyphenate career: Model! Actress! “Shake Ya Body” Singer! Talk Show Host! And…uh…vocational guidance counselor?

Oh yeah right, it’s all just a ruse to get some sweet tie-in action for her talk show, but let’s go back to pretend land, shall we? Tyra asks everyone what their future goals are: Danielle mentions she wants to be a singer; Furonda, a human rights attorney; Leslie, criminal justice; Mollie Sue, makeup artist; Gina, fashion designer; Joanie, a mom; Jade says she loves children (!) and wants to be a kindergarten teacher (Danielle brilliantly says that if Jade was a schoolteacher, she’s homeschool her child); Nnenna wants to do medical research in Africa (I just watched The Constant Gardener—are you sure that’s what you want to do, Nnenna?); Brooke wants to be a nurse anesthetist.

Tyra says that when she was about 18, she gave an interview during which she was asked what she wanted to do after modeling, and she precociously answered that she wanted to have her own talk show. And you know what? Now she does. The Tyra Show, check your local listings for show times in your area. No, seriously, do it. DO IT! If you don’t, Tyra will hurt me, pleeease!!!

Later, the girls meet Jay at the studio for this week’s photo shoot in which, Jay informs them, they will act out their future goals on a set in an editorial fashion shoot with edgy photographer/John Waters lookalike, Thomas Klementsson. Wow, that was fast! Either this was all planned out or Jay is freakin’ psychic. The girls are then made up into fashion forward versions of their future selves; or, judging from the preponderance of leather and corsets, rather the sex fantasy version of their future selves.

Jay interrupts the preparations by saying that they decided to bring an additional element to add more oomph to the shoot. “Oh great, what is it this time,” Joanie wonders, “Sloths, or snakes, or porcupines?” Please don’t give Tyra any ideas, Joanie. The “extras” walk in, and luckily they are not any such creatures—they are, instead, hot shirtless men folk. The girls cheer with glee, and Danielle thanks Jesus for sending this gift from God after having “been cooped up in the house with these women that are nagging, PMSing, [and] fighting.”

Too bad, then, that three out of these five guys is gay, but hey it will be like a fun game finding out who they are, kind of like that show “Boy Meets Boy” or “Playing it Straight.” My bet is Nnenna might be the one to suss it out. Jay introduces them as JT (John Thomas), Skyler, Vaughn, Steven (Bruns), and Zane. Are these guys really models, because a few of them have suspiciously stripper-sounding names…Also, my bet is Zane’s the twink.

The girls and boys are allowed to mingle. Brooke acts vomitously “girly” around the Y chromosome contingent, with her voice rising several registers and an annoying habit of drawing up her shoulders in an “Ohmigosh like I don’t know” kind of way as she asks for advice on how to make the photo edgy. “I’m not very imaginative,” she claims, betting her eyes. P!nk wrote a song about this recently, like to hear it? Here it goes! “I don’t wanna be a stupid girl!” On the other side of the room, Nnenna and Vaughan seem to be clicking. She mentions that he’s cute. Twice. Did she happened to mention that she thinks he’s cute? She says she’s not thinking about her boyfriend at all. And that he’s cute.

The shoot begins with Furonda and Vaughan. Furonda describes herself as a “humans rights attorney/Black Panther” but in her black leather elbow length gloves, black leather knee high boots, and black leather, well, everything, she’s looking more dominatrix/Matrix extra to me. Whatever she is, she looks damn good, and presents a strong figure in her shoot. Jade is super happy to have hair again, in the form of a crazy blonde wig, which unfortunately gives her the opportunity to whine about how only the long hair girls get work, blah blah. Dressed in hot pants, a white shirt, and a (cute, I want it) blue velvet corset bodice and wielding a yard stick provocatively, she doesn’t look like any kindergarten teacher I know of. Jay describes the whole sordid shoot as, “Twisted but cute.”

Sara’s doesn’t seem entirely comfortable with her “prosecuter” persona—or perhaps it’s just the deep V plunge of her dress. Even Jay says, after a few shots, that if it continues this way, he feels like page two of the editorial, her top comes off, and page three she’s on her knees. Hey now, what magazine are we shooting for here? That’s not even Playboy, but Hustler territory! Joanie’s “stay-at-home” mom is clearly plucked from the “Desperate Housewives” tree, meaning she’s dressed in a lovely cocktail dress that even Bree would be proud of. Molly Sue, in a little blonde mullet, is given a chance to be more “rock” which she feels is more “in my element.”

Meanwhile, Gina is whining to Zane, “I just want to do well.” Well if he wasn’t gay before, he will be now, after a good few hours of Gina’s whine-a-thon. The photographer seems to have trouble directing her, and she is stiff and flustered, the whole time. “I don’t even know what was going on with Gina today, every shot was just so uncomfortable,” Jay says, squinching his face up in disgust. Jay even interrupts the shoot to tell Gina that her male model is stealing every shot from her, and if he had to publish the photo, he would crop her right out.

Leslie is a kinked up version of Blind Justice in her picture as a “criminal justice investigator.” Jay lives out his fantasies vicariously when he asks Leslie to spank her male model’s bum with her riding crop. Danielle looks fabulously glam as the singer being pursued by some hunky blonde rocker dude—Jay is so pleased with her work, he deems her “orgasmic.” I want to know just what Jay is doing behind that little desk all this time. On second thought, no. That’s okay, I don’t need to know; I hear it involves Pam cooking spray. Brooke’s nurse costume might look sexy, but she is “awkward” and “strange” in it, according to Jay. He said that her being uncomfortable in her outfit is no excuse, even if she’s dressed in a garbage, she still has to sell it.

Then finally, it’s Nnenna’s turn with Vaughan. Nnenna and Vaughan prove to have chemistry so hot, it nearly burns up the faux-African set. Every pose brings them closer and closer, with the two getting increasingly comfortable with the touchy-feely with each passing frame. Vaughan even kisses her neck at one point, and at the end? They engage in a steamy lip lock that has Jay cheering, “Work, damnit!” Nnenna runs right off the set after the shoot, followed by Vaughan in his loincloth, about whom Joanie cracks, “He totally pitched a tent while they were in Africa.” Hello nurse!

Danielle gives Nnenna a high five for the “finale” but also coos, “You might want to call your boyfriend, I don’t think that’s gonna be good.” As soon as the girls get home, that’s exactly what Nnenna does. On the phone with John, she mentions that they had a photo shoot with guys today, and immediately he responds negatively, “Uh oh, Nnenna,” and even pulling an Eric (Shandi’s boyfriend, Cycle 2) asking, “What did you do?” She says nothing. “Did you kiss on a guy?” he moans. Nnenna lies initially and says no, but then thinks better of it, and tells him the truth. This time he’s the one who hangs up on her. [cue music from Psycho]

Kiss of Death

Before elimination, Tyra works in one last, not-so-subliminal message to watch her talk show in her pre-judging portrait: a goofy shot of her with a microphone in front of her Tyra logo. Tyra welcomes the girls and presents the panel, joined this week by Lawrence Zarian.

Tyra then tests the girls on their ability to differentiate between editorial and commercial posing. They start by asking the girls to sell the clothes they’re wearing as if they were in a catalog. The girls get cutesy and commercial, giving a lot of Alligator smiles and coy head tilts. Gina, however, looks only confused for a long while before throwing her hands up in the air in a way that doesn’t look happy or perky, but more like she is being violently defenestrated. Miss J., in his “10” shirt, does a dead on impression, making everyone laugh. Joanie attempts to wind her watch and hail a taxi, topped off with the fakest fake laugh in the world. Sara follows and also gives the Janice laugh.

Next, the girls must do three edgy poses using items from a firefighter’s uniform. Danielle starts the group off with a strong, sexy showing. Some of the other girls awkwardly hold the big rubber boots in the air instead of putting them on (Mollie Sue, Furonda, and Sara, I’m looking at you). Gina, after one pose, asks if she has to do more, to which Tyra snaps that yes, she must do two more. Why oh why is Gina always so chronically confused though? I keep expecting a ten ton weight to fall on her head. Joanie does an encore performance of her parting shot glance from last week.

Evaluations start with Leslie; Tyra tells her that she is not hitting her poses strong enough which could be confusing for the photographer by not letting him know when to snap that shutter. Tyra also mentions that the reason she emphasized commercial catalog work today is that the more shots you do, the happier the client, the more money you make. They like her criminal justice investigator shot though, deeming it a “pure fashion shot.” In fact Tyra was impressed by Leslie’s film in general, calling it “elegant.”

Next, Danielle “looked the greatest in the fireman outfit,” and her singer photo gets high praise as well. She also gets laughs from the panel when she admits she can’t carry tune, demonstrating with a warbling, “Me me me.” Who cares if she can sing when her photo’s that hot? Tyra calls the shot “very Iman and David Bowie.” Mollie Sue’s niche seems to be the “edgy” look, and Lawrence tells her that there’s a “confidence and a sexiness” about her that he likes; her makeup artist photo is a great “modern” image, but Tyra still chides her for not trying hard enough, and feeling that Mollie Sue is “resting.”

Brooke’s posing was far from spectacular, and Miss J. seems to think that Brooke just isn’t altogether here today. Her nurse photo is good, but Tyra says that it was only one out of a couple good shots in the film and she shouldn’t be afraid to try some unconventional poses. Joanie is berated for her bad posing, but when Joanie says she tried to do what Janice taught them, Tyra says, “I’m sure she told you not to do it that way, Janice is a really good model.” Looking at her stay-at-home mom pic, Miss J. drawls, “Oh you want be one of those kind of moms.” Everyone loves it, calling it “spicy” and complimenting her range of expression and her ability to let personality shine through in her photos.

The panel makes fun of Sara’s “stupid” sounding laugh, however, Tyra says as dumb as it sounded, it would have made a great shot. She says that Sara “did the Ha Ha Ha that Janice taught, and it was right.” Tyra says the beginning of Sara’s film was almost porno, but thankfully Sara pulled it though at the end of the shoot to get this photo, which is “sexy” but with a “fashion twist” provided by the edgy angle of her body. Lawrence tells Jade “there is a sexy, sassy confidence” about her; Tyra thinks Jade looks like a “model going to a club” not a “model about to be discovered.” They do like her schoolteacher photo because she manages to be “strong without being intimidating.”

Gina admits she didn’t do well in her posing; Twiggy describes her poses as looking like they came from a bad comedy show. Gina then proceeds to blame her poor performance on personal problems at home; no one cares. Like Lawrence says, the reality is that she is “in the game” and she needs to “step up to the plate” or get sent home. Her fashion designer photo: pure suckage.

They like Furonda’s angles in both posing and her attorney photo. Finally, Nnenna’s catalog poses are praised for the smile that makes her “approachable.” Her chemist photo in Africa shows much chemistry, and Tyra mentions that as she clicked through Nnenna’s film “it got freakier and freakier.” Phew, I’d have needed a cigarette after looking through them, myself. Tyra says, “The very last frame was a French kiss; what the hell was going on?” Nnenna tries to explain that she has a boyfriend, and the panel jokes, “You had a boyfriend.”

After deliberations, during which the biggest revelation is that Miss J. thinks Furonda’s head is shaped “like a lightbulb”–and Nigel quips, “She has a bright future ahead of her,” like a villain in a Bond script, the girls are called back in and the following are given their photos: Furonda, Joanie, Danielle, Leslie, Jade, Mollie Sue, Sara, Nnenna.

This leaves Brooke (who has potential but hasn’t yet shown talent) and Gina (has one of the judges’ “favorite faces” but is “vacuous and doesn’t connect”) in the bottom two. Let’s just get it over with: Please put Gina, and us, out of our misery all ready. Yes, Tyra and crew finally realize she’s not even worth keeping around for the drama, and send her home.

Gina hugs everyone goodbye—yes, even Jade—before going to the house to pack. She doesn’t cry a single tear, but says she’s learned some things, among them the fact that there’s always going to be obstacles, “and it’s up to me to figure life out on my own.” Gina, quite frankly, looks the most relaxed and happy she’s been all cycle long, and I’m certainly breathing a sigh of relief, so perhaps this elimination is the best for all involved. And at least she can leave with the confidence of knowing she told Jade off for once.

Come see the softer side of snowflakegirl@fansofrealitytv. com *air kiss*