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Tonight is the final performance episode of the American Idol Season 5 semi-finals. I have been waiting soooo long to write that!

Ryan tells the guys that tonight will make ‘em or break ‘em, and without further chatter, (or even a montage of the women’s performances from last night), we’re on our way with the first performance.

Gedeon McKinney has loved a lot of women
First up is Gedeon McKinney who, I admit, is growing on me more and more each week. This most likely means that he will be eliminated very soon. In Gedeon’s intro piece, he shows that he is not only a singer, but a painter as well! As he explains that his painting of a record means that “as the record spins, the sound makes the world go ‘round,” I find myself remembering his “you have to have it!” speech from a few weeks ago, and I’m back to not liking him very much again.

Gedeon sings “When a Man Loves a Woman,” and he keeps his smile small, and his dancing in check.

Randy thinks the performance was a’aight, but a little shaky in the beginning. He’s happy that Gedeon knows who he is, and calls him an old soul. Paula agrees and says that Gedeon is a throwback to an earlier era, and Simon thinks Gedeon is odd, but his performance was good in an over-the-top, cabaret kinda way. Boy, that man really knows how to sling a compliment.

Ryan ends Gedeon’s segment with some uncomfortable banter about how Gedeon has loved many, many women. Well, I hope they all know how to dial the phone and vote for him tonight.

Chris Daughtry is so over customer service!
What’s Chris Daughtry’s big secret? He used to have Seacrest-hair, and there are pictures to prove it. It’s okay Chris, the main reason I shy away from fame and fortune is because I don’t want pictures of my 7th grade perm floating around.

Tonight Chris is slowing it down a little and singing “Seether.” It’s mellower than his previous performances, and as usual, the audience eats it up. Chris looks passionately at the camera, although that may have been because his tight jeans were cutting off his circulation.

Randy tells Chris that he knows who he is, (and that’s the second time Randy’s said that to a contestant tonight), and yells “Rock on! Rock on!” Paula thinks Chris is going to sell out stadiums and could already be on the radio, but Simon was not impressed. He calls the performance boring and self-indulgent, and tells Chris not to be so insolent because he is an entertainer. And, as we all know, entertainers are never self-indulgent! Nosiree! Simon didn’t say that last part, probably because he is one of the most self-indulgent entertainers ever.

Chris tells Ryan that he just wanted to do a softer song, and still show who he is. Ryan replies with a “Way to go, Baldy,” and I think Chris’s response should be “Thank you, Tiny,” but Chris wisely keeps his mouth shut.

Kevin Covais is so darn gracious!
I mean it- everything just rolls right off this kid’s back! In his intro, Kevin tells us that although he joked about being a gangsta’ last week, he is a huge fan of Kanye West and finds him to be a huge inspiration. Uh, oh… are we about to be treated to a Kevin Covais rendition of “Gold Digga’?” No? Good.

Kevin is singing “Vincent,” which never proves to be a smart Idol pick. Kevin looks so earnestly into the camera that it’s hard for me to be critical of his performance. So, I won’t say that it was kind of boring and average. Nope, I won’t say that at all. Kevin ends his performance with a bow to the ladies in the Dawg Pound, and faces the judges.

Randy always knew Kevin was hip-hop, and calls his song choice interesting/ weird. Paula has nothing but love for Kevin, (hopefully it is appropriate judge/ contestant- type love), and the way he commands attention. Simon says watching Kevin is like watching puppies, which I take as a positive thing, because who doesn’t like watching puppies?

Ryan tries to get Simon to offer Kevin some constructive criticism, but that could be helpful, and that’s just not Simon’s thing.

There are… two of them?
Bucky Covington has a twin? Named Rocky? Bucky and Rocky. Rocky and Bucky. Do you think these are their real names, like on their birth certificates and everything? Bucky says that Rocky is a good singer, and almost as pretty as Bucky, but American Idol only has room for one Covington, and Bucky it is.

Bucky is returning to the country rock tonight with “Wave on Wave.” I don’t really listen to country music, so I don’t know if this is good or not, but the crowd seems to love him.

Randy says that Bucky really knows who he is. *That’s it- I’m officially starting the “You know who you are,” drinking game. Guaranteed to make you drunk by the third performance.* Paula loves Bucky’s raw, untapped talent, and Simon isn’t able to think of anything original to say, so he just recycles his critiques from last week, and then calls the performance adequate, but not exceptional.

Ryan brings Rocky up on stage to stand next to Bucky, and the two men are absolutely identical, right down to their ponytails.

Will Makar is turning Japanese
Er, make that studying Japanese. And, although he didn’t seem to care for Simon’s statement last week about his fan base being 11-year-old girls, he tries to make it up to them by saying, in Japanese, “11 year old girls of the world unite!” Hopefully they will, because you know how much 11-year-old girls love to make phone calls!

Tonight Will is singing “How Sweet it is,” and wearing a snappy suit. He throws a lot of hand motions into his performance, and gets a fair amount of applause at the end.

Will’s performance was not good for Randy, and he calls it bad karaoke. I think he’s disappointed because Will doesn’t know who he is. Paula declares that she’s a huge fan and Will did a great job, and Simon states that Paula must have been starved for entertainment as a child, because that’s the only reason why she could love a performance he thought was completely and utterly average.

The cameras pan over Will’s parents, and they look sad. It’s probably hard to listen to a panel of judges tell your son that he sucks.

I never got over my childhood fear of men in bunny suits
Hopefully Taylor will help me with my phobia. You see, Taylor used to dress as the Easter Bunny for a job, and apparently liked the costume so much he kept it to wear for his intro tonight, and… nope. Still scary.

Taylor is singing “Takin’ it to the Streets,” and he sounds a lot like Michael McDonald… but better. But, overshadowing Taylor’s singing tonight is his dancing. Good lord! He looks like he’s having an attack of some sort, and I’m afraid he’s going to lose control, go spinning into the audience, and land on Will Makar’s parents. Luckily, he keeps it under control and no parents are harmed.

Randy loves Taylor’s song choice and vocals, but thought the dancing was a little off. Paula wants to steal Taylor’s choreography for her next job, and was blown away by his great performance. Simon declares Taylor’s the best performance of the night, but tells him he could single handedly kill the music video industry.

The segment ends with Ryan dancing embarrassingly, and Taylor yelling something unintelligible.

Elliott Yamin is in heaven
In his intro, Elliott tells us that he has 90% hearing loss in his right ear, and that his friends sometimes have fun with it. Those don’t really sound like friends to me, Elliott.

Tonight Elliott is singing “Heaven,” and it’s a very different type of song than we’ve heard from him previously. And, since this is a Bryan Adams song, Elliott’s cool quotient just dropped 20 points in my eyes. Regardless of what I think, the audience seems to enjoy Elliott’s performance, and he gets huge applause at the end.

Randy always looks forward to Elliott’s performances, and thinks he makes the right choices. He loved tonight’s performance, and tells Elliott he would make a record with him right now. Uh, oh, I hope Elliott doesn’t quit Idol because he thinks he cam make a record right away- that hasn’t worked so well for past Idol contestants! Paula thought Elliott was phenomenal, and amazing, and then she spills her drink all over the table. Looks like someone’s been playing the “You know who you are” drinking game! Simon thinks Elliott’s performance was a cop out, uncomfortable and not Elliott’s best.

And the last performance of the Semi-Finals goes to…
Ace Young! Ace is last to grace the Idol stage tonight, but before he sings, he tells us that times were tough when he first got to LA, and he had to take a lot of odd jobs to make ends meet. He brags that he’s quite a handy man, and I think about how I could definitely use a gardener if this whole Idol thing doesn’t work out for him.

Ace is singing “Butterflies,” and his falsetto sounds pretty darn good. The audience agrees and there are loud cheers and screams all through his performance.

Randy was worried when he heard Ace’s song choice, but Ace totally pulled it off with a great falsetto. Paula says Ace’s rendition was better than the original and that Ace is a major talent. Simon thinks Ace made the performance work, although he struggled through parts of the song.

We must be running out of time, because Ace doesn’t get to have any banter with Ryan. I think Ryan just feels inferior standing next to Ace.

Well, that’s it for the Semi-Finals! Tomorrow night we find out who America put through to the Final 12, and the real competition begins. Well, it doesn’t really begin until we hit the Top 10, because only the last 10 finalists get to go on the Idol tour, and then it gets really thrilling when it gets down to the Final 5, and of course, the Top 3 is sensational… but next week will be exciting nonetheless!

I'll be listening to my Burt Bacharach albums in preperation for the start of theme weeks, but you can reach me atSueEllenMishke@fansofrealitytv .com