There follows a totally arbitrary and non-scientific assessment of the contestants for Survivor 6 : The Amazon.

The points given in no way reflects their chances of progressing far or wining the game, but hopefully the article might raise a smile or two.

The Men

Name: Butch Lockley
Age: 50
Marital Status: Married
Occupation: Middle School Principal
Hometown: Olney, IL
Luxury Item: School Banner
Actresses: Julia Roberts

Julia Roberts good taste violation –10
He’s got spirit, yes he do bonus +10
Solid choice of nickname bonus +5

Total pre-season points +5

Name: Alex Bell
Age: 32
Marital Status: Single
Occupation: Triathlon Trainer
Hometown: Los Angeles
Luxury Item: Finisher Medal: 2001 Wildflower Triathlon

Outdoor Activities: Jesse's Ass

Lucky Jesse bonus +10
Mike Boogie connection –15
Potential S6 hunk +10

Total pre-season points +5

Name: Daniel Lue
Age: 27
Marital Status: Single
Occupation: Tax Accountant
Hometown: Houston, TX
Luxury Item: Magnetic Rings

Actresses:Jennifer Lopez

Shii Ann comparisons sympathy bonus +10
You’ll be Mr J-Lo one day, patience is a virtue bonus +5
Luxury item, huh? Penalty –5

Total pre-season points +10

Name: Dave Johnson
Age: 22
Marital Status: Single
Occupation: Rocket Scientist
Hometown: Pasadena, CA
Luxury Item: Sketch Book & Pencil

Last summer, he pedaled across the United States with three friends for two months and only took three showers.
He wants the $1 million and he's going to buy a new car and start his own beef jerky company when he gets it.

Who framed Kel penalty –5
What’s that smell penalty –5
Not as dumb as he looks bonus +15

Total pre-season points +5

Name: Ryan Aiken
Age: 23
Marital Status: Single
Occupation: Model & Actor
Hometown: Ellicott City, MD
Luxury Item: Baseball Bat & Ball

Ryan Aiken is currently pursuing a career as a model and actor.

“And the Oscar goes to…” Silas vibe –10
Most likely to co-star with CC Heidik –5
Hottie +10

Total pre-season points –5

Name: Matthew Von Ertfelda
Age: 33
Marital Status: Single
Occupation: Restaurant Designer
Hometown: Washington, D.C.
Luxury Item: High School Wrestling Jacket

In 1994, he successfully crossed the Darien Gap.

Not what I call a Gap Guy, Will Kemp withdrawal penalty –10
Would it kill you to smile penalty –5
Someone warm up the Skupin memorial helicopter bonus +10

Total pre-season points –5

Name: Roger Sexton
Age: 56
Marital Status: Married
Occupation: Vice President of Estimating
Hometown: Valencia, CA
Luxury Item: Dog Tags

Sexton is currently a vice president of estimating at a major construction company.

May all your leaves be free from holes, Rodger Bingham vibe +15
Honorary Pappy English, loves his country award +5
So you basically “guess” for a living then? strange career penalty –5

Total pre-season points + 15

Name: Rob Cesternino
Age: 24
Marital Status: Single
Occupation: Computer Projects Coordinator
Hometown: Wantagh, NY
Luxury Item: Magic 8 Ball

Man breasts penalty –5
Josh Feinberg vibe –5
You can laugh with him, you can laugh at him, twice the fun bonus +10

Total pre-season points 0

[/u] The Ladies[/u]

Name: Hiedi Strobel
Age: 24
Marital Status: Single
Occupation: P.E. Teacher
Hometown: Eldon, MO
Luxury Item: Guitar & Song Book

Obvious “rug/drapes” conflict –10
No one ever spells her name right sympathy bonus +5
Michael row the boat ashore campfire fun +5

Total pre-season points 0

Name: Jenna Morasca
Age: 21
Marital Status: Single
Occupation: Swimsuit Model
Hometown: Pittsburgh, PA
Luxury Item: Zeta Crown

If she could hold political office, she'd be President of the United States so she could make all the important decisions.

“It’s all about me” penalty –10
Beta iota tau chi penalty –10
America’s sweetheart potential +5

Total pre-season points –15

Name: Shawna Mitchell
Age: 23
Marital Status: Single
Occupation: Retail Clothing Sales
Hometown: Redwood City, CA
Luxury Item: Soccer Ball

She currently works for an outdoor retail company

Humidity will play havoc with those curls penalty -5
Runs a market stall career enhancement penalty –5
America’s sweetheart potential +20

Total pre-season points +10

Name: Christy Smith
Age: 24
Marital Status: Single
Occupation: Children Adventure Guide for the Deaf
Hometown: Basalt, CO
Luxury Item: Sage

She describes herself as succulent

Don’t let pirahna’s know you’re succulent penalty –5
Is that Gwen’s forehead? –5
America’s sweetheart potential +15

Total pre-season points +5

Name: JoAnna Ward
Age: 31
Marital Status: Single
Occupation: School Guidance Counselor
Hometown: Orangesburg, SC
Luxury Item: Picture of Her Mom

Marion Jones vibe +10
Loves her mom bonus +5
Potential “Vee” -20

Total pre-season points –5

Name: Jeanne Hebert
Age: 41
Marital Status: Married
Occupation: Director of Marketing
Hometown: North Attleboro, MA
Luxury Item: Massage Oil

She describes herself as enthusiastic, free-spirited and outgoing

Coming to a nudist beach near you, bonus +5
Luxury item, yeah baby bonus +10
Tina/Gretchen/T-bird vibe –5

Total pre-season points +10

Name: Janet Koth
Age: 47
Marital Status: Married
Occupation: Travel Agent/Abstinence Counselor
Hometown: Manchester, MO
Luxury Item: Daughter's Teddy Bear
She is most proud of the fact that she and her husband, Kurt, were among the first American families to successfully adopt from a Russian orphanage.

Channeling Gabe, useless luxury item penalty –5
"Oil and water" conflicting careers penalty –5
Aaah factor adoption story +10

Total pre-season points 0

Name: Deena Bennett
Age: 35
Marital Status: Married
Occupation: Deputy District Attorney
Hometown: Riverside, CA
Luxury Item: Water Balloons

“Criminal prosecution is my game, protecting the innocent is my aim."
If she wins the $1 million, she's getting new flooring for her house.

“So, you got the Green Card then Gerard?” bonus +10
“Can I interest you in some hardwood?” double entrendre bonus +5
“Ryan the fireman” bad poetry award –10

Total pre-season points +5