Rock Star: INXS 8/17/05 Recap- Oooh, Baby I Love Your Spontaneity

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For those about to rock: we salute you! Welcome back to Rock Star: INXS, a strangely captivating show about a group of young rockers vying to become the new lead singer for INXS… a band that hasn’t had a new album released since most of the contestants were still in grade school.

Brooke Burke makes her grand entrance wearing the largest freakin’ necklace in all of God’s creation, and she’s rockin’ a sexy tummy that belies her status as a mother. Really, I need to get a hold of her trainer (or her surgeon, whatever the case may be.)

Oooh, Baby I Love Your Spontaneity
Last time on Rock Star, there were eight performances that were stripped down, leaving the rockers’ true vocal talents exposed. Brooke explains that voting has doubled over the last two weeks, and that the results this week left three of the contestants with a clear lead: Jordis, Marty and MiG. They are asked to stand and receive their adulation. Dave notes that they are a really good looking top three, and that they all did a fantastic job with the songs selected for them by INXS. However, one of them touched him (tsk tsk, get your mind out of the gutter!) and saved him a fortune in couples therapy (oooooh… is there trouble in gothic wedded bliss? Dish!) Dave would like MiG to give an encore performance tonight.

MiG is clearly pleased, and bounces over to the piano to comply. He plays a few notes, and then stops, saying he is very honored, but he would like to recognize that three of them received high votes, and he’d like Marty and Jordis to join him by singing back up to “Baby I Love Your Way”. It seemed so spur-of-the-moment and sweet… until they joined him, picked up the two mics that had been placed conveniently nearby, and sang like they had rehearsed this. I’m interested to hear what JLuvs and/or LAguy have to say, if they were there to see this live. Scoop us, won’t you? Anyhoo, they did a fine job, and there is a standing ovation waiting for them when they are done.

If At First You Don’t Succeed, Try Again (& Again & Again & Again)
Back to the nasty business at hand: which of the remaining contestants ended up in the bottom three? Initially, it was Ty, Deanna and Jessica, as we saw in the early returns on Tuesday night. Brooke channels Julie Chen and asks a few stupid questions. Jessica, how does it feel to be facing elimination for the 4th time? Jessica scoffs and says at this point she feels like a pro. Deanna, do you feel like your performance warranted being in the bottom three? Deanna keeps it simple and answers, “Absolutely.” Ty, are you surprised to be standing there? Ty, showing the same spirit as the last time he was on the block, says he is surprised because he felt good about his performance, but he loves INXS and if he has to sing for them again, it’s a win-win situation.

Brooke tells Ty he should be surprised, as he was not ultimately in the bottom three. His position is taken by…..Suzie. Suzie groans, and stands, while JD looks relieved. He knows it could have easily been him instead of Suzie, as he sucked and she didn't. Brooke tells Suzie that INXS was surprised to see her in the bottom three last week and asks how she feels to be standing there again. Suzie, recognizing a stupid question when she sees one, answers after a long pause…. “Bad.” It’s time for a commercial break, but when we get back, we’ll see the bottom three sing for their survival. Oh, the melodrama…

Ode to My TiVo
As a fervent TiVo supporter, (who would rather poke myself repeatedly in the eye than watch a commercial!) I thought I would take a moment to let The Powers That Be know that we DVR-heads occasionally watch commercials… so don’t do anything drastic Mr. Advertising Head Honcho, OK? Um… yeah, so I watched through this commercial break and GUESS WHAT? KFC is giving away an entire free chocolate cake with the purchase of any family meal. That’s right: any meal with eight (or more!) pieces of delicious fried chicken, two delectable sides, biscuits and soda comes with a free cake. You heard it here first. Thank you; this concludes this public service announcement. Now go buy some chicken, or see The Brothers Grimm when it opens on August 26 at a theatre near you!

Ladies Night!
Back to show now, we see a line up of Barbie© Dolls on the stage. Brooke asks Dave what he thinks. Naturally, he’s disappointed that one those “gorgeous women” will be going home. (Hmmmm… does this have anything to do with the couples’ therapy he mentioned earlier?) Kirk agrees that he will be sorry to see one of them leave, and wants everyone to be very clear that INXS is completely open to choosing either a male or female to front them. Now, let’s get on with the dream-crushing, shall we?

It’s Starting to Get Redundant In Here
Up first is Suzie. Garry “Gary” Beers tells her that they have been surprised for two weeks in a row that she’s hit the bottom three, and would like her to show off her vocals skills again to “By My Side.” Ooooh, scary… this is the song that sent Heather home a few weeks ago. Will Suzie live to sing another week? She does a pretty good job, although I’m distracted by her sudden uncanny resemblance to Debbie Deborah Gibson. She sings passionately, and gets on her knees at the second chorus and stays there for the rest of the song.

Jessica takes the stage, and Jon tells her that her performance last night was her best so far. I don’t think I agree with that: in my humble, yet heavily biased opinion, her best performances have been the INXS songs. They tell her to do her best with “Mystify”. (Another repeat?! Tara did this one in week two.) Can Jessica make it work? No surprise, she does a fine job, but I have Seriously. Had it. Up to here! With the chest-patting thing... can I get an ‘Amen’?

Deanna’s up last, and Tim tells her they chose a really difficult song for her last night. He pointedly says that HE is a big fan of her voice, and requests “Never Tear Us Apart”. That’s three for three, as Suzie did this in week one. Come on guys, you put out 11 albums over the course of seventeen years, and this is the best you can do? Well, Deanna does a bang up job (of not letting her skirt fall off.) Seriously, every time she is on stage, I feel like she is doing battle with her clothes. Tonight, her skirt started at about halfway down her hips and ended about five inches under her shoes, and was topped off by a black leather corset. But who cares about her clothes, right? Tell me about her performance, you say? Well… are you familiar with Joe Cocker? It was just like he was up there singing ‘Never Tear Us Apart’. Only with a bare midriff. And that is all I’m going to say about that.

Should She Stay or Should She Go Now?
It’s time for a decision, and Tim says that this has always been hard for him; tonight is the hardest decision yet. He acknowledges that none of them did badly last night and they all did great tonight (eh, different stokes for different folks, I say!) but says it’s no longer about who did badly anymore… it’s about who’s right for Our Band: INXS™. After a lot of thought, it is decided that Jessica is not right for the band. Dave reels from the shock, and then tells Jessica that the girl who entered the competition a few weeks ago and the girl standing before him now are like night and day, and it’s been great watching that transformation happen. Jessica offers the usual gracious exit speech, and Brooke pops up to let us know that the next encore will be chosen by us, the viewers. Check out the website for details: rockstar.msn.com

Final Thoughts… With Soggy Suzie
MiG says he was honored to be asked for an encore, and he needed back up singers, so why not call Jordis and Marty? He wanted to make a point that they are all in this together. (Listen up, JD!) Suzie, who miraculously did not cry tonight, says she’s starting to get frustrated, and now it’s “Game On.” I wish she had said Yahtzee!

What’s next? Rock Star: Right Said Fred? totoro@fansofrealitytv.com

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