Rockstar: INXS 8/10/05 Recap- I Sing the Songs That Make the Whole World Vote

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Last time on Rockstar, Brooke Burke almost wore a skirt, and she looked fantastic. Tonight, Brooke is back to her usual, uninspired and boring blah wardrobe. Bring back the tinsel, I say! Girlfriend has got some nice stems.... Brooke brings us up to speed, and trots out that old reality TV mainstay, by telling us that the remaining nine contestants have had an intense journey thus far. She also reminds us of the seemingly pointless "early returns" we got on the voting last night, and we discover that it wasn't as pointless as it first seemed. Nay... it is just another way to make the ninetuplet of rock-n-rollers sweat a little bit more than usual. As we all saw, the initial round up of the bottom three was Deanna, Brandon and Jessica. Brooke asks them to stand up; the better to see them sweat. BUT! Brooke says... Given longer than 2 minutes to vote, America and the rest of the nations around the world who watch Rock Star as faithfully as us decided that two additional contestants also deserved to be in the bottom three, and those two are Suzie....and JD. (Don't be mad, JD. We're all just being human.) Suzie and JD are asked to join the other three that are standing.

Encore: A Love Story
The overly-groomed Dave Navarro says that he is quite surprised to see Suzie up there, because he thought her arrangement of 'Losing My Religion' was amazing, her style was kicked up a notch, and her vocals were supurb. Tim Farris jumps in to say that he agrees with Dave, but that INXS in an international band and perhaps the world doesn't agree that Suzie did a great job. He wants to point out that there are four other contestants who never hit the bottom three as the voting carried on, and in particular applauds both Marty and Ty for being outstanding. He tells Marty that deciding to perform acoustic at the last moment was clever, and congratulates Ty for completely turning things around since last week. He asks Ty for an encore of "No Woman No Cry." Once again, Ty tenderly kisses the song, and then takes it's hand and walks off into the sunset with it....and they live happily ever after. In other words, it is a match made in heaven, and Ty has nothing to be ashamed of. When he's finished, he gets a standing ovation.

Will The Real Bottom Three Please Stand Up, Please Stand Up?
Meanwhile, back in the land of nervous rockers... remember the 5 unlucky folks who were left sweating on the stage? Yeah, well we're about to relieve two of them from their misery. After all was said and done, JD and Deanna did not end up in the bottom three. Damn That leaves Jessica, Brandon and Suzie with one shot to redeem themselves tonight. Whose dream of being a rock star is about to be brutally crushed into smithereens, and then made into a glossy black paste that Dave Navarro will use as mascara? I wish it were going to be JD, but I guess I could give up one of these three without too much heartbreak. Let's see how they do.

The Part Where My Happy Teenaged Memories Are Spoiled By Rotten Michael Hutchence Impersonations
Jessica is reminded that it is her third time on the block, but fortunately for her she sings INXS songs well. She's asked to do it again, this time singing "Disappear." I agree that Jessica has done a decent job in the past, especially when she did "Don't Change", but tonight she's just off. Bear with me as I struggle with the terminology, but it seemed like she was trying to sing in an octave that is too low for her range. To compensate, she started up with her frantic stage gyrations, and ended up further damaging what was already a bad karaoke performance. If Simon Cowell were here, he'd say she sounded like she should be singing on a cruise ship.

Brandon is up next, and Andrew asks him to perform "Don't Lose You Head", which is a bluesy-type song and is right up Brandon's alley. They warn him that they will be paying close attention to his delivery, and Brandon gets down to it. Unfortunately, his face has again been attacked by the beard-type thingee. Ugh...it just doesn't look good. For the first time since this show began, I am not familiar with this particular INXS song, and I have to say I don't really like it. Brandon seems to struggle a bit, but pretty much keeps up with the rapid lyrics. I kept seeing MiG, standing up and emphatically singing along, and I started laughing, because whatever MiG was singing, it wasn't the same song Brandon was. I didn't realize until later what was really going on.

Suzie is next, and Kirk tells her he thought she was fantastic last night, and hopes she will do well with "Bitter Tears." Initially, Suzie seemed to be having the same problem as Jessica... she couldn't hit the low notes. However, by the time the first chorus came, she had found her groove, and started sounding great; almost like Debbie Harry at times. As a plus, she looked like she was having a really great time. Without a doubt, she was the best of the three. Amazing; early on in the contest little Soggy Suzie really seemed out of her league, and she just gets better every week. If she keeps improving at this rate, she might just have a shot at winning.

I Get Distracted Easily...
Brooke is back, and reminds us that one of these three are about to become mascara. Who will it be? We'll find out after this commercial... this Verizon commercial, to be more specific. I actually watched through this commercial break, and am STOKED to see that Terry Gilliams' new movie, The Brothers Grimm, is coming out soon. Sweeeeet; Matt Damon licks a frog!

OK, old guys from INXS: it's time for your decision. Tim notes that they are taking this competition very seriously, and it is very hard for them to make this decision. Tonight, they are going to speed up the process a little. Suzie has proved that she doesn't belong in the bottom three, and she should go sit down with the others. [tangent]The Others! It's almost September, and that means Lost is coming back soon! Yay.... wet Sawyer![/tangent]

MiG, MiG, MiG. I Just Adore You
Jessica is told that she is a resilient performer (which means? she always bounces back like Silly Putty?) but that she needs to watch her pitching. She is also safe tonight, and without any further fanfare, Brandon realizes his creamy black fate. He yells out, good-naturedly, "How dare you give me 'Don't Lose Your Head'?! I can barely remember the words to songs I know!" Errr. I guess it's too late to ruin his chances any further, but that was still a bit rude. Besides, they handed it to him. On a freakin' platter. Turns out, Brandon royally messed up the lyrics, which Tim says was not a good thing, and explains MiG's antics earlier. Bless his little elfin head: he was just trying to help! Alas, Brandon is just not right for their band, INXS. Too many lyrics, and all of that shemagiggy.

Coming Soon to a Sephora Near You
Dave tells Brandon that he is an awesome spirit, and that he will miss him. He says that what Brandon does, he does very well, and he will be a success; just in front of some other band. Also? He can't wait for his new mascara. Brandon leaves on a gracious note, saying that he has been honored to be a part of this and appreciates the opportunity: he was able to sing to the world! He points all around and says, "I love you Cats!"

Deep Thoughts...With Soggy Suzie
Suzie says she was totally surprised to be in the bottom three, but she's not going to overthink it. Jessica was totally bummed to be in the bottom three, and was sure she was going home tonight. However, Brandon will be missed in the house; after all, he was the "Brandon Factor." Suzie says she promised herself she wouldn't cry tonight, and look! She's not crying! (I call shenanigans! I saw her crying earlier.)

I love you Cats! totoro@fansofrealitytv.com

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