Each week, our writers nominate and describe their favorite moments of the week in reality television. This week, we've made a slight change in dates, to allow the new season of Meet My Folks to match up right.


10. A Picture is Worth A Thousand Words...

I'm sure Joe Millionaire contestant Melissa was less than thrilled with her date with bachelor Evan Mariott. After touring the Eiffel Tower, Evan presented Melissa with a painting of her drawn by a street artist. Apparently, very little of 'Evan's' 50 million dollars was invested in a high-quality artist. Upon first glance, the painting appeared to be a caricature, after all, the portrait was sporting buck teeth that rivaled Mr. Ed's! Unfortunately, it was intended as a true piece of art, and Evan thought it looked just like Melissa. Obviously, he didn't take time in Paris to look at some of the true art in The Louvre. The painting was disgusting, and Melissa thought so too. Of course, in front of Evan she was all smiles, but as soon as she returned to the hotel, her true feelings about her gift came out! The other women all agreed that it was a hideous portrait of Melissa. Who can blame the poor girl for being offended? It seems Evan thinks she has teeth that would scare away White Fang. To top it all off, the scene immediately cuts back to Evan, saying that he could tell Melissa really, really liked the painting, and thought it was such a great drawing of her. Smooth. Real smooth.

9. Wouldn't You Like To Be A Pepper, Too?

When you think "food challenge" in Reality TV, you think of live grub worms. You think of dried scorpion. You might even think of brussel sprouts. With that in mind, it should come as no surprise that Victoria's Secret model Frederique Van Der Wal lost $25,000 on Celebrity Mole Hawaii because she failed to eat what was presented to her in a food challenge, right? Except that is was a harmless little tomato pepper. Frederique claims that she hates peppers. In fact, she hates them so much that after the $25,000 was off the table and CMH host Ahmad Rashad downed one of the harmless little things, Freddy had the nerve to bite into one in front of the other celebs. It has been suggested by some that she actually doesn't dislike peppers, but hey, she's a supermodel; a big bite of pepper was probably equivalent to her caloric intake for the whole week, and she'd already had a mint for lunch. Or, maybe it's just that she's The Mole.

8. S'more Butt

To the tune of COPS (Bad Boys):

Símore butt, Símore butt, what you gonna do
What you gonna do when Mom comes for you

When you were eight and you had bad dreams
Mama came in to help wipe your drool
So why are you acting like such a tool
If you get hot then you must be cool

Símore butt, Símore butt, what you gonna do
What you gonna do when Mom comes for you

Nobody now gimme no break
Mama now gimme no break
I said even dad gimme no break
"Forties" now gimme no break hey hey

Símore butt, Símore butt, what you gonna do
What you gonna do when Mom comes for you


7. Can you Can Can?

Well, Joe Millionaire's MoJo could. Did you see the outfit she wore to the Moulin Rouge on her date with Evan? The dress was not bad, but the hat was comical. MoJo looked like she could easily be part of the show. The hat was huge, and Evan got a good smack in the face anytime Mojo turned her head to speak. He was obviously getting annoyed. It is a wonder he could enjoy the show at all. Mojo thought the entire date went great; especially the hat! I guess you just can't mess with the MoJo.

6. Meet Your Geography Teachers

The second hour of the season premier of Meet My Folks featured a trivia contest with a special guest appearance by legendary game show host Wink Martindale. Because none of these ladies were born before Tic Tac Dough stopped airing in the 1970s, the question "Who is this guy?" was probably edited out because no-one got it right. We were treated to such answers as:

Number of states in the United States - 52
The Rio Grande forms the border between Mexico and - Brazil
Miles from New York City to Los Angeles - 25,000
Alex Trebek is heard crying in the background

It's a good thing that Nick the Polygraph Operator was driving the limo in this episode, as it's possible they would have driven into the Pacific Ocean in an attempt to get to the spa. Stefanie won the trivia contest and a coveted second private date with Dan as her "prize", but I wouldn't be surprised if the editors left out the part where Stefanie asked Wink if she could opt for a consolation prize of a year supply of 2,000 Flushes instead.

5. From the Slime to the Ridiculous

This weeks Bachelorette moment comes to us from SlimyRuss. First, Trista goes on about how much the pushy types (like Russell) turn her off, and how it's tough to get past that. Then the Date Screener gals, including our old fave Shannon, say Russ is not 'all that' and can't see what Trista sees in him. They of course inexplicably still reward him with private date number 1 with Trista. Trista spends the whole date lecturing him on how much pushy types like SlimyRuss turn her off, followed by her telling him to shut up. SlimyRuss responds by whining about her not letting him be his normal, pushy, self serving self. We are so sure he's a goner, but somehow SlimyRuss still gets a rose. Unbelievable...

4. I'm eliminated? But, I'm the Mole!

Last week, we saw Stephen Baldwin ("The Dumbass Baldwin") eliminated from Celebrity Mole: Hawaii. This week, we saw his return as the Cabana Boy, in a low-budget uncredited role with no speaking lines. Was he actually the Mole, but just too stoned to remember, last week? Did he miss his flight out, and need to be put back to work? What exactly is the AFTRA pay scale for cabana boys in Hawaii? The world may never know... And really, don't you sleep just a little better knowing that?

3. Oh Say Can You Learn The Words?

Francis Scott Key rolled over in his grave last night. Anyone who watched the second round of auditions for American Idol this week certainly knows why. We were treated to the absolute worst singing voice in the world attempting to sing our nation's anthem. Wait, it gets better. Daniel, the Idol wannabe in question, didn't know the tune. At all. He didn't know the words. At all. Oh say can you see, by the rockets red glare..... in the land of purple mountains majesty and the house of the free braves. Think I'm exaggerating? Well, I am, but not by much.

2. WB Proudly Presents Vince Neil on Gilmore Girls

Ever hear the expression "two outta three aint bad"? How would you feel if it were two outta six? This week on WBís Surreal Life we, the viewers, that faithful few, the ones who sit through the advertisements, were subjected to quite possibly the worst show on earth.

The producers, who I suppose are allowed to have an off day, decided it would be fun to have our "once weres and wanna be agains" put on a talent show. We got to see Brande Break dance... I think thatís what she was doing, anyway. It was either that or a very non-PC imitation of an epileptic. We listened to Gabby play a kazoo. Yes, a kazoo. Corey decided to throw in a plug for his new album and sing (again, I think thatís what it was) a song for his love... The one he just hung up on. MC Hammer, who really in the day had talent, put on a wig, some glasses and did... something. Jerri Manthey, (She was on Survivor - ooohhh...awwwww) decided to go beatnik and read us a poem. I am Jerri. I was an uber bitch. I have no discernable talent. Clap for me. Finally we get Manny "Webster" Lewis. who actually can breakdance, to give us a "little" show. The night wasnít a total loss, as Vince Neil, Formerly of MOTLEY CRŘE sings us the "Surreal Life Blues". The song was crap, but the beat was good, and he can carry a tune, so it was BY FAR the best moment of the evening. Having won the talent show, Vince gets a deal with WB. Where will they put him? Iím hoping he gets ON the Gilmore Girls!

And now, our number one moment of the week...

1. Committed in Miami

There was one person that knew, without a doubt, that next American Idol would come from Miami. See, Edgar had a dream, since before he was born, that he would be a singer. The judges loved his enthusiasm... until he did a cat's tail under the rocking chair rendition of Enrique Iglesias' Can't "Escape" My Love.

The judges were momentarily stunned into silence. Once they regained their ability to speak, Randy urged him never to sing again then passed the baton to Paula. Ever the polite and encouraging judge she claimed never to have seen a contestant with such commitment. She actually said the word commit, in one form or another, four times. I am sure she was fighting the phrase "need to be committed". When Simon chimed in he said that Edgar was one of the worst singers he's ever heard in his life. Edgar thanked everyone profusely and they dismissed him from the audition.

Once in the hallway he claimed that he was going to L.A. He was beaming. He kept telling everyone that he would see them there. It was explained to him several times that he was NOT going to Hollywood. Poor Edgar never gave up. He even tried to get back into the auditions by telling the staff that the judges wanted to hear him again. Once more, they explaind that it was not in the cards for Edgar. Even after that he stuck around the building long enough for security to escort him out. As he turned to say goodbye, he was still talking about seeing everyone in L.A.

"You can run, you can hide, but you can't escape my love". Let's hope that Edgar can't escape the padded cell in time for the finale of American Idol.

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