Episode 2 – Men will be Boys
It’s Wednesday and time for Evan?, no, Aaron? no, Oh yeah its Trista! I forgot this time that it’s the ladies turn. It’s been a busy week with all of those silly rumors floating over the net about the end, and Trista’s being preggers and all that. Yeah we have heard them all too. We choose to ignore it from our lofty perch *insert hysterical laughter* up high. What’s the fun if you read the last page first? I didn’t ignore them!! I always read the last page!! When I see *Spoiler* I jump to find out all the information I can get!! And oh, I’m so glad Trista ends up picking – what? You don’t want to know who wins? Ok. Ok. As Eny was saying:
Trista will be taking the guys on three fantasy dates, 5 at a time. FIVE guys at a time! That sounds like MY fantasy date! She is going to be culling the herd by 7, much faster than the Bachelors did. I guess Trista isn’t messing around with her shot at love this time. I think she’s messing around all right, but I think it has a lot less to do with love and a lot more to do with all the champagne she’s drinking. And I think it’s a good thing that she’s paring down the bunch so quickly. Some of these guys are losers (*coughBrookcough*) and they need to get lost. Now, tell me more, Eny.
The guys get invitation by video instead of a date box. I can almost see this bunch pouring over one though. Yeah, but give a guy a box, get a pregnant Trista. The first date is in Vegas with BrianS, Russ, Josh, Rob and Brook. They are treating these guys far better date wise. Trista leads her flock on board a private jet. The guys act like they are entering a space ship. “Oh wow I’ve never been on one of these before.” These guys SO do not have the acting-like-you-belong thing going for them. However, Trista seems right at home. The way she keeps reaching for the bottle and leading the pack makes me think Trista is a party girl. But hey… it’s free and it’s Vegas, baby!! Also, did you notice that three of these five guys are from Dallas? They must have known that Dallas guys don’t do spas and taking them to a sporting event would be mundane as most Dallas guys spend national holidays at Texas Stadium. Anyway, please continue.
After the plane ride, they are taken by limo to the casino. The guys at least didn’t fawn over that. In the casino much hilarity ensues. Russ nails himself beside Trista like a guard dog, forcing the others to do stupid casino tricks like they have seen in the movies. Brook thinks it’s outrageous! Rob has caught on to Russ (duh) and doesn’t like it. The others don’t notice Trista is there. Yeah Vegas! Russ sneaks off with Trista to a waiting hotel room. This guy is slick! Did you catch the scene where overly aggressive Russ is forcing himself on her and she pushes him away? The look on her face was priceless! I’m pretty sure I saw her mouth “Jerkoff” at one point. I’m not sure if she was calling him that or telling him to do that so he would calm down a bit. All I know is a cold shower and a lot less booze would have made him much more bearable. No bracelet I’ve ever seen is nice enough to deal with this guy. Yeah, so he’s cute… but I’m thinking he’d be a better one-night stand than a boyfriend. I think Trista would agree. Vegas, baby!!
While the others are on the date, an ominous knock comes on the door at the frat house and a video is laying on the front step. Jamie, Ryan, BrianC, Bob and Jack get to go to the spa. The guys being guys, instead of preparing clothes and strategy for the date, throw a kegger. Woo Hoo!! The guys are drinking way too much. Jack who is the most smashed gets put out on the lawn after he passes out. Funny trick, guys. Bad form, Jack. I’m guessing that one solitary thought was running through the five spa guys’ minds: What a girlie, girlie date. Okay, maybe one more thought was running through Bob’s mind: Damn! I’m going to have to take off my shirt on national television.
Back in Vegas, Brook is whining about no one-on-one time with Trista. Rob actually does something about it, and busts in on Russ and Trista. It was rude of Trista to leave, but it may have been a good thing, as we were shown Trista telling Russ to shut up and pushing him away. Yeah baby I’m the only one you need. Creepy. Wake up Trista! You did see that part, huh? So, she didn’t say “Jerkoff” after all. She said, “shut up!” My mistake! She has several nice chats with the others, thank goodness. Rob says he wants a girl who won’t fall for the slick type . Ding! Ding!! Ding!!! – score one for Rob. Brook is still whining. Rob might as well have been pointing at Russ while Russ held a sign that read “SLICK TYPE” when he said this. I’m not sure I believe Rob’s as sincere as Trista believes him to be, but it might be that I can’t see his eyes for all that hair hanging in the way. Tell me more.
On the next date Trista picks up the guys in a rock star bus. The boys check for essentials on the bus, like beer. Bob says he isn’t telling about Jack’s little outdoor sleep, but obviously when he’s off doing the confessional, the others did. Trista is NOT amused. As with most drunks, you blew it baby, and it’s no one’s fault but yours. This guy teaches? I saw this part differently than how you saw it. I don’t think Trista minded how slobbering drunk Jack got, being a lush herself. I think it bothered her that the other guys put him outside in his bed while he was passed out. She seems to be soft hearted and probably didn’t like the idea of any of the guys being the butt of a joke. I could be wrong… But man! The rockstar bus was awesome!
Trista says someone who makes her laugh is better than someone who lifts weights. Bob calls the others supermodels. Well maybe compared to Bob. I’m liking Bob a lot these days. I’d like to hang out with him, get to know him. Okay, you’re right. I don’t want to see him naked. Bob, can we still be friends?
At the spa, Trista takes a little one-on-one time with Ryan. Yay! Except that he’s from Vail, not Fort Collins as was previously reported. Anyway, while they are walking through the gardens they come upon three weddings. Trista thinks it’s a sign and jumps in the shower with yummy Ryan. Ryan is thinking of dead rats in the shower so he doesn’t unintentionally show Trista everything he has to offer. I’m warming up to Ryan a bit. He didn’t do anything for me initially, but after that shower scene, I’m definitely getting hot… errr, I mean warming up!
Meanwhile back at the frat house, another tape is delivered. Charlie, BrianH, Mike, Greg and Jeff are going to a football game. It’s the mother load boys! Oh yeah and Trista’s coming, too. She looked GREAT in that jersey while delivering the taped message. I’m pretty sure that for a split second the guys were more focused on that silhouette between her legs and less on the Chargers. I could be wrong. It IS football! So, how’s my good friend Bob doing?
Back at the hot tub, Bob is still obsessing about the others. A rough rock-paper-scissors showdown breaks out. The winner, Jamie, gets to go have a massage with Trista. Bob obsesses some more about Jamie cheating. Jamie thumbs his nose at the others. He tells Trista he passed up a chance to play basketball in Germany. Uh yeah don’t they play it here? Oh I get it, you suck at basketball. He also tells Trista jokingly that he wants 25 kids. At least I hope it was a joke. Poor Jamie. He’s tall, he’s blonde, he’s got a glaring, uh… I mean GLEAMING smile. But when he was alone with Trista, he had all the personality of a doorknob. I saw him in the credits, goofing with the guys wearing a bag of pony chow on his head! He was funny (most probably drunk, I’m aware) and at ease and enjoying himself. Why couldn’t that Jamie have showed up for the massage? Oh, I get it. He was thinking of Ryan’s dead rats. Trista is deep in thought after this date. She proclaims Russ superficial. Everyone watching the show says at the same time - Ya Think?
Having spent all the transport budget on the first two dates, the next date is in an old Winnebago. Charlie starts out the date by telling everyone he is full of buckshot. Oh manly, but WTF? I’d like to shoot his buck! Okay, I have no idea what that means… continue. Suddenly a noise comes from below the old vehicle. It’s a flat tire.
Nothing but the best for this crew! Jeff hops out, pulls his shirt off (oh yeah!!), OH YEAH!!and changes the tire. The rest of the guys stand around looking like weenies. And Greg admits what wusses they are. Touchdown for Jeff!!!
When they arrive in heaven (a.k.a. a private box with a fully stocked bar) they are numb from excitement. While the game is on, they put Trista’s face up on the Jumbotron, and 60,000 fans are screaming. The guys are so excited by the box they have forgotten Trista’s there. Glad the other fans remembered. Greg finally remembers she is there and tells her he’s written her a song. He says what a beautiful girl she is. Good recovery. Indeed! And Greg is a total cutie! And he knows the way to a girl’s heart… he talks about how he sings, plays guitar and can get down on the dance floor!
The boys ascend further into heaven as they are invited on the field after the game. Drew Brees kicks the sod and shyly tells Trista he watched the Bachelor. A smiling Trista has forgotten the guys are there, as I swear I see the sparks. Did you see sparks? I couldn’t get past the huge mole on his face, but did notice that Mike (or was it BrianH?… oh who knows? Neither of them got any love from the camera this week) was wearing the jersey Trista received as a gift. Meanwhile… No one thinks to put in a good word for poor Jeff who is forced to play football overseas. Charlie says the alone time blew him away. Um what alone time? Must be all that buckshot in your head. Oh he had a split second alone with her in the back of the winni. Come on. You remember. Right before she passed out from the billion beers she downed during the game? Anyway, I heard him call her sweetheart. And later, I heard her call him honey.
Time for the run for the roses. Trista says there is more than one guy in her faves. Jeff has a beautiful look, he’s younger but she can’t get that tire change incident out of her mind. I think Jeff has a hot body, but he just lacks something in my opinion. Maybe it’s a real job he’s lacking since the pro football players on the field didn’t acknowledge him as a colleague. It could be that, or it could be he’s lacking any semblance of a brain. He’s all brawn…not that there’s anything wrong with that. So, tell me more about the others.
Ryan has ‘layers’ she wants to get into. Me too, those layers of clothes are so unneeded on a hunky fireman. I was thinking layers of sheets. You say tomato… Russ is aggressive and she finally sees he’s too much. She tells him he’s putting too much pressure on her. Dump him quick, Trista, or I’ll wager you’ll be hearing that voice ordering you around in real life. Russ is a jerk. I bet he has a drawer full of wifebeater tanks. Or maybe he would be perfect for Stalker IdahoChristy!
Brook tells Trista she’s shallow because she’s concerned with the horses. She tries to explain she is allergic and wants to find the most compatible guy. I have to side with Trista on this. Brook was a total snot. I am allergic to bees and would be wary of dating a beekeeper, so its no different. Maybe he’s used to girls who give up their interests for his, so he’s at least showing his true self. (A whiny snot) Besides, he’s got the worst hair in the bunch… and that’s saying a lot considering the bunch includes Rob.
RoboHost comes and grabs Trista away. We are again told the most shocking rose ceremony is coming up. Oh Joy, another wild rock-paper-scissors session? I think if someone has the cahones to walk out it won’t be Brook. And oh it should’ve been Brook. The man just called Trista shallow. I’m pretty sure that didn’t win him any points. You know, all of his anger and spouting off really seemed lame when he didn’t even balls up and leave. He still sat pathetically and searched her eyes for some sign he’d receive a rose. Did I mention he’s a loser? During the rose ceremony, I really felt bad for Trista. You too? Trista looked so sad I almost feel sorry, until I remember she’s in a frickin Malibu mansion and I’m knee deep in snow. Touché Trista claims she is already close to some of them and can picture them with her. I zone out like that when I watch hockey, but she’s viewing the please please don’t give me the boot videos. Ah, to have beautiful men (sans Brook) beg for your affection. Life is good!
First video is very shocking. It’s Brook claiming he will give up his horses and move to the city for her. He sure changed his mind between the time he shot the vid and when he came to the rose party. You are so gone. Loser. The rest of the videos were the usual drivel, except for Jeff who says if he gets the rose, he’ll give her the tire and holds it up. Very effective way of saying the other guys are useless twits - pick me! And a good way to remind her that he looks good with no shirt. Bonus!! Plus, do you remember Ryan’s video? He quoted her a 4-line poem. It was sweet in a “what a wuss” sort of way, but it seemed to work on Trista who almost shed a tear.
Robohost gives his usual blah, blah blah. He goes over the fact that 8 roses will be given out which means 7 will go. He doesn’t have very much faith in their math skills. Nor should he. Trista says she picked from her gut, not her heart or head. If it’s like the old Lex’s gut from S3, she is very wrong. Going with my “gut” is just another way of saying, “I’d like to see you naked.” BrianH steps out and says, “Not to be disrespectful, but I am Out of here.” Good for him! I thought there was no way I’d see a guy have the nerve. I didn’t like him anyway. Besides, I don’t think Trista would have gone from the “gut” for him anyway.”
She picks Charlie (FIRST, might I add!), Bob (who says ab-sa-tout-ly),Greg, Ryan( who is the only one to say thank you), Mike ??? Yeah, Mike came outta NOWHERE!! I was really surprised on that one. Still loving that she chose my good friend, Bob though!,Rob, Jamie and last Slimyruss. I was so hoping for a shutout on Russ, but he obviously made her feel something in her “gut” in Vegas, baby!! Well except for Mike, who has been invisible, and Slimyruss, I agree. Brook of course whines at his demise. Loser. So now that we’ve gotten rid of seven more of the men, tell me what we have to look forward to.
Tune in next week when Trista’s buddies move in with the guys along with SHANNON the uberbitch from B1. Show Shannon the love!! Maybe she’ll find her a man out of one of Trista’s leftovers!They’ll give the guys a final grilling. I can’t wait. Shannon!. Eny does Happy dance. Sher joins in the dance. Her good friend, Bob should be here bustin’ a move with us!
Outtakes at end of the show the frat party with Jamie leading the way. Football guy- big surprise.
Shersidhe is ecstatically single and Enygma is married yet again, Any dirt or cash bribes can be sent to Sher@fansofrealitytv.com or Enygma@fansofrealitytv.com