Big Brother Recap, 8/21/04 - "Revenge of the Pink-Haired Pinky-Sworn"

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Welcome to my usual Saturday night indulgence; a bowl of popcorn, a bottle of nail polish, and an hour of edited hamsters living their dream of getting screen time. It seems luxurious to sit in a padded chair, paint my toenails, and see the hamsters connive and scheme on a large screen with subtitles, since normally I ogle them by squinting at a three-by-two-inch pop-up screen on my computer. Not to mention that my computer chair isn’t all that comfortable, and I don't want to get butter on my keyboard. But mostly, it’s a relief to see the hour after hour of tedious hamster footage honed down to the most important forty-five minutes of the past three days.

If you missed Thursday night’s live eviction, you can catch up by reading Stargazer’s excellent recap. You might already know that I’m recapping the live feeds in another forum, but I solemnly swear on my gigantic glass bowl of M&M’s to disavow any knowledge of events since last Thursday. That’s about as serious as I get; no one’s getting my pinky if I slip up.

No Hug For YOU!

We join the hamsters after Thursday night's live eviction, where Adria flexed her HOH muscle to evict Will with the tie-breaking vote. She tells us in the Diary Room that she's glad she was the one to make the decision, which she based on “information” that came her way. She says Will was one of the power players in the house, and thinks it took a lot of "strennnth" to do what she did. Marvin relives the awkward sixty seconds in which Will had to evacuate the building, saying you could cut the tension "with a butter knife," which is ever so much more tension than a steak knife could cut, I guess. Natalie says that it didn't hurt her feelings when Will refused her goodbye hug, but he'll have to live with it for the rest of his life, neener neener.

Nakomis says in confessional that Will’s eviction was one-hundred-thousand gallons of oil on her already raging fire. Her rage looks like this: she actually moves her head from side to side. Scott would have at least thrown in a power salute; Jase would have been peeing on the walls and barking like a goat. Meanwhile, Marvin is laughing at having survived three nominations in a row. His trick? He has morphed into a "black David Copperfield," telling the viewers it's all done with smoke and mirrors. In a rare Big Brother moment, he was taken completely by surprise when Adria voted Will out, proving that he really is outside of all the house’s alliances.

Does Carmen Electra Bust Any Moves?

It's the brief period of time after the live eviction, but before the HOH competition starts in the backyard. In a voiceover, Drew ruminates on the awkward moments after Will left through the front door, saying you could hear a pin drop. That is, until Adria starts lecturing everyone in the kitchen. She's glad no one else was put in her position this week, and she wishes everyone luck on the upcoming HOH competition. Natalie smiles and tells her she was in a tough spot, she did a great job. It must be nice to have a resident cheering section, as Adria is encouraged to smile and thank everyone for putting the decision in her hands, so that she could do the job all alone by herself with no influence or consideration of anyone else in the house - okay, we got it already! You enjoy being Queen of Everything!

Marvin tells us privately that he thought the week was a ruse to get him out. We cut to Cowboy and Marvin stealing a moment together in the cloud room after the eviction. Cowboy tells Marvin that Will was mad - really mad, to which Marvin replies sarcastically, "Oh, he was?" Marvin imitates Will delivering the "karma is a boomerang" line, but with more sass and flair. Cowboy chuckles, "It could happen." I guess some of them are glad Adria made all the decisions this week.

In the kitchen, Diane tells Drew he needs to say goodbye to "his twins." Drew retorts that obviously they're not Diane's twins anymore. He tells her he made the decision he thought was best at the time, which by my watch was a mere ten minutes earlier. Diane is visibly upset that Drew didn't vote the way she asked him to, but tries to cover it by saying she's not mad at him, she's mad that Will's gone. Maybe she's mad at herself for reading more into Drew's non-committal answers than she should have. He gives her the Drew classics - "I don't know what I'm going to do" and "you can't look that far ahead, it's week by week" - and she seems satisfied for the moment. Thank God he's not one of these take-charge kind of guys, eh Diane?

It's still the few minutes after the eviction, and the twins are reliving Adria's moment of glory. Adria is sitting with her back against the wall, looking emotionally drained; Natalie stands with one foot up on the bed, looking pumped up and excited as she remembers Will after his eviction. Natalie repeats the karma line with laughing disbelief. Adria says she doesn't know what karma is; maybe Will meant "Karma...Electra?" Natalie waits a beat, then busts up laughing at her sister. Adria continues, saying she doesn't know what the word means, but maybe it is "Karma Electra" because she loves to dance and could throw some moves on her. Natalie shakes her head and tells her she's so funny, but Adria still says she doesn't know what it meant, and hopes it wasn't a hateful word. Maybe the fact that he refused to hug you will give you a clue on that score, Adria.

Nakomis as HOH

Woo! Nakomis is jazzed to be the new HOH, and flashes us a devil-horns-hang-loose gesture. She's excited to be the first hamster to get HOH twice. Diane tells the camera she wasn't afraid to lose to Nakomis, and is glad she's there to put up the twins and take the heat. Marvin thinks he will be safe this week, since Nakomis is one of Will's best friends and could be bent on revenge. Drew thinks it will be Cowboy, even though he's Nakomis' half-brother, and Natalie admits she could soon be up on the block. Adria suspects Nakomis will target Drew, since he hasn't shown his support for her team. Which is funny, because Nakomis would have to have spent the week blindfolded to miss Adria's lack of support for her "team." Doesn't anyone use the word alliance any more?

We see a montage of the twins engaged in "twinglish", as Diane terms it. In one, Adria and Natalie communicate entirely in grunts, hmmms and eye-rolls. The dorky music ends, and we transition into a darker soundtrack.

Nakomis declares that Adria owes her a finger. Adria gave a pinky swear never to vote against Will, and since she broke her word, Nakomis wants that pinky back. Meanwhile, Diane tells Nakomis that she detests Cowboy. Her advice to Nakomis is to make everyone feel like it's their turn on the block; "it's much funner." In a perfect world, Nakomis would follow that advice immediately, tell Diane she's on her hit list, then stand back and watch the fun. Instead, as we go to commercial, Nakomis tells us she's not worried about making enemies.

I'll Take My Dinner With a Twist, Please

With Tchaikovsky‘s "Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies" playing to weave a mood of mystery, Nakomis leads the hamsters to the back yard for the week's food competition. They are treated to a lovely sight: long elegant tables set with candelabras and dishes covered with silver domes. Nakomis tells us that they will be playing for the house this week, not as teams or individuals; everyone will eat PB&J or not, including the Head of Household.

Nakomis tells them that under the dish covers are their favorite foods, and all they have to do is finish them in three minutes or less. Some of the hamsters have been on PB&J for two weeks (Diane and Drew), so this is thrilling news. Marvin gets up and does a "anything but PB&J dance,” proving that he has more moves than Carmen Electra. Each hamster has been assigned a day of the week. If they complete their meal, the hamsters will eat that day. If they fail, it's PB&J topped with a heavy dose of shame.

The hamsters pull the covers off and whoop with delight. Cowboy is the first one up. He brings his plate up to stand by Nakomis, who impishly tells him to wait just one moment, as this summer, Big Brother is all about twists. Cowboy gives a girlish gasp as Nakomis pulls out the base of a blender from underneath the table. "Welcome to Smoothies from Hell" says Nakomis, only with the bolded words slowed down to give them more menace. Oddly, the effect doesn't work on Nakomis' naturally high voice and nerdy diction; it just sounds like she has a frog in her throat. The cheesy lightning flash and menacing music get the mood across, though. Let's see what the hamsters chose as their favorite foods, and how they did:

Cowboy: sweet and sour chicken, fried rice, fortune cookies, and Dr. Pepper. Cowboy chokes it down, helped by his strategy of moving sinuously in a digestive dance throughout his three minutes. Result: food for Friday.

Marvin: deep fat fried lobster, fried shrimp, french fries, steamed oysters, lemon wedges, and beer. Marvin's smoothie looks very chunky and disgusting; later he describes the taste as a mixture of battery acid and dog vomit. He's unable to get it all down in time. Result: PB&J for Saturday.

Adria: fetuccine alfredo, chocolate cake, and big glass of red wine. Adria downs it with ease, telling everyone after the first gulp, "we eatin' Sunday, people." Result: food for Sunday.

Drew: spinach-artichoke dip and filet mignon, baked potato, steamed broccoli, apple pie a la mode, topped off with beer. Drew says he will do anything it takes for real food after two weeks of PB&J. Drew upchucks a little into his mouth, but manfully gets it all down. Result: food for Monday.

Karen: Taco Bell bean burrito, steak soft taco with lime sauce, a Choco Taco, and diet Coke. Karen gets points in my book for having the least pretentious food choices of the night, but come on, a Choco Taco? She eats like a third grader! Karen easily pounds it down, barely coming up for air. Result: food for Tuesday.

Natalie: filet mignon, sweet potato, and some kind of coffee/liqueur mixed drink that I rewound three times and still couldn't catch the name of. Natalie calls the concoction succulent. Result: food for Wednesday.

Diane: Spinach pizza, chicken, mashed potatoes. Diane says between gulps that she just has to pretend like she's at the bar. "One of us might get lucky, then," pipes up Marvin. Why does the camera cut to Drew all of a sudden? Result: food for Thursday.

The hamsters return to a storage room chock-full of food, and I surmise that Kellogg's and Uncle Ben's endorsement checks have not bounced, as we see not one, but two close-ups of those products.

It’s Always Better the Second time Around

After the food competition, Nakomis is thrilled to find her HOH perks waiting for her - the usual basket of food goodies, but personalized to include a picture of her boyfriend, Donald. Her music is a CD of hand-picked songs that Donald says reminded him of her, along with original artwork that Nakomis herself made. Marvin asks if that's a dead chicken wing on the front, and with a lovestruck sigh, tells him it's a dead bird. Ah, young goth-types in love.

On the back of his photo, Donald wrote the lyrics to Pink Floyd's "Wish You Were Here," which sends her from jubilant rejoicing into tearful homesickness. Quick as a flash, most of the house finds other things to do so she can pour over her personal goodies in peace. Diane misses the social cue, and hangs out while Nakomis reads a letter from her younger sister aloud. From her radiant confessional, it's obvious the letters have served their purpose in giving her a huge boost in morale.

The Stupidest Debate in Reality TV History

Diane and Drew kiss and cuddle on their bed. Cut to Cowboy in the bathroom, where he brings up watching them kiss (yuck) and that he would like to give Drew tips to improve his lacking suckface skills (double yuck). Drew and Diane take him seriously, though, and later are found to be kissing in the dark while each instructs the other on their lack of technique. Incredibly, this segment goes on for two minutes with Drew telling us why specifically he thinks Diane is a bad kisser, Diane complaining about Drew's poor kissing skills, interspersed with the two of them kissing in the dark, complaining about the other. Oh, the inanity! Two minutes may not sound like long, but trust me, it's an eternity.

Now we indulge in a bit of Cowboy bashing set to goofy music. While the rest of the house looks on, Cowboy joins the fitness twins in a backyard workout. Diane says she can't watch Cowboy exercise, doing all those girly aerobics moves. We watch the three of them cross the yard in a move that looks like ice skating; when Adria and Natalie perform the move, they look like controlled, graceful skaters, but Cowboy looks like an uncoordinated oaf. The rest of the houseguests lounge lazily and laugh behind their fingers.

The hamsters, who have apparently been on lockdown in the backyard, return to the house and immediately try to figure out why Big Brother wanted the house to himself. It takes them a few minutes, but Cowboy is the first to discover that they have reached a Big Brother milestone - the shrunken table. No longer will they have to shout for someone to pass them the salt already. The houseguests reflect on the symbolism of their weeks in house, all coming up with the same, irrefutable truth: they're still here! Mentally I add the corollary most of them must be thinking: and Holly is not!

Uh oh, the dramatic, sneaky music has started, which means it's time for strategy. Natalie approaches Nakomis in the HOH room to confront any issues she might have "one-on-one." She tells Nakomis that she would love to stay in the house. She would love not to be nominated. This must be what Adria was wishing the house would have done when she was HOH, but it doesn't seem to have a magic effect on Nakomis. Natalie tells her she doesn't have anything against Nakomis, to which she replies, "that's cool." But Nakomis has a question: whom did Natalie vote to evict? Natalie answers matter-of-factly that she voted Will out, because when asked if he would promise not to vote her out the next week, Will would not promise to keep her safe. Nakomis tells her that they each have to go on whatever concrete information they can gather, and they end the conversation with a hug. I guess Marvin running around all week saying her sister had Jesus tell her to evict the black man wasn't definitive enough to determine his views on the twins. More likely, the twins realized that Will had allies, while Marvin is a lone rage-a-holic. Before we fade to commercial, Big Brother makes a stab at suspense by showing a confessional of Nakomis reflecting on how you can't always make game decisions by what feels right.

Let’s Get Funky

When we come back from commercial, it's time for comic relief. Marvin has sour, stinky feet that can be smelled from across the yard. Even when he keeps his shoes on, the funk of the feet is still pervasive. Marvin has been banished to the concrete bedroom by himself so that the other houseguests don't have to smell his feet at night. Since television does not stimulate my olfactory nerve, I could care less.

The sneaky music returns, signaling us to pay attention again. The twins are in the back yard, discussing Natalie's conversation with Nakomis. Natalie believes she has made progress with Nakomis. Recounting that she told Nakomis that Will only had to say "one thing" to get her vote last week, but didn't, forcing Natalie to vote him out, she says Nakomis' response was that she admired Natalie. The twins think that maybe Nakomis will only target Adria, not Natalie.

Now it's Adria's turn to chat and bond with the new HOH. Adria tells her that she knows she'll come after her, but to consider that in Adria's books, Nakomis is still cool. Nakomis lets her speak her piece, then asks her why she put Will up. Adria said it was an easy decision, because he was universally loved, and no one wanted to vote him out. Later, she became sure that he would vote her out, and decided to keep the unknown (Marvin's actions) instead of the known (Will, angered from being put up). Nakomis gives an unemotional, "that's cool." She tells Adria she can go a few different ways, and she hasn't made up her decision yet. Cut to confessional, where Nakomis says flat out, "Adria is going up this week." It turns out the only thing she is considering is who to put up with Adria. Nakomis is focused like a laser on Operation Pinky Revenge.

Now Being Served - Oversized Keys

We come back from Rupert growling his way through a Survivor Vanuatu promo to a blue screen reading, "Nominations Today." The soundtrack is in hardcore suspense mode. Adria tells us in a tearful confessional that her most important goal is to save Natalie. Panning over the grayed-out photos on the wall, Nakomis's voice says that some of the pictures are the oil for her currently-burning fire of murderous rage. Actually, she didn't mention any felonies, but it was there in her tone of voice, trust me.

Nakomis gathers everyone for the ceremony around the new, puny table. The turning box of keys is placed in the middle, and Nakomis goes through the usual explanations of how the game works: she takes a key, reads the name, and that person takes the next key in sequence. While we groove to the mellow They Are Picking the Keys music, they pick and turn, pick and turn. The two left empty-handed? Adria and Natalie, who share a twinglish moment across the table. Nakomis gives an awkward speech stating that one of them made a pact with her, at which time it was established that if the promise was broken, there would be consequences. Nakomis really did sound that stilted and legalistic. I would have preferred her to pull out a hammer and demand a smashed pinky in exchange for a smashed pinky swear, but it was not to be.

The episode fades into slow motion as Adria says that she wasn't surprised, and the plan is to win the veto. She will play the game forward based on how she's been treated. Next, a voiceover from Cowboy, saying that Adria and Natalie are the most competitive women ever, and he predicts they will turn on each other. Diane doesn't care which twin goes, as long as one of them goes. Nakomis says they messed up, and she will make them pay. Who will win the power of veto, and will they use it? Find out in Tuesday's episode, or better yet, read Lucy's wonderfully witty recap right here at FORT. If you want to hear all the behind-the-scenes happenings of this week's food competition, you can find it in my recap here.

Feel free to tell me about your stinky feet through the magic of smell-free email: hepcat@fansofrealitytv.com.

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