Big Brother 5
8/14/04 Episode – Diane moves from medium to well-done
Once again the Wheel of Misfortune has landed on my name, and thus it falls to me to bring you the recap of Saturday’s nomination episode. I haven’t been this excited since I “won” the opportunity to have a friendly IRS agent review my taxes. Who knew that Starbucks is not a business expense? It should be.
Coincidently, this is our first post-Jase episode, and if you are to believe Jase, then the exciting TV should now be over for this edition of the show. In general I disagree, but in his favor, you want to know what I found entertaining? Big Brother showing the highlights from the Holly – Jase reunion in studio last Thursday. The look on Jase’s face was a perfect example of sheer terror, and not just your run of the mill “Uhoh, she is back and probably going to tell me she is pregnant” terror. No, this was “For the love of God all I wanted was a cuddle buddy and now I have inadvertently sold my soul to a demonic harpy” terror.
Yeah, he wasn’t happy.
In any case, Big Brother showed us a lot of last week’s shows all over again, and really if you would like a much better recap of that, please do check out Wayner and Lucy’s brilliant recaps in this forum.
Drew explains his master strategy
Back in the house, the guests remain generally pleased that Jase is gone. Cowboy though is not as content as the others. He is very much alone and expects to be nominated this week as well. Naturally he expects an explanation from Drew, whose deception directly assisted in smoothing the way out the door for Jase.
Cowboy corners him for a little one on one. Drew is trapped though, as Diane is not there to tell him what to say, and that means he needs to come up with a convincing answer, and do so off the cuff. That is an area that Drew has not proven to be very effective in.
His response? “I made my decision based on what people might do.” Pure brilliance! It’s an explanation that explains absolutely nothing. Drew, you have a future in politics ahead of you!
For some reason, Cowboy doesn’t immediately accept Drew’s interpretation of events, but unable to counter the infallible logic presented, he falls back on the usual assortment of complaints that all reality show contestants seem to use when they have been outmaneuvered. Words such as “honor”, “commitment”, etc. start to fly around. It is clear Cowboy needs to get over it and move on.
Meanwhile, it is indeed true that Jase being gone has lightened the mood in the house, but the emerging threat is the fitness twins. Adria is feeling the power as HoH and already her attitude is rubbing folks the wrong way. It seems to be a truism of Big Brother that no one learns from the past. The Horsemen should have known that no early, openly flaunted, alliance ever survives. Did you ever hear of Chilltown folks?
So while Jase sits back at the hotel beginning his indoctrination into the life of Holly, and wondering why those folks from The Bachelor are not beating down his door with contract offers (though I must admit, I am waiting for the Queer Eye guys to show up at his house with a weed whacker to fix his hair), in the house, it is Adria who picks up the mantle of arrogant HoH.
Adria makes two men squeal
The remodeling of the HoH room is completed, and the house guests file in to see what goodies Adria received. Soon the relative calm of the house is replaced by the shrieking of little girls (or in this case Will and Marvin) as they learned that the CD is Usher.
Wow, can you imagine the excitement that could have been if it had been Barry Manilow’s Greatest Hit(s)? It would have been bedlam! Bedlam I say!
Now, Usher is not my personal preference, but he is good, and I’ll bet he shows up for his concerts unlike that last-minute canceling, good for nothin’, Lenny Kravitz.
But I digress. Post music celebration, the guests get back to the hard work of sucking up to the new HoH. First up is Cowboy, the man alone. He and Adria have a long talk, and he hits all the key points by saying he is a man of his word, etc… Adria doesn’t care about that. No, this week the rules will be that the HoH is going to quiz you about your enemies and alliances, and offer no information in return.
I can’t fault the approach, but it is also one that will breed a lot of distrust, something you might think the twins would want to avoid.
Cowboy is dismissed, and next up is Diane, who is a much more accomplished sucker upper (or at least Drew might confirm elements of that). True to form, Diane is able to convince Adria that many others were not happy to see her win, specifically Karen and Will. So Diane already sees that the next split in the house will be along the Will, Karen, Nakomis party lines, and she decides to fire the first shot.
Our third visitor is Karen, who is consistently the peace marker. She doesn’t know that she was just backstabbed though, so she meets with a very aloof Adria. Karen says in confessional that she thinks Adria is on a power trip, and when recapping the discussion with Will and Nakomis, they all conclude that Adria doesn’t need them anymore, and there is no more team. Karen utters worst insult possible for the twins when she says “It’s worse than Jase, there are two of them.”
Back in the HoH room, Adria and Natalie hold their opponents in equally low regard, pretty much slamming on all of them. It is interesting to note that Natalie says to hold Cowboy in reserve, and she recommends that Marvin and Will go on the block. Adria thinks maybe Karen should go up instead of Will, but then they conclude that Karen would “freak” should they do that to her.
Seems to me then that the one proven strategy to Big Brother in avoiding nominations is to carry the reputation as a potential “freaker”. No, not streaker, but freaker. More on that later.
Dude, what if my blue is different than your blue?
Meanwhile, out on the patio, the educational part of our programming begins. Nakomis is sharing her theory of astronomy with Diane, who is enthralled.
Nakomis speculates that there might be things called anti-black holes (and I think it is appalling that in this day and age there is still opposition to black holes), and further wonders about how all of that would effect the Big Bang. Basically, I think Big Brother needs to find out what Nakomis is growing in the basement.
Diane, with eyes glazed over, had been acting interested in the conversation, but she nearly leaps out of her seat when Nakomis says “Big Bang”. Now that part, she understood completely.
Who knew fast food was so complicated?
For this week’s food competition, the house guests will attempt to make giant fake BBQ burgers, and it is important that they not have it their way, but instead, have it the way Big Brother wants. If they don’t, then that burger gets disqualified.
Adria assigns two teams. She has intent in mind when she selects Cowboy, Will, Nakomis, and Karen for the loser team, and keeps Marvin, Diane, Drew, and Natalie on the intended winning team.
Karen is worried because she thinks Cowboy doesn’t know the rules half the time in these contests, and she says he is kind of “derfy”. I am not sure what derfy is, but I am betting it is not slang for intelligent or sexy. Just a hunch there. Nevertheless, I like the word derfy, so I am running with it!
Before we get to the results, I just have to say a word about the fake beef patties. Honestly, who designed those things? I don’t want to say what they looked like, but suffice to say you can buy scoop-able litter to deal with it.
In the game itself, the obvious result occurs when the team Adria was sure would lose goes ahead and blows the plan by winning. Drew is crushed, and quickly runs to the waiting arms of Diane for consoling. Marvin concludes that losing to that team was dumb. No Marvin, it was derfy!
When spy cams go bad
Diane, the twins, and Will meet up in the HoH room try and invent the new game, truth or dare spy cam. First up, can someone pinch Cowboy’s nipple on camera? This game has me worried that maybe they think Cowboy is just that, a cow boy, but no, cooler heads prevail, and they conclude via testing that Cowboy is just a man. Cowboy takes it well, and even shares his best side with the camera.
All of this quickly degenerates into Drew and Cowboy running naked through the house, trying to cover their naughty bits with their hands. To the surprise of many, it seemed to be a small project for Drew.
Diane, not to be outdone, says she will do the biggest dare of all. The anticipation mounts, because so far we have had nipple pinching, bare butts, and streaking. If this is even better, then it may give the censor a heart attack.
I am no expert on the advanced rules for professional truth or dare, but I am not sure Diane’s plan to don a set of what looked like Spiderman Underoos trumps two guys streaking, but I didn’t hear any arguing with the judges’ decision, so Diane must have won.
Speaking of Diane, it seems she has been tanning, a lot. A LOT. So much so that Will says she has “tanorexia” which I think is the funniest line of the night.
Okay, get to it already!
Natalie and Adria meet again, and they note that not only do they need to nominate two people, but they also need to consider the impact on the jury house. They don’t want someone going there early, someone like Marvin, who could share his anti-twin attitude in the follow on weeks.
Outside, Will, Karen, and Nakomis are still grumpy. Will is convinced he will be nominated, and they all feel that the team doesn’t seem to matter anymore now that they saved Adria in the past. I think they are finally getting it.
I will save you the replay of the pondering in front of the portraits scene that Big Brother forces the HoH to do each week. Does anyone really change their mind at that point? I can’t imagine any HoH changing their mind on a nomination because of those cheesy portraits. Nakomis might, but only if she thought one of them was an anti-black hole.
Adria gives the speech, and off we go. Safe in order were:
Cowboy (looking surprised, while Will and Marvin exchange glances)
That leaves Will and Marvin nominated.
As per the norm, Adria assures them that she loves them, that they are the best people in the world, and that she respects them. So why are they nominated again? Oh yeah, that’s right, because you actually despise them.
The power of veto will be up for grabs, as Marvin and Will scramble to save themselves from potential eviction. Julie will wear something weird. Lucy will bring you the action!
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