Bambi's Diary- Joe Millionaire- Episode One- Meeting the Sugar Daddy
Ohmigod! I canít believe that this is really happening! I, Bambi, twenty-two year old actress from Missouri, am one step closer to having everything I ever wanted- a rich husband, a French chateau, a rich husband, a Cinderella lifestyle, and oh! Did I mention a rich husband?!? This is like a dream come true, Iím going to be a real life princess.
I still remember the day I first heard about this show- I was at the Mall of America with Candy and Barbie. We were in Prada trying on those amazing mini-dresses, when I saw a sign. It said ďLooking for Love in an Exotic Locale?Ē I couldnít believe my eyes! The timing was perfect, just last night Thumper and I had broken up, he said he wanted someone with more ambition! Iím now a lonely Betty without a Baldwin. I decided right then and there that I would go audition for this show. Three weeks and a few batted eyelashes later, and VOILAÖ.I was on my way to FRANCE!
I knew exactly what I was getting myself intoÖ sort of! I just had no idea I would be staying at a castle! The butler is a bit odd. He keeps checking all of us out. Not in a gross old man type of way mind you, but rather in a ĎJoe/Evan will be listening to my suggestionsí kind of way. I think Iíll have a good shot at this if I make sure the butler likes me, but Iím not going to try too hard. There are twenty other women here with me, and theyíre all flirting with the butler like mad! I believe I will be saving my charming self for Evan, thank you very much.
At first glance, itís obvious that most of the other girls here are all here for one thing- the prospect of a rich bachelor. Iím going to be honest and say that that was past of what made this deal enticing for me, but if I donít genuinely like him, itís not going to happen. A few of the girls do seem nice, though. Unfortunately, Heidi revealed herself to be the MOST ambitious of the group- to her, we are all her intense competition. Looks like she forgot to take her sugar bath this morning! And some of these girls, coughAlisonandDayanacough, showed up dressed like floozys! Really, ladies- I hate to be catty, but weíre not in a garden- STOP being a hoe!
From the moment I arrived, with visions of Prince Charming dancing in my head and dollar signs flashing in my eyes, I knew this was going to be the experience of a lifetime. When Evan first arrived on his big, chestnut horse, he made a lame joke about how the horse used to be white, but was dirty. I couldnít believe how many of my co-contestants actually laughed! Heís not bad looking over all, but heís no Heath Ledger or anything. Sure heís tall, dark, and sorta handsome, but not really my type from what I can see now, though. He invited us to a ball tonight and then when he was leaving, he had trouble getting back up on the horse, which is when I let out my laugh! Oh well, he seemed to handle it well. More later.
Oh My God! The host just told us that he inherited FIFTY MILLION DOLLARS a couple years ago! All of the sudden he looks a little betterÖ yeah, I know, but weird how knowing that fact made him more handsome! I guess Iím more of a bling-bling material girl than I thought. Not as bad as some of these chicks though. Half of them are already spending his money and planning where the wedding will take place!
When it was time to choose our gowns, I swear! I havenít seen so many ladies clawing at fabric since Gucci the day after Christmas! Heidi stepped right up and grabbed TWO dresses. Poor Zora didnít have one, and I was about to offer her mine when someone ripped Heidiís second one out of her hands! I would hate to be near her when the wedding dresses go on sale at Saks (or K-Mart which is probably more up her alley anyway). Sorry if I sound catty, but man she rubbed me the wrong way! I ended up with a decent dress. It was this tangy peach summer color, and I am SO a winter. At least it fit me well, and the seamstresses could spend their time on Zora.
After hours locked in the bathroom with my blow-dryer, eyelash curler, and glitter eyeliner, I was ready to be formally introduced to Evan! We were escorted out one at a time by the butler. When Evan and I were introduced, I felt a connection. Maybe he is the one for me after allÖ..
After my introduction, the other ladies were all introduced to Evan. I swear, I have never seen so many faux eyelashes batting! Everyone should really try to just be themselves instead of putting on such a sugary act. Anyway. Evan danced with us all one at a time. A couple of the ďladiesĒ got a little close and grindyÖ really this was a ball, we were supposed to be waltzing for crying out loud. Losers! Evan didnít seem to mind all that much though. I guess he really is an average Joe. Our dance didnít go to well. He was rather evasive while talking about himself. I asked about siblings and I swear he had to think about it for a second. Weird. I guess heís nervous. I figure I would be. Part of me thinks he should have told everyone he inherited the castle, but thatís all, that he really doesnít have a bunch of money.
The necklace ceremony was pretty intense, and I was really nervous- the pearls were beautiful, but of course there were only thirteen strands. At this point, I wasnít really sure if I wanted to receive a necklace or not. Evan picked a lot of great ladies, but my eyes literally bulged when Paul (yes, the butler has a name) called Heidiís name. Uhg, how could he have that kind of varying taste? Ugh. Finally, Paul called my name- I was the last lady to be picked. At first, I thought I was dreaming, and I was so surprised that I actually did that little Miss America hands-over-the-mouth-I-canít-believe-you-called-my-name act. It was positively embarrassing! Next thing you know, Iíll be giggling at Evanís every word! I am glad I received a necklace, though, and I canít wait to get to know Evan a little better. I wonder what the next few days will bring!?
***Disclaimer: This article is purely a work of fiction written by myself and Cali. Bambi is not really a contestant on Joe Millionaire.
To contact the author of this article, email KylieGrant@fansofrealitytv.com
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