Yoffy lifts a finger...
Survivor - Standing in the Shadows. - The Finale.
Helen spewed a little misplaced anger this final episode. When she was voted out fourth from the end, she claimed it was a total shock to her. She then went on to give perhaps the best Jury speech ever, at the very least rivalling Sue's "dying of thirst in the desert" speech. But then, to really throw us off, she put her vote in for King Brian to win the million, ensuring the financial health of the Kingdom of Briania for years to come.
During the reunion show, she said if she could do it all over again, she'd change her vote "in a heartbeat", and then blamed Jan for being too stupid to help her get rid of Brian. What Helen apparently STILL doesn't realize is that the power was all hers to wield when Jake begged her to help get rid of Brian and Clay. What did she do? Go running off to her royal King and blab everything to him. If she'd only kept her mouth shut and pondered her fate for a few seconds, she could have swung the entire game into her hands. Helen, for failure to realize your place in the Survivor game, I hereby sentence you to 4th place, which you fully deserve.
Say what you will about her Pippi Longsocking pigtails or her saggy ass in that bikini, but Granny Janny made it all the way to the Final Four, and that is nothing to sneeze at. How'd she do it? Well, for the most part, she pretty much flew under the radar, and she was never really viewed as a threat to win individual immunity challenges (which she didn't). Plus her, um, eccentricities were a constant source of amusement for her fellow tribemates. If she wasn't holding onto a bottle of wine like a baby holding on to its bottle of formula, she was dancing a jig after reading treemail. If she wasn't doing that, she was burying a "dayud baby bayut" or the head and feet of a chicken. Whatever she was doing, she certainly kept us, as well as her tribemates, entertained.
Best Move: While many were puzzled at the people she chose to be part of the original Chewing Gum tribe, it turned out to be a very smart move. The final 4 were all Chewing Gums.
HELEN: "Jan, I begged you to be part of an alliance with us (Helen and Ted). I begged you."
JAN: "You did? Oh, sorry."
If Jan had joined Ted and Helen in an alliance, the three of them could have controlled the game in the final stages and gotten rid of Brian and EvilTwirpTrollClay, thereby guaranteeing herself at least a 3rd place finish if not higher.
Riding coattails to the end!!
You know him, you hate him, but he made it to the final 2 by riding on the coattails of a schemer!!!! Clay played it cool, following the lead of Brian all the way to the end. While he helped Brian trick and deceive Ted and Helen, he also knew that at the end, he could have been the one to get deceived and booted for Jan. The most he ever contributed was paddling the canoe at the last immunity challenge. This being said, He still damn near won it in a close vote. If the jury had been allowed to view the show before voting like they do in Big Brother, He may have gone all the way to victory. I can hear the uproar now.
Best line to Helen at Jury TC: There's no way in the world to satisfy your answer so why try!
Worst move Just being lazy all the time, if he had put some more effort out, he may have taken it.
Thus ends the saga of the RUNT of the pack! Still a hundred grand aint nothing to sneeze at either!
Outwit, outplay, out deceive.
Brian showed that you can get to the end playing above the radar, but not real high. He had an agenda, stuck to it, made alliances when needed and cut the strings when he had to get rid of the threatening competition. He knows the rules, there is no integrety, there is a million bucks and this is a GAME!!! not real LIFE!! He kept the one person he knew he could beat in a vote and got rid of the others, though at times he was smug about his playing, he did have the upper hand especially when he got the last three immunities and was able to control the essential votes to the end. His one saving grace in the Jury was that Helen still voted for him even though she felt he stabbed her in the back.
Best Move Was winning the most crucial immunity challenges thus ensuring him a slot at the end of the game in Final 2.
Worst Move What can you choose, I mean HE WON THE GAME!!! so any move couldn't be too bad
Finally "The Probe" gets the recognition he deserves and is given a shot at hosting the reunion show.
Previously quickly ushered off the stage so the totally disinterested Giant Ginball or the enthusiastic if completely out of place Rosie can ruin the final hour, Jiff was allowed to ask the questions the fans wanted answers too.
There was no Gumble "I'm too good a journalist to be on this show" attitude, no "please love me, I'll give you gifts" Rosie-style neediness.
The Survivors were hauled over the carpet one by one. Jiff seemed genuinely amazed at the stupidity of the Chuay Gahn who allowed Brian to sleeze his way to $1,000,000.
His questions were flat out brilliant.
Jiff - So Brian, you controlled the whole game, yet barely beat the Clay who everyone hates.
Brian Well Jiff, schmooze, schmooze, yada yada blah blah
Jiff was having none of it.
He cut Brian off mid sentence and promptly asked Clay why, with the money at stake and needing to build bridges with people to get their votes, he decided the best form of attack was, well, attack.
The reunion performance was the rightful culmination of a great season for Jiff.
He took the Sook's to task for booting out Robb on the day of his epiphany, he joked that he wished the Stephanie from her audition video had turned up instead of the Stephanie that did make the trip and he delievered the one of the greatest lines in Survivor history, "I certainly didn't say anything to give you the impression the tribes had merged - did I?"
He did make Tanya cry, but even that gave us the chance for another look at her beautiful face so even that turned out to be a positive.
His performance this season confirmed that he is every bit as essential to Survivor as the contestants.
We couldn't wish for a better torch snuffer.
Thank you to everyone who contributed to this article.
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