Yoffy lifts a finger...
Survivor - Standing in the Shadows - Week 12
Jan continued to be a source of support and encouragement for those who won the challenges this week. Of course, since she herself hasn't won any (as she pointed out to Helen last night), what else is she going to do? Once again, we saw Jan campaign to be the poster child for the Betty Ford Center when she took the bottle of wine that Helen and Ted brought back, hugged it like it was a long-lost puppy, and promptly inserted it into her bathing suit while announcing, "It fits just fine!" OK, eeeuuuwww. When we got to see the picture of Jan from the start of the game, we could really see just how much Jan has aged since the game began. Either that, or she wore a hell of a lot of makeup when the picture was taken. We also got to hear her tell us that when the game began, she "had bossoms...but now they're gone." I don't know that they're gone Jan...maybe they've just relocated themselves to your backside, and that's actually what we're seeing hang out the back of your bathing suit. Regardless, we know she at least has enough cleavage to hold up her precious bottle of wine...
Best Move- Jan made a pretty good run at Immunity during the stair-building challenge, but she couldn't quite win it. At least that shows that even though she hasn't won any challenges yet, she still has the competitive spirit. She's also flying UTR enough to have cruised into a spot in the Final Four. If the others think about it and are smart, they'll keep her around for Final 3 and maybe even Final 2.
Worst Move- Jan continued to look foolish at the mere sight of any kind of alcoholic beverage...
The big question this week was, "Is Helen the 'Trusted General' that Brian believes she is, or will she opt for self-preservation?" And, unfortunately, she mustered up the troops and fell in behind Brian once again. I thought for sure that after Medium Ted asked her to join him for the feast, shower, and massage (let's hope they didn't have to drive that SUV back to camp the next morning), that Helen might be a little more open to Ted's suggestion to get rid of Clay.
Helen played it smart by not making too much of a fuss over Ted's behavior at the reward. As she wisely said, it's Ted's reward - she's just along for the ride. She was on her best behavior for the entire reward, which really impressed me.
Not to keep harping on it week after week, but unless Brian choo-choo-chooses her, which would be a dumb move because people actually LIKE her, she ain't gonna win it. She really should take some "me time" and think about that situation. Brian's going to take Clay as far as he can, because even Johnny Knoxville from MTV's Jackass could win a popularity vote against Clay. Helen, you're in another good position - get Jan to vote with you against Brian, take the tiebreaker, and then bring Clay with you to the final 2 to win the thing!
Well what can we say about him this week but..... you dodged a bullet big time!!!! Our various shots of the intrepid explorer showed him saving himself for the challenges by conserving energy to the fullest I.E. Laying on his butt!! Still got the golf game going with Brian and Ted for that bonding influence. Showed some good speed during the reward challenge but guess that southern accent got in the way of spelling correctly since he didn't even get the "phrase that pays" right and blew the SUV. Now we just got to figure out why you didn't get the boot and Ted did when the women found you irritating and useless.
Staying UTR to be in the final four
Showing petty Jealousy when Ted won the reward challenge. It's just a game, it's not life or death!!!
Pick a surface...any elevated surface. Now, try to push everyone else out of the way, get to the top, and stay there as long as you can by knocking out everyone else who tries to take your position away. And then yell, "I'm King of the Hill" (or "mountain" for those of you that lived someplace other than the flat plains of the Midwest).
We all remember this game from our youth. Probably most of us played it at least once, whether we were strong enough to be the "King" or not. Well, we're a lot older now and we know better, right? Well, yes...unless of course you are a contestant on Survivor. Then you must reach back into the skills of your youth and employ these talents again. Not just in a physical manner, but on an emotional level as well.
There are those that are good at this, those that are bad, and then there's Brian.
Brian started off the show not talking about "King of the Hill," but hockey--I think. Something about skates, and turns, and blades....I couldn't follow, but had any of his tribemates stumbled on to him in this state, it would have been good for him as they would have thought he was as crazy as Jannie.
Throwing the reward challenge. That's right, I'm calling you on it. Do you really expect people to believe you can't spell "road"? Nice touch acting indignant that Ted didn't thank you -- made it all the more believable.
And I hate to say it, but getting rid of Ted was pretty genius. He was definitely on to you after your wavering early in the show, and would have proved tough to either eliminate or beat at the end.
(Oh, and your golf swing was looking pretty good last night)
Your arrogance is losing you fans from the viewing audience. Fortunately for you, unlike American Idol, they don't get to vote.
By the way...why is Brian always referred to as a used car salesman? Is that really necessary? Why not just "car salesman"? Is the car sales industry so snobbish, that they require you to differentiate what type of car you are selling on your business cards? Maybe his anger over this is what has propelled him to what appears an easy cruise into the Final 2.
It's the end of the road for Big Ted, and I couldn't be more disappointed. Not so much because I was a big fan of his personally (which I was), but also because his defeat stands as yet another sign that nobody but Brian has any plan at all. Ted had an inkling early on in the episode that his airtight alliance with everyone's best buddy Brian had sprung more than a few leaks. Unfortunately for him, approaching Brian about his concerns was like Chicken Little asking Foxy Loxy for directions to the King's palace. By the end, he was so far out of the loop that nobody would even tell him he was toast.
Ted's worst move began weeks ago when he failed to take action on the first inkling that his alliance with Brian wasn't as secure as he thought. He should have spent some time since then trying to build some support for an uprising against Brian. Worse, when the time came to build a last-ditch 3-person alliance to eliminate Brian and Clay, he let Helen handle the discussion with Jan. I've never seen that method of indirect communication work well for anyone in Survivor before. As they say, if you want a job done right, do it yourself.
Hey, if you're going to lose the game, you might as well go out with a bang. Big Ted used all of his wits, especially his finely-tuned hearing, to defeat everyone else in the traditional Reward-Challenge-where-they-give-away-a-car. He even wound up with a car that wouldn't embarrass you if you were caught driving it (cough Pontiac Aztek cough). The car came with a nice feast and massage, too. Oh, and apparently a little snort of alcohol. That last part added to the hilarity of Big Ted's final episode. You haven't lived until you've seen a huge, drunken computer guy get worked over by a little masseuse using both hands and her feet to break his spine.
So long, Ted. Make us proud of you on the jury.
Thank you to everyone who contributed to this article.
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