So Flo, you think the air is thick there? Let’s have you visit the rain forest next time, there you can actually cut the air with the knife.
Stupidity abounds in this week’s installment of the Amazing Race. People can’t breath thick air. They can’t add. They don’t know what to do once a safe’s combination is found. These are your 5 remaining teams. The best ones left. The fittest. The smartest. Undoubtedly the luckiest.
We will start, as always, with the particulars for this leg of the race:
Leave the Pit Stop.
Get to a nearby farm.
Find clue in haystack.
Take Friedrichshafen Ferry to Switzerland.
Take Train to Schaffhausen.
Go to The Rheinfall
Get to Zurich by train to the:
Detour Choose between counting a bowl full of Swiss money or running around town looking for specific numbers. Either way will give you the combination of a safe. In the safe is the next clue.
Ride train to Gindelwald for next rout marker.
Road Block Use a compound bow to shoot an apple of
Ian’s…Flo’sdummy’s head to get info on next Pit Stop.
Pit Stop The Chalet Arnika in Grindelwald
Flo and Zach 10:02pm
Having used the Fast Forward last week put this team a couple hours ahead of the others. Flo still finds it necessary to whine. They get to the farm, thanks to Zach. Flo doesn’t want to touch the hay. It’s nasty, it’s gross, it’s disgusting…. Flo, it’s hay. It was good enough for Jesus to sleep on, I think you can touch it!. They find the clue, thanks to Zach.
As soon as they arrive at the Ferry they realize this will be another equalizer as they have to wait hours for the Ferry to depart.
They get off the ferry and hop a train to the falls. FOUR TEAM ALERT… Flo and Zach wind up on a boat to the falls with 3 other teams. Many team members ask driver if it is OK to leave their bags on the boat while they go to get the clue. The driver says: “Yah, no problem, of course, definitely…” In case you don’t know, in Swiss that means “Not if you want them handy”. No teams realize this, and since Zach knows they won’t need the bags on the steps to the clue, they leave their bags on the boat.
Of course the boat leaves them on the island and with it, takes their bags, meaning that they have to wait for their boat to return in order to get back to the mainland.
They run for the train station and again we are faced with an equalizer.
On the train we are treated to another shot of Flo’s flirting with the enemy. She has told Ken that they can begin dating as soon as they return to the States. I can hear Zach’s sigh of relief.
Flo and Zach decide to “run the numbers” at the roadblock, and head off with Derek and Drew to find the numbers. One of the clues is to count the numbers on the Northern face of a clock. They have to actually find it, because who knows… it could be missing some numbers… it’s not.
I wish I was making this up…. Unfortunately, I’m not… Zach is adding aloud: “3+2+1=5”
Yep, they will be having trouble.
After re-adding the clock numbers…. Re-adding the marked trees, they finally open their safe and find that they have to catch another train.
This of course brings them to the Road Block… which of course is up to Zach to do. I think he could have preformed better over all on this race if he’d been partnered with sloth.
Zach is excited, as finally past experience will help him with a roadblock. He did after all take archery in summer camp. When he was 10. I’m sure that he pictured Flo’s head as the apple, as he kicked butt in this part of the race and was the first to finish, and he and Flo headed off to the Pit Stop.
They are running through the town looking for the chalet. Flo complains that she can’t run anymore prompting Zach to offer to take her bag. Flo complains that she can’t get over a 3 foot fence prompting Zach to calmly help her over. Flo complains that she can’t wipe her own…oops, that didn’t really happen… at least not on camera. Once they are headed down hill she offers to take her bag back. Ah… we’re in the mountains, down hill does not last long… Flo complains that the air is to THICK and she can’t breath… or carry her bag anymore. Once Zach has both bags again Flo can see the Pit Stop flag and decides she can not only start running, but complain to Zach that he should hurry up. He drops both bags and starts to run towards the Flag. They arrive……
Derek and Drew 12:44am
I must apologize in advance because they both wore jackets most of the leg, and I can not tell them apart at all. They are interchangeable throughout the paragraph. These two realize that things are getting down to the nitty gritty. They are off to find the haystack, and when they arrive at the farm they make short work of finding the clue. On their way to the ferry they happen to pass Teri and Ian, who innocently ask if they had found the haystack. The twins say no and drive away laughing. I’m honestly not sure why they couldn’t say “yep, we found it” and then have drive away… but they chose not too. Wanted to lie I guess. As I noted above the teams are equalized at the Ferry and Derek and Drew wind up on the same train as all the others, then on the first boat to falls.
FLASH BACK… THE FOLLOWING IS TAKEN FROM THE RECAP OF EPISODE 1: They didn’t have a hard time finding him necessarily ~ It was their cabbie. “But, Cali” you may ask “Do the teams have to keep the same cabbie?” To which my response would be “Only if they are moronic enough to leave all the possessions with him” . The cabbie finally came back, after being told by the pawn broker that there was no interest in the deodorant and clean underwear.
Yes, these two still decided it would be a good idea leave their bags in the boat as they went to get the clue…. When they realize that the boat has left one of them… we’ll say Drew says “we’re stupid”… Yes, guy’s out of all the players, you were the ones that should have known better.
At the detour they decide to run the numbers. Probably the better choice, but they decided to hook up with Flo and Zach to do it, and when you getting help from someone who adds 1+2+3 and gets 5 you know you’re not getting it on the first try. After going back out and re-adding a few numbers these two finally get the combination right. Drewek puts the numbers in and realizes it is the right combo. Unfortunately, he doesn’t know what to do next. Luckily Derew is there with him, and tells him to open the safe. Whew. Tragedy averted. Derek does the roadblock. I know I got the name right, as someone actually says it. His contacts are dry and he’s having a hard time lining up his shot. He is the fourth to finish shoot the apple off the dummy’s head, and off they run. No-one in town seems to know where the Chalet is and everyone just keeps pointing up the mountain. They finally get directions from a cop and head off in the right direction. They arrive……
John Vito and Jill 12:46 am
While they are making their way to the hay stack, they inform us that while the other teams think they are nice, they will do whatever they have to do to win this race. Ooohhh, JV breakin’ bad. Who’d’a thunk it? After they get the clue in the Haystack they happen to pass Teri and Ian, and tell them that they haven’t found it yet. I can almost see the little devil sitting on JV’s shoulder as he laughs about how rude he was in telling them that. Jill is also laughing, as she informs him that they are now going to hell.
I think they are safe from burning in the fire and brimstone, with the likes of Hitler.
After the ferry ride they are on the same train as every other team. They are, sadly, the only team to not get a taxi immediately after disembarking the train. They arrive at the falls in time to see all the other teams on the boat on the way to the next clue. They know it is the other teams, as Zach has thoughtfully worn a bright yellow rain coat. They spot him immediately. John Vito and Jill catch the next boat over. Of course boat number 1 leaves so that boat number 2 can come over. Jill realizes that they will only have a chance if she holds the boat at the dock while John Vito runs up the stairs to get the clue, she immediately clears it with Captain Stubbing and our little firecracker stands there on the boat, alone, facing every other team on the show. They all have something to say about it, but being the losers that they are they decide to only say it to the camera in a little “diary” moment. None of them make eye contact with her as she stares them down. I will admit she looked uncomfortable, but she was not going to move. John Vito finally came back down the stairs and made his way through the other teams to get on the boat with Jill. They watch… in slow motion even, as their boat pulls away leaving the others behind to complain to each other about their group stupidity. Being the huge, “nothing but equalizers today folks” show that it is, these two are on the same train as the rest of the teams. They decide to run the numbers and are the first team to correctly enter the combination and head off for the train station. Jill can run. I had to put that in there. She is just very good at it.
So, off they go. They haul it to the station. They haul it to train. They miss it by seconds. It was quite disheartening. They still make the first train with Ken and Gerard. That sounds more impressive than it really is, as the second train leaves seconds later.
John Vito decides to do the roadblock, but we learn that he can’t wink his left eye, so he needs to shoot the crossbow with his left hand. He has to try several times, ands he and Jill are the last to leave the roadblock area. Jill, of course has nothing but great words to say to John Vito, and lets him know that he did a great job. They run into the same problem that other teams are having, and can’t seem to find anyone who can tell them where they need to go. They finally find a cab and have him drive them as far as he can. They can see another team in the distance running towards the mat. The editors love it. We see feet, we see the mat, we see Phil, feet, mat, feet, Phil……. John Vito and Jill arrive………
Teri and Ian 12:53am
They leave the pit stop only after performing their regular ritual. Littering. I hate you.
They are feeling good, as they feel like the other teams may actually see them as a threat now. They have proven that they can hold their own with the younger teams. I agree.
They pass JV and Jill and Drew and Derek on their way and ask them if they had found the clue. They are told no by both teams. I actually have to side with Teri and Ian here. They were not asking for help. They were not asking directions. The teams could have said yes, and kept on driving. The really funny thing is that as soon as Teri walked up the haystack she saw a clue sticking out right at eye level. It wouldn’t have been easier for her to see it if it had jumped out and bitten her. She grabs it, and…… litters again. Off they go to the ferry, where they run into the fairy. They complain to Ken and Gerard about the way that the other teams treated them. Ken and Gerard really don’t know what to say. I’m sure they would have done the same thing. It becomes hard to empathize with them on that point.
The ferry brings them to Switzerland, and the yelling begins. Teri hurry, Teri come, Teri hump it… well that comes later, but WTF? Hump it? Yeah. They are seated near Ken and Gerard on the train, when Flo approaches them. She’s talking to Ken and Gerard but Ian decides he must put his 2 cents in. He tells her she’s lucky to have Zach as he’s the only one who would put up with her Bull $h!t. I find that ironic as I look at Teri and think the exact same thing. They decide to run the numbers and head off to count trees. Teri reads the clue “Count the number of trees marked with a red ribbon in this area” Ian asks what they are supposed to count. Teri re-reads the clue. Ian asks what they should count, Teri yells TREES. Ian asks Trees? Jeezy-peezy, I’m dizzy.
They miscount the trees and have to recount. I guess they screw up again, and at this point Ken and Gerard are opening there safe. Teri does actually ask them about one of the clues, but Ken and Gerard can’t help. They do apologize, but book it out of the vault and head to the station, leaving Teri and Ian there trying to figure out the last number.
After they open the safe they run to the train station where they once again wind up equalized.
They arrive at the roadblock and seeing that Ian is an ex cop, he decides to do this one. Teri says “relax”. Ian, being Ian, responds by shouting “DON’T TALK TO ME”. I would so take him up on that if he promised not to talk to me either. Teri missed an opportunity there.
Ian is the third to complete thee task. He is sure he took two turns. Teri says it took him three. I’m going with my gut here and believing Teri. I have no idea how far they have to run to get to the Pit Stop, but I know it’s pretty far, it’s up hill, it’s in the Swiss Alps…, which of course makes the air un-breathable as it is SO THICK. Still Ian refuses to wait for Teri who is actually running quite a bit better out here than Flo is. She is carrying her own pack and running hard. So hard that her pants are falling down. Ian tells her she’s not modest and to keep running.
Ian, honey, what does modesty have to do with trying to run while your pants are at your ankles? She demands that he help her pull them up. He does. He constantly complains that she needs to hurry. She needs to run faster. She needs to keep up. She needs to get out of his way. She needs to do every-damn thing. When they near the Pit Stop he actually turns and sweetly says: “Let’s do this together”. They arrive……
Ken and Gerard 2:42am
Ah, man… Ken starts off his day by doing a Teri impersonation and litters. I’m already disappointed in them.
They tell us that the teams better watch out, because “Oh Brother” is on their tails. We are treated to hearing Gerard laugh just like the wicked witch in the Wizard Of Oz. We are actually treated to this several times. I can’t help but laugh, even though it seems very out of place to me.
They are hopeful that they will be able to catch up with the other teams, because the other teams could be following the twins, who could easily be leading them to Italy right now. How quickly we turn eh boys?
I’ve honestly thought that these two would do better with out the twins anyway, so I am not at all heartbroken over the crumbling of the alliance.
Ken and Gerard finds the envelope in the Haystack, and realize that there is a good possibility that they will catch up with the other teams while waiting for the Ferry. They do. Once in Switzerland they wind up talking to Flo on the train. They tell her that Zachs back is hurting because he’s been carrying her the whole time. She smiles and acknowledges that he’s got it rough. There is now talk of Flo liking Derek. Thinking that Derek is Hot. Flo’s Hot Dereks Hot…. Blah blah… maybe they will instantaneously combust. They don’t.
When faced with the decision between running the numbers and standing still to count the money, these two decide to count. How hard can it be? They are about 1/3 of the way through the bowl of money when three teams arrive with what everyone assumes are the correct numbers. This prompts Ken and Gerard to ABORT MISSION. Ken compares it to a space shuttle mission. Abort, Abort!!!! Off they go to try to run the numbers. By the time they arrive back with the correct combo every other team, with the exception of Teri and Ian have already opened their safes and retrieved the clue. They open their safe in front of Teri and Ian, who ask for help. Ken and Gerard, of course refuse… laughing about even being asked (in a diary moment). They are proud of themselves for not giving up the info, so proud that they are laughing and talking about it while walking through the streets to get to the train. They are so caught up in how great they are that Gerard almost gets run over by a honking trolley/cable car thingy. Gerard is able to yank him out of the path of the speeding car with only a split second to spare… watch out Gerard or your alter ego may be discovered on national TV. Look, out in the street, it’s a man, it’s a bald man, it’s a gay bald man… no it’s SuperOhBrother!!!!
Ken decides he should do the roadblock, no doubt to help conceal Gerard’s true self. Ken is the second to finish the roadblock and the two head off to find the Pit Stop. They finally think to ask a business that might actually have the answer for directions to the Chalet. They stop in at a florist, and find out they are pretty close. For some reason they decide to make their very own short cut instead of following the directions the whole way. This puts them in a field with
bullsoops, it’s goats… they were so confused as to how to pass the goats, that I was sure it had to be something a little more, er… threatening.
They finally spot the flag and start running as fast as they can. They see they are in a true foot race to arrive on the mat. They arrive…..
Pit Stop at The Chalet Arnika in Grindelwald
1. Derek and Drew
2. Flo and Zach
3. Teri and Ian
4. Ken and Gerard
5. John Vito and Jill.
As John Vito and Jill stood on the mat to wait for the the words that would make everything OK, I do believe Jill was holding her breath. Phil let them off the hook and told them this was one of three pre-determined non elimination rounds. Jill almost passes out as she hears the good news. John Vito helps her down to one knee as he helps her regain her breath. They don’t like coming in last. They won’t let it happen again. They don’t actually say this, but I thought it sounded good, and I don’t want them to let it happen again!
* I made this number up. The highest point in Switzerland is 15,203 feet, so I just subtracted a little
To contact the author of this article please e-mail email@example.com
If you are a member and would like to comment on the article click HERE
If you are a guest, feel free to register, we’d love to read what you have to say.