Lost is back, and with it an exciting new season of Sawyer nicknames. The former con man kicked things off right, dropping a few gems in the first two hours of the season: "Dr. Wizard" for Faraday, "Ginger" for Charlotte, "Frogurt" for Neil and even "The Ghost of Christmas Future" for himself. As we eagerly await Ol' Scruffy's next instant classic, here's a look our favorites to date.
Explanation: This one gets a nod simply because of the sheer volume of its usage. Plus, this pet name is endearing, which we can't say for most of the others.
Honorable Mentions: "Sassafrass," "Shortcake"
For: Miles Straume
Explanation: Sawyer doesn't shy away from the easy references, and ethnicity is usually his first line of attack. Case in point: this reference to Mongolian ruler Genghis Khan. Sawyer's also referred to Miles as "Bruce Lee from the Freighter" and "Donger," a play off of Sixteen Candles' Long Duk Dong.
9. "Kenny Rogers"
For: Frank Lapidus, the Freighter Folk's chopper pilot
Explanation: A simple look-alike gag, but it had us rolling.
Honorable Mention: Shaggy
Explanation: Get it? His name is Jack, and Sawyer's calling him an ass. The clever devil.
Honorable Mentions: "Cool Hand", "Dr. Do-Right," "Dr. Giggles," "Amarillo Slim"
7. "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon"
For: Jin and Sun Kwon
Explanation: While again ethnically based, this nickname is also indicative of Sawyer's extensive knowledge of high and low culture. He frequently references Star Wars and classic literature. In this case, we think he was just hoping for subtitles to Jin and Sun's conversation.
Honorable Mentions: "Papa-San" (Jin); "Tokyo Rose" (Sun)
For: Ana Lucia
Explanation: Tough as nails, she was one of the few women on the island to match Sawyer's surliness. Her fearless, cavalier approach earned her the name.
Honorable Mentions: "Hot Lips," "Ana LuLu," "Cupcake"
For: Roger Linus's skeleton
Explanation: Okay, totally obvious. But Sawyer was drunk. On who-knows-how-old Dharma Initiative beer. Still, funny.
4. "Mr. Clean"
Explanation: We're big fans of this one, and wouldn't you know it, executive producer Damon Lindelof says it's his overall favorite. "It felt particularly witty, considering Sawyer had used up most of his 'bald' jokes at that point," Lindelof said. "He proved ever-resourceful."
Honorable Mentions: "Cue Ball," "Brutus," "Colonel Kurtz"
3. "Captain Bunny Killer"
Explanation: One of Sawyer's most literal nicknames: Only days earlier, Ben had "killed" a rabbit to scare Sawyer into submission.
Honorable Mentions: "Yoda," "Gizmo," "Bug-eyed Bastard"
2. "Stay Puft"
Explanation: Hugo has been on the receiving end of Sawyer's quick wit more than any other survivor, and once revoked Sawyer's nicknaming privileges by beating him at ping pong. Unfortunately for Hurley, Sawyer falls back on physical appearances even more often than ethnicity.
Honorable Mentions: "Three Men and a Baby" (with Charlie and Aaron, counting Hurley twice), "Deep Dish," "Jabba," "Snuffy," "Jumbotron," "International House of Pancakes"
1. "Captain Falafel"
Explanation: Just as Hurley is the main recipient of fat jokes, Sayid gets the most racist comments. The once-and-future assassin did torture Sawyer only a few days after they met, but still, not cool. Of course, Sayid seems to take a sticks-and-stones attitude to the whole thing.
Honorable Mentions: "Red Beret," "Al Jazeera," "Captain A-rab"
Explanation: Executive producer Carlton Cuse let us in on this Season 5 nickname. "He calls somebody 'Plato' this year, and that one I like a lot. Sawyer's exasperation with his circumstances is a fun part of the story." Let the theorizing begin below!
Double Bonus: "New Otherton" and "Caught in a Net"
Explanation: Who says Sawyer's knack for names only applies to people? He also came up with these monikers for the Others' barracks and sex, respectively. Well played, Hoss.