Originally Posted by caramelbeauty81
I don't understand why you would feel bad for Addison. She's the one that slept with her husband's best friend. She started all of this by doing that. Derek tried to forgive her, but there are somethings you just can't forgive. I don't agree with him staying married and trying to get with Meredith, but Addison started it all.
This sentiment illustrates what I think is the single most fabulous thing about this show -- there are no good guys, there are no bad guys. All the characters have their good and their bad, just like real life.
Originally Posted by combatcutie
I totally agree that Addison was wrong to have cheated on her husband. But at the same time, I can also feel sorry for her for putting so much effort into FIXING her marriage, with what appears to be not as much effort from her husband. When her character was first introduced, she told Derek that she was willing to give him a divorce if that is what he wanted, and she was ready to commit to making their marriage work if that's what he wanted. He chose to work to make their marriage work, and i think she's absolutely held up her end of the bargain in working towards that.
At the same time - I can feel great sympathy for Derek for going through the utter betrayal not just from his wife, but from his best friend too. That would be devestating to anyone. But while I'm sympathetic to him for that, I don't extend that sympathy to a free pass to do whatever he wants, because he was wronged once. He told Addison that he wanted to make their marriage work. Heck, he told Meredith that he was committed to making their marriage work. And yet, as you've said combatcuite - he refuses to forgive. You won't make a marriage work if you refuse to forgive. It's certanly his perrogative -- but then he made the wrong choice when he said he was committed to his marriage. Now, he's stringing Addison along, and he's stringing Meredith along. So while I feel sympathy for his past, I don't feel much sympathy for him AT ALL for his present. Quite honestly, I think it'd serve him right if Meredith were to choose the Vet, and Addison were to choose to be alone.
Ok, I know I’m going to get slammed by some of you, but I have to say this… I am so peeved at McDreamy’s entire attitude! For one thing, he had an AFFAIR with Meredith, and FAILED to tell her that he was MARRIED! Plus, for most of last season after his wife showed up, he gives Meredith this “Hey-sorry-I-screwed-you-but-she’s-my-wife-and-I-have-to-work-on-my-marriage-now” attitude.
It’s like, yea, Pal… you should have tried to work on your marriage before you got into bed with me!
Now, he has an apparent “epiphany” (basically because he’s jealous to see her happy with someone else, and if he can’t have her, he doesn’t want anyone ELSE to) and decides to tell her that he loves her! AND, he loves her and “she has a decision to make”…
Excuse me, she has a DECISION to make?? He’s still living with his WIFE!!
IMHO, McVet is twenty times hotter and sweeter than McDreamy, and I will be sorely disappointed if Meredith doesn’t tell McDreamy that he had his chance, and go play with a scalpel!
Whew!! There, I’ve said it!
Oh I agree Veruka. He isn't in the right either and I am in no way justifying what he is doing. He should have been up front and told her that he couldn't give his marriage 100% and that he was too hurt to do it. But, Addison is not an angel in this whole mess either
Didn't he admit to being very neglectful in his marriage, and that that's what led to his wife having the affair? So, what came first? The neglect or the affair? It's not unusual for neglect to lead to inappropriate behavior...on either side.
More of the show reflecting the realism of life - a marriage RARELY fails due to just one person. Neither one of them can be declared an angel for their actions in the marriage and more or less that each can be declared a villian due to their actions.
Originally Posted by prhoshay
Liz I have to diagree with you (didn't we do this discussion already?)
Derek thought his marriage was over. He moved all the way across the country to get away and start over. He probably had every intention of seeking a divorce but Addison showed up before he could do that, and being the guy that he is he gave his marriage another try. He failed. They failed.
Derek told Meredith SHE had a decision to make because his mind was already made up. He was looking for Addison to tell her that their marriage was over when he was quarrantined.
Addison isn't lily white in this whole thing either. She lived with Mark for months after Derek left, then she had a change of heart and went looking for Derek after the Chief called her. Addison is the one that had the affair, Derek fell in love - and sacrificed that to give his marriage an other shot. He failed because his heart just wasn't in it. He did it out of duty.
Derek really shouldn't have gotten busy with Meredith at the prom. He should have told Addison immediately that it was over - instead of leaving her to find Mere's panties in his tux pocket.
I feel sorry for Addison because she was really trying and her heart was in 'it' but in the end they had hurt each other beyond repair.
Duxxy, I realize it's a bit of a technicality, but this is the one point where I disagree with you. Part of Derek's duty was to put his heart into making his marriage work. I agree with you that his heart wasn't in it - but I put a lot of blame on him for that. Why wasn't Derek's heart in it? Because of Meredith. While I agree with you that I would not categorize his initial relationship with Meredith as an affair due to the state of his marriage at that time, once he'd committed to Addison to work to make their marriage work, I DO categorize his pining for and flirting with Meredith as an affair.
Originally Posted by Duxxy
Honestly, in some ways, I think I place more fault and blame on him for this than I do Addison for what she did. Mark knew what he was doing, so Addison was hurting one person when she entered into the affair. By strining Meredith along, and being arrogant enough to believe that he could want her to not be with anyone else even though she wasn't with him, Derek was hurting Meredith in addition to Addision through his actions. His actions didn't start as an affair with Meredith in my book. But they most certainly became an affair by the end of last season.
It's easy to say that his heart should have then been into making his marriage work... but that's really unrealistic to expect that to occur once you acknowledge that he had already fallen in love with Meredith. How do you just shut off your heart because in your mind you know you should try to make your marriage work???
And here's where I see Derek's vulnerability. I don't think he was acting out of arrogance to expect Meredith to not be with anyone else... I think he was acting irrationally out of love. He loved her. Sure, it wasn't nice nor fair of him to expect her to not date anyone else... but the simple (or not so simple, actually) fact was that he wanted her with him.
Originally Posted by Veruka
But I agree that it became an "affair" by the end of last season, because his feelings were shrouded in secrecy.
It's not easy - no question about it. But if he can't do it, then he should have been honest with Addison earlier, and told her "I tried, but I can't".
Originally Posted by Broadway
But let's be honest - if this were real life, and not a show, the best way for Derek and Addison to make it work would have been for both of them to leave Seattle Grace so that Derek's temptation wasn't right there facing both of them day in and day out. But if they'd done that, it wouldn't make for compelling TV.
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