The week after Colin Farell Scissor Sisters, it's Robert DeNiro and DESTINY'S CHILD!
The week after Colin Farell Scissor Sisters, it's Robert DeNiro and DESTINY'S CHILD!
Episode VII: Colin Farrell and Scissor Sisters
Opening Words: Farrell’s movie’s a flop….it’s one of those things where it would’ve been a big show had people seen it, but no…
Ratings: A=9 B=7 C=5 D=3 F=1
Cold Opening: Rumsfeld talks to the troops
Rumsfeld answers a few questions. The troops talk about how they’re underarmed, understaffed and underclothed. There isn’t much to this. Rachael talks about how she’s Canadian and Rob just wants some armor, which is packed away. This kind of went on a little long. Other than that, it was ok.
Hammond gets the live from NY
Actors: Parnell, Hammond, Rob, Finesse, Will, Keenan, Rachael
Best Line: Finesse: Sir, we still don’t have any pants
Colin…tries to…I’m not sure whether he flubbed and re-did it or it was meant that way. The guys come on and tell him that they strike out with the ladies. Colin gives them pointers. Lindsay Lohan has a little cameo. I’m not sure if Colin fought through that or was just plain disinterested…some of the lines he really didn’t want to say. I don’t know.
Actors: Finesse, Horatio, Seth, Fred
Best Line: My personal smell is cigarette and whiskey
Commercial: Turlington’s Lower back tattoo removal
A commercial from last year…somewhat funny, but so true.
Actors: Amy, Maya
Horatio, following Fred and the bird a few weeks ago, plays an oversized roach, and the whole time Colin tries to kill him, and ended with Benny Hill music? The crowd wasn’t really buying this one, and that did make it suffer, but I can’t blame them
Actors: Amy, Horatio
Best Line: He has my cearal!
Show Biz Grande Explosion
I never liked this sketch and I get the feeling I won’t. Outside of Horatio, this is beyond painful….Colin plays Bono from U2. Outside a point for Horatio’s quick little line, I can see it dying. There are a lot of fans of this character, but the crowd wasn’t buying it, the interaction was choppy. Ok, a point for Colin’s Bono
Actors: Horatio, Fred
Best Line: Horatio: are you a California Rasin
Next week: Robert De Niro and Destiny’s Child
Colin and his family tries to get through security and has an awkward time with the security screener who proceeds to feel him up. The crowd, again, is completely dead. Maybe it’s the writing, maybe who knows. This is just a slow and painful death in the waiting
Actors: Rachael, Fred Amy, Finesse, Rob
Performance 1: Scissor Sisters
It’s obvious this show was booked based on the strength of the host, not the musical guest.
Tina makes a good Giambi joke and follows it up with a *shrug* I don’t watch baseball, I don’t know. See, this sums up the whole WU experiment thusfar. She makes a good joke and ruins it, but is proud in her bad ones.
Brett Hull comes on for a little cameo who has a little interview by Amy, and comes up with the line of the year thusfar. When asked about gay marriage in Canada – “Well that’s what happens in Canada when there’s no Hockey.” Now that’s funny.
And bringing the show to a screeching halt, Lindsay Lohan…which is some sort of intervention with Tina and Amy. This was just long and painful.
Colin Farrell comes out and talks about Alexander, who tries to explain that Alexander wasn’t gay….
Need another example? When Amy goes “fitty cent, is something that funny? Maybe I should just stop the joke there?” Yes Amy, you should’ve.
Two points for Brett Hull.
Actors: Fey, Amy
Best Line: Brett Hull: Well that’s what happens in Canada when there’s no Hockey
A group of internet swingers…in what seems to be the style of Romper room where they keep repeating the same things with close-ups, and Horatio keeps forgetting the names and safe words. I’m not sure if this was really funny or just one joke that was really painfully long. I’ll go with funny.
Actors: Amy, Seth, Maya, Fred, Horatio, Rachael, Will, Tina, Chris
Colin tires to interview a window washer from outside. The equipment keeps breaking and they don’t notice the peril that they’re in outside until the end…Seemed more of a throwaway 12:55 sketch….nothing special.
Actors: Maya, Will, Keenan
Pat and Patty’s Slacks, Snacks, and Knick Knack Shack.
By the title, you notice the trend here .This reeks of a Slovin and Allen sketch…and it seems like a sketch they did last year…I got to give it them. They actually got all the lines out…but it wasn’t that funny. But good acting.
Actors: Horatio, Maya
Best Line: What are you, jacked up on crack?
Performance Two: Scissor Sisters
Merv the Perv
Merv goes to a Christmas party. They had it once last year and he made it back…Colin’s Steve the Skeev. They don’t like Merv, but like Steve…and that’s about it.
Actors: Rachael, Amy, Maya, Seth,
Best Line: --
Overall Thoughts: Crowd was dead. Sketches weren’t that good. Nothing you can do about that .
Overall Rating 44/100 (4.4)
Felt Like: 3.5 I’m sorry, I thought they were just bad sketches.
No awards because no one stood out. No one should say they were better than this steamer of an episode.
Maybe next week will be better.
Psi, you summed it up nicely. I totally agree with you. I actually only saw from Swingers on, but was totally bored and unimpressed. And who in the hell is Scissor Sisters? Completely painful.
The Scissor sisters are a group from NY who are huge among the gay community, and Europe.
they were actually supposed to be on the 2nd episode with Queen Latifah, but got pushed back....
Thanks for the recap, psi! I actually read your recap first, then watched the episode in almost full fast forward. I was able to watch an hour and a half show in less than 20 minutes!!
The swingers skit--I would go with funny too, but only marginally. Horatio was pretty funny, and I liked everyone's little quirks.
Damn that Brett Hull can read lines, can't he!
"You don't own a TV?!? What's all your furniture pointed at?" Joey Tribianni
It's not who you are underneath, but what you do that defines you.
I'm surprised that Colin hasn't gotten any flack for saying sh*t on TV, i thought there would have been at least a little controversy over it, but i guess not. Everyone probably expected it from him i'm assuming.
LOVE your recaps, PSi!! Very fun watching the show and then coming here to see if anyone else agrees with how I felt about the show, and I'd have to say you nail it every time. Okay, maybe you rated this episode higher than I might have (only because I just didn't get the swingers sketch at all) but all your observations were definitely valid.
Colin just did not seem interested in being on the show, I felt, and thus seemed every sketch he was in suffered for it. Kinda funny how the audience seemed more animated whenever Lindsay showed up on stage, then went back to sleep once she left. Not that her cameos were all that entertaining or funny anyway. Must've been the cleavage, heh.
The Brett Hull line about gay marriage in Canada when there's no hockey was definitely the best, but I find the line earlier in the show mildly amusing about the U2 song Vertigo not making sense starting out with uno, dos, tres, catorce (1, 2, 3, 14....) although that sketch in whole is always so predictable.
Episode IX: Topher Grace and The Killers
Opening Thoughts: Nothing like a good month off to kill any sort of momentum you have going for you. What the show needs to do is put together a solid string of shows in time for February sweeps. Ok, fine, one sold show and I’ll be content. This was supposed to be Jennifer Garner, but she had to back out for some reason. I think part flu and part promotional schedule. Eh, we’ll see how it goes.
Cold Opening: Bush Speaks with Clinton and George Sr.
Fred gets the call playing George Sr, ouch. That’s the main thing I take from this sketch. They shouldn’t have even bothered with him. He looks and sounds nothing like him…let’s just call this Mad TV. George W talks about the natural disasters and the US aid packages. Usual Bush stuff, so no need to bring that up. Clinton plays the serious “building bridges” character. Other than that, nothing special from this sketch, they can use the dumb Bush character and run it and run it until it’s no longer funny…oh wait, I think they’re past that point.
A half a point off for Fred as Bush Sr…there was really no need for him.
Actors: Parnell, Maya, Fred, Hammond, Amy, Seth, Rachael, Finesse
Best Line: Forte: …called the War against Weather.
Topher takes questions from the audience, or writers… they talk about Garner not hosting, his name, and the Jets.
And there’s the return of the married couple (as featured in the Kelly Ripa episode) The only part of this thing was the woman behind JB…she had the…stupidest hairstyle. It looks like, well use your imagination. The whole time he thought he was being Punk’d, a comment the audience could care less about.
Best Line: I read on the internet that Ben Affleck gave her syphilis
Rob Riggle gets his shot in the opening sketch. The truckers talk about Brad and Jen breaking up. This was perhaps the strangest concept for a sketch I have seen in a good long time. I’m not sure if this was good or not. All it was was four truckers talking about the breakup. Very odd indeed.
Actors: Riggle, Parnell, Hammond, Fred
Best Line: Parnell: This is a quandry
Next Week: Paul Giamatti ft Ludacris and Sum 41.
Now that’s a strange pairing .
Paramedic Break room:
Keenan and Finesse can’t work because it’s MLK day. Horatio tries to be black, but can’t.. The two finally work when plus sized models fell off a catwalk. It was simple, more of a 12:55 sketch, but I’ll take what I can get.
Actors: Seth, Keenan, Finesse, Amy, Horatio, Fred, Riggle
CBS Evening Fraudulent Document Update
Dan Rather says his written apology was either insincere or fraudulent. Hammond inserts a second Ukraine reference…Basically everything he has done is fraudulent, from his apology to his press bio to his bikini inspector card. Very so-so. It tried to be funny, but after the second or third thing, we all saw where it was heading…
Will’s character is named “Thew.” Seth and Will get two normal women and “tyler,” gets grandma who wants to play ‘hide the toboggan in the snow patch.’ Rachael’s forte is playing old women. That’s her niche.
The saving part comes when the song switches before Rachael changes the tape. The sketch was pretty flat. Well written, but not so funny.
Actors: Seth, Will, Amy, Maya, Rachael
Musical Performance 1: The Killers
Somebody told him that someone had a boyfriend that looked like a girlfriend he had in February of last year. I’m sorry, but lead singers who play the keyboard aren’t very charismatic. But they do sound the same live as they do on their LP.
And we reach the point where I just want to fast forward 10 minutes past the presumed unmitigated pain. This little experiment they have put together is a complete failure. And I’m not the only one saying it. They’re just not funny together. They then show …some party footage that’s supposed to be of ‘prince nazi.’ That killed the crowd.
Maya and Keenan comes out as Clair and Cliff Huxtible. Keenan has this character down. There was nothing special to this, they just talk about their family, but it was funny. I’m giving points to Keenan. 5 extra points….too bad that stupid Party footage took it all way. This bringing us back to our original 5.
Actors: Fey, Amy, Maya, Keenan
Best Line: Amy: This week was officially condemned by an older single man wearing a cape.
Art Dealer Meeting:
A website director visits an art dealer and his wife. We have a minute long joke about how one’s “nune” and one’s “nuni.” Sight gags of sitting on strange chairs, inability for the germans to say “Pam,” …see where I’m going with this? Unwatchable. That’s what I thought too.
Actors: Rachael, Fred, Maya, Fred
Finally, something to save this sinking ship of a show. A little late for the hardball action, but it’s better than nothing. They talk about 2005: The worst year ever? Howard Dean talks about his candidacy for the Democratic Party. “Journalist” Armstrong Williams talks about him being biased, and hocking products. Zell Miller returns to talk about the Tsunami. Now how come this wasn’t on earlier, much much earlier?
Actors: Hammond, Riggle, Keenan, Forte
Best Line: Keenan: I have standards…like Always panty liners…
The Not Incredible Adventures of the Down and Out Dollar:
A social commentary on the crappy value of the dollar. The Dollar talks how sad it is, and in comes the Euro the Pound, Peso, and Yen to say how high their values are. Quick flashback of the Dollar bullying the other currencies, return to sad dollar. Not funny in the least, but 100% true.
Actors: Amy, Seth, Horatio, Maya, Rob
Musical Performance Two: The Killers
…I swear, he has the charisma of a lounge singer.
12:55 throwaway sketch: none.
Overall Thoughts: Well, mostly forgettable. That’s about it.
Overall Rating: 54/100 5.4 … a little generous by my standards, I guess I gave out a lot of pity points. High by my standards, so therefore consensus is probably the best of the year thusfar. They just have to get the funny out, the writing seems to be there, they just can’t get over the hump.
LVP: Tina. . . I can only assume she gave the go-ahead on that stupid party footage.
I thought this was a funny one, especially the Bushes/Clinton press conference.
"Totalitarianism demands, in fact, the continuous alteration of the past, and in the long run probably demands a disbelief in the very existence of objective truth." — George Orwell
Episode X: Paul Giamatti and Ludacris ft Sum 41
Opening Words: Is it me, or does this seem like a completely thrown together show? I mean we have a host who’s been a career supporting actor that finally gets one under-the-radar hit, and we have two musical acts performing one song…granted it’s good for Paul, but it’s not a real big name on the SNL front. ..eh, I guess you have to take what you can get.
Ratings: 9=A 7=B 5=C 3=D 1=F
Cold Opening: Bush Twins
Wow, Tina gets probably her biggest non-WU speaking role in her career. Hell, this is the most she spoke if you put all her lines together. The drunk twins talk about whether or not father George is a good president. They talk in their “secret twins talk” which at first was bamusing but after a while became baboring and balame. George can’t figure out what they’re saying, but Dick Cheney can. Again, like we’ve seen, more of a social piece. The closest thing to a laugh came when they were trying to do their twin speak, but kept messing up. Other than that, very forgettable.
Tina and Amy get the Live from SNL
Actors: Amy, Tina, Will, Hammond
Paul talks about the Blizzard and how it’s amazing to have an audience and his Golden Globe experience. He doesn’t really say anything, but he *is* very excited to be here. It was as if the writers told him “eh, we got nothing, just go out there and talk for two minutes about something. We don’t care”
Sketch 1: Rice confirmation hearing
A panel of 4 ask Ms. Rice about discrepancies with her previous statements. Amy’s character lambastes her, which at first was funny, then strangely became a Carrot Top routine. It was pretty funny.
Actors: Maya, Seth, Rob, Amy
Didn’t they have this last year?
Actors:Fred, Chris, Finesse
Sketch 2: Golden Globe Awards limo ride home
How many times do we have this concept? Driver who speaks his mind and is often wrong and doesn’t care…Paul plays himself, but the driver thinks he’s the guy in Deuce Bigelow – Rob Shnidley. Nothing new, nothing special.
Actors: Finesse, Rachael
Next Live Show: Feb 5: Paris Hilton and Keane …..i bet everyone will turn in for the musical act, right ?
Sketch 3: Rick Rick Rick Rick
Rick takes a little trip with Caitlin to the music store to go get an instrument. It’s a bad sign when the crowd cheers before the sketch starts…so it might have legs underneath it. Needless to say, my disdain for this character is well-known. She wants the drums, Rick says no. Not only does she look creepily old in this sketch, but she’s even more annoying then usual.
Actors: Horatio, Amy
Performance: Ludacris and Sum 41
I guess in the wake of the Jay-Z – Linkin Park fusion, SNL had to put two together. But with a hook of “I came, I saw, I hit him right there in the jaw” you can’t go wrong with that. Either way, I liked it.
And now we watch the show come to a screeching halt with this…yeah. I don’t think it’s gotten any better since the first episode. We’re off to a good start as they roll the opening late. We start off not with a joke but with Rachael outside in the blizzard who wants to come back in. Regular jokes of Bush, Paula Zahn, and the Olsen Twins.
Arnold comes on to talk about himself and the city of LA and the state of California and the this and the that. When did he become the German version of Bill Cosby?
A couple more jokes with a strange Paris Hilton one that made no sense. Back to Rachael who’s still freezing.
More jokes, then back to Rachael, who’s just a microphone and hat in a mound of snow. Meh.
Actors: Tina, Amy, Rachael, Hammond
Best Line: Dr. James Dobson….claimed in a speech Tuesday that the character Spongebob Squarepants is gay and is being used in a pro-homosexual to brainwash kids. And he continues to give that carpetmuncher Dora the Explorer free ride.
Sketch 4: Lundord Twins variety hour
TV Land’s Variety Vault: Variety shows that never aired. Um…where do I start on this? It looked like a variety show, it wasn’t supposed to be good, which it wasn’t…the only thing I have to say is that Granny Crabtree sounds strikingly similar to Caitlin (as seen in RICK RICK RICK RICK)
Actors: Fred, Amy, Maya, Will, Chris, Will, Rachael, Tina, Kennan
Sketch 5: Financial Advisor
Rachael wants to buy stocks, Paul tries to explain everything and Will’s the loud secretary in the background, who keeps screaming “OH NO” into the phone. Very simple concept. Wasn’t much to it.
Actors: Amy, Rachael, Will
Performance 2: Ludacris sans Sum 41
Number 1 Spot. Anyone who can use the theme to Austin Powers and fit Dora the Explorer in his rap should get *clears throat* mad props.
Sketch 6: Spy Glass
Amy gets double duty on the WU front. How many puns can we throw into one sentence. This has basically regressed to Seth trying to add just one more pun and Amy’s sleeping with groups of people. Still a sold sketch.
Sketch 7: Franklin the Cat
Yes, the big stupid parrot or big stupid cockroach wasn’t enough. Now Fred plays an oversized cat. What the hell is wrong with these writers? No comment.
Actors: Fred Rachael
Goodnights: We get about ¾ of the way though this time.
Overall Thoughts: By far, Paul Giamatti is the best host they’ve had. He really put effort into it and it shows…from a professional standpoint. As for humor, he was alright. Nothing special The show wasn’t too bad. They did a good job.
LVP: Amy. You don’t use a grandma character and a kid character and use the exact same voice.
Overall Rating: 5.1
Felt Like: 6
This is what happens when a host wants to be there and wants the show to do well. You can see it. And the next show will be the talented actress Paris Hilton….perhaps the definition of ‘opposite ends of the spectrum’
Thanks for Reading.