Saturday Night Live

[PSi]

Here is how the Comedy Central rundown went.


50. 86 Chevy Chase, Steve Martin, Martin Short / Randy Newman
49. 87 Robin Williams / James Taylor
48. 95 Teri Hatcher / Dave Matthews Band
47. 91 Jeff Daniels / Color Me Badd
46. 92 Harvey Keitel / Madonna
45. 94 David Hyde Pierce / Live
44. 99 Jennifer Aniston / Sting
43. 00 Mena Suvari / Lenny Kravitz
42. 93 Shannen Doherty / Cypress Hill
41. 96 Phil Hartman / Bush
40. 88 Tom Hanks / Keith Richards
39. 00 Calista Flockhart / Ricky Martin
38. 94 George Clooney / The Cranberries
37. 97 Matthew Broderick / Natalie Merchant, Tenacious D
36. 96 Robert Downy Jr. / Fiona Apple
35. 97 Jon Lovitz / Jane's Addiction
34. 96 Rob Lowe / Spice Girls
33. 97 Brendan Fraser / Bjork
32. 99 Britney Spears
31. 97 Chris Farley/ The Mighty Mighty Bosstones
30. 82 Eddie Murphy / Lionel Ritchie
29. 80 Bill Murray / Delbert McClinton
28. 97 Sylvester Stallone / Jamiroquai
27. 98 David Spade / Eagle-Eye Cherry
26. 90 Susan Lucci / Hothouse Flowers
25. 99 Ben Affleck / Fiona Apple
24. 99 Jerry Seinfeld / David Bowie
23. 97 Rudolph Giuliani / Sarah McLachlan
22. 99 Tobey Maguire / Sisqo
21. 00 Sean Hayes / Shaggy
20. 93 Heather Locklear / Janet Jackson
19. 94 Steve Martin / Eric Clapton
18. 97 Samuel L. Jackson / Ben Folds Five
17. 00 Jennifer Lopez
16. 00 Kate Hudson / Radiohead
15. 98 Sarah Michelle Gellar / Backstreet Boys
14. 96 John Goodman / Jewel
13. 97 Garth Brooks
12. 90 Tom Hanks / Edie Brickell & New Bohemians
11. 97 Matthew Perry / Oasis
10. 92 Alec Baldwin / Paul McCartney
9. 97 Steve Buscemi / Third Eye Blind
8. 96 Pamela Lee / Rollins Band
7. 99 The Rock / AC/DC
6. 98 Ben Stiller / Alanis Morissette
5. 96 Kevin Spacey / Beck
4. 98 Cameron Diaz / The Smashing Pumpkins
3. 97 David Duchovny / Puff Daddy & Jimmy Page
2. 99 Christopher Walken / Christina Aguilera
1. 95 Jim Carrey / Soundgarden

[karna68]

I don't know what was so special about the Jim Carrey episode.

[PSi]

Episode IX: Jennifer Aniston and Black Eyed Peas.

<B> Opening Words </B>

Happy new Year everyone. Um…I have very little expectations for this episode. After watching Comedy Central’s “let’s let the 16 year olds pick the top episodes list,” nevertheless. Top 50…then I come back to this year’s crapola. Freaking great.
And I think I know the problem. A lack of original characters. Back in the late 90’s there was the ladies man, the cheerleaders, the clubbers…ok, most will Ferrell stuff were original characters, but when he left, so did all the originality. We need something new. I don’t watch the show to see the host, and forget the musical guess. I want to see…what they haven’t done yet. There’s been one wake up Wakefield, one time traveler, one falconer, two donatellas, back in the day they used to be every week, now it’s every month. No wonder they’re spiraling downwards. Just wait until Fallon, Darryl and I assume Horatio leave. What characters do we have left? Oi.

<B> Beforehand </B>
Never try to help people. I was on IRC, when some random Czech guy PMed me, so I had to find a translator (which there wasn’t really one), I explain to him that he has made a mistake. Then I wanted to ask him a question…then he disappears. What did we learn? Don’t help people; it’s not worth it. It annoys me. Oh well, hopefully this show can save the day.

<B> Cold Opening </B> Donald Trump
Why not just give every opening sketch to Hammond? He’s done all but one (kobe) I think. Its safe to assume that this is the only time he’s on this episode and every other one. Maybe a token cameo here or there, but nothing major. I never thought I’d say it, but he should have left last year. Trump hocks his new show, the apprentice, only as trump can do it. Fallon comes in as Zucker and…doesn’t really add much. Wasn’t painful, wasn’t anything great either.

Actors: Hammond, Fallon
Best Line: Hammond: Fear Factor, I wouldn’t touch it. It’s the classiest show on the network
Length: 4.30
Rating: 5


<B> Monologue </B>

Jennifer’s out again for the second time with…why is she scratching her head all the time? Lice becoming that big of a problem? I doubt anyone’s really noticing because her headlights are on, big time. “so excited to be here for the second time.” Yeah, can’t argue with you there Quick intro then to a friends clip, which is one of the ‘alternate endings.’ I can’t stand the show, but the cast did get the mannerisms down. Horatio playing Joey was also good for a laugh. Not a fan of the sketch in general with joey killing himself at the end, but points for the mannerisms. I think her pants are falling down too. Perhaps she shops at the same store as pink does.

Actors: Maya, Amy, Seth, Fallon, Horatio
Best Line: Seth as Chandler: Can I be any more excited?
Length: 3.45
Rating: 7

And again no fake commercial, only real ones…

<B>red carpet paparazzi</B>

Jennifer plays a paparazzi, harassing the stars. This is almost painful. They ramble on and complain about the people they photograph. Sure this may more of a social commentary or something, but it’s not funny. They had a month off and this is the best they can do? This is something that should be on at the 12.30 hour, not right off the bat. The crowd was even having a hard time buying this one.

Actors: Amy, Fallon
Best Line: Oh that’s not Kirstie Alley, that’s Steven Segal
Length: 4.30
Rating: 3

Next week Nick Lachey Jessica Simpson and G-Unit. It’s guests like these that make me glad I chose to sit down and watch these episodes in their entirety twice…

<B> Brittany’s Vegas wedding</B>

a chronology into Brittany’s wedding. Crowd wasn’t buying this one either. I don’t even need to start on this one.

Actors: Fallon, Dratch
Best Line: none
Length: 3.30
Rating:3

<B> Commercial 1 </B> Gaystrogen

Again…….That’s three times this year. It wasn’t funny then, it’s not funny now. However it does boost up the stats for these guys in ‘sketch appearances’

Actors: Armison, Parnell, Finesse,
Best Line: none…
Length: 1.10
Rating: 4

<B> Democrats</b>

Is Jimmy going to be in every sketch? It’s a shame that bush makes a completely bonehead statement like ‘I want to put a man on mars,’ something that, any other election would make people think ‘ok…whackjob. See you later,’ but I don’t see a chance for these bums. I give points for the accuracy. They have no chance in hell

Actors: Seth, Amy, Hammond, Parnell, Kenan, Forte, Fallon
Best Line: Kenan: I’m like a real life Chris Rock movie
Length: 2.45
Rating:6

<b> Performance 1 </b>

remember when Black Eyed Peas were good and they didn’t decide to sellout? Remember that…oh what was the name of the video where they rapped backwards. Not editing or anything, they really did the whole thing backwards. That was talent. Remember when they used to breakdance at their shows? What happened to that? This is pop-rap. . . and when did they get a white girl? They don’t look like they’re having a good time either.

<B> Weekend Update </B>

Hopefully this can save the crapfest known as tonight’s episode. Hopefully Tina won’t laugh at her stupid jokes. Too much wishing? I think so. Jimmy comes out with great jokes, and we get tina laughing. Great contrast. Jimmy, however, in the first part, can’t miss with his jokes. Richards comes out and talks about holding his baby while feeding his croc, but is holding a chicken in a diaper instead. Tina likes her juggs comment. Ugh. So much for that. Finesse comes out playing OJ. Nothing against him, but it’s unfortunate when I remember watching two weeks ago the top 50, and Tim Meadows doing OJ. No comparison…I guess that sums up this season right here. Amison and Blake come out as part of the alleged murders triad. I don’t know what was with Tina’s maniacal laughter after her Jackson loves boys jokes…oi.
Al Franken? What’s he doing on here? A strange pleasant surprise but didn’t really go anywhere. Kinda ruined it, the big strong beginning gives way to tina’s STUPID laughter and Al’s pointless, way too long, recycled bit, point off for that. That armison bit went on for like four mintues. Totally killed all the momentum.

Actors: Fallon, Fey, Richards, Finesse, Armison, Hammond
Best Line: Jimmy’s Bush joke
Length: 9.10
Rating: 6

<B> Osama </B>

They haven’t had an Osama sketch in a long time…Saddam calls him from Prison. Haven’t seen Horatio as Saddam in a while. Oh great. Fallon and Horatio in a scene together. Oh great. They go breaking character. *bangs head against wall* That digressed fast. Oh no. Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Suprisingly, they did manage to get it back together for the end. Actually making it though a sketch should get a point or two…oh wait, they break character a dozen other times. It seemed more improvised than anything, but it was funny, but the point that killed it was when they said they were looking at the monitors. Again, stuff that only seems funny to them. So a couple points off for that, but it was really funny for once, as opposed to them just breaking character and it being really painful

Actors: Fallon, Armison, Horatio
Best Line: Although I don’t have a have a picture phone, but I can picture you as ron Jeremy in an orange jump phone
Length: 7.45
Rating: 6

<B> Country Roses </B>

Country compilation…funny. As funny as dental surgery. A random country comp where the lyrics get more random and random by the song. A point for mentioning corn. That’s it. It really deserves a one, but a pity point here or there can’t hurt.

Actors: Amy, Dratch, Maya
Best Line: Amy: Sweet Sweet memories of boilin’ corn
Length: 2.40
Rating: 2

<B> Coco & Matsui </B>

Here’s an original character. I hope it works. Knowing how this episode goes, probably not. Jennifer goes on a Japanese show, and they try to speak English and just sound slow and retarded. Some awkward silence in the sketch makes me realize that I did hope for too much with this sketch. Jennifer proceeds to interview herself. She reminded me a little bit of Cheri O’Teri there. Hmmm…
Nevertheless, I don’t expect to see this segment back anytime soon.

Actors: Maya, Armison
Best Line: --
Length: 5.30
Rating: 3

<B> Performance Two </B>

its funny they tell the white girl..what’s her name, fergie (or something close to that) to shake it…and she doesn’t really have anything to shake. This reminds me of something that Outkast would do. There’s the breakdancing. At least they looked like they were having fun there. But very strange.

Now we’re into the garbage time…and if the first half was pure crap, this must be …torture.

<B> Appalachian Emergency Room </B>
Lets make fun of rednecks. Whoopy. Ok, Jimmy in another sketch. Christ. Let’s get some variety. How about some Will Forte. What ever happened to that guy? Must I start my rants again to get him back on the air? We get it. Rednecks are dumb and do stupid things. Ugh. I’m looking for a way to give this the standard bad=3, but I can’t even do that much.

Actors: Seth, Hammond, Amy, Parnell, Fallon, Horatio
Best Line: --
Length: 4.00
Rating:2

<B> Sex Line </B>

Finally Will Forte gets his 30 second cameo. Jennifer plays an inept sex-talk operator. Last sketch of the night, I expect little. I got even less. However I did like the ending where she finds the right caller in Kenan. A point for that.

Actors: Maya, Amy, Will, Parnell, Armison, Kenan
Best Line: are you my wiener man?
Length:
Rating:4

Credits come and are cut off in ten seconds for an average joe 2 commercial. Blah.

<B>Overall</B>
This was a horrible horrible episode. Words cannot describe how bad it was. I was going to say worst of the decade, but upon the second viewing, I did find the osama sketch to be funny and..i don’t know, bumped up a sketch or two up a point or two, but it was just painfully bad. It wasn’t Jennifer’s fault. Whoever thought that the paparazzi, hick hospital, happy fun japanesse everyone crap…er..clap hour was funny should be shot.

<B> Overall Rating: 51/120 (.425)</B>
Felt Like: 3.5

Performer of the Night: Fallon. He was in a lot of sketches, so I guess he should get rewarded.
Worst of the Night: Can I pick the writers again? I don’t know. Maybe Finesse only because Tim Meadows did a better OJ.

Appearance in sketches (this week/season total)

Fallon 8/32
Amy 6/36
Armison 5/25
Maya 4/38
Parnell 4/31
Hammond 4/18
Seth 3/21
Dratch 2/28
Horatio 2/27
Kenan 2/21
Finesse 2/16
Will 2/18
Richards 1/18
Fey 1/16



Final Words: Happy New Year. Things can only get better from here, right?
blaho noc každý! (good night!)
PSi.

[football_chick]

Thanks for the recap...glad I fell asleep. Obviously I didn't miss much.

[PSi]

Episode X: Nick and Jessica and G-G-G-unit.


<B> Open Words </B>

Is it even worth saving the season? I mean come on, every episode seems to get worse and worse and worse. Its almost getting to the point where I don’t even know how they can fill half of the hour reruns that will be on next season. I figure if there’s at least one decent sketch, it’s not a total loss. Last week was just a travesty and the worst of the season (to date), and the one before that was so painfully average, not one thing stands out from that episode. So why not spend the 2nd half of the season creating new characters, developing the younger guys, getting tina and jimmy out of the WU booth. I mean how many ‘oh we laugh at our jokes because we’re ubercool’ can a person take? Damn You Tina Fey and your 4 year contract.

<B> Beforehand </B>
It is freaking cold. No me gusta. I should not have to walk my dog when it’s –20 wind chill out. But whatever.

<B> Cold Opening </B> Howard Dean for President

Howard Dean the political thug. Oooh, good to see the crowd is awfully silent for this one. I don’t need to elaborate any more.
It is funny how they tired to bleep out “fork yourself” but missed on two separate occasions. Makes you kinda glad they didn’t swear there

Actors: Richards, Parnell
Best Line: I did not threaten his life, I just said I’d put a bullet through his head
Length: 3.35
Rating: 3


<B> Monologue </B> Lachey Family Fun Time Happy Hour

I’m amazed that these two half-talents managed to salvage their careers through reality TV. Nick’s lines are waaay too forced. Nick’s mike isn’t working, but he’s a trooper and keeps on going. I give a point for that. Also, singing Creedence is worth a point in itself. I know the whole ‘variety show’ thing will be lost on a lot of people, but I get it. And they captured it as best as they did, but the Fred/Kenan bit was a little too out of place, even for a variety show. Nick is trying to hard…and that is why he not an actor.

Actors: Amy, Dratch, Fred, Kenan, Parnell, Fallon, Horatio, Seth, Maya
Best Line: Jessica: Stick around we’ll be right back applause
Length: 3.40
Rating: 7



<B> commercial </B> Tylenol Extreme

People getting kicked in the balls is always funny…as long as it isn’t you.

Actors: Seth, Horatio, Fred, Richards, Kenan, Finesse, Parnelll,
Best Line: --
Length: .55
Rating: 9

<B> Zoo 105 </B>

I thought this was dead and buried after Roddick’s shoddy performance, but I’m wrong. Sounds a lot like Pat O’Brien. Nothing different from this one, Fallon berates Nick with different voices and Jessica plays the complete idiot who buys into it. At first I thought this would get old fast, but Jessica’s random quips were well timed. Although the writing is complete garbage, Jessica, somehow managed to save it. For some reason, I gave generously with this sketch, but could have been higher if Jimmy actually made me laugh.

Actors: Fallon
Best Line:
Length: 430
Rating: 7

<B> Mexican Restaraunt</B>
Nick and Jessica plays a singing waitstaff who, hmm, this reminds me a lot of Justin’s omletteville sketch. Amy and Seth are having serious infidelity talks and then they come in and do food parodies. It was good, then it got old, then it picked up again, then slowed down again, so I guess it averages out to a 5. I think this is a case of horrible horrible writing saved by some overacting by the newlyweds.

Actors: Amy, Seth, Horatio
Best Line: You can’t really complain about singing when you go to a singing restaurant
Length: 5.30
Rating: 5

Next New Episode: Feb 7
Megan Mullally and Clay Aiken

Who the f is Megan Mullally and what has she done to host this show? No comment for the musical act
Wait a minute, they do two for the new year and then take two weeks off?

<B> American Idol </B>

clips of future rejects, who happen to be real artists. Maya is JLO, Jessica plays Birtney. At least we all know she can’t sing. Nick plays “the guy from creed.” That’s funny. Amy plays Madonna. Ugh. Finesse plays Kellis.
I guess two seconds of old footage of seth, horatio, will, jeff, and fred count as being in the scene. Oh well.

Actors: Seth, Parnell, Maya, Richards, Forte, Amy, Finesse, Horatio, Fred
Best Line:
Length:
Rating: 6

<B> Newlyweds 50 years in the future </b>

Wishful thinking that they’re marriage will last 50 years. I’m frankly surprised that it lasted this long. . . not much from here. I could give a point to the soilent tuna, ok I will, so it deserved a 2.

Actors: Maya (VO)
Best Line: Nick: Chicken of the Sea is people! ITS PEOPLE!
Length: 1.45
Rating: 3

<B> Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie </b> talk about Mad Cow Disease

Eh. Uh…blah. They ramble about mad cow and blah blah and how its not serious and blah blah. Not buying it. Standard three stuff here.
The dog Jessica is holding is shivering like you wouldn’t believe. Poor thing, but she did do a good impersonation.

Actors: Dratch
Best Line: --
Length:
Rating: 3

<B> Performance 1 </B> G-G-G-G-G-Unit.

If these guys were so good, how come only with the Eminem hype wagon do they take off? Think about that one. Obie Trice is also with Eminem, where’s his hype engine? But in all honesty, I don’t think anyone is bigger than he is right now. He’s performing MTV VMAs, BET awards, Coors Light big event, Fuse’s Voodoo New Orleans Festival.
I get a funny feeling that this was taped maybe 10 minutes earlier and then put on delay out of the fear they might curse on TV. I mean think about it- to go from American Idol to an old person to Paris Hilton in the span of a few minutes, at least one of those had to have been pre-taped. Nevertheless, I think these guys were clean.

<B> Weekend Update </B>

Tina starts off with a Michael Jackson Joke. Tina gives a joke that bombs, but still gives that goofy smile, which makes it all that worse. Amy comes out as Michael, ok. Jimmy laughs at his dumb frasier joke. Hammond comes back on as Donald Trump to tell them that the show is a hit. Fallon and Hammond have an awkward moment and try not to break character…but they do. Maybe it’s not Horatio, maybe its Jimmy that’s the instigator. I mean, Darryl is usually a serious guy.
After that, Tina does another Arnold joke…ok.
A lot of their jokes fell flat this evening. Don’t blame them, they weren’t that good, but when in doubt, break out a Star Jones joke.
Armison and Forte come on as political experts, and just sing “ya” …uh? I’m all for getting Will more airtime, but even I can say that this should have been cut out. It wasn’t funny at all. Pencil goes somewhere. He was way off. By far the worst Weekend Update of the year. By far.

Actors: Fallon, Fey, Amy, Hammond, Armison, Forte
Best Line: Jimmy: Lets see it wakes up, rolls off its platform, moves 10 feet and calls it a day? The moon rover is supposed to mimic the actions of star jones?
Length: 10.45
Rating:5

<B> Sharon Osborne Show</B>
This was on the Jack Black episode and it was bad. Dratch plays the old sex lady on the Oxygen channel. Right. Nick and Jessica play Carmen and Dave Navarro. I like the dog who’s just eating the center ornament then almost falls. This was also …just as bad as the first. Point for the dog though. However, although her impersonation is dead on, it doesn’t make up for horrible writing.

Actors: Amy, Dratch, Horatio
Best Line: Dratch: I have my nipples pierced.
Length: 5.20
Rating:4

Quick audience pan to the two black guys who look bored. Now that was uncalled for.

<B> Victoria’s Secret </b>

Maya plays an old woman looking for underwear…lets see, how many creative names can we substitute for “her bedness” you know her ‘kninck knack’ ‘nook and cranny’ ‘peppermint patty’ ‘hot dog warmer’
Wait a minute, the total was 14.94? doesn’t kenan get some change here? It gets Kenan in a sketch, so I cannot complain that much, but there wasn’t really much here. Moving on.

Actors: Maya, Kenan
Best Line: none.
Length: 4.40
Rating: 3

<B> McMahon Tate and Stevens </B>

For reference, isn’t MT&S the name of the advertising firm on bewitched (After Darrin became partner of course) But….a peanut guy comes in and needs a new ad jingle.
horatio as bubba sparxxx. Ha. The only question- why have Richards, Forte, Fred and Rachael in the sketch and not having any speaking lines? I’m sorry, that job too hard for an extra? Just sit there in a suit. Hell, even *i* can do that. I don’t know. It wasn’t that good, but I laughed once, so a couple of points there.

Actors: Parnell, Forte, Richards, Dratch, Fred, Horatio, Finesse, Kenan.
Best Line: Parnell: So you keep a wrinkled sack of nuts in your buddy’s underwear?
Length: 440
Rating:5

Next week Elijah wood…they sure waste no time in rerunning that one.

<B> Performance 2</b>

Say what you want about the music, but nothing beats that spinning chain they got. That’s all I have to stay about the stut-stut-stut-stuttering G-Unit.

Ok, one sketch left. Let’s see what garbage they pulled out here. I can only wonder…

<B> Tuna of the Dirt</B>
Jessica promotes Chicken of the Sea. They’d be nothing without her. Tuna of the dirt chicken eh. It’s the last sketch of the night. Turkey of the Jungle brand bananas. Ha. Pork of the Orchard brand apples. Yay, will gets a sad 30 seconds as a singing scuba diving chicken. Poor will. Chicken of the medicine cabinet turkey flavoured asprin.ok.not much I really expect out of the last episode, so I’ll give a point for that, plus if they would have kept it simple with one or two products its ok, but kinda got overkill at the end.

Actors: Parnell (VO) Forte
Best Line:
Length:
Rating:5

12.57 sketch ends. Gotta get some commercials in. uh oh, 12.59, they’re gonna get cut off. Quick quick. Before the fear factor commercial. Nope, it was an apprentance commercial that cut them off.



<B> Overall </b> my expectations were very low, but like all of them, I come in with an open mind, and I admit it wasn’t that bad. The stats don’t come out that way, but if they got rid of the Paris Hilton and MTVFuture bits (combined 6-20), the stats would go up. But it didn’t feel painful (like last weeks). I don’t know. It wasn’t spectacular, but it was watchable, which is a feat in itself these days.

<B> Overall Rating 64/130 (.492) </B>
Felt Like: 5.5-6

Performer of the Night: I haven’t given this to Parnell let, so…why not.
Worst Performer of the Night: Hammond. He had one sketch and couldn’t keep character
Line of the night:

Appearance in Sketches: (tonight/season)
Parnell 6/37
Horatio 6/33
Dratch 5/33
Armison 5/30
Maya 4/42
Amy 4/40
Seth 4/25
Kenan 4/25
Will 4/22
Richards 4/22
Fallon 3/35
Finesse 3/19
Hammond 1/19
Fey 1/17


Final Words: See you in Feb. Enjoy the rest of the month.
PSi.

[Zeppella]

I loved American Idol thingy were Jessica Simpson played Britney Spears . . .it was super funny when Maya did J.Lo . .. All this time I thought i was the only who thought J.LO couldnt sing . .. Jessica and Nick did a great job

[AIWANNABE]

I really thought they did well......it really changed my opinion of them. The american idol and paris hilton bits were funny (im a sucker for reality)

[karna68]

I thought it was pretty good. My favorite line though had to be the Sharon Osborne show where Dratch says, "I'm experiencing engorgement"

[Cryssa]

Who the f is Megan Mullally and what has she done to host this show?

She plays Karen Walker on Will & Grace.

Thanks for recapping. I (once again) fell asleep before it came on.

[JunkieGirl]

This eppy had me laffing. Especially when Nick says that line about his eyes and needing surgery because of all the times he rolls his eyes at Jessica!!! I started laffing and that led to a little choking incident. :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes