Episode III: Halle Berry/ Brittany Spears
This week I will start off with a simple proclamation that I seem to have become the anti-review here. Everything that I seem to dislike, is regarded as the best sketch of the night. It could be me and my inner-circle, but things like Justin Timberlake dressing as an omelette was not amusing in my opinion. <I> oh, it shows he’s a good sport. </I> Don’t you have to be a good sport in general to appear on the show? But its just people’s opinions. I like reading the others. I don’t see where they come from half the time, but I like reading it.
Also, it seems that I am not alone in saying that Will Forte is the diamond in the rough for this season’s cast. In about 3/4 of the reviews say that, ever since the box sketch last year, they have become huge fans. I guess they [SNL] want to push Forte as a featured player by not using him on any sketches. If this keeps up, I’ll have to start a Free Forte campaign.
And many thanks to ptthhtt, for explaining Seth Myers’ attire during last week’s closing credits.
<B> Beforehand </B>
Every once in a while, SNL gets an upper echelon actor/actress to do the show…someone who you don’t expect to actually be on the show, perhaps <I> too big </I> to do the show. I expect this show, like a lot of others, to be one of the better ones of the season (unless they get Christopher Walken again). One good thing is no more Justin Timberlake singing, and one can only hope they 86 Ah-nuld.
And how crappy has my late local news become? They showed the Yankees Superheros clip, the part about Rocco Baldelli. Yeah. a “reputable” news source showing Robert Smeigel Cartoons. Oh we’re good.
Ok, enough of that. Let’s get to my anti-review.
<B> Cold Opening </B> Kobe Bryant
First Kenan gets a spot on the cold opening, now Finesse.
Mya puts together the weakest fake glass shot I’ve seen since ________ (insert joke here). It wasn’t that funny, but I guess that sketches with rape undertones can’t be hardy-har-har.
Actors: Parnell, Mya, Finesse,
Best Line: Mya: You know what I hate? I hate going to my husband’s rape trial.
<B> Monologue </B>
Halle looks good…even though it looks like she hasn’t eating in…hmmm…awhile.
Now why is there Abraham Lincoln, a llama, and two Jeanies in the background? The timing was off on this one as there was a couple second pause after “big surprise” before cutting to Brittany. I did like how Jimmy pushed Tina out of the camera. It wasn’t that bad.
Actors: Lorne, Fallon, Tina. Halle
Best Line: Lorne: I am ready to write a check to your favorite charities for 100$ each.
<B> Commercial: Gaystrogen </B>
Oh, a gay kiss on TV. How edgy…in 1995
Actors: Parnell, Armison, Finesse,
<B> Don Zimmer Sports Spectacular </B>
Oh my God, Will Forte in the first hour of the show. That was a pleasant surprise..however, that doesn’t save this awful sketch. Yes, he has a big head, yes he’s gonna charge. Toss to the ground. Apologize. Repeat, to lesser results. I know. Let’s do it again for a third time. That’ll be just as good, if not better than the first two times. Two soundclips and one fall does not a good sketch make.
Actors: Forte, Horatio, Richards, Hammond, Halle
Line: You looked like a big ol butterball turkey going down
<B> Donatella Versace </B>
The crowd laughed at every single Donatella sentence, cheered every single GET OUT. I, personally, think that her pinnacle was the Hot Pockets last year and the bit gets old fast. Elton John in a Spongebob costume was pretty funny. There were some decent lines like “I got some candy cigarettes for you. Here’s the candy, Here’s the cigarettes.” On the second viewing, I realize that, although it was annoying, there were some lines.
Actors: Mya, Halle, Hortaio
Best Line: Mya: Well people, since you can’t top a bat flying out of my cooch, the party’s over.
Rating: 5/10 For a well placed line here and there.
<B> Commercial: Tel-e-link </B>
It captures the IT commercials very well. It wasn’t funny…and wasn’t intended to be.
Actors: Mya, Seth, Richards, Dratch,
Best Line: none.
<B> Commercial: Quick Ones </B>
Oh..they end on a pun…It didn’t do really anything for me. Also, what’s the point of having back to back commercials? The music was great, and when will fell asleep, good. But ending on a pun, the lowest form of humour. No thanks.
Actors: Halle, Amy, Will, Seth
Best Line: Will: Here it goes, whee, all done, zzzz, back to the grindstone.
Rating: a generous 5/10, but the pun took off a good 2 points.
Two weeks- Kelly Ripa & OutKast. Hmmm..They better do a regis parody. If not, why bother having her on? Oooh, her show got picked out for 6 more episodes. So?
<B> Sukihura Steak House </B>
Wait a minute, isn’t this Finesse’s little moviehouse speech from the Jack Black show? Hmmm…megets the feeling that they spent the week going to Yankee stadium instead of writing some sketches. . His monologue wasn’t overly funny then and it wasn’t overly funny now. It’s good to see that Mya can reuse here Destiny’s Child outfit…whatever they were called.
Actors: Mya, Finese, Amy, Halle, Kenan, Armison
Best Line: Finesse: (to Japanese guy) I loved you in that movie Rush Hour. Tell Chris Tucker that Starquisha said hello.
Rating: 2/10 for recycling old material.
<B> Sunday National Enquirer </B>
Another Commercial? Oh, this does not bode well for the overall score. Four commercials in the first 35 minutes of the show? Can they waste her talent any more? Didn’t se win a, as she called it, “a little gold guy (or something)?” Why not have her do some jingles while we’re at it. Nice little spoof of the Sunday NY Times.
Actor: Amy, Parnell, Halle
Best Line: none
I make it a purpose to not comment on musical performances, but I would put good money that she’s not actually singing. Yeah I’m right. Or maybe she’s the world’s greatest ventriloquist?
<B> Weekend Update </B>
I will ignore the gross stereotyping of the Native American comedian, and just say that it killed the initial flow that WU had going at the time. Horatio comes back and one can only dream back to the day of “da bears,” back when the show was actually good. Horatio and Jimmy try not to laugh through it. Speak of the devil, it’s George Wendt. That makes up tenfold for the Native American comic. It’s strange, I loved last weeks because there were no interruptions, and I loved this week’s because there was no ‘news.’ Strange world isn’t it. Pencil toss to the left.
Actors: Tina, Jimmy, Armison, Horatio, George Wendt
Best Line: Jimmy: In California, grocery clerks went on strike. This is the second time in two weeks Gray Davis is out of a job.
Rating: 10/10. The Nostalga factor of George Wendt alone gives it a 10. Oh how I long for Myers, Hartman, Sandler, Farley, Spade…quality shows.
<B> Commerical: Best of Klymaxx </B>
It has been an hour and there have been two non-commercial related sketches. Even if it 4 minutes long, it’s sill an infomercial. It started off kinda funny, then got drab and long. Drabber and longer.
Actors: Seth, Armison, Amy, Finesse, Kenan, Dratch, Amy, Halle, Mya
Best Line: Whoa?
<B> Tom Brokaw does answering machine</B>
The crowd laughed at every stupid Donatella line, but was completely dead with this one. I don’t blame them. I did not laugh once…hey, most of the crowd didn’t either. Eh.
Actors: Halle, Amy, Parnell
Best Line: Parnell: A hospital fire with fun?
Next Week: Best of Tracy Morgan… [in same voice] I’m Tracy Morgan. I’m Star Jones. I’m Brian Fellows. . That guy had no depth to his acting, but I liked him nonetheless.
<B> Brittany performs again </B>
She might be singing this one…its not like I’m actually listening to it. She’s much better on Mute. What the hell is the guitarist in the background nodding his head to?
<B> Hilton Hotel Ashford/Simpson </B>
Do we have a follow-up to Will and Ana? Set looks the same, that’s for sure. Kenan can sing, I did not know that. Finesse is one part Tracy Morgan, one part David Allen Grier. Sad thing is this might be the best thing I’ve seen thus far..which isn’t saying much. The cameo reference was nice (Word Up). But I guess you kinda have to know their music
Actors: Finesse, Halle, Mya, Kenan
Best Line: Mya: Last time we was here was late September, 2003.
<B> Have you ever Been with a Speed Reader?</B>
Just when I thought the show couldn’t be salvaged, they break out Will and let him work his subtle magic. Ended abruptly..i assume due to time. They probably had an ending, but went too long. Poor Will.
Actors: Will, Halle
Best Line: Will: I’m gonna read the bible…Done. Poor Jesus.
Ending cut off AGAIN.
Disappointing does not begin to describe how this show was. It was like they phoned this week’s episode in so they could watch the Yankees. You think someone would have the right of mind to say “ok, we have a talented actress here, let’s do something good.” How else can you explain Armison and Forte getting more than a two second non-speaking roles and Finesse being in most of the show. All they have to do is admit it and I think the whole world will be forgiving. I know I’m the anti-review and give the reciprocal of what the average generous review gives it, but I can honestly say that I really don’t see anyone giving this episode a good score at all. They might have liked some of it, but overall, it was half-assed.
<B> OVERALL RATING: 71/140 (5.05)
Felt Like: 4/10 </B>
Best Performer: Will
Worst Performer: Dratch (she did nothing.)
Appearance in sketches (this week/season total)
Final Words: I guess my pre-emptive Free Will campaign was headed off at the pass. I’m content…until I realize that’s probably all the sketches he’ll be in for the year. But its still sad when Tina Fey is in as many sketches as you are. Anyhow…not that good of an episode.
Thank you for reading this. Please keep sending me e-mail. I like reading the complaints, praise (riiight), or suggestions. I really appreciate it.