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Thread: Saturday Night Live

  1. #91
    rosie and star jones jokes always seem to work.
    i wouldn't be suprised if they did a WU joke or a flat out sketch with Star Jone's engagement.

    as for my feelings towards the show...political satire is what SNL is known far, (especially know with the democratic things going on) and they can't pull that off with Christina. i don't know,i guess we'll have to wait to see.

  2. #92
    FORT Fogey
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Quote Originally Posted by PSi
    rosie and star jones jokes always seem to work.
    i wouldn't be suprised if they did a WU joke or a flat out sketch with Star Jone's engagement.

    as for my feelings towards the show...political satire is what SNL is known far, (especially know with the democratic things going on) and they can't pull that off with Christina. i don't know,i guess we'll have to wait to see.
    Then again, the Justin Timberlake, and Nick and Jessica episodes were arguably one of the best episodes so far, X-Tina just might surprise us.

  3. #93
    Episode XIII: Christina Aguilera and Maroon 5

    <B> Opening Words </B>

    i read that the megan mullally/clay aiken episode got its highest rating in a year, a 4.0 (7.8 million people watching. . . Now i don't know about you all, but i don't see that as a good sign at all. Sure you can say that it pulls in more people than Conan (or kilborn and kimmel combined) but it used to be more.
    i remember when the xfl was on and J-lo was hosting and the show got delayed, lorne was annoyed because he said the show could've done an 8 easily. Now it could just be me, but a host does not bring in twice the guests to a show, and if the marquis show 3 years ago brings in twice as many people as highest rating show this year, that cannot be a good sign. Some numbers John McCain and the White Strips got a 6.5 rating in 2002
    The Mena Suvari episode got a 6.0/21 share with 11 million people watching. More? the Sarah Michelle Geller in 98 got a 6.1 Samuel Jackson got a 5.7
    i think its a safe assumption that Lorne has …given himself…to the MTV audience in a feeble attempt to get ratings. You can say what you want about the episodes themselves, i'm not going to get into an argument about how good/bad Omletteville was, but what are hosts like Andy Roddick, Nick and Jessica, Lindsay Lohan, and Justin Timberlake doing hosting the show? What are they (besides LL) promoting? Nothing. it is a feeble attempt to bring in a younger audience. Same goes for music one hit wonders like Kelis. we all know that clay aiken brought in the crowd with the mullally show, but who in their right mind would go "well, i don't like Drew Barrymore, but i'll watch Kelis." Not too many. It makes no sense. Another point on the ratings whore front, why would he put Al Sharpton on the show, knowing that big markets such as Boston and San Fran would black out the show? Lorne being known to try to suck every penny out of the show as he can, put himself in such a position?
    Plus what can be said about his cast? In the recent Kenan and Finesse interviews, they say that they create tier own characters (which we all knew), and if they don't they'll get put in a dress. So what does it say about this year's cast when there have been only two new reoccurring characters this year -the Zinger and Sharon Osbourne, and Spy Glass?
    What does it say about their cast and their ability to write when they can't even make characters themselves? Is this why we get Scott Wainio and garbage sketches such as Michael Jackson in a roller coaster?
    Something isn't right here....
    Thank you for listening to my rant. This rant covers my beforehand.

    <B> Cold Opening </B> Hardball

    Can’t go wrong with Hardball, can’t go with Rosie O’Donnell, or one would think.
    They discuss gay marriage rights. This goes on briefly with little humour, then Hammond comes on…as Schwarzenegger? Whaa? This can’t be good. Hammond talks to the pre-taped Hammond. Nothing much here.

    Hammond does the Live from NY.

    Actors: Hammond, Parnell, Horatio,
    Best Line: Hammond: I’m sorry I can’t concentrate, but you look like gollum had a baby with a ventriloquist doll
    Length: 4.00
    Rating: 6/10

    <B> Monologue </B>

    Christina, that is a very tiny girl. Jimmy comes on and asks her when she’s going to ‘change into her Christina Aguilera clothes.’ Then they roll a WU clip of Jimmy making fun of her. Jimmy claims he’s a pawn in Tina Fey’s sick world. Cut to the back with Lorne talking with Tina and the guys. Fey says that a blazer looks sexy then walks away. The rest say that she should whore it up. Finesse goes out there, saying he’ll fix it, leaves, and then Lorne goes “who’s that guy? … We Hired a guy named Finesse?”
    Christina then begins to sing Beautiful…why? If you wanted to be host and musical guest, all you had to do was say it. Ok she can sing. We all knew that. Why? Some people may say this is the best part of the show, but not i. If you want to sing, be the musical guest. I cannot honestly reward this. Again, probably could’ve been an 8 or 9 but singing brings it down. Let’s hope this trend doesn’t continue.

    Actors: Jimmy, Finesse, Armison, Kenan, Horatio, Fey
    Best Line: Lorne: We hired a guy named Finesse?
    Length: 4.15
    Rating: 6/10

    <B> Sex and the City </B>

    Oh great, just what I want to see..i can’t stand this show. I’m glad they’re giving up. Go on another two years, you got yourself the golden girls. Zing! No, Maybe if you watch the show, you will find this funny. I read that this could’ve been a legit top 10 for the year candidate and Christina’s voice was dead-on. However, this is all lost on me, but I did take note of that. Doesn’t mean I’m going to reward it. Dratch bouncing the doll around was funny, but…uh, not the show I would watch if it were the only thing on TV. Guess it’s lost on me. I hate puns. But I won’t give it a 3 like I did Omletteville because I know the backlash that caused.

    Actors: Dratch, Maya, Amy
    Best Line: Christina: On the topic of big announcements, I’m a dude.
    Length: 4.30
    Rating: 5/10

    <B> Next Week </B> Rerun. Jennifer Anniston and Black Eyed Peas. *in comic book guy voice* Worst Episode Ever!

    <B>Game Show Network </B> Do you know who my father is?

    Christina’s cosmo carries over to this sketch? Ok? All the answers involve minor fits and ends with ‘do you know who my father is?’ Forte plays a spoiled kid going to Yale. Seth a German rich kid and Christina…well…a whore. Is it just me or does her face look like Plastic? I like Seth’s german accent. That carried the sketch, but it wasn’t as good the second time around, but still solid. And do all her outfits have to be so low cut that her bra pops out? Just wonderin’

    Actors: Parnell, Forte, Seth
    Best Line: Forte: I can’t even go to Switzerland, stupid date rape trail.
    Length: 5.15
    Rating: 6/10

    <B> TV Funhouse </B> Fun with Real Audio

    Third time this year? This was a direct slam on Pat O’Brien and his banalness. They show him through various scenes, and all he does is his catch phrases, even naming his kid “what was Brittany thinking O’Brien” I read a lot of people didn’t like this one, I guess they expected something to hump something else. This wasn’t funny, it was just good. I can bet that everyone else will say that it’s the worst of the year, worst part of the show, worst Smigel bit ever, because it was something different.

    Actors: ---
    Best Line: ---
    Length: 2.45
    Rating: 7/10

    <B> History Channel </b> Celebration of Women Week

    Christina breaks out a southern accent for this one. She plays a wife from the south in the 1880’s. She’s all rebellious because she smokes cigars without telling him, and other ‘naughty’ things. She convinces the prudish northerners to lighten up. Hammond as Phil Donahue really had no point. I guess its just the show trying to get Hammond to do his good impressions because Arnold was bad and we all can’t forget Bush. Points to Rachael’s reactions.

    Actors: Hammond, Maya, Dratch, Amy, Parnell, Finesse
    Best Line: my husband makes me wear a leather bag over my head when he is present.
    Length: 5315
    Rating: 6/10

    <B> Performance </B> Maroon 5.

    I saw them many many years ago when they were known as Kara’s Flowers. Didn’t like them then, don’t like them now. It’s not my type of music. Not in the least.

    <B> Weekend Update </B>

    Jimmy starts with a Dean/Kusinich joke “Kusinich dropped out so he can appear on the next episode of the Littlest Groom” Flop. Then a Sex in the City T-shirt joke, “womeon who purchase all four, I’m a moron” good, but flat.
    Tina, walking joke/Bush jogging joke, it wasn’t good at all, but the crowd likes anti-bush jokes…Then a Nader possibly entering the racae, talks to the camera at the end.
    Jimmy does a Barbie joke “they wanted to make Barbie’s boyfriend non-white, but sadly, it was nixed by KKKKen”
    Tina does Ireland smoking ban…why? That makes no sense “the plan will go smoothly because of the Irish are known for their easy going temper and respect for authority. Joke logical yes. Polaroid/Outkast and Bicardi/50 joke. “Bicardi warns shorties to be responsible and sip bacardi like it’s they birthdayOk
    Jimmy does an Arod Joke. “In the end, they offered something the Red Sox could not, a boyfriend (picture of arod and jeter) People loved it. I’m surprised the NY crowd didn’t boo it. Then Vietnamese farmer who built helicopter. “he then fulfilled his other dream of dying in a fiery helicopter crash) Good.
    Enter Will for Black History Month. “Kenan overslept” “Finesse is entertaining a lady in his dressing room” and Maya “it’s not half black history month” Will points out the two black guys in the audience and wishes them a happy Black History month. What does Will know about Black History month? Michael Jordan. What else? Rap. P-Diddy, Eminem, Luther Vandross. Will calls Tina Dawg, then boo then Tinazizzle Filzzle fay. MLK Yeah! Slavery Boo! End of Slavery YEAH! Michael Jordan Yes! Eminem Double Yes! GO Blacks! Will is a genius.
    Jimmy does Georgia keeping evolutions. “dinosaurs are now called jesus horses” great.
    Tina is taken back by that. Tina does a middle school bathroom break..kids are whores, ok. Then Peta nude protest. ‘with 500 women, there’ll be lots of fur’
    Pencil hits.
    Will Forte…Brilliant!

    Actors: Fallon, Fey, Forte
    Best Line: Jimmy: In the end, they offered something the Red Sox could not, a boyfriend
    Jimmy: dinosaurs are now called jesus horses
    Forte: Slavery Boo!
    Length: 6.15
    Rating: 10/10

    <B> You got Served </B> Venice Beach, ca

    Dance off time. Kenan, Maya, Parnell, and Horatio vs. Seth, Finesse, and Christina.
    Seth starts with a little jumping wave, a robot, and thinking man.
    Kenan does a little baseball action.
    Finessse does a little fake heartbeat, shake that ass, and slow robot.
    Maya eats breakfast, brushes teeth, does makeup drives to work, then leans back.
    Christina booty shakin, crotch chop and smack the ass.
    Horatio and Parnell doe the foourstep. Horatio slaps parnell, parnell dips H.
    Forte as topless guy with guitar. Forte sings in high pitched voice. Disturbingly funny.
    This sketch….maybe if I were 13 and actually saw You Got Served, this would be funny…but I didn’t think it was at all. A point for will. This was not that good at all, but will saved it. Point for that. nothing much here though.

    Actors: Kenan, Maya, Parnell, Finesse, Seth, Horatio, Forte
    Best Line: Seth: They call me hampster because I’m gonna be all up in ya ass
    Rating: 4/10

    <B> Baskstage at Christina’s Show </B>

    Fred plays her gay manager. Kenan as star jones and Finesse is her fiancé. Is it me, or does Christina’s face look Plastic? They say she can whore herself out as many times as she wants because she can sing. Worst Star Jones impersonation ever. Maya plays Patti LaBelle…reiterates the same things. Boy is she annoying. Christina says she’s “expressing her sexuality” Amy and Horatio as Ozzy and Sharon. Seth and Amy say same thing. Dratch, as Kelly, apologizes. Christina gives a deep speech about double standards. Horatio then crashes through a table Farely style. “You made Ozzy Think” when in doubt.
    Yeah she’s right and all….but this country was found by Puritans. History sides with them. As for the sketch, it was ok. Eh.

    Actors: Armison, Kenan, Finesse, Maya, Amy, Horatio, Dratch
    Best Line: Amy: You made Ozzy think
    Rating 5

    <B> Telemundo Telenovela</B>

    Typical telemundo teledramas. If you’ve ever seen one…or a minute of one. Exactly the same. Ever see one? This was dead on. Simple enough. I can’t reward humour in this, I can’t reward the good acting, but I can reward the dead-on-ness, of it

    Actors: Armison, Horatio, Maya, Myers, Dratch, Parnell
    Best Line: ---
    Rating: 7/10

    <B> Commercial </B> Huggies Thongs

    ENOUGH! Under my new ratings system, commercials (anything under a minute) will not be counted. Thank god, because this is bordering on 0 territory. This still counts for appearances in sketches though.

    Actors: Maya, Dratch
    Best Line:
    Rating: F

    <B>Fire Sandy </B>

    Parnell has to fire Sandy…aka…Forte, the defiant employee, who called out 18 days of the months because of things ranging from “hysterical blindness to the elephant’s man disease” Forte’s sandy seems a lot like the spoiled kid in the game show sketch. He then says he’ll call his uncle, first claiming racism, than sexism, then sexual harassment. Then steals his sandwich ‘with a butload of mustard on it’ and jumps through the first story window. It was ok. I like will, but it was basically the same character as the game show.

    Actors: Amy, Parnell, Forte
    Best Line: Forte: I got what you want and it drives you crazy knowing you’ll never get it!
    Rating: 5/10

    <B> Performance </B> Maroon 5.

    They play the other song…that sounds just like the first one.

    <B> Drugstore </b>

    Parnell needs Penile support sleeves, the guy at the counter figures out what it is and identifies that Parnell needs it.
    Call back to the stock girl, they say that he needs Penile support sleeves
    Call to Kenan over the PA about Pemile support sleeves. Get the trend?
    He gets annoyed, buys it, and leaves.
    and the employees talk about it, over the loud speaker.
    Dratch gets Replens, Vaginal Moisturizer

    Actors: Horatio, Fred, Parnell, Kenan, Dratch, Maya
    Best Line:
    Rating: 3/10

    12.55, commercial break, and that looks like its over. Goodnight.

    <B> Overall </B>
    It wasn’t that bad. I didn’t really expect anything, which is why I wasn’t disappointed. However, Will Forte was in it and made sketches that would’ve been 3’s into 5’s. Not that I’m biased or anything. Christina, who looked plastic, was surprisingly a decent actress. Granted the stuff written wasn’t that great, but some acting saved it.

    <B> Overall Rating 70/120 (.58) </B>
    Felt like: 5.5
    Best Actor: Will
    Worst Actor: no one really…
    Best Line: tie:
    Jimmy: In the end, they offered something the Red Sox could not, a boyfriend
    Jimmy: dinosaurs are now called Jesus horses

    Appearance in sketches (this week/total)

    Maya 7/59
    Parnell 7/52
    Dratch 6/45
    Horatio 6/44
    Armison 4/38
    Kenan 4/36
    Forte 4/32
    Amy 4/51
    Finesse 4/27
    Seth 3/40
    Fallon 2/46
    Hammond 2/27
    Fey 2/22
    Jeff Richards 0/22 No Longer a troupe member

    Thank You.

  4. #94
    Thanks for the recap PSI. I was excited Christina was hosting, as I am a big fan. I thought she did well, but the written stuff wasnt that good.

  5. #95
    80's Rule! karna68's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Columbus, OH
    I laughed my ass off at Christina as Samantha on Sex, I'm not a huge fan of the show but she did nail her.
    "Blindsided, oh, friendship blindsided you're going home, home!" -Paul BB18

  6. #96
    Yeah, that's what i was told, she had it dead on.
    i was also told the rest of the sketch wasn't that good.
    plus i hate puns

    thank you for reading.

  7. #97
    Weekend Update was really funny, they had some realllly funny jokes in there. The black history month was pretty funny "Its not half black history month"

  8. #98
    caught by the window MasterOfPuppets's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    In a van down by the river!!!... watching the Canucks on my 3" TV
    I was really surprised that Christina didn't have anything skanky under that pant-suit.. I was expecting her to like, rip it off, and yeah

    she acted surprisingly well I thought.... WE was great... I laughed at the Jesus Horses line for a loooooooooong time...

  9. #99
    Peeking In Duxxy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    looking for a deal on evilBay
    I am STILL laughing at that
    "Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one."

  10. #100
    last week was a repeat and can be found Here. Adjusted ranking 4.2 (47/110)
    Next week Colin Firth/Norah Jones....

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