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Thread: 4/26 Season Finale: "And The Winner Is..."

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    Staying Afloat speedbump's Avatar
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    4/26 Season Finale: "And The Winner Is..."

    *spits tobacco juice* Yeeeeeeeee Haaawwwwwww! This is it cowboys and cowgirls. The piece-deí-resistance, the golden belt buckle, the platinum can of Aquanet all jammed in to ninety minutes of goodness. Weíre down to the final three contestants and by nights end, only one will be crowned the Nashville Star. Who will it be? Well, given my track record of recapping crappy finales, Iím sure it wonít be who we all want it to be.

    A Whole Lotta Flashback
    LeAnn is back and looking sassier than ever. For those of you unaware, she had burst a blood vessel in her neck which rendered us submissive to the ever sizzling Sara Evans for the previous two weeks.

    The show opens up with Big & Rich featuring Cowboy Troy, a self rapping cowboy standing about nine feet tall. Itís a fun way to open the night and LeAnn continues with the formalities of the introductions. Despite the usual predictable openings, we learn that Bret Michaels will be a father of a baby girl in May. Whoopie! *twirls index finger in semi-enthusiastic motion*

    Ok folks, hereís the deal: we all know that out of ninety minutes only about 15 are worthwhile. I can only describe how Phil thinks they are ďjust greatĒ in so many ways. I can only write how Bret wants them to ďjust bring itĒ in so many languages. And lastly, I can only say that Anastasia is a smoking hot beyotch in so manyÖwell, I could go on forever actually. So Iíll hit the high points and leave out as much Cledus T. Judd sound bites as possible. Deal? Letís roll thenÖ.

    And Then There Were Three
    Jody Evans is the first to take the stage tonight. LeAnn treats him and us to a flashback of memorable moments the last nine weeks. Jody kicks ass on Good Rockiní Tonight and Iím bouncing on my couch and tapping my feet as my spittoon teeters on the edge of spilling on my rug. I save the impending catastrophe and continue on with my air guitar.

    Jody is going to miss all of the cast, crew, fans, the scarecrow, the tin man and toto. Anastasia said that if she had the power she would crown him Nashville Star right then and there. May I foreshadow that I donít think that will be the case? No? Well, tough, I just did.

    Next up is Erika Jo. Erika had her prom last week and took none other than Jody to the dance. They even showed a picture and I was surprised that her dress wasnít big and poofy with a giant bow on the back. Damn her for going to prom in a day and age where prom dresses actually look sexy. I had to burn my pictures. Me with my mullet, my date with her wrist corsage and teased up frosted hair. Egads, thatís a crime in some areas.

    Erika sings Heads Carolina, Tails California. Iím actually ok with her singing tonight. She seems at ease and her dress tonight looks like a drip cloth from the local Texaco station. So itís definitely not a boring act to watch. Bret proclaims her ďitĒ factor, which means she ďbrought itĒ. Yay, I actually did find another way to say it.

    Lastly, Jason Meadows is up. I like his flashback clip. Heís a cowboy and a family man and in todayís day and age, thatís not too shabby. His wife has been at all the shows along with their son.

    Jason belts out a Garth Brooks classic Ainít Going Down Til The Sun Comes Up. Jason has been accused of sounding too much like the artists he sings. I actually like it. He does the song well, with a semi-a cappella twist at the end. I like it. The crowd likes it. Itís fun for the whole family. Phil takes a line from Bret and says ďyou always bring it when you sing itĒ. I get it now. The judges are taking each otherís lines to mix it up a bit. Those sneaky bastards. Iím on to them however.

    Yet More FillerÖAnd An Elimination
    I wasnít gonna mention this, but all of the ten finalists take the stage to sing Big Star. Each finalist comes out in reverse elimination order. Once Jayron comes out, my eardrums almost shatter from hearing the other finalists. My god, Tamika Tyler herself almost set my skin on fire. And this was a gal that I had picked to go far. Yes folks, this is why Iím not in the business. After that performance Iím even more tone deaf. Itís interesting to look back and see the division of quality between the final four and the rest of the bunch.

    Weíre finally ready for the first elimination of the night. Sadly, itís Jody Evans. He has a unique niche with his music. I suspect weíll be seeing him on CMT late one night, rocking his guitar and doing well for himself. Jody is thankful for just making it to the final show and would like to thank the other cast members for being a part of the experience.

    Weíre again treated to a montage of greatest moments from this season. Strangely, Anastasia gets most of the air time with her comments. Itís funny to watch all the ways she said ďyou suckĒ in that sultry, sexy voice. It almost comes across as a compliment.

    Both Jason and Erika take the stage together and sing Only In America before singing separately The Cowboy In Me and Sheís In Love With The Boy respectively. Itís the last time those two will sing before the winner is announced. Thank god. I mean Iím enjoying the music, but for the love of all things country, tell us the winner damn it!

    Drum Roll PleaseÖ.
    Finally after ten mind numbing minutes of Jason and Ericka telling us how much theyíve enjoyed the experience, itís time to announce the winner. With the two of them holding hands, LeAnn announces that Erika Jo is the winner of Nashville Star. The crowd goes nuts and Erika is beside herself. Itís a good thing she added a layer of Minwax over her foundation. Her smile was so big, she couldíve sent shards of plaster into the crowd.

    Erika takes the stage to sing her soon to be hit song I Break Things. Itís an ok song. Itíll be a hit on the more pop country stations and thus her crossover begins.

    On behalf of Mariner and I, I would like to thank you all for enjoying Nashville Star through our recaps. We laughed, we cried, we shared this experience together. Peace out!

    Who really shouldíve won Nashville Star? Email me your thoughts at: Speedbump@fansofrealitytv.com or mariner@fansofrealitytv.com
    Last edited by speedbump; 05-01-2005 at 01:41 PM.
    You got to cry without weeping. Talk without speaking. Scream without raising your voice.- U2

  2. #2
    Starbucks is your friend Bill's Avatar
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    Great work this season, both of you!

    "George Oscar Bluth II, aka GOB, featured magician in the best selling videotape, "Girls With Low Self Esteem" invites you to enter his world.
    -- Arrested Development, Season III

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    Premium Member dagwood's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by speedbump
    Me with my mullet, my date with her wrist corsage and teased up frosted hair. Egads, thatís a crime in some areas.
    Ah, the eighties. Shouldn't all of the pictures be burned? I know mine should.

    Thanks for the recap, Speedy. I totally forgot to watch this show after the first two.

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    RENThead JLuvs's Avatar
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    Thanks so much for the recap. I am still steamed about the outcome but I will survive.
    Whenever you see darkness, there is extraordinary opportunity for the light to burn brighter.
    -Bono

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    Leave No Trace ADKLove's Avatar
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    *teases hair, sprays with full can of AquaNet, smoothes down (sort of) taffeta prom dress with the big bow in back and prepares to greet Speedbump, he of the mullet hair and big....um...belt buckle *

    I don't even have cable, so I can't watch the show, but I just *in her best country drawl* luv yur writin, speedy
    Love many, trust a few, and always paddle your own canoe

  6. #6
    Courtesy and Goodwill Mantenna's Avatar
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    Wow, Speedy, what a great finale 'cap! You had me busting up about every other line. Some of my favorites:

    Quote Originally Posted by speedbump
    Yeeeeeeeee Haaawwwwwww! This is it cowboys and cowgirls. The piece-deí-resistance, the golden belt buckle, the platinum can of Aquanet all jammed in to ninety minutes of goodness.

    Damn her for going to prom in a day and age where prom dresses actually look sexy. I had to burn my pictures. Me with my mullet, my date with her wrist corsage and teased up frosted hair. Egads, thatís a crime in some areas.

    I like it. The crowd likes it. Itís fun for the whole family.

    I get it now. The judges are taking each otherís lines to mix it up a bit. Those sneaky bastards. Iím on to them however.

    Once Jayron comes out, my eardrums almost shatter from hearing the other finalists. My god, Tamika Tyler herself almost set my skin on fire. And this was a gal that I had picked to go far. Yes folks, this is why Iím not in the business. After that performance Iím even more tone deaf.
    Masterfully done, m'friend.

    You and Mariner did a fantastic job with this season. A standing ovation to you both!

  7. #7
    Retired! hepcat's Avatar
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    Fantastic end to a great season! Great job, Speedy!
    You've gotta hustle if you want to earn a dollar. - Boston Rob

  8. #8
    FORT Fogey Misty8723's Avatar
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    Thank you Speedy and Mariner for the great recaps! Often they were more entertaining than the actual shows.

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    Wonky snarkmistress Lucy's Avatar
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    The piece-deí-resistance, the golden belt buckle, the platinum can of Aquanet

    Damn her for going to prom in a day and age where prom dresses actually look sexy. I had to burn my pictures. Me with my mullet, my date with her wrist corsage and teased up frosted hair. Egads, thatís a crime in some areas.
    Very funny recap, Speedy. Your descriptions always let me "see" these people, even though I don't get this channel.
    You and Mariner did a splendid job.
    It's such a fine line between stupid, and clever. -- David St. Hubbins

  10. #10
    Come Along, Pond phat32's Avatar
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    Funny, funny all the way through, of course. Would quote the whole thing if I could, but I'm going to choose the ones that had me . Still a long list.

    I can only describe how Phil thinks they are ďjust greatĒ in so many ways. I can only write how Bret wants them to ďjust bring itĒ in so many languages. And lastly, I can only say that Anastasia is a smoking hot beyotch in so manyÖwell, I could go on forever actually.

    Iím bouncing on my couch and tapping my feet as my spittoon teeters on the edge of spilling on my rug

    Jody is going to miss all of the cast, crew, fans, the scarecrow, the tin man and toto

    I had to burn my pictures. Me with my mullet, my date with her wrist corsage and teased up frosted hair. Egads, thatís a crime in some areas.
    I must break in and add: [looks sadly and sighs at his prom picture: 90210 sideburns and tuxedo with tails, looking more like The Penguin from Batman than the Hugo Boss model in the tuxedo rental catalog; date had sparkly blue dress]

    She seems at ease and her dress tonight looks like a drip cloth from the local Texaco station.

    I get it now. The judges are taking each otherís lines to mix it up a bit. Those sneaky bastards. Iím on to them however.

    Itís funny to watch all the ways she said ďyou suckĒ in that sultry, sexy voice. It almost comes across as a compliment.

    The crowd goes nuts and Erika is beside herself. Itís a good thing she added a layer of Minwax over her foundation. Her smile was so big, she couldíve sent shards of plaster into the crowd.
    :applause x 10 to you, sir, and Miss Mariner, too. I tip my cowboy hat to you both. :tips hat:
    "...Every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things donít always soften the bad things, but...the bad things donít always spoil the good things." - The Doctor

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