Episode 1 Recap: Nice Suits Finish Last - Page 2

**Mantenna** · 11-09-2004, 07:23 PM

Awesome, awesome job, Hep! I'm elated that I'll be able to enjoy not only this hilarious show, but your smashing recaps as well!

Brilliant writing as always . . . you rock!

Some of my favorite moments:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Heppy-San

I hear Chicago is a cool place. After all, it‘s home to cutthroat billionaires, elevated trains, and on occasion, reality TV website conventions. Plus, every March they dump green dye into their river. And didn’t Harrison Ford run around in the streets looking for a one-armed man? Chicago: a city so cool they put pickles and tomatoes on their hot dogs. I’m convinced.

What with Trump, Cuban and Branson also playing reality TV mentor, I’m starting to think billionaires are all fluffy pink teddy bears with hearts as big as all get-out under their vampiric, money grubbing exteriors.

Their tortuous journey begins with them being driven aimlessly around Chicago while they stew in each other’s presence, undoubtedly forbidden by producers to speak to one another. Since they can’t see out, they aren’t even aware of how pointless the journey is. It’s a beautiful day for mind games.

I feel compelled to point out that anyone who has witnessed the drunken hazings of Greek Week would not be so quick to label college students as “smart.”

Shiny-headed Douglas, we learn, is a star analyst for an investment bank. Kerry is a top executive at a major media corporation, and has the pouty collagened lips to prove it. Damian, the clean-cut blonde with the firm jaw, was valedictorian of his business school. What glowing Christmas letters their mamas must send out every November 15th.

The others are eye candy, we’re told. That’s it. I don’t know why they only introduced three of them, but that’s what they did. So, let’s move along, nothing to see here. *swinging nightstick*

We already know he lies for a living, so if it turns out to be Gary Coleman or Lassie some equally lame boss, don’t send me the hate mail, please.

Still lined up and standing at attention, you can practically see the dollar signs glowing in the competitors’ hopeful eyes.

We watch the chef create another culinary delight as a hunk of Spam is converted into appetizing little meatballs. It’s all in the presentation, folks.

The women proclaim the men to be Team
. . .Concad. Hey, what happened to My Bitches? “Con” is because men are big ole’ meanie liars, and “cad” refers to un-gentlemenlike behavior. *crickets chirping* Great job, women. And by great, I mean excessively lame.

Michael was this week’s Team Boss, which I failed to mention earlier since he was never shown leading his team in any capacity. However, now it is up to Michael to make the Jellicle Choice (with apologies for the Cats reference).

Don’t hate me because I’m self-employed. hepcat@fansofrealitytv.com

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mrdobolina · 11-09-2004, 07:33 PM

Oooohhhh......I can't wait to watch this! Sorry, I haven't read the recap yet, Hep! I have the show TiVo'd, and I don't want to ruin anything.

artesian · 11-09-2004, 10:30 PM

This is the real estate transaction info. for the penthouse where the contestants were housed.

400 W Ontario St 1801, Near North Side, 60610
$3,725,000 01/29/2002, to Glenn Kofman, from Fourzerozero West Ontario

scarlett530 · 11-09-2004, 11:01 PM

I'm bummed I actually missed the first episode

, but I'm glad you wrote such a great recap, hep!

Wolf · 11-10-2004, 01:28 AM

I totally forgot about this show, but thanks to your funny and detailed recap, Hep, I'll be set for the next episode. Great job!

Kao · 11-10-2004, 01:39 AM

Ah, they put them up in the Gold Coast! Yummy...

mrdobolina · 11-10-2004, 10:20 AM

Great recap, Hep!

You captured the humor AND the naivete of the contestants all in one fell swoop.

Jewelsy · 11-10-2004, 05:55 PM

Heppy -- great job, M'Love.

I ALSO missed the show (DANGIT) but will definitely watch it next time.

rdpch · 11-11-2004, 12:50 AM

Quote:

It’s a life lesson, my friends. Submit those reality TV applications to a network other than FOX.

Wouldn't you think by now there would be no one left for FOX to fool?
Thanks for the entertaining recap--maybe now I'll actually watch the show next week.

**speedbump** · 11-11-2004, 12:17 PM

Quote:

The BFOB promises us the identity of the top secret boss will be the most astonishing revelation in all of reality TV history. We already know he lies for a living, so if it turns out to be Gary Coleman or Lassie some equally lame boss, don’t send me the hate mail, please.

Dear Hepcat, why was there some lame ass....

Great recap Hep! It was Hep-a-licous!

11-09-2004, 07:33 PM	#12
mrdobolina Can They Do It?? Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: The Miami of Canada Age: 36 Posts: 3,254	Oooohhhh......I can't wait to watch this! Sorry, I haven't read the recap yet, Hep! I have the show TiVo'd, and I don't want to ruin anything. __________________ "You don't own a TV?!? What's all your furniture pointed at?" Joey Tribianni It's not who you are underneath, but what you do that defines you.

11-09-2004, 10:30 PM	#13
artesian FORT Newbie Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 1	Penthouse Info This is the real estate transaction info. for the penthouse where the contestants were housed. 400 W Ontario St 1801, Near North Side, 60610 $3,725,000 01/29/2002, to Glenn Kofman, from Fourzerozero West Ontario

11-10-2004, 01:28 AM	#15
Wolf Combat Missions Fan Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Texas, of course! Posts: 7,916	I totally forgot about this show, but thanks to your funny and detailed recap, Hep, I'll be set for the next episode. Great job! __________________ Katrina Disaster Relief: How to give or get help in Texas/Southwest region. Donate to The Humane Society of the United States disaster relief and to the ASPCA. Our four-legged friends need our help too.

11-10-2004, 10:20 AM	#17
mrdobolina Can They Do It?? Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: The Miami of Canada Age: 36 Posts: 3,254	Great recap, Hep! You captured the humor AND the naivete of the contestants all in one fell swoop. __________________ "You don't own a TV?!? What's all your furniture pointed at?" Joey Tribianni It's not who you are underneath, but what you do that defines you.

11-09-2004, 11:01 PM	#14
scarlett530 FORT Fogey Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 918	I'm bummed I actually missed the first episode , but I'm glad you wrote such a great recap, hep!

11-10-2004, 01:39 AM	#16
Kao I'm always watching...you Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 2,554	Ah, they put them up in the Gold Coast! Yummy...

11-10-2004, 05:55 PM	#18
Jewelsy From the corner of my eye Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Santa Cruz, California Posts: 11,459	Heppy -- great job, M'Love. I ALSO missed the show (DANGIT) but will definitely watch it next time.