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Thread: He Said What? Memorable Quotes From the 2003 Academy Awards

  1. #1
    Yoffy lifts a finger... fluff's Avatar
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    He Said What? Memorable Quotes From the 2003 Academy Awards

    From Hollywood.com


    When it comes to hosting the Oscars, Steve Martin really takes the cake. And no one cuts it--or the celebs--down to size quite like he does.

    "Well," he said, surveying the glammed up crowed, "I'm glad they cut back on all the glitz…. Guess you noticed there was no fancy red carpet tonight. That'll send 'em a message."

    Then he told the audience he licked all the Oscars, that Mickey Rooney had a bad seat because Vin Diesel was there, and that "Nicole Kidman has worn a fake nose in every movie she's ever made--except The Hours." He called Julia Roberts "a close personal fantasy."

    He claimed to be "standing exactly 22 feet away from Halle Berry, in compliance with the court order," and said that "tonight, Jack Nicholson and Meryl Streep made Oscar history. It was backstage and it wasn't pretty."

    With that kind of material, the host is bound to have the funniest quotes. The winners' speeches are always fun, too--they're just not always intelligible. We've included the ones we could make out at the bottom of this page, but we lead off our wrapup of bon mots from 75th Annual Academy Awards with some of Martin's best:

    "Jack Nicholson got in a hot tub with Kathy Bates. But, hey. Who hasn't?"

    "Miramax stopped at nothing to make sure Chicago was nominated. Now tell me if you think this is fair: they made a really good movie that everybody likes."

    "Right now, you should do what Tom Cruise does. At the end of each week, he takes a million dollars and he just puts it away, like it's not even there, whether it's been a good week or a bad week. And then at the end of the year, you've got a little cushion."

    "Oops! Sorry. I thought I saw a non-celebrity."

    "Roman Polanski is here. Get him!"

    "What is a movie star? A movie star is many things. They can be tall, short, thin, or skinny. They can be democrats…or skinny."

    "There are no losers here tonight, but we're about to change all that."

    "Next year, I'll be starring in 'The Sherwin Williams Story.'"

    "It was so sweet backstage, you should see it. The teamsters are helping Michael Moore into the trunk of his limo."

    "When I heard that Richard Gere was not nominated for his great performance in Chicago, I said to myself, 'Welcome to my world, Richard Gere.'"

    And From the Winners...
    I've invited my fellow documentary nominees onstage with us. They're here in solidarity with me, because we like non-fiction. We like non-fiction and we live in fictitious times. We live in a time when we have…fictitious election results…and a man sending us to war for fictitious reasons…we are against this war, Mr. Bush. Shame on you, Mr. Bush, shame on you. --Michael Moore

    Every time an Oscar is given out, an agent gets his wings. --Kathy Bates

    Winning the Oscar really improved my sex life. I'd sure like to win another one. --Shirley Jones, in a video montage

    There comes a time in life when everything seems to make sense, and this is not one of those times. --Adrien Brody

    If it weren't for the insomnia and those…panic attacks, this has been an amazing journey. --Adrien Brody

    Wait, wait, one second, please. I got one shot at this; cut it out. --Adrien Brody

    My experience of making this film made me very, very aware of the … repercussions of war. Whatever you believe in--whether it's God or Allah--may he watch over you, and let us play for a peaceful and swift resolution. I have a friend from Queens who's a soldier in Kuwait right now…and I hope you make it back real soon. God bless you boys, I love you. --Adrien Brody

    I'm proud to live in a country that guarantees every citizen, including artists, the right to sing and say what we believe. --Barbra Streisand

    Russell Crowe said, "Don't cry if you get up there," and now I'm crying. Sorry! -- Nicole Kidman

    [People said], "Why do you come to the Academy Awards when the world is in such turmoil?" Because art is important and because you believe in what you do and you want to honor that, and it is a tradition that needs to be upheld. --Nicole Kidman
    "That's Numberwang!"

  2. #2
    Soccer Kicks Balls cali's Avatar
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    Oh my, some of the Steve Martin quotes have me wishing I'd watched some of it

    Thanks!
    "Rice is great when you're hungry and want 2,000 of something' -- Mitch Hedberg

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    Yoffy lifts a finger... fluff's Avatar
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    I thought he was hilarious Cali.

    I loved his comment re Michael Moore.

    Moore should realise that a large part of getting across a message effectively rests with when,where and how you choose to deliver it.
    "That's Numberwang!"

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    Soccer Kicks Balls cali's Avatar
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    exactly!
    "Rice is great when you're hungry and want 2,000 of something' -- Mitch Hedberg

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    For Your Entertainment lobeck's Avatar
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    Originally posted by fluff
    I thought he was hilarious Cali.

    I loved his comment re Michael Moore.

    Moore should realise that a large part of getting across a message effectively rests with when,where and how you choose to deliver it.
    Very true, Fluff!

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    Sexy evil genius Paulie's Avatar
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    Michael Moore's outburst was wincingly bad, but Steve Martin defused everything so well. He's a brilliant comedian, I think. And he loves writing.
    When you're ten years old and a car drives by and splashes a puddle of water all over you, it's hard to decide if you should go to school like that or try to go home and change and probably be late. So while he was trying to decide, I drove by and splashed him again. - Jack Handey

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    Yoffy lifts a finger... fluff's Avatar
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    I wonder if Moore told the other nominees that took to the stage with him what he was planning to say.
    They all looked most uncomfortable.
    "That's Numberwang!"

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    For Your Entertainment lobeck's Avatar
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    For those that missed it and/or are interested, here's what he said:

    "I've invited my fellow documentary nominees on stage with us here in solidarity with me," he said, "because we like non-fiction and we live in fictitious times. We live in the time where we have fictitious election results that elect a fictitious president. We live in a time where we have a man who's sending us to war for fictitious reasons, whether it's the fiction of duct tape or the fiction of orange alerts. ... We have a man sending us to war for fictitious reasons. We are against this war, Mr. Bush. Shame on you, Mr. Bush, shame on you."


    Moore expanded on his comments with the press backstage.

    "I'm an American," he said. "You don't leave your citizenship behind when you enter the doors of the Kodak Theatre." He added that expressing opinions is "what I do. I do that in my filmmaking."

    Asked what he thought of the catcalls, he said, "Don't report that there was a split decision in the hall because five loud people booed."

  9. #9
    Sexy evil genius Paulie's Avatar
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    I would be interested to know if the other nominees were aware of what was coming, also, Fluff. I'd be pretty incensed if he didn't tell me and then lumped me in with his commentary.

    Did you see the miscellaneous dude in the right wings after Moore left? I assume he was a security guy with a tranquilizer gun or something, huh?
    When you're ten years old and a car drives by and splashes a puddle of water all over you, it's hard to decide if you should go to school like that or try to go home and change and probably be late. So while he was trying to decide, I drove by and splashed him again. - Jack Handey

    Read Paulie's Precaps for Survivor:Vanuatu: 1-2-3-4-5

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    Plotting spegs's Avatar
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    "Don't report that there was a split decision in the hall because five loud people booed"

    Maybe he shouldn't assume that there was general approval in the hall just because no one jumped up and throttled him.
    "Look, you love me, and I love you. Maybe in a different time, a different place, this would work out. But we both know that only one of us is leaving this room alive, and I'm the one holding the flame thrower." - Film Fakers

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