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Thread: EW: The Year's Top 10 Celeb Excuses

  1. #1
    hellooooooo sher's Avatar
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    Sep 2002
    dallas, fer sure

    EW: The Year's Top 10 Celeb Excuses


    10) ''I've killed enough of the world's trees.''
    -- Stephen King, on his planned retirement from publishing

    9) ''People think it's s---.''
    -- Guy Ritchie, telling Oxford students why his ''Swept Away,'' starring wife Madonna, is going straight to video in England

    8) ''Tom Sizemore is a popular and nice guy. An individual became unruly when asked to leave and was escorted out of Mr. Sizemore's house. Subsequently, the individual asked me, Mr. Sizemore's attorney, for money. This is a shakedown and we are confident that it will go away.''
    -- Robert Barta, attorney for Tom Sizemore, on the actor's misdemeanor battery charge for allegedly assaulting a woman claiming to be his fiancée

    7) ''All I needed was, like, five hours' sleep.''
    -- Mariah Carey, on her hospitalization for ''exhaustion'' last year

    6) ''All I know is, I woke up and I am covered in cream.''
    -- R.E.M.'s Peter Buck, testifying that he couldn't remember an alleged air-rage incident in which he was accused of overturning a breakfast cart, because of a blackout he blamed on a drink and a sleeping pill taken on an empty stomach; he was ultimately acquitted

    5) ''Sometimes when I'm sleeping, you know, it's, like, in the middle of the night I'm not, like, totally clear. I'm thinking I'm sleeping with my wife.... I'm not even attracted to you! I am 150 to 200 percent happy with the wife that I have.''
    -- ''Survivor: Thailand'' castaway Ted Rogers Jr., apologizing to tribemate Ghandia Johnson, in response to her accusation that he was ''grinding'' against her in her sleep

    4) ''It was the goal of these people to eliminate me. This business would have worked except for these five or six guys. They wanted to kill Michael Ovitz. If they could have taken my wife and kids, they would have.''
    -- Former Hollywood power broker Michael Ovitz, blaming his fall from grace on what he called the industry's ''gay mafia''

    3) ''Crack is cheap. I make too much money to use crack. Crack is wack.''
    -- Whitney Houston, on why crack was absent from the otherwise lengthy list of drugs she admitted to having used

    2) ''I made a terrible mistake. I got caught up in the excitement of the moment. I would never intentionally endanger the lives of my children.''
    -- Michael Jackson, apologizing for dangling his baby outside a Berlin hotel window, several stories above a crowd of fans on the street

    1) ''I was told that I should shoplift. The director said I should try it out.''
    -- Saks Fifth Avenue guard Colleen Rainey, testifying during Winona Ryder's trial, quoting the actress' explanation that she was preparing for a movie role

  2. #2
    Starbucks is your friend Bill's Avatar
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    Oct 2002
    These are classics Sher!
    "George Oscar Bluth II, aka GOB, featured magician in the best selling videotape, "Girls With Low Self Esteem" invites you to enter his world.
    -- Arrested Development, Season III

  3. #3
    Soccer Kicks Balls cali's Avatar
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    Sep 2002
    right behind you
    I love those.

    Is that really what Ted said?

    Ahhh, Whitney...crack is wack indeed
    "Rice is great when you're hungry and want 2,000 of something' -- Mitch Hedberg

  4. #4
    Yoffy lifts a finger... fluff's Avatar
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    Sep 2002
    Those were really funny.
    That's exactly what Ted said Cali.

    The Whitney Houstin one is ridiculous :rolleyes
    "That's Numberwang!"

  5. #5
    Evil Slash Crazy Miss Filangi's Avatar
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    Sep 2002
    Looking for a place to happen
    Michael Jackson is an idiot.

    You were caught up in the excitement of the moment that you hung your child over a railing... but were cognisant enough to know there might be paparazzi, so better cover his face?

    If you go through a lot of hammers each month, I don't think it necessarily means you're a hard worker.
    It may just mean that you have a lot to learn about proper hammer maintenance.

  6. #6
    It ain't easy being green Wayner's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    But being blue is more work.
    Yeah, the 150-200 percent comment was too funny!

    And if Michael is really that dense, then I can actually see his life ending in the same fashion as the gas station explosion from "Zoolander."

  7. #7
    Leo is offline
    Premium Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    at all of them!

    Especially Wacko Jacko's and Winona's

    And Michael - his death will probably be caused, directly or indirectly, by too much plastic surgery.

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