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Thread: Hobbits loving each other.. not.

  1. #1
    can i have your heart? unexplained's Avatar
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    Hobbits loving each other.. not.

    "Frodo's a Prima Donna"
    Post-Oscars, the cast of "Rings" comes clean

    By Sonoma Williams http://www.bagendinn.com/040104news.htm




    In an exclusive interview with Variety, Elijah Wood's fellow hobbits
    have decided to come forth with the truth about their much-lauded Ringbearer.Contrary to images of smiling, happy hobbit actors at premiere and awards events for the last two-plus years, the real story, say Lord of the Rings cast members, is not so sunny.

    "He's a d*ck," a decidedly un-Merry Dominic Monaghan says bluntly. "Every day on the set he just wouldn't stop acting like he owned the place. Everyone became his servant. 'Get me coffee,' 'Rub my back,' 'Can I use you as a footrest?' It was constant, unending labor for the rest of us. And we couldn't say a bloody thing about it because he was the star."

    Frodo's faithful servant Sam, Sean Astin, concurs with Monaghan's assessment: "You know, I thought Sam had it bad, having to actually carry Frodo up that mountain and all, but Elijah, man..." The others groan in sympathy with him. "You want the truth? The truth is I got good at carrying him because I had to do it all the time. He kept complaining that his legs were too tired, or the rocks were poking through his hobbit feet and bothering him. Initially, I was happy to help out, but then he started acting like he was entitled to it. It made me sick. There's more, but I'll have it all in my book, which is coming out this fall."

    Billy Boyd, who plays Pippin in the legendary trilogy, was even more candid. "Elijah, to me, personifies everything that's wrong about Hollywood child stars: pampered, rich, expects everything to just be handed to him. Doesn't believe anyone else is even human, I think. Everyone looks at poor, suffering Frodo up there onscreen and thinks he's just so sweet and innocent. Bollocks. Frodo's not innocent. Frodo's a Prima Donna, that's what he is." Even worse, says Boyd, is that Wood's outward charm and boyish good looks made people, especially women, seemingly blind to his true nature: "Oh, he'd pull twice what we did every night in the clubs. All he has to do is put on that cute puppy act and the girls go berzerk. He must have mowed through half the female population of Wellington, and I think he even slept with Peter's assistant. There was nothing left for the rest of us! There were times he'd show up late on-set because he'd been out all night carousing with barmaids and waitresses. And then he'd hit on the makeup girls the next morning!"

    "Not to mention some of the stunt guys!" Astin interjects.

    "I admit, I was fooled, too, at first," Monaghan says, hanging his head. "I mean, I really fell for the guy. I couldn't help it! He was just so vibrant and fun and someone I really wanted to be close to..." he trails off wistfully. "But that all changed when he realized what he could get out of us once he had us all sucked in with all that fake sweetness."

    The filmmakers could not be reached for comment, but Orlando Bloom (Legolas), via a phone interview, had this to contribute: "Elijah, man. What can I say about him that hasn't already been written on bathroom walls, you know? I can't help but feel a little smug, though, that it looks like I've turned into the big star out of all of this, instead of that little prat. Ha! Eat Troy, Wood!"

    Monaghan's girlfriend, a petite blonde named Datherine, pets him soothingly as he sums up the cast's feelings about the apparently obnoxious Wood: "It was misery. Eighteen months of misery. Now that all of the awards and premieres and all the publicity is finally over, we can all relax now. That wanker can go off and do whatever he wants, because none of us want to have anything to do with him anymore. Frankly, Elijah, I hope you read this. You can kiss my Manc arse!"
    Date in print: Wed., Mar. 31, 2004, Gotham
    Last edited by unexplained; 04-01-2004 at 11:42 AM.
    You select the person you want to be with, and then you let that person have the opportunity to select you. -Shayla

    "The mind is its own place, and in it, self can make a Heav'n of Hell, a Hell of Heav'n." -John Milton, Paradise Lost.

  2. #2
    Rude and Abrasive Texicana's Avatar
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    Great April Fool's post
    " I look like Nigella Lawson with a $#*!ing hangover."

  3. #3
    can i have your heart? unexplained's Avatar
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    Your welcome.
    You select the person you want to be with, and then you let that person have the opportunity to select you. -Shayla

    "The mind is its own place, and in it, self can make a Heav'n of Hell, a Hell of Heav'n." -John Milton, Paradise Lost.

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    RESIDENT JEDI MASTER Stargazer's Avatar
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    You got me through the first paragraph or so. I was totally confused
    "Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter."- Yoda

    "I'll just see where Providence takes me and try to look like I got there confidently." - Craig Ferguson

  5. #5
    Premium Member FinallyHere's Avatar
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    I thought it looked fishy that the author's name is Sonoma Williams sice Sonama-Williams makes housewares.
    Some people are like slinkies, they're useless until you push them down the stairs.

  6. #6
    Lucky!! octobergirl's Avatar
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    I got fooled, I kept thinking that it did sound made up, though. Good one!
    Last week, Japanese scientists explaced... placed explosive detonators at the bottom of Lake Loch Ness to blow Nessie out of the water. Sir Godfrey of the Nessie Alliance summoned the help of Scotland's local wizards to cast a protective spell over the lake and its local residents and all those who seek for the peaceful existence of our underwater ally. ~ Napoleon Dynamite

  7. #7
    can i have your heart? unexplained's Avatar
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    I was fooled too initially.
    You select the person you want to be with, and then you let that person have the opportunity to select you. -Shayla

    "The mind is its own place, and in it, self can make a Heav'n of Hell, a Hell of Heav'n." -John Milton, Paradise Lost.

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