Welcome to the penultimate episode of More to Love I don’t know about you, but I’ve just about had my fill with this one. I’ve seen enough weeping and poor self-esteem to last me a lifetime. Last week, Luke narrowed his field of potential housewives to three when he sent Anna, the plus-size model home. We then learned that Luke would be taking the remaining three ladies – Tali, Malissa and Mandy – to Hawaii for Fleiss’s usual fantasy dates in paradise. ‘Cause rejection is so much easier to take if you have nice scenery.
This week’s action picks up with the three remaining ladies dressed up to go out and in a limo on the way to meet Luke. Tali vows to leave her insecurities behind and just go for it. The limo arrives and they meet Luke for alcohol and dancing with Polynesian dancers. I’m so glad we get to see more awkward dancing from Luke. It’s become a requirement in every episode for Luke to dork out and dance badly. Tali calls the whole experience “awkward and embarrassing.” And how. Luke tells the ladies that this will be their last group date: from here on out, it’s one-on-one dates.
Luke then actually tells us that this really isn’t a competition. Seriously.
The next morning, it’s time for the first one-on-one date and Malissa is the lucky girl. Luke tells us they have great physical chemistry, but he needs to see if she’s really there for him or if she just wants to win. Malissa is still WAY confident about her place in the competition. For their date, Luke and Malissa will be going to a sea life park where they wander around talking about how great fish are. Their visit culminates in them getting to swim with dolphins. Malissa jumps right in and Luke says he likes that she isn’t timid. No, that’s not ever going to be a problem with Malissa. Here’s evidence: Malissa then tells us she doesn’t want to seem cocky, but she knows she isn’t going home. *SIGH*
Luke really wants to get to the bottom of things with Malissa and create some more emotional intimacy with her. He tries to start a serious conversation and gets next to nothing from her. He wants to talk about what she thinks their relationship would be like in the real world and she admits she doesn’t know. He obviously attracted to Malissa physically, but Luke begins to wonder if that has blinded him to everything else about her. He says that she has qualities (two in particular) that he looks for in a woman, but he’s worried that Malissa may not be ready to open her heart to someone.
At dinner, Luke looks sweaty and vacant. Malissa says she feels like she needs to tell him everything she needs to tell him and proceeds to say close to nothing. I don’t think it’s really Malissa’s fault really. I just think there’s not much going on in her head. Luke begins to question her feelings because she’s never dated a guy his size before. Malissa gets a little bicker-y, telling him to stop worrying, but Luke worries about being rejected because of his size. He didn’t expect to feel so strongly for her in such a short amount of time. Malissa is clearly loving this and says aloud to him “Luke is mine.” Like I said, that girl definitely doesn’t have a confidence problem.
Shockingly (not), Luke is still not sure if Malissa is really sincere. He then tells her that he had dessert delivered to his place and asks if she would like to join him. Yeah, ply the fat girl with food. Nice move, Fleiss.
Back at the room, they lay on the ubiquitous bed covered in rose petals. Luke says he’s very attracted to her
breastsand thinks she has the most potential to break his heart. Malissa admits that she started out just wanting to win, but she doesn’t feel that way any more. Much noisy making out ensues. This is worse than that chick in the bushes with Joe Millionaire. At least they didn’t do subtitles this time.
Tali may have issues about being in a bathing suit, but obviously, Luke likes what he sees, because he’s planned yet another beach date with her. Because Tali was in the Israeli navy, Luke thinks a boating date will be perfect for her. Yeah, not so much: inexplicably, Tali is afraid of the water. She explains this to Luke, saying she’s a mountain girl, not an ocean girl. Still, she’s going to give it a try. They spend time standing on the deck, playing Leo and Kate. It’s obligatory on all dating shows where there is a boating date.
As if being out on the water isn’t hard enough for Tali, Luke announces that he’s going to take her snorkeling. Tali looks like she’s rather jump ship and head back to shore….if it wasn’t for all that water. Luke is seriously bummed and worries that he chose the wrong date for Tali. Gee, ya think? To her credit, Tali sucks it up and gets in the water. Luke stays right with her as she clings to the ladder on the side of the boat. He wins major points with her for taking the time to help her and make her feel more comfortable. Eventually, Tali relaxes enough to swim away from the boat and she ends up enjoying snorkeling. Luke tells us that Tali may not be the easy choice, but he has feelings for her that he hasn’t ever had for any other woman.
At dinner that night, Tali thanks Luke for helping her face her biggest fear. She was 11 or 12 the last time she was in the ocean, so today’s date was a big deal. Tali tells us she’s falling in love with Luke, but is finding it hard to share him with the other girls. She tells Luke she’s trying hard to focus on him and not worry about Mandy and Malissa.
Color me shocked, but Luke actually tells Tali he’s falling in love with her. He says he’s never been affected by a woman the way he’s been affected by Tali. Luke then asks Tali to go back his room with him to “snuggle,” which is a euphemism for something else, I’m sure. Tali thinks this is a great idea, but then worries that she didn’t bring her jammies. They pop the cork on a bottle of champagne and Tali toasts, not to more to love, but to [I]one love[/u].
Back at Luke’s, room, there’s much noisy making out….or at least there was until I hit the mute button. For those keeping count, this is the second bubble bath date with bathing suits. Luke asks Tali to stay over and she agrees. Note: no confirmation of any snuggling. Luke talks about their “cultural differences,” but says he thinks they could overcome them.
As Luke is waiting for Mandy, he tells us that Mandy is one of the girls who has been at the top of his list. She’s also the most guarded, so he needs her to open up and be more comfortable around him. For their date, Mandy and Luke will be riding ATVs, which Mandy seems excited about. They ride all over hell and half of Georgia…or Hawaii….. on those ATVs. Her face is covered with grime by the end. Pretty.
Luke tells us that Mandy has been reluctant to come out of her shell, so he really is going to try to get her to open up. She wonders how Luke can even make a sound decision under these circumstances, but tells him that she’s the best choice for him. Luke thinks that, of the remaining three ladies, Mandy may be the most ready for a serious relationship.
That night, after they’ve changed and Mandy has washed half the dirt in Hawaii off her face, they meet for dinner. Luke tells us he’s worried about Mandy cracking. She seems to focus much more on the other girls and not so much on him, Luke notes. The rest of this date takes place on a ship, which gives us something pretty to look at instead of focusing on this conversation. It’s the equivalent of watching paint dry. Mandy tells us that Luke is so calm. Other people might call it “bland,” but you know: po-TAY-to / po-TAH-to.
Luke asks Mandy if, on the first night, she imagined she would be in the final three. Okay, bored now. Honestly. Luke says he felt a connection with her from the beginning and then asks if she could see herself married to him. She says “yes” because she’s supposed to. Mandy tells us she loves him and isn’t scared of love: she’s scared of rejection. We’re subjected to more noisy kissing and then Luke asks Mandy if she wants to stay on the boat with her and look at the stars. He then says “no regrets.” Uh-oh. She tells us that she knows Luke is the man she’s supposed to marry. Double uh-oh.
Two Down, One to Go!
Well, here we go folks! It’s time for Luke to do some more heart breaking. The three ladies step out into the garden and wait for Luke to arrive. He’s actually wandering around on the beach behind them, throwing rocks and looking appropriately anguished about crushing someone’s dreams. The ladies all do a great job at ignoring his presence until he walks over to stand next to Emme. You know, Emme is usually dressed to the nines and looks ten times better than any of the “bachelorettes” on this show. Today, her wardrobe person must have been ill…or insane. One should never wear that particular color of orange on television. It makes picture tubes cry. Emme’s cleavage is on full view as well, but she’s no Malissa. Cover ‘em up next time, Em. You’re way too classy for that.
Emme makes the ladies surrender their rings and then it’s time for Luke’s weekly speech about how this wasn’t an easy decision for him. He tells us that he hopes he won’t regret his decision later. Oh, you probably will, but you can always change your mind later and get some more face time on US Weekly when you throw over your final pick for one of the other girls. It’s worked before.
The elimination ceremony is short and sweet. Tali and Malissa get rings, in that order. That leaves Mandy getting the order from Emme to leave. Mandy tries not to cry while standing there, but doesn’t do a very good job. Luke looks like he’d rather be anywhere else. Luke and Mandy walk outside to talk. He tells her that he knows he was supposed to meet her, which seems pretty cold, since it seems he was supposed to meet her simply to dump her. She cries and he hugs her. Then he shoves her into the limo and goes back to the two other girls he’d rather be with.
Mandy cries and tells us how hard it is to let go of Luke. She thought she’d be the final one and now she feels lost. Hey, who knew my recaps would end up full of so many style and fashion tips? Here comes another one. Ladies, I have two words for you: waterproof mascara. It’s embarrassing enough to be crying your eyes out in the back of a limo about a guy you’ve know for three weeks, so at least keep yourself from looking like Tami Faye on a particularly touching episode of The PTL Club.
Next Week It’s the season finale and both Tali and Malissa will be meeting Luke’s parents. Then, Luke will choose the girl who will appear with him on the cover of US Weekly (or maybe, In Touch) with the headline “More to Love Couple’s Sad Split.”