Welcome back to another episode of Momma’s Boys! It seems like the show just started, but we’re already getting to the point where there are few enough blondes that I can almost tell the difference between them all. If only they’d make them all wear name tags, I’d be set. At this point, I’m still referring to them by their nicknames. There’s “bleached blonde man,” “skunk hair girl” and “girl who likes animal print.” If they swapped hairstyles or clothing, I’d be confused all over again. Hopefully, the elimination tonight will make MY life a little easier. Let’s get started shall we?
As soon as the elimination ceremony is over, Michael sends Meghan a text. He tells us he’s dying to go out with her. Uh-huh. I’m sure that’s what he’s dying to do with Meghan. He asks Meghan to meet him in the yard. They slink off behind some trees. Michael tells Meghan he’s had his eye on her form the beginning. I don’t know how that’s possible, with Michelle blocking his view this whole time. Meghan is concerned about her Playboy past and Michael worries about how to explain that to his mother. He knows that Lorraine won’t get to know Meghan: she only cares that Meghan posed nude and won’t care about anything else. He claims not to care about Playboy. Yeah, right. He says “Screw you, mom! I like Meghan.” Oooo. A little faux rebellion. That’s going to evaporate as soon as Lorraine is in the room.
A Priest and a Rabbi Walk Into a Bar
The morning after elimination, the doorbell rings and in come a priest and a rabbi. Mrs. B thinks it’s time for exorcisms. Not so fast, honey, you’d be first in line. Since family traditions have a lot to do with choosing a mate, so they’ll be going home for the holidays. This means they’ll be attempting to prepare a traditional meal, all while not killing each other. They will spend two hours to create the perfect Hanukah party or Christmas dinner. They will have special helpers to get them into the holiday spirit. In come a group of children. They are a few of JoJo’s cousins, Esther’s nephew and Lorraine’s cousin.
The girls split into two groups – the girls who are after Rob and the ones who want JoJo or Michael. The rabbi notes that the Christians are decorating the tree and the Jews are in the kitchen. Camilla, who’s all about Rob at this point, knows she has to learn about Jewish customs. She quizzes the rabbi about the menorah. Lauren – the only actual Jewish girl in the house – watches Camilla grill the rabbi.
In the living room, Erica and Michael decorate the tree with Lorraine’s cousin. Lorraine watches, practically in ecstasy. She tells is that Erica would make a wonderful daughter-in-law. Seriously, this is going to be like kicking a puppy. Erica is worried about Lorraine’s reaction, but says it’s not the right time to reveal her secret.
Mrs. B is watching the girls like a hawk to see which of them really makes an effort. Misty is working hard, but is more concerned with impressing JoJo than his mother. Esther gives the girls a little lesson about the menorah, with an assist from Camilla. Rob is clearly impressed with Camilla’s interest in his culture. Esther is non-plussed because Camilla is…well, Camilla isn’t Lauren.
Michelle and Meghan make eggnog, which Lorraine, whose really feeling the holiday spirit, refuses to drink. Michael tells us his decisions are getting tougher. He takes aside the priest to get a little fatherly advice about his dilemma: he’s torn between what he wants and what his mother wants. The priest tells Michael that he needs to cut the umbilical cord and make his own decisions.
At that moment, Meghan sends Michael a text asking him to meet her in the bedroom. When he arrives, she greets him wearing Frederick’s of Hollywood’s take on Mrs. Claus. There’s faux fur and red velvet and lots of skin. While Michael inspects Meghan’s outfit – and her tonsils – everyone upstairs is wondering where Michael is. Lorraine is still in lurve with Erica, who is clicking with Lorraine’s little cousin. The groups start getting together their family dinners while Michael and Meghan are getting to know each other a lot better. Everyone keeps asking where Michael is. No one asks where Meghan is, by the way. Interesting. Finally, Michael emerges and joins the group. As they dig in, Michelle snottily comments that the dinner would have been better if it had been catered. Lorraine vows to do whatever she has to do to keep Michael from choosing either Michelle or Meghan.
Much to Lorraine’s glee, Michael sends Erica a text, asking her out on a date. They go waterskiing and Michael admits he’s warming up to Erica. They spend time on the beach, drinking wine and “talking.” Yeah, talking. I think that’s what the kids are calling it now.
Michael tells us that he likes Erica because she’s reserved, but then says she isn’t quiet or shy. He can definitely see himself falling for her: he says she’s a good girl. Meanwhile, Erica’s giant secret hovers overhead, just waiting to ruin everything…or, you know, make it WAY better for me as a viewer. When she returns to the house, Erica tells Lorraine about date and that Michael was a perfect gentleman on their date.
Misty receives a text from JoJo, asking her on a date. Mrs. B is livid. She tells us it’s because she isn’t used to Misty’s culture and says that, if she doesn’t want Misty to go out with JoJo, Misty should respect her wishes and not go out with him. Misty counters that she doesn’t respect Mrs. B, so she’ll be going out with JoJo. It’s Mrs. B vs. Vita all over again. The other girls cringe as they hear the fight begin. The fight culminates with Mrs. B calling Misty a whore. A number of girls step in to separate Mrs. B and Misty. Misty smiles over Mrs. B’s fury. Call me crazy, but I think these two deserve each other.
JoJo and Misty’s date starts out with a little rock climbing. Halfway up the climbing wall, Misty admits that she’s afraid of heights. She must really like JoJo because she makes it up to the top of the wall, where JoJo kisses her. Maybe she just really wants to stick it to Mrs. B. Speaking of Mrs. B, she’s back at the house and ready to swallow her own tongue. She demands that the producers take her to see JoJo. The producers, who understand how very much Mrs. B just loves her son, oblige her. You know they were wetting their pants with glee when arranging for the helicopter that takes Mrs. B to the site of JoJo and Misty’s date, which has now moved to a hot tub.
Mrs. B, twitches in the helicopter. Seriously, this thing is moving like it’s like the freaking navy seals doing a maneuver. Mrs. B tells us that she doesn’t want to see JoJo even holding hands with Misty. Well, I don’t think he’s holding her hands. As the helicopter approaches, the helpful producer hands Mrs. B a video monitor that shows what’s going on. Of course, JoJo and Misty are all over each other. Here’s the scene we’ve been seeing in all the previews: Mrs. B slams her fist against the helicopter window and swears. She tells us she didn’t raise JoJo this way and tells the pilot to take her down there.
For a minute, it looks like the helicopter is going to land right smack in the middle of the hot tub. Alas, it just hovers for a few minutes – a clueless JoJo and Misty don’t even realize who’s in the copter – before heading back to the air strip, Mrs. B bawling all the way. I’d have more sympathy for her if she wasn’t having this fit over the fact that her son was kissing a black girl. As soon as she returns to the house, Mrs. B starts swearing a blue street. She complains to Maisha and Camilla and Camilla calmly asks if her problem is Misty herself or the color of Misty’s skin. Mrs. B looks trapped. Maisha tells Mrs. B how hurtful her comments have been and Mrs. B sheepishly tells her she’s not a racist. Uh-huh. Maisha tells her than she has hurt a lot of feelings and needs to be more careful about what she says. Mrs. B tells the girls she isn’t there to hurt anyone’s feelings: she’s just there to find a girl for JoJo. She cries and says the girls have opened her eyes and her heart….for now
Everyone sits and waits for Misty to return. She approaches the house, innocent of the fact that Mrs. B knows all about her little hot tub session with JoJo. Mrs. B asks to speak with Misty in private. Mrs. B tells her that she knows Misty isn’t the right girl for JoJo and, as a mother, she’s looking for the perfect girl for her son. Misty lectures Mrs. B: there isn’t such thing as a perfect girl and it’s not realistic to look for one. Mrs. B counters, only half-joking, that JoJo will just have to stay single then. The end of the discussion is a surprise: the two actually end up apologizing to each other and hugging. Mrs. B admits she needs to be more open-minded. This will last exactly as long as it takes for JoJo to show interest in some other “unsuitable” girl.
Standing up to Your Mother….Only Not Really
It’s elimination night, which means it’s time for the moms to dress their sons. Seriously, can these boys get dressed on their own? Have the moms devised some system of adult Garanimals so that their sons don’t go out looking like color blind hobos? Mrs. B sweetly tells JoJo that she wants to strangle him over his date with Misty. He stops her rant and tells her that, while he does love her and doesn’t want to hurt or embarrass her, he isn’t a little boy any more and will make the decisions he wants to make. He tells her that his date with Misty was a private date and she can’t blame him for what he did on that private date.
It’s time for the pre-elimination cocktail party and Lorraine is still lobbying hard for Michael to eliminate Michelle. Esther is likewise lobbying Rob to take a second (or is it fifth?) look at Lauren. He tells her that, while he has tried, he just isn’t as attracted to her as some of the other girls. She rambles on about background and upbringing and tradition, but he’s not hearing any of it. He knows how important it is to his mother that he marries a Jewish girl, but explains to her that the scenario here is different and he’s going to go with it and get to know the girls he’s interested in.
The guys gather all the girls together and, as usual Rob does the talking. This will be the final night for the girls in the mansion, he announces. Tomorrow, the stakes will be raised, as many of them will be leaving for the US Virgin Islands. Each guy will have two tickets, while the moms will each have one ticket: they will be able to give those tickets to the girls they want to go on the trip. The texts will start coming.
Esther and Rob first summon Lauren, who is, big shocker, getting Esther’s ticket. Rob’s first ticket goes to a thrilled Camilla. She bawls like a baby. I’m actually embarrassed for her. Esther is less than thrilled. Camilla admits that it hurts her feelings that Esther isn’t warm to her. Esther lies and says she does like Camilla and gives her a fake hug. Rob offers his second ticket to Amanda, who turns it down. Her reason: she knows how much Rob loves NYC and knows he would never want to leave the city. She knows she wouldn’t ever want to live there. That’s her story and she’s sticking to it. Rob then offers his second ticket to Nikki, who happily accepts.
Michael and Lorraine make their choices. Michael’s first ticket – much to Lorraine’s glee – goes to Erica. Lorraine offers her ticket to a relieved Amanda: her gamble paid off. Michael then asks Michelle and Meghan to step forward. He’s been ”involved” with both girls and likes them both, but he can only take one on the trip. Apparently, Michael has a little Mrs. Claus fantasy, because Michelle is given her walking papers: Meghan gets the last ticket. Lorraine nearly explodes from joy. It’s only slightly subdued because he kept Meghan around. Michelle tells us that she’s a princess that should be worshipped and she just didn’t get that from Michael.
It’s all down to JoJo and Mrs. B. Misty faces them and JoJo does all the talking. He just can’t tolerate disrespect for his mother, so she has to go. Julie is up next and JoJo tells her he can’t see anyone but her going on the trip with him. She’s in. Mrs. B cautions Julie to act like a lady. JoJo’s second ticket goes to Mindy, the kindergarten teacher. All of the other ladies are assembled and Mrs. B has the last ticket. She pretends to apologize while telling them that none of them is good enough for her son. She tears up the ticket and drops it. Well, MEEE-YOW.
Next week: The drama goes global in the US Virgin Islands where Esther’s head explodes while watching Rob and Camilla make out. Plus, it looks like wholesome little Erica’s secret is about to come out in a major way. Tune in to see Lorraine’s entire world turned upside down when she realizes she pushed her darling son to date an, ahem, adult model.