You know what my favorite thing about Momma’s Boys is? The fact that all the while that the moms think they know what’s best for their sons, Lorraine is championing the Penthouse Pet of the Year as her son’s soul mate. You know she’s going to find out sooner or later that Erica, the wholesome, sweet girl she thinks is best for her darling Michael, makes her living by, well, showing strangers things that are usually seen only by a gynecologist. For me, this is the dramatic tension on the show. Forget Mrs. B and her racist rants and Esther and her insistence that her son date the girl she loves. I cannot WAIT until Lorraine finds out that Erica isn’t nearly as wholesome as she thinks. Of course, the show can’t go anywhere but downhill after that, but I don’t care.
The producers will probably drag that out as long as possible, so let’s get on with the drama of the week and see what’s in store for the moms, the girls and the hapless guys torn between them.
Like a harbinger of doom, the door bell rings. Here comes the delivery we’ve all been waiting for! It’s a big Plexiglas box containing the equivalent of an FBI dossier on each girl. Half of the girls immediately turn an appropriate shade of green as Lorraine reads the note accompanying the box. These files contain everything a mother would want to know about a prospective daughter-in-law, including a credit check, background check and Internet searches. Megan, Brittany and Erica look particularly ill: Erica knows what people will find if they look her up on the Internet. It’s not for the faint of heart, believe me.
The moms begin planning which files they want to read first. Each mom will be allowed to choose one file each. Mrs. B is practically drooling. Here’s the catch: the girls who finish in the top 3 of today’s challenge will get to keep their files locked. The girls all vow to win the challenge. Stacy knows that her Playboy past is in her file, so she quickly takes Lorraine aside to tell her about posing in the magazine 10 years ago. Lorraine tells us that it makes her uncomfortable. Meanwhile, Megan is taking Esther aside and confessing her experience with Playboy. Jeez, have any of these girls kept their clothes on? Mrs. B announces that nudity and porn is disrespectful. She’s chomping at the bit to get into those files.
The Way to a Man’s Heart
It’s time for this week’s challenge and, this time, it’s a cooking competition. The girls meet chef, Tyler Florence, who explains that the moms have selected their sons’ favorite dishes. The girls will have to choose a menu to prepare or they can create their own dish. They will have one hour. The judges will select the winners based on effort, creativity and taste.
Mrs. B is insulted that none of the girls chose her menu. Julie notices this and decides to tackle Mrs. B’s menu on her own. Erica decides to do something completely different and makes an old-school Southern casserole. Amanda and Megan team up to prepare stuffed peppers. Tyler Florence talks to Amanda about the dish and is practically drooling over the peppers….and probably over Amanda as well.
Lorraine notes that all the girls preparing her menu are blonde – she can’t get away from them. Michelle, who can‘t seem to find a peeler, peels an apple with a giant knife. Someone’s definitely going to sever a limb this week.
The guys arrive and get excited about the girls cooking for them. JoJo notices that his mother is nowhere in sight and sets out to find her. He finds her outside, sulking. She whines that none of the girls is right for him. She’s insulted that no one wanted to cook her menu and she wants to go home. JoJo tells her not to be closed minded and she argues that she wouldn’t be on this show if she was closed minded. Uh-huh. He asks her to come to the kitchen and help out. She refuses. He argues that even Tyler Florence didn’t recognize the dishes on her menu, so she can’t fault the girls for being intimidated.
Tyler Florence thanks the ladies for their efforts as he surveys their work. First up is Lorraine’s team with meatballs, pasta and eggplant parmesan. Next up is Esther’s team with their matzo ball soup. Tyler notes that only Julie chose to book Mrs. B’s recipe. Amanda and Megan branched off from the moms’ menus and prepared stuffed peppers. They hold hands and explain that they blended their individual recipes together to create this new one. Last up is Erica, who created a casserole that has Michael in ecstasy. While it was a hard decision, says Tyler, there were three meals that stood out. The challenge winners are Erica, Julie, and the team of Megan and Amanda, whose dish Tyler says was the best.
Back at the house, Erica and Lorraine talk. Lorraine celebrates the fact that Erica’s secrets are safe and so does Erica. Mrs. B is already scheming about how she can break into the lockbox and read the girls’ background checks. Esther and Lorraine look on, incredulous, as Mrs. B tries in vain to pick the giant padlock.
Lots of Skeletons With Bad Credit
It’s time for the Chamber of Secrets to be opened and almost all of the girls are looking a bit green. Mrs. B, on the other hand, looks positively gleeful. Bitch. Michelle is sure Lorraine will choose her file and she’s absolutely right. Lorraine grabs Michelle’s file and sweeps out of the room with it. While Michelle has NOT posed nude, she’s had practically every kind of plastic surgery – apparently, we’re now calling them enhancements – money can buy and that, along with her wicked shopping addiction has put Michelle into debt to the tune of $136,000. Lorraine is mortified and elated. Michelle quickly goes to Lorraine in a misguided attempt at damage control.
Michelle admits that the debt is her fault: she loves to shop. Lorraine lectures her: Michael has no debt because she taught him how to handle his money. She says she just can’t picture her son with someone who has had that much plastic surgery. Lorraine tells Michelle that Michael is the most important thing in her life and she knows Michelle isn’t right for him. Michelle says she needs to learn from her mistakes and she hopes Lorraine can look past her mistakes. Honestly, the debt thing is bad, but is anyone shocked that she’s had two boob jobs? I’m MORE shocked that she hasn’t posed nude…..or that she wasn’t born a man.
Mrs. B is up next and it’s no surprise that she chooses Brittany. She summons Brit to come with her while she reads the file. Mrs. B tells us that she asked Brittany if she has posed nude and Brit told her she hadn’t. She’ll be very angry if Brittany has lied. Of course, Brit lied: she’s posed for Playboy and there are the pictures in living color…blurred, of course, but still. Mrs. B says she doesn’t want someone like that in JoJo’s life. A worried Brittany wonders how JoJo will take the news.
Esther, of course, picks Lauren’s file, not because she thinks there’s anything scandalous in it, but to confirm that Lauren is squeaky clean. Lauren asks if she can come with Esther to go over the file. Of course, Lauren’s file reads like a dossier on Mary Poppins. Her credit is perfect, she hasn’t done porn and all of her friends love her. Esther is jubilant.
Now that the drama over the background checks is over – for now – the girls start getting texts from the guys asking them out on dates. Carina and Michael spend time together, as do Lauren and Rob and JoJo and Mindy. Michael also goes out with single mom Jessica, while Cara fumes back at the house over not getting a date with Michael. JoJo tells us he likes Mindy a lot: she’s the type of girl he could imagine taking home.
Mrs. B talks to JoJo while she picks his outfit for elimination. Seriously. She also takes the opportunity to talk smack about Brittany. When she tells JoJo about Brit’s Playboy pics, he looks stunned. Meanwhile, Lorraine is cluing Michael into Michelle’s secrets. He doesn’t seem surprised about her enhancements, but looks a little worried when she mentions Michelle’s financial problems. Lorraine also tells Michael to stay away from Megan since she has an ongoing contract with Playboy. She really doesn’t know her son, does she? Seems like that little bit of info about Megan would be like catnip for little Mikey. Esther continues her campaign for Lauren, although Rob is over it: his mother is clearly more interested in Lauren than he is.
Hissy Fits as an Olympic Event
It’s time for the pre-elimination cocktail party. Michelle quickly approaches Michael and asks to speak with him privately. Lorraine cringes and tells Michelle she can only have a few minutes. Dayum. She’s got that one on a short leash. When Michael questions Michelle about her debt, she admits, sheepishly, that she likes to shop, but won’t tell him exactly how much money she owes. It’s a “large amount,” she says. Lorraine quickly appears to shoo Michelle away and grins at her son: she knows how much Michelle owes. Michael admits he’s torn between what he wants and what he knows his mom wants.
Rob spends a few minutes with Camilla and tells her he thinks she’s the whole package: she’s gorgeous inside and out. Esther, who is still riding the Lauren Train, brings her girl over to Rob and scares Camilla off. Meanwhile, Lorraine calls Michael over to talk with Cara and Nikki. The “conversation” between Cara and Michael is a snorefest. That girl is as shallow as a vernal pool. Cara’s feeling the pressure over this elimination and complains that she didn’t even get a date this week. Michael is sweet with Cara, but it’s clear he’s not into her and makes a quick exit with Nikki.
Brittany is worried about her chances tonight as well and hopes JoJo can look past her Playboy work. She explains to him that the photos were tasteful but he says it’s weird for him that millions of guys know what she looks like naked. He tells her he needs to think about things. She asks him to give her a chance, but you can tell he’s done with her.
The guys gather the girls and explain that they will be eliminating five women this time. The texts start rolling in and we see Mindy, Amanda and Lauren get “yes” texts, while Stacy, Carina and Jessica get “no” texts. This entire time, Cara whines about how she hasn’t even gotten a date. It’s like the soundtrack to this entire segment.
Finally, Cara’s text comes and it’s a no. Well folks, you know how I love a good hissy fit and here it comes and man, is it epic! As Mrs. B – inexplicably – follows Cara around, attempting to calm her down, Cara rants and cries about how she never even got a date. She puts her hand up to block the camera, slams a door or two and then is taken aside by a producer who sits her down so she can get really good and hysterical. Cara whines and cries about how all of this embarrassment was for nothing: it was 2 weeks of hell and she didn’t even get a date! This was the worst experience of her life…..and she didn’t even get a date.
Playboy = Buh-bye
Down at the pool the guys greet Brittany, Michelle and Nikki. JoJo comments that things felt different at the house today: it’s obvious now that real emotions and feelings are coming into play. They’ve sent four girls home tonight and they will be eliminating one more. Nikki is up first and, although none of the guys has gone out on a date with her yet, they all want to. She’s in. Michael admits that there’s a bit of conflict between him and his mother over Michelle. He might have to deal with the wrath of Lorraine, but he saves Michelle. As if Lorraine isn’t already about to blow a fuse, Michael and Michelle have a little impromptu make out session in front of everyone. Lorraine looks crushed. Amanda stands next to Lorraine and whispers to the mom that her son is making a big mistake. Yeah, like she didn’t know that, genius.
This means Brittany is out. JoJo explains that this was a tough decision but says that he just can’t see himself being with her after knowing about her nude modeling. He reasons that it would be more kind to let her go now while they can still be friends. Although Brit looks upset, she knows she dodged a bullet: Mrs. B will be the worst mother-in-law every, she smirks. Maisha, Brit’s best friend in the house, is devastated over Brit’s elimination.
Lorraine is NOT happy that he saved Michelle. He tells her that she tends to judge girls on appearance instead of getting to know them. He asks her to look deeper. Lorraine complains that she doesn’t know what he’s thinking: she’ll never approve of Michelle.
Next Week: JoJo incurs his mother’s wrath by kissing Misty. It will be a melt down of epic proportions. Mark your calendars!