Welcome back to another heartwarming edition of Momma’s Boys. Actually, this week’s episode might be just a touch heartwarming. The women are all on their better (maybe not best) behavior….well, all except for three of them: the moms. Last week’s smack down between Vita and JoJo’s mom, Mrs B is still going on. This argument could go on for a week and I still wouldn’t care. I want to slap them both, but for different reasons. Mrs. B actually claims that her skin is darker than Vita’s and then calls her a bitch. The other girls step in and explain that Mrs. B was saying things they all found offensive. Mrs. B rolls out the time tested “I’m not here to make friends (so I’m going to be a gigantic bitch)” defense and then tells us that she doesn’t think she said anything wrong.
Vita, in an attempt to be the bigger person, later goes to Mrs. B and apologizes for her outburst. She tells us it was the hardest thing she's ever done in her life. They hug it out, although Mrs. B advises that she doesn’t forget and will probably hire an assassin if JoJo chose Vita in the end. Vita walks away feeling like the bigger person and Mrs. B – who has the emotional maturity of a 10-year old - makes a dismissive raspberry at the camera. Charming.
As we saw last week, the moms are expected to share rooms with the girls….well, except for Mrs. B, who would rather sleep on the couch than share a room with anyone. I’m sure the rest of the ladies are grateful. Mrs. B snores like a freight train with a deviated septum.
Upstairs, Cara attempts to bond with Rob’s mom Esther by showing off some selections from her lingerie collection. Esther tries out her poker face as Cara brings out tiny bits of lace to show her. Clearly, Cara doesn’t quite get the whole “impressing the potential mother-in-law” thing. Esther is at a complete loss.
Down in the kitchen, Mrs. B lies in wait. Vita enters and Mrs. B immediately starts making snarky remarks about her. She tells the other girls she wants Vita gone. You know, I have a feeling I know why JoJo is still single.
Mother Knows Best?
The moms now meet with their sons to get them ready for the elimination. Mrs. B talks with JoJo and pleads with him to get rid of Vita. He mentions that he likes Misty, another black girl. Mrs. B says no: Misty is just too…..friendly. She also tells him she doesn’t like Vita. JoJo informs her that he actually likes Vita and that she shouldn’t judge someone by their ethnicity. He’ll pick the girls who stand out for him. Mrs. B tells us she’s confident about the elimination. Lorraine and Michael meet too. Michael says he likes Cara. Lorraine doesn’t like Cara for Michael. Rob also mentions Cara as a girl he’s interested in getting to know: Esther, who has seen Cara’s lingerie show, isn’t feeling Cara.
Before the elimination, the guys and girls will get the chance to mingle at a cocktail party. All of the girls are worried about the elimination and trying to get face time with the guys. Vita takes the opportunity to steal JoJo away from his mother so they can talk. She explains to JoJo that she and his mother had a bit of a dust-up and, although she apologized to Mrs. B, she feels she owes JoJo an apology as well. He tells Vita she doesn’t need to apologize to him. He adds that the elimination decision is his and not his mom’s.
The three guys enter the room and Rob thanks all of the girls on behalf of the three guys. He then reads a note that reminds the girls that, while the moms do have some input, it’s up to the sons to make the final decision. The girls will all learn their fates via text message. Some will be in, some will be out and some, upon whom the guys are undecided will have to face the guys down at the pool. Ten girls will be going home. There’s a pile of cell phones on a table and the girls all find their phone and settle in to wait for the texts. Various girls are in, while others are out. Some of the eliminated girls cry as if they didn’t just know these guys for 3 hours. Cara receives a text, but can’t figure out how to open it. One of the other girls helps her to retrieve her text, which tells her to meet the guys by the pool. Lynette also gets a pool text and is offended. She can’t believe anyone wouldn’t want her. Erica, the Penthouse Pet is in. The girls who have been eliminated as already rolling their bags out the door, several with drinks still in hand. Vita also gets a maybe text and has to meet the guys at the pool. Mrs. B smugly announces that she doesn’t think Vita will make it.
The Part Where They Should Throw Someone Into the Pool
It’s time for the poolside elimination. There are five girls and two of them will be eliminated here. The guys will ask them questions and the girls will have to justify their very existence. Madeline (sp) is first and it’s an awkward interrogation X 3. She’s eliminated. She yells in her confessional about how the guys are keeping stupid girls and then shouts out some names. Classy. Adorable Megan is up next. Ron thinks she might be too timid and asks if she’s going to be able to come out of her shell. Megan promises she will. Rob asks her to stay, noting that she has a great reputation with the other girls and he thinks she’s very sweet. When they find out that Megan is sticking around, the girls – who are all watching from the balcony – applaud and cheer.
Cara is up next and JoJo admits he doesn’t feel a connection with her. Rob doesn’t think Cara is into him, so it’s a no for Rob as well. Michael says Cara is welcoming and friendly. He wants her to stay. Lorraine is surprised that Michael asked Cara to stay. Rob tells Vita he’s impressed with her, but doesn’t feel any chemistry between them. Michael also didn’t feel chemistry with Vita. JoJo tells Vita he’s had a long time to think about it and he respects everything about her….but…he feels bad about how they had to talk about the situation with his mom. He asks her to stay. Mrs. B swears like the lady she is, while the girls all cheer.
Lynette is the last girl on the chopping block and although Rob is impressed with her, she’s still sent home. Lynette is disappointed because she felt a connection with Rob. She tells us she refuses to cry over a guy, all while wiping away the giant crocodile tears. Mrs. B calls down to JoJo from the balcony: he’s in big trouble. He let her down, she yells. She announces that Vita is ugly. JoJo tells his mom that he’s rather talk to Vita than a lot of the other girls and that’s why he chose her. Mrs. B complains that Vita is a very bad girl.
In the kitchen, Mrs. B talks smack and Vita gives it right back to her. Mrs. B says she hates Vita. She really is a charming woman. What girl wouldn’t LOVE to have her as a mother-in-law?
After the elimination stress is over, some of the girls go down to the hot tub to relax with a little burping contest. Lorraine and Esther watch – and listen – from the balcony, horrified over Jessica’s burping in particular. Really, it’s pretty nasty.
Lorraine is far and way everyone’s favorite mom. Erica loves her too and is worried about what will happen when Lorraine – as well as everyone else – finds out what she does for a living. Yeah, I think finding out the girl who wants to date your son gets paid to flash her naughty bit will probably take the shine off things.
It’s Not a Party Until Someone Gets Taken Away in an Ambulance
Now it’s time for the Biggest Loser portion of the show. A man shows up at the house for the girls. He introduces himself as Dana, a muckity muck for the Ultimate Fighting Championship. Dana will be putting the girls through the UFC 11 minute workout. It isn’t a race: it’s a test of endurance. The winners of the competition will be safe from elimination. Brittany quickly wins points with Dana after she breaks a nail – it’s bleeding quite a bit – and keeps going. The girls flip big tires over, hit things with sledgehammers and ride stationary bikes and they all do pretty well, even Megan, who seems to enjoy going all agro.
The guys arrive and, not to be outdone by the girls, decide to do the workout as well. They’re obviously not only trying outdo each other, they’re trying to impress the girls as well. Within a few minutes Rob is sucking wind. Dana observes that the girls did better and that Rob looks seconds away from puking. Michael is the only one left standing. Both JoJo and Rob puke in the bushes while their mortified mothers look on. The medics put JoJo on oxygen and Michael, as an EMT/firefighter suggests putting Rob on oxygen too. Amanda, the medical student sticks around to help Michael with Rob. Erica also stays behind to make sure the guys are okay. Lorraine tells us that she really likes Erica and calls her “wholesome” and “reserved.” After several minutes with the oxygen, Rob isn’t getting any better, so they load him into an ambulance and take him off to the hospital. Esther, of course, rides along with him.
So yeah, I have to admit that I missed this next part. There was a delivery of Christmas gifts and munchies and, you know: food and presents trumps whining bimbos in workout clothes. I’m only human. The UFC guy chose a few of the girls as competition winners and they won’t get eliminated. Among the winners are Brittany, Stacy and Cara.
Each guy is taking all of the girls on a giant group date where they will participate in their own favorite activity. At the end of the date, he’ll choose one girl for a one-on-one date. The first date is with JoJo at a hockey rink. You know, nothing’s sexier than a girl in a giant hockey uniform and padding flopping around on the ice like a cod. Cara, who really should look into getting a social filter, announces that she hates snow, ice, sweaters and basically clothing of any kind or any weather below about 85 degrees. The girls skate around attempting not to fall and to impress JoJo. He pulls several girls into the penalty box for some alone time.
Mrs. B is still ranting about Vita. She’s like a broken record, that one. JoJo talks with his mom and she lobbies for Liz to get the one-on-one date. JoJo gathers all the girls to give them his decision about the one-on-one date. Much to his mother’s horror, JoJo chooses Brittany. Mrs. B frowns: it’s clear she can’t stand Brittany. I think What Mrs. B can’t stand about Brit is that she’s half Jewish. She vows to get even with JoJo. Ah, that’s a loving mother-son relationship. JoJo tells us he picked Brittany because he thinks she’s adorable and notes the freckles on her nose. It’s impressive that he even noticed the freckles, considering the cleavage that girl is throwing around.
JoJo and Brit go horseback riding on the beach and share the requisite kiss, while being shoulder butted by their horses. They think it means the horses are trying to push them together. I think it means the horses hate them. JoJo and Brittany head back to the house for the required romp in the hot tub. Mrs. B watches the hot tub make out session from the balcony and decides to nip things in the bud. The other girls all look on and laugh, mortified, as Mrs. B goes down in her bathing suit and hops into the hot tub. She calls JoJo’s name a dozen times before he even notices her. He’s too busy inspecting Brittany’s tonsils. Alarmed by his mother’s appearance, JoJo calls his mother the ultimate buzz kill. Mrs. B lectures JoJo: he needs to explore his options and get to know the other girls. After more awkward silence and pointed stares, Mrs. B finally gets a clue and goes back to the house. Immediately, JoJo and Brittany start making out again. Mrs. B shouts from the house to knock it off. While JoJo’s irritated with his mom, he tells us he’s come to expect this behavior from his mom and there’s clearly not much he can do about it.
Michael’s date is up next and he’s putting the girls through fire training. The girls all get into firefighting gear and take turns running into a burning building. Then Michael sets fire to a car and talks them through putting it out. Who the hell planned these dates? Thank God no one is a dentist: they’d be playing Junior Root Canal. Michael takes aside a few of the girls who are his type, including bleached blonde, Michelle. Lorraine immediately hates Michelle. Lorraine’s, ahem, pet right now is Erica. She lobbies her son to pick Erica. Of course, because boys will be boys, Michael chooses Barbie Michelle for the one-on-one date.
Michael and Michelle go on their one-on-one date and, really, it doesn’t matter what they do. They make out on a boat – he nearly runs into another boat – and then move to the hot tub. They find that they agree on at least one thing: they both think they’re really hot. Meanwhile, Lorraine is back at the house, whining to the girls about Michael’s crummy taste. Mrs. B gloats like the small person she is. Lorraine fumes over the fact that her son chose the blonde with the big boobs. Um, what’s really so shocking about that? Don’t they always pick the blonde with the big boobs?
Back at the hot tub, Michael and Michelle are going for a world record with the making out. He admits that she looks just like a Barbie doll. Lorraine waxes rhapsodic about raising Michael and clearly thinks it’s all gone into the crapper now that he’s chosen to go out with Michelle. When she returns to the house, Michelle tries to talk to Lorraine in an odd attempt to bond. She talks about how much she and Michael made out. What the hell? First, Cara shows off her lingerie collection to Esther and now Michelle talks about making out with Michael. What’s a mom not to like.
Whining and Dining
Rob’s date is up last. He takes the girls to Fess Parker Winery where he will, no doubt, see which girls can hold their liquor and which, well, can’t. Esther is along for the ride and has no doubt supervised the preparation of the huge spread everyone will be eating at the picnic that’s been planned. The girls and Rob spend the day riding bikes and throwing a football around. Rob takes the opportunity to spend some alone time with a number of the girls, including Amanda, who he picks for the one-in-one date. Their date is a wine tasting at the winery. In their conversation, Rob finds they have quite a bit in common and their kiss at the end of the night isn’t a round of tonsil hockey in a hot tub.
Before the elimination, the moms take the opportunity to lobby for their favorite girls. Lorraine asks Michael about his date with Michelle. He says he and Michelle talked a lot. We must not have seen that footage. A frustrated Lorraine says she’s been questioning why she’s even there and what role she’s playing in the process if he’s just going to pick the skanky blonde anyway (subliminal, but you know that’s what she was thinking). She urges him to give Erica a chance. I love that she’s pushing the Penhouse Pet on her darling son.
Rob tells Esther he enjoyed the date with Amanda. Esther lobbies for Lauren, but admits she probably likes Lauren more than Rob does: she urges him to spend some time with Lauren anyway. Then she picks out his clothes for the night.
Mrs. B is not happy that JoJo chose Brittany for the one-on-one date. She calls Brittany “fake.” JoJo wonders if she would find any girl suitable for him.
It’s cocktail party time again and Esther is angling to get Rob and Megan together. At first, it seems to be going well, until Megan announces that she doesn’t want children. You can practically hear the Pac Man game over sound. Rob wants kids and Esther definitely wants grandchildren. Lorraine brings med student Amanda over to meet her son Michael. Even though she went on the one-on-one date with Rob, Amanda wants to get to know all three of the guys.
Five girls will get the boot tonight. As with the earlier elimination, the girls will receive texts telling them if they’re in, out, or have to meet the guys at the pool. While waiting for their texts, the girls all giggle nervously and try to act like friends. Michelle attempts to schmooze Lorraine, offering to dye her hair brown, but Lorraine isn’t impressed.
Sadly, Vita is going home this week. Mrs. B hugs Vita goodbye (while doing the happy dance in her head) and actually sheds a few tears: she’s come to have some respect for Vita. Who knew? Once again, Megan must go down to the pool. The girls decide it’s time for Megan to have a makeover and work their magic on her.
Amanda, who has quickly become the item on the top of the daughter-in-law wish list, is being fought over by Esther and Lorraine. Both want their son to date her. The moms argue over the sleeping arrangements, but really over Amanda.
Down at the pool, Lauren, Carina and Amanda face the three guys. Post-makeover, Megan is a little, blonde sexpot in a black dress. The nerd goggles are nowhere in sight. The guys all gawk at the newly-hot Megan, who clearly has no idea how adorable she is.
Lauren is up first and Rob quickly saves her, based on how much his mom likes her. Rob tells Megan she looks magnificent. He thinks she’s the sweetest girl in the house, but he wants a family and she doesn’t, so that’s that. Michael thinks she looks hot too, but doesn’t feel a connection with her. JoJo asks Megan if she’s there to get to know the guys or to clean the house. She tells him she’s ready to put herself out there and get to know them. JoJo asks Megan to stay, thus eliminating Carina. The girls all scream and cheer from the balcony. JoJo tells Megan that the “yes” was for her personality, not just for her new look.
Megan cries and looks truly touched by the outpouring of affection for her. She starts to walk back to be with the remaining girls, but then stops. Crying, she explains that she doesn’t know what to do: Carina has more of a connection with the guys and she would hate to be the reason Carina was eliminated. JoJo tells Megan that this isn’t about Carina. He admits he doesn’t know which girl he’ll ultimately be interested in: that’s why he’s getting to know all of the girls. JoJo asks Megan again if she wants to put herself out there and give it a chance. Megan cries, “I don’t know what to do.” JoJo hugs Megan as she cries and she tells him she’s so flattered because no guy has ever wanted to get to know her. All three of them are wonderful men and any girl would be lucky to have them. Unfortunately, she doesn’t think she’s that girl.
So, with that, Megan falls on her sword and saves Carina. The girls all clap and scream for her, “We love you, Megan!” Megan tells us she’s learned a lot about herself and now she knows she’s ready for love.
Next Week: A special delivery arrives at the house and the contents of the box will change the game. There’s a dossier on each girl containing more info about them than they know about themselves. Will people spill secrets or hope the contents of the files don’t get made public? Tune in to see Erica’s big confession and Lorraine’s jaw hitting the floor.