Welcome back to The Mole for our penultimate epsiode. Last week, cocky whiner Paul got eliminated, after an episode whose only excitement was Mark shooting everyone BUT Paul with paintballs. And even that wasn’t terribly exciting. Otherwise, it feels pretty slo-mo in my memory. Wonder why the ratings are in the tank?
But hey, you know how it is to get sucked into a show, no matter how contrived. I mean, I watched Joe Millionaire. So I’m with you.
We kick things off this week with a few shots of people rehashing their own gameplay. Nicole has found beating Paul was less exciting than she thought, while Mark – with no facial expressions whatsoever – claims to be excited to be in the final three. Yes, final three, yet somehow this week does not appear to be the finale. It seems to me that if you execute one more of them, then the other two know 100 percent who the mole is. So why drag this out?
Jon the host says the last three have only two missions left to observe each other. They start with observing each other over breakfast in Buenos Aires. Mark, though, thinks neither one of them suspects him. And Nicole agrees, as in she sure would be surprised if it were him. Craig doesn’t seem to be targeting him either.
Something About A Map and a Clock and Some Letters
They go off to some inexplicable dark room, lit with blue walls, with some dial thing in the middle. Jon says the mission is called Tick Tock Boom. Behind bullet-proof glass is $50,000, plus a bomb they have to defuse within an hour. I’d root for failure, because I think an explosion would be more exciting than the actual show, except I doubt that’s a real bomb. Although it could really burn up the money, I suppose.
Jon says everything they need is in the room, and he leaves. They find pliers and wirecutters, and eventually realize they must figure out which wires to cut. Obviously, for any casual viewer of Hollywood action movies. Jon says the clues to which wire are around the walls, plus something hidden. The wall lists cities, has clocks, and numbers by them. 24 cities, 24 spaces on a wall. Craig spotted the spaces, and also finds a time zone map. Presumably the hidden item. Two must hold it down while a third looks at it. This is just confusing.
Mark and Craig hold the map, Nicole tries to read it, and I think she gets mixed up on the lines at one point, misreading the time zone lines on the map. They switch and let Mark be the one reading the times. He says he tried to get involved in everything to see if there’s any strategy going on.
Now there are letters on the wall – and a half hour to go. “You know how stupid we’re looking right now?” Mark asks. Rhetorically, I presume.
Craig says Mark and Nicole fixated on the wall clocks, ignoring the big fat clock in the middle of the room. He decides to use the times they’ve figured out to correspond with the clock, which points a green dot at letters on the wall. When their first letters are UIEE, which doesn’t spell anything, though, they get disheartened.
Even with all the letters, and 10 minutes left, nothing’s making sense to them. Probably because Nicole got one of the map times wrong, which makes Mark suspicious. Her mistakes have them at less than 8 minutes. Eventually they change two letters. Their clue currently tells them to cut red plus blue, which Craig points out is purple. Do they cut red AND blue, or do they cut purple? The debate makes Craig think Mark is trying to stall. It makes me think these people deserve to have the bomb go off.
Finally they have less than a minute, and decide to just cut the purple wire. They do, and nothing happens, and after a few moments they realize this means they were successful. They all hug. Craig says it was the most spy-like mission, and it took all of them together.
Jon says they were only 21 seconds away. So they get $50,000 into the pot, which is now $418,500.
Nicole says it was her most favorite mission. “You are now an international man of mystery,” Mark says to Craig. “I’m a badass,” Nicole says. I find both of these statements to be suspicious.
Why Use a Map When You Can Ask Natives Who Speak a Different Language?
The next morning, they meet for their final mission, at a big pink building. The mission is worth $75,000, and is called Three to Tango. They’ll get three clues and a phone to call Jon as they arrive at destinations mentioned in clues. He’ll then give them their next clues. The first one to the final destination can put in $75,000 in the pot, or exchange it for a briefcase containing the Mole’s dossier.
Nicole’s first clue is to find a flag or something, and she’s against running. Mark’s is to the “place Libertad.” He says he’s a strong runner but Craig knows the city better, because he’s been reading about it. Craig is sent to some street involved with shopping named after Florida.
Craig seems to get it first, and Jon tells him to find a leather store, try on a jacket, and send Jon a picture. He actually finds one that fits, but can’t buy it because he has no money.
Mark doesn’t even look at his map, choosing instead to ask directions. Uh, ok. He guesses his destination quickly, tells Jon, and is sent to get a picture of himself by some statue. He runs, while Nicole reads the map and gets her task: get an Argentinian flag, and take a picture of herself with it.
Craig’s looking for some theater about “Portenos” performing for money. His first guess is incorrect. And his second. And third. Nicole sends off her picture, but Jon can’t see the flag, and she’s having trouble getting herself and the flag in the picture. He reminds her the clue told her to GET a flag, but she doesn’t seem to hear. Mark’s still looking for his plaza. You’d think he might try the map.
Finally Jon rereads the clue to Nicole, so she goes and borrows a little flag from a store, complaining she’s put off for the rest of the mission. Her next clue is easy – what sweet do you get when you slowly heat milk, and it turns brown – dulce du leche. She says she’s in no mood for the next task, which is to get someone to buy her this concoction and take a picture of it.
Craig is finally told Porteno means “people of Buenos Aires.” He must pose in front of a theater with a beautiful woman striking a tango pose.
Mark finally finds his stupid plaza. His next clue is to find someone to buy him an empanada, and take a picture of him with them. He gets some kid, and a whole trail of them go with him.
Nicole gets a guy to buy her dulce du leche, it’s not quite the right kind, though. Jon sees through it. “I have mole spies everywhere and I’ve been told it’s actually a hot fudge sundae,” he says. Is she channeling Paul with the whining?
This task is getting tiresome. They’re wandering around Argentina following asinine clues. Nicole’s going off to get some soccer (maybe) fan to let her wear their jersey, Craig has to find Eva Peron’s grave, (I think) and Mark is racing toward the Argentinian congress.
Mark declares that if Craig beat him, he’s been lying the whole time about how “ambulatory” he is. This after Mark already acknowledged that Craig has been reading up on the city, and after Mark refuses to use his own map? That’s rich. They call Jon at almost the same time, but Craig’s just a little faster. They learn their last destination is some weird spiky bridge. Mark calls it “this stupid bridge that Craig’s been wanting to go to.” He knows he’s in trouble.
Nicole is still looking for her third location, while the other two are running for the bridge. The first one there can decide to put $75,000 into the pot or look at the Mole’s dossier. Mark, while less familiar with Buenos Aires, gets there first.
Information is Power, I Guess
So now he must decide between money or dossier, which Jon reminds him may or may not have actual helpful information. “Those things could be put on the quiz,” Mark says. “On the other hand, it’s $75,000.”
Craig arrives, and can see Mark. “This was my mission to lose,” he says. Jon sends a car to fetch Nicole, who never finished her third task. That means Mark has to make his decision. Mark says the game is more about the quizzes than the mission, and therefore the dossier could give him a leg up, so he’s going to take that over the money.
Nicole thinks once the dossier is opened, the quiz will change to reflect information in it.
Mark hopes to find at least one piece of information in the dossier. Craig’s disappointed Mark took the dossier, but says it’s not unexpected because it’s the Mole’s job to keep money out of the pot. Jon rounds their total up to $420,000 – money Craig says would allow him to live the live he has wanted to live.
At dinner later, which Jon calls the last supper, they review the whole experience. Craig did things he didn’t think he could do, Nicole impressed herself in the bungee jump, and Mark says it’s been harder emotionally. Mark says he and his wife both work two jobs, and the money would let her quit and be the mom she’s wanted to be.
Jon reveals that tonight there are 20 questions, not 10. “If you weren’t sharp and smart and quick, you guys wouldn’t be here.”
Nicole grandiosely says this adventure has gotten her closer to becoming what she is to become – physician, poet, renaissance woman. Pffft, get over yourself. The men just say they hope they’ve guessed right and could use the money.
This final quiz will cover their entire experience on The Mole. The one who wins this quiz wins the game.
So, the questions:
Is the mole male or female?
In Over the Falls, what was the outcome of the Mole’s jump?
In When Pigs Fly, what did the mole do after returning from Pomaire?
Who was the mole paired with during Fruit of the Luge?
How much money did the mole’s team ultimately add to the pot during the Fruit of the Luge mission?
Where did the Mole sit during Fruit of the Luge?
In Fruit of the Luge, in facing the players when Jon announced disqualifications, where was the mole standing?
How much money did the Mole’s team earn during Midas Rush?
In the Midas Rush, what color pants was the mole wearing?
At the end of Midas Rush, from Jon’s perspective, where was the mole standing?
Was the mole wearing a collared shirt during the Grapes of Cache?
At wine and cheese after Grapes of Cache, did the mole open a bottle of wine?
In Swing out how much did the mole guess to win an exemption?
During Tick Tock Boom, from Jon’s perspective, where was the mole standing?
In that mission, did the mole cut the wire?
During intro of Three to Tango, where was Mole standing from Jon’s perspective?
Which of the following did the mole consume during Three to Tango? (ed.: How would they know? Did they ever even see each other?)
Which of the following facts did the Mole highlight in their application? (So, one only Mark might know.)
How many exemptions has the mole received to date?
Who is the mole?
I guess we have to watch next week to find out the answers. I can’t imagine how they’re going to drag that out for an hour.