The Mole Season 5 6/2 recap: The Lady in Red

iguanachocolate · 06-04-2008, 10:17 PM

Hello Secret Mole Agents! Tis I, Iguanachocolate, here to regale you with Tales of the Mole. Before I begin, though, I must give the obligatory Austin Power’s reference I know you’re all thinking… “moley, moley, moley, moley” . Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about, you know you were thinking it too. Well, that’s out of our systems, so let’s get down to the show, shall we?

We begin in Los Angeles, Chile, with some overly dramatic music cued over beautiful scenery and then focusing on two white vans wending their way through the Chilean countryside. I suppose the cheezy music and voice over is to build suspense, but for some reason it makes me chuckle. The vans, loaded with potential Moles, arrive at the absolutely gorgeous Salta del Laja Falls. Host Jon Kelley greets them and immediately hands out secret mole ballets: the moltestants must write one name down as the person they think is most likely the Mole. And who did our intrepid participants pick? Marcie. Err, what? It seems to me, despite their earnest molefessionals about the reasons why she could be the Mole, they pretty much wrote down anyone’s name they could remember at that point. Marcie, as the one voted most likely to be the Mole (take that high school yearbook committee!), will make all the team’s decisions for the next 24 hours. And it will begin immediately as the team is given its first mission.

Mission: Over the Falls

First, a random fact given to us by host, Jon Kelley. And we all know that few facts on the Mole are actually random: it seems that the river is a very popular place to view the falls from, and tour guides try to see how close to the edge they can come without actually going over the falls. Personally, I would much rather view them from below and preferably on dry land. Hey, I’m just wild like that. Anywho, back in 1938, a tour guide was maneuvering a group of tourists to view the falls and over they go. No mention as to what happened to them, but I’d like to think they were fished out and given bratwurst and beer to warm them up. Well, it’s what I would have wanted if I were a wet German tourist.

The first mission entails the moltestants to ride a raft to the edge of the falls and as the raft goes plunging to its death, they must grab a money bag that may or may not contain money to go into the pot. Unfortunately, there are safety lines so the molabee’s won’t actually go plunging to their death. Too bad, that would have made for some good tv! Marcie will know which bags contain real money and which contain Mole greenbacks. With this knowledge, she will assign the jumpers spots allegedly based on who she thinks would be able to grab a bag. Unless she really is the Mole…. Then
Once the over the falls shenanigans are over with, the 6 bags that were grabbed are opened to reveal how much money they earned for their pot: Nicole has fake money, as does Kristen, Bobby, and Liz. Clay and Mark’s bags both contain real money to earn the pot a paltry $20,000. Host Jon hands out their Mole journals and off they go to sleep. But wait, apparently the producer’s decided not to spring for an extra cabin, so four of the moltestants will have to spend the night in the great outdoors. Marcie chooses Nicole, Liz, Craig, and Bobby for the honor. This touches off an Omarosa quality hissy fit from Nicole who declares the only thing she HAS to do is “to stay black and die”. Ummm, I think her patients would disagree with that concept. Then again, with that congenial bedside manner, she probably doesn’t have many patients. She decides she can rewrite, err, circumvent, the rules if she doesn’t actually do any sleeping indoors. She plans on staying up the entire night.

The Morning After Pill

Morning comes with chirping birds, mooing cows and whatnot. Someone who is not chirping or mooing? Paul. And why is that? Because Nicole kept him up all night. I guess she figured if she was going to be up, the others would have to suffer through it.

They get their clue to the next destination: Buda Beach, dress appropriately. With apparent coalition members Paul and Alex the self-appointed chauffeurs, the molites arrive at the beach, Host Jon asks who the group felt was the biggest whiner? The landslide decision is no surprise: Nicole. For the next mission, Nicole will be sitting out, but will have the power to assign the rest of the group their positions for the mission.

Swiss Family Crusoe

The mission is based on explorer Alexander Selkirk whose real life adventures influenced the character of Robinson Crusoe. Nicole selected Craig, Marcie, Alex, Victoria, and Clay as the Scavengers. The appraisers consisted of Kristen, Mark and Liz and the final two, Paul and Ali would be the timekeepers. The scavengers have to comb the beach for 45 items hidden there and bring them to the appraisers. The appraisers then have to determine which of the 5 items Selkirk actually had when he was marooned in 1704, that’s seventeen hundred and four. As in pre-revolutionary war times. As in before Benjamin and his kite illustrated electricity. Pre recorded sound. The olden days. Way older than McCain days. The time keepers are responsible for keeping the giant hourglass filled with sand, for as the sand goes, so does the task. The appraisers have just three chances to get all 5 items correct. Each correct item will net the pot $5,000.

And with that, the scavengers are sent off scampering with some of them scampering better than others. The women seem to be making good time whilst the men quickly discovered their wimpy side. My side hurts, I can’t do it. Wah, wah, wah. Seriously, with the exception of Craig (and he was chosen to run across the beach why, Nicole? Hmmm?), I expected the men to be in better shape. But it is the women who do most of the hunting and gathering. Soon the appraisers are set to make their first grouping of 5 choices. They choose an antique battery, a bowler hat, a Bunsen burner, the Victrola and the goat. Okay, the goat I get, even the hat I could excuse because who’s really up on their 18th century fashion anyway? Maybe even the Bunsen burner. But the Victrola?? The battery? And Mark is a history teacher? No wonder the state of American children’s education is in such disarray. Liz posits that she may have been confusing Robinson Crusoe with the Swiss Family Robinson. Yup, easy to do, if you are a child raised on Mars. I know youngins these days are all about the videos and such, but Liz was born pre-television, I’m pretty sure they had to read back then or die of boredom. Out of the 5, only one was correct. They got three right on their second try with the camera, Bible, mason jar, musket and the goat. Again – a camera? Send these people to a museum, please! As the sand is running out, they put up there third round of guesses: the goat, the Bible, the musket, a revolver and a pair of jeans. Jeans? I think I am going to have a seizure. Has no one read their Levi’s label? The goat, Bible and the musket were all part of Selkirk’s booty, the other two items not so much. They gain $15,000 for the pot.

And for Nicole’s part in all of this, she earns herself a night on the beach. I tense up expecting another meltdown, but she is surprisingly ok with it. Umm, yeah. Did I miss it when her cooperative gene was returned to her?

Guess who's coming to dinner?

The rest of the group goes on to a hotel and begin to rehash things amongst themselves. Victoria, Liz and Marcie powwow about Bobby’s lack of physical prowess on the beach and half joked Alex and Paul were a couple. Whoo hooo, first hook up of the season! Who will give the rose? Oh, sorry. Lost my head. I’m confusing my ABC shows. Paul reveals he’s just stringing Alex along to his own gain in the game. Oh my, reality contestants using one another to further there own interests? I am shocked. Not.

The molsters sans Nicole gather to dine with Jon. Paul and his wily ways immediately singles out Mark as his leading contender for the Mole title. After some more trite speculation (after all, what can they really know at this time, it’s pretty much a guessing game at this point), Jon tells them it is time for the Quiz. The player who scores the lowest on the quiz will be executed. Maybe they will use a real executioner this season. Hey, a gal can dream, can’t she?

The Quiz

1. Is the Mole male or female?
2. When did the Mole jump in the “Over the Falls” mission?
3. Which role did the Mole play in the Robinson Crusoe mission?
4. Where was the Mole assigned to sleep on the first night?
5. Does the Mole have an even or odd number of letters in their name, according to what is stitched onto their duffel bags?
6. What is the Mole’s age?
7. What was the outcome of the Mole’s jump in the “Over the Falls” mission?
8. Did the Mole drive a van to the second mission?
9. Was the Mole wearing a hat at the start of the Crusoe mission?
10. Who is the Mole?

After the quiz was completed, the moltestants gathered outside in front of Jon and a large plasma screen. Jon informs them that as Nicole would not be present, she could not be executed. By spending the night on the beach, she has earned the first exemption. Nicole was thrilled about that and her feed was disconnected.

The other players shifted nervously as Jon explained that one by one he would call out there names. If the screen turned green, they would be safe, if it turned red, the firing squad would come out and execute the person on the spot. Ok, he didn’t actually say that last bit, but it would be exciting if it happened, wouldn’t it? The person who turned red, would have to leave the game immediately. He calls out Ali, she is green, as is Victoria, Paul, Bobby and Mark who follow her. They all make the appropriate sighs and looks of relief. He then calls out Marcie’s name. Alas, she is in the red. Marcie becomes the first victim of the executioner’s swing. But hey, she had a great time.

Next week on the Mole: The moltestants face a Chilean soccer team and Bobby rides a wheelbarrow in search of pigs. Good times!

Join me next week for another rundown on the show’s happenings, and make sure to read LG’s most excellent Mole Analysis here!

Want to go over Niagra Falls in a barrel? Interested parties pm me…..

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AsIs · 06-04-2008, 11:54 PM

Great recap iguanachocolate! I don't know why they thought the Mole was Marcie, we all know it is YOU!

LG. · 06-05-2008, 12:51 PM

excellent recap, IC. Too bad about the lack of a real execution.

06-04-2008, 10:17 PM	#1
iguanachocolate Joyeux Noel! Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 3,355	The Mole Season 5 6/2 recap: The Lady in Red Hello Secret Mole Agents! Tis I, Iguanachocolate, here to regale you with Tales of the Mole. Before I begin, though, I must give the obligatory Austin Power’s reference I know you’re all thinking… “moley, moley, moley, moley” . Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about, you know you were thinking it too. Well, that’s out of our systems, so let’s get down to the show, shall we? We begin in Los Angeles, Chile, with some overly dramatic music cued over beautiful scenery and then focusing on two white vans wending their way through the Chilean countryside. I suppose the cheezy music and voice over is to build suspense, but for some reason it makes me chuckle. The vans, loaded with potential Moles, arrive at the absolutely gorgeous Salta del Laja Falls. Host Jon Kelley greets them and immediately hands out secret mole ballets: the moltestants must write one name down as the person they think is most likely the Mole. And who did our intrepid participants pick? Marcie. Err, what? It seems to me, despite their earnest molefessionals about the reasons why she could be the Mole, they pretty much wrote down anyone’s name they could remember at that point. Marcie, as the one voted most likely to be the Mole (take that high school yearbook committee!), will make all the team’s decisions for the next 24 hours. And it will begin immediately as the team is given its first mission. Mission: Over the Falls First, a random fact given to us by host, Jon Kelley. And we all know that few facts on the Mole are actually random: it seems that the river is a very popular place to view the falls from, and tour guides try to see how close to the edge they can come without actually going over the falls. Personally, I would much rather view them from below and preferably on dry land. Hey, I’m just wild like that. Anywho, back in 1938, a tour guide was maneuvering a group of tourists to view the falls and over they go. No mention as to what happened to them, but I’d like to think they were fished out and given bratwurst and beer to warm them up. Well, it’s what I would have wanted if I were a wet German tourist. The first mission entails the moltestants to ride a raft to the edge of the falls and as the raft goes plunging to its death, they must grab a money bag that may or may not contain money to go into the pot. Unfortunately, there are safety lines so the molabee’s won’t actually go plunging to their death. Too bad, that would have made for some good tv! Marcie will know which bags contain real money and which contain Mole greenbacks. With this knowledge, she will assign the jumpers spots allegedly based on who she thinks would be able to grab a bag. Unless she really is the Mole…. Then Once the over the falls shenanigans are over with, the 6 bags that were grabbed are opened to reveal how much money they earned for their pot: Nicole has fake money, as does Kristen, Bobby, and Liz. Clay and Mark’s bags both contain real money to earn the pot a paltry $20,000. Host Jon hands out their Mole journals and off they go to sleep. But wait, apparently the producer’s decided not to spring for an extra cabin, so four of the moltestants will have to spend the night in the great outdoors. Marcie chooses Nicole, Liz, Craig, and Bobby for the honor. This touches off an Omarosa quality hissy fit from Nicole who declares the only thing she HAS to do is “to stay black and die”. Ummm, I think her patients would disagree with that concept. Then again, with that congenial bedside manner, she probably doesn’t have many patients. She decides she can rewrite, err, circumvent, the rules if she doesn’t actually do any sleeping indoors. She plans on staying up the entire night. The Morning After Pill Morning comes with chirping birds, mooing cows and whatnot. Someone who is not chirping or mooing? Paul. And why is that? Because Nicole kept him up all night. I guess she figured if she was going to be up, the others would have to suffer through it. They get their clue to the next destination: Buda Beach, dress appropriately. With apparent coalition members Paul and Alex the self-appointed chauffeurs, the molites arrive at the beach, Host Jon asks who the group felt was the biggest whiner? The landslide decision is no surprise: Nicole. For the next mission, Nicole will be sitting out, but will have the power to assign the rest of the group their positions for the mission. Swiss Family Crusoe The mission is based on explorer Alexander Selkirk whose real life adventures influenced the character of Robinson Crusoe. Nicole selected Craig, Marcie, Alex, Victoria, and Clay as the Scavengers. The appraisers consisted of Kristen, Mark and Liz and the final two, Paul and Ali would be the timekeepers. The scavengers have to comb the beach for 45 items hidden there and bring them to the appraisers. The appraisers then have to determine which of the 5 items Selkirk actually had when he was marooned in 1704, that’s seventeen hundred and four. As in pre-revolutionary war times. As in before Benjamin and his kite illustrated electricity. Pre recorded sound. The olden days. Way older than McCain days. The time keepers are responsible for keeping the giant hourglass filled with sand, for as the sand goes, so does the task. The appraisers have just three chances to get all 5 items correct. Each correct item will net the pot $5,000. And with that, the scavengers are sent off scampering with some of them scampering better than others. The women seem to be making good time whilst the men quickly discovered their wimpy side. My side hurts, I can’t do it. Wah, wah, wah. Seriously, with the exception of Craig (and he was chosen to run across the beach why, Nicole? Hmmm?), I expected the men to be in better shape. But it is the women who do most of the hunting and gathering. Soon the appraisers are set to make their first grouping of 5 choices. They choose an antique battery, a bowler hat, a Bunsen burner, the Victrola and the goat. Okay, the goat I get, even the hat I could excuse because who’s really up on their 18th century fashion anyway? Maybe even the Bunsen burner. But the Victrola?? The battery? And Mark is a history teacher? No wonder the state of American children’s education is in such disarray. Liz posits that she may have been confusing Robinson Crusoe with the Swiss Family Robinson. Yup, easy to do, if you are a child raised on Mars. I know youngins these days are all about the videos and such, but Liz was born pre-television, I’m pretty sure they had to read back then or die of boredom. Out of the 5, only one was correct. They got three right on their second try with the camera, Bible, mason jar, musket and the goat. Again – a camera? Send these people to a museum, please! As the sand is running out, they put up there third round of guesses: the goat, the Bible, the musket, a revolver and a pair of jeans. Jeans? I think I am going to have a seizure. Has no one read their Levi’s label? The goat, Bible and the musket were all part of Selkirk’s booty, the other two items not so much. They gain $15,000 for the pot. And for Nicole’s part in all of this, she earns herself a night on the beach. I tense up expecting another meltdown, but she is surprisingly ok with it. Umm, yeah. Did I miss it when her cooperative gene was returned to her? Guess who's coming to dinner? The rest of the group goes on to a hotel and begin to rehash things amongst themselves. Victoria, Liz and Marcie powwow about Bobby’s lack of physical prowess on the beach and half joked Alex and Paul were a couple. Whoo hooo, first hook up of the season! Who will give the rose? Oh, sorry. Lost my head. I’m confusing my ABC shows. Paul reveals he’s just stringing Alex along to his own gain in the game. Oh my, reality contestants using one another to further there own interests? I am shocked. Not. The molsters sans Nicole gather to dine with Jon. Paul and his wily ways immediately singles out Mark as his leading contender for the Mole title. After some more trite speculation (after all, what can they really know at this time, it’s pretty much a guessing game at this point), Jon tells them it is time for the Quiz. The player who scores the lowest on the quiz will be executed. Maybe they will use a real executioner this season. Hey, a gal can dream, can’t she? The Quiz 1. Is the Mole male or female? 2. When did the Mole jump in the “Over the Falls” mission? 3. Which role did the Mole play in the Robinson Crusoe mission? 4. Where was the Mole assigned to sleep on the first night? 5. Does the Mole have an even or odd number of letters in their name, according to what is stitched onto their duffel bags? 6. What is the Mole’s age? 7. What was the outcome of the Mole’s jump in the “Over the Falls” mission? 8. Did the Mole drive a van to the second mission? 9. Was the Mole wearing a hat at the start of the Crusoe mission? 10. Who is the Mole? After the quiz was completed, the moltestants gathered outside in front of Jon and a large plasma screen. Jon informs them that as Nicole would not be present, she could not be executed. By spending the night on the beach, she has earned the first exemption. Nicole was thrilled about that and her feed was disconnected. The other players shifted nervously as Jon explained that one by one he would call out there names. If the screen turned green, they would be safe, if it turned red, the firing squad would come out and execute the person on the spot. Ok, he didn’t actually say that last bit, but it would be exciting if it happened, wouldn’t it? The person who turned red, would have to leave the game immediately. He calls out Ali, she is green, as is Victoria, Paul, Bobby and Mark who follow her. They all make the appropriate sighs and looks of relief. He then calls out Marcie’s name. Alas, she is in the red. Marcie becomes the first victim of the executioner’s swing. But hey, she had a great time. Next week on the Mole: The moltestants face a Chilean soccer team and Bobby rides a wheelbarrow in search of pigs. Good times! Join me next week for another rundown on the show’s happenings, and make sure to read LG’s most excellent Mole Analysis here! Want to go over Niagra Falls in a barrel? Interested parties pm me…..

06-04-2008, 11:54 PM	#2
AsIs Helplessly Hoping Join Date: Jul 2003 Posts: 3,251	Re: The Mole Season 5 6/2 recap: The Lady in Red Great recap iguanachocolate! I don't know why they thought the Mole was Marcie, we all know it is YOU! __________________ www.comicfusion.com Join the Fusion Club! Avatar is Renee Montoya, the new Question, thanks Uncle David!

06-05-2008, 12:51 PM	#3
LG. perfectly pugnacious Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Whack-a-Mole Posts: 13,539	Re: The Mole Season 5 6/2 recap: The Lady in Red excellent recap, IC. Too bad about the lack of a real execution. __________________ Signature line? We don't need no stinkin' signature line.