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Thread: The Molar Chronicles, Week 1 - Introducing our out-of-work actors

  1. #1
    The race is back! John's Avatar
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    The Molar Chronicles, Week 1 - Introducing our out-of-work actors

    This is the first installment of The Molar Chronicles, where our writers will break down why we think each contestant is the mole, and why we don't think they're the mole.

    Frederique Van Der Wal

    Why I believe Frederique Van Der Wal is a man. 1st clue... she farted in class when she was younger. She thinks itís funny. 2nd and most telling clue... when in the SUV on the way back to the ranch, Frederique, Stephen and Corbin were in the car. They were discussing who the possible Mole was and Stephen said to both Corbin and Fred, "Show me how big your balls are, kids!"

    Why I believe she may not be a man. Fred mentioned briefly that she was now a Mom, though she said NOTHING about having the child and that brief stint as a Victoriaís Secret model.

    Oh wait. I think I misunderstood! The directions were why I believe Fred is the Mole and why I believe she isnít. Oops. My mistake!

    I believe Frederique isnít the Mole because she actually participated and helped earn more money towards the pot by winning the Baa Baa Black Sheep competition.

    I believe Frederique could be the Mole because in the first competition she was dangling directly over a full bucket of water and seemingly did nothing to try and grab it. Rather she hung uselessly for a long time until time ran out.

    Kim Coles

    I believed Kim could be the mole for several reasons.
    -Kim seemed unable to figure out up and down on the remote control in the first task.
    -We were led to believe that the mole was on the remote controller from the questions posed at the end.
    -Kim was not rounding up the sheep with enthusiasm at first and at the end of that task let the first sheep out of the pen.

    The reason I believe Kim is not the mole: She was Executed at the end of the show. Very unmolelike!

    Kathy Griffin

    Kathy, Kathy, Kathy... After close scrutiny of your actions last night I must conclude that you are, without a doubt, positively the MOLE. Why else would you have such a hard time with a joystick, after all you have alluded to the fact that you have experience with similarly shaped objects. You were, undoubtedly trying to foil the attempts at gathering more money. Then, you enter the sheep pen. Whew, could you have tried harder not to actually help? No, you couldnít, you ARE the MOLE!

    Kathy, Kathy, Kathy... After watching you performance a tad closer, I have decided there is no way possible for you to be the MOLE. After all, you couldnít hear Corbinís directions when playing with the joystick... how were you to know whether you should be going up or down? Then while with the sheep, I could see your masterful plan at work... trying to hypnotize the sheep into submission by your constant spinning, then having them walk right into their pen. Unfortunately, this didnít work, but I saw where you were going. You paid very close attention to the other participants, trying to remember everything so you could later do well on the quiz... why would the MOLE need to do that? Yes, Kathy, You are definitely, NOT the MOLE!

    Stephen Baldwin

    Highly underwhelmed to receive his journal, the only entry he made was "THERE ARE NO RULES".
    There are rules Stephen, lots of them, unless you just happen to be The Mole.

    Stephen is The Mole:

    Virtually everything he did was suspicious.
    He had no interest in paring up with anyone for the sheep game, a move that ultimately landed him the chance to compete for an exemption.
    Q.Why would The Mole want an exemption?
    A. So no one else gets it.
    See? Crafty huh?

    His bizarre possibly time-wasting move of closing the gates to all the pens was a dubious tactic at best. When you couple that with the fact he appeared to initially be trying to charm the sheep into the pen you have to wonder whether he was trying to deliberately lose the cash.

    Despite having "Bio Dome" and "Slap Shot 2 " on his resume, he came up with some lame story about his sister beating him up as his most embarassing moment.
    In the car with Fred and Corbin he tried to establish who they thought was the Mole and get them to agree that it was one of the people in the other vehicle. Probably a tactic to draw attention away from himself.

    Stephen is not the Mole:

    Apart from a brief interlude where he auditioned for Cirque Du Soleil, Stephen did try hard during the waterfall game.
    His slow time was more down to the lack of co-ordination of the others.
    He single-handedly doubled the cash won during the sheep game when he could have easily lost it all without raising any more suspicion than he did by winning.

    Looking more "Moley" than anyone at the moment, I hope it will be testament to his acting skills because we saw quite enough obvious Molehood from Admiral Bill.

    Could it be that Stephen is trying to pull the tried and tested "switcheroo" by acting as Moley as possible?
    If he is, thank God he isn't a student of the Stanislavski technique.
    I think a brown velvet suit might look a little out of place.

    Corbin Bernsen

    Corbin Bernsen Is The Mole. The evidence is overwhelming:
    - At different points in the show, he suggested that Kim, Stephen, and Kathy were the mole. He was trying to draw attention to the others and away from himself.
    - In the waterfall game, he pulled Frederique away from the waterfall without a bucket, and the one time he wasn't at the controls, the team destroyed the previous times and won easily.
    - If he really believed Kim was the mole, he wouldn't have chosen to team with her in the Baa Baa Black Jack game. If he didn't think she was the mole, why did he suggest that she might be? Again to put the attention on someone else.
    - He floundered after the sheep, moving quickly but clumsily and yelling at them. That caused them to scatter and run away - exactly what you should be trying to avoid if you want to win. Besides, we know from his role as Dorn the infielder in "Major League" that he can hit the dirt with much more grace.
    - He accused Kim of letting their first sheep escape on purpose. He could have positioned himself closer to the entrance to the pen before having her open the gate, but he didn't. That makes him responsible for the sheep's escape.
    - The little cut on his arm didn't look serious at all, but the bandage he wore afterwards screamed out "Look at how much effort I put forth! I can't possibly be the mole."
    - Only a mole would find it "delicious" to be sitting in front of a Super Model when she completed the highly difficult sneeze-fart combination.

    And most telling of all - when the team was discussing Frederique's failure on the waterfall game, he was quiet, said nothing, and failed to make eye contact with anyone.

    Clearly, Corbin Bernsen is The Mole.

    Corbin Bernsen Is Not The Mole:
    - During the waterfall game, Kathy referred to him as "Super Veiny Hockey Dad" because he yelled at her so much for screwing up. If he is the mole, he wouldn't have been so competitive.
    - In Baa Baa Black Jack, he managed to get two sheep into the pen, but Kim allowed one to escape. Only Erik was able to get more sheep in a pen than Corbin was. Again, he showed himself to be trying very hard. So hard, in fact, that he was cut and required a bandage.

    Obviously Corbin Bernsen is not The Mole.

    Erik Von Detten

    Who?? Erik Von Detten? I donít remember him saying anything. Is he even on this show? OH, of course, heís the twenty year old Leonardo DiCaprio lookalike that can ride emí... sheep, that is.

    Holy Moley!

    If Erik Von Detten is the mole, then I must be the queen of England. If he is the mole, he must be a better actor than I thought after Dinotopia - he surely has me fooled. None of the other players seem to suspect him, except for the fleeting suspicion of Michael Boatman, who says Erik is too quiet. Honestly, between Kathy Griffin and Kim Coles - who could get a word in anyway? Erik did absolutely nothing to sabatoge the pot this week. In fact DiCapri-oh, I mean Von Detten, stood out tonight as trying harder than any other player to HELP the pot. He was an expert cranker during the waterfall challenge, and he faltered a little on the joystick, but still didnít cost the group anything. Who can blame him, the poor kid was probably shaking in his boots with a Baldwin brother repeatedly screaming "Down! Down!" at him.

    Ride ĎEm Cowboy!

    After his uneventful job in that challenge, Erik showed just how spunky he is around sheep. (Apologies to Mr. Baldwin for using his quote.) In the Baa Baa Black Jack game, Erik beat the house on two hands, with no help from Frederique ĎSupermodels do not wrangle sheepí Van Der Wal. He looked like a true cowboy, with a natural aptitude for sheep herding. In fact, as he rode them in one by one, I was distracted by an odd series of sexual fantasies. Then I got a grip and realized Iíve been spending way too much time with some of the men from the FORT. (Sorry, guys.)

    Mole-spicious

    The only thing that Erik said that may hint to him being the mole was his confessional about strategy. He said his initial plan was to try and make people think he was the mole, but that didnít happen, so his strategy had changed. Maybe, just maybe, our resident cowboy is a true strategist at heart, and was trying to throw people off his trail by helping the pot so much this week.

    Michael Boatman

    I wish there were more to suspect Michael of being the mole for. But frankly, he really worked his butt off during the waterfall challenge, and was paired with the utterly useless Kaaaathy during the Baa Baa Black Jack game, but appeared to be trying nonetheless. The only Molific thing he said was that moles are brown.

    As for NOT being the mole, he's got a lot on his plate. I've mentioned most of it already. He's a hard worker, he suspects everyone, he's observant of who's screwing up and saying things that might implicate themselves, and he seems to be genuinely enjoying the game. Although I called him before the show started as being my suspected Mole, I really have to change my mind after this week's performance.

    But maybe that was his GOAL! Oh, that sneaky Mole-bastard!

    This article is a collaboration of our writers. But if you'd like to comment on it, you can send an e-mail to John at admin@fansofrealitytv.com

  2. #2
    The race is back! John's Avatar
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    Great job everyone!

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    Yoffy lifts a finger... fluff's Avatar
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    I love our collaborations.

    Excellent work everyone
    "That's Numberwang!"

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    Starbucks is your friend Bill's Avatar
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    Great work!

    In fact, as he rode them in one by one, I was distracted by an odd series of sexual fantasies. Then I got a grip and realized Iíve been spending way too much time with some of the men from the FORT.
    Hey! What do you mean by that???
    "George Oscar Bluth II, aka GOB, featured magician in the best selling videotape, "Girls With Low Self Esteem" invites you to enter his world.
    -- Arrested Development, Season III

  5. #5
    Ken's cookie! KylieGrant's Avatar
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    Bill. Hmmm


    Great job, everyone!

  6. #6
    It ain't easy being green Wayner's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Bill_in_PDX
    Great work!



    Hey! What do you mean by that???
    Yeah! What do you mean by that. I mean, I know I grew up in Idaho, where men are men and sheep are nervous, but I left years ago!!!

  7. #7
    Insert Funny "Quote" Here nofx242's Avatar
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    Good write up Ill be looking for tonights fun recap

  8. #8
    The race is back! John's Avatar
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    Great avatar, nofx242! Goes with the forum, for sure!

    I believe that makes you the Mole.

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