Meet my folks certainly hasn’t lost any of its spark this season. There have been no faxes instructing the girls to pull pranks, yet somehow that particular stunt isn’t missed. How many more ways are there to sneek into moms food anyway? We have been treated to plenty of “Fun with Faxes” and “Dignity lost through Doorbells” to more than make up for it.
Part II of The Maloneys, Meet My Folks first three episode story started with a bang. Or rather a Ding…..Dong. It wasn’t Avon, it wasn’t even a Landshark, it was Wink Martindale! That’s right all you 20-something girls, THE Wink Martindale. Who? Yes, I must say NBC could not have made a worse choice. Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE Wink, but then again I am just a Tad older than these girls. I have no problem remembering Wink from such great hits as: GAMBIT, HIGH ROLLERS, TIC TAC DOUGH. Of course maybe they would remember him from his movies… yes folks, movies. Are you telling me you don’t own Hanged On A Twisted Cross, Medousa: Dare To Be Beautiful Safety Patrol. Yeah, me either. Oh well.
Unless these girls are fans of Game Show Network, they are clueless.
It’s GAME SHOW TIME:
Wink did come for a reason. He’s hosting a trivia game in which the girl with the highest score gets a private date with Dan. There are many questions, I know this because of the Dry Erase score board in the background. The only questions we get to hear are:
How many states are there? Lisa say’s 52, she must have added in “state of the union” and “The Secretary of State”
The Rio Grand forms the border between Mexico and what other North American Nation? Shannon says Brazil.
What is the first letter of the word pneumonia? Lisa … “A” I guess when she faints they revive her with Pammonia.
Tawny lets us know that there are 342 days in a year. I knew time was flying by!
Shannon then informs us that Miami Vice was set in California.
Stefanie and Tawny wind up in a tie. The tie-breaking question is: How many miles is it from here to Time Square New York (not to be confused with the Time Square on the Moon). Stefanie says 3,000 and Tawny says 25,000 (I knew one of them would get the two confused). Stefanie wins a private date with Dan… and a bunch of viewers.
FUN WITH FAXES
This time it actually is fun. Since Stef won we learn a good fact. She is a volunteer spokes model for MADD. Ahh, that’s nice dear.
Before Stef and Dan can go on their date the girls are treated to a surprise party. The surprise? The party goers turn out to be the Ex-Boyfriends, who are somehow no longer entitled to a free meal on the show like they were last season during Breakfast with the Exes. I guess the budget increase NBC granted to this show covered trips to Europe as prizes, but there was nothing left for food for the Exes or any ADS on NBC to let the viewers know that the season was starting up again this week.
Stefanie is up first: Josh informs us that Stef’s Christmas present to him was another guy in her bed. Oh, and lets not forget to mention the time she sent him to jail during an argument. Stefanie laughs as she reminisces about her good times in adding to her Ex's criminal record.
Shannon is next. Dominic tells us she’s possessive. She has trust issues. He tells us her friend not only got into his email, but also got information on his bank accounts. Shannon informs us that she doesn’t know this guy. Although, honey, seconds ago you introduced him to everyone. Shannon cries and makes as scene and says she's feel dizzy. Then she realizes that there is no lie detector test to try to worm her way out of at his point and she's just being overdramatic. The doorbell rings and it is Julia Roberts, looking for her annoying over-acting while thinking your so darn cute and spunky award.
Tawny introduces us to Matt. He just says she’s a nightmare, and then pulls out the handcuffs she left at his house. She is happy to have them back. Dan then asks Matt if he enjoyed them and Matt cracked a smile, so Dan is looking forward to being a bad boy with Officer Tawny later.
Chelsea is sitting next to Ryan. He says she is really into her image and will only date guys that she thinks will improve her image. Somehow I think Mom likes the thought of sending her on a date with Dan. Too bad Mom doesn’t realize that Danny Boy will do nothing for Chelsea’s image.
Lisa is last with her ex Sam. Sam tells us that Lisa is not too bright. That if Dan is onto shallow girls they will hit it off. We also learn that Lisa walked out on some guy after they bought a house together, and she got a car out of the deal.
Mercury has delivered some flowers, and the folks are instructed to give them to one of the girls to send her on her way.
Mom and Dad ponder their options and didn't care for Stefanie calling the cops on her ex, but they don't even mention that sending away Stefanie now would prevent the "private date" that she won from Wink Martindale. Maybe they think Dan is "safe" with Stef now that all the marshmallows and graham crackers are under lock and key.
Dad gives the flowers to Shannon. Dominic apologizes to her as they walk to get her luggage. He does look sad. Dominic, you’re a cutie, you don’t need to feel bad about a girl who hacked into your computer.
STEFANIE AND DAN’S PRIVATE DATE
Let’s see, back in the day when I was dating, my suitor would actually take me somewhere, a movie, dinner, miniature golfing, skating, museums, any number of places. I never had a man take me to his back yard for a date. Loser.
So here they are at the pool. Surprise Mom and Dad get another Fax informing them that they could check up on Dan… perhaps see if he has any wayward food stuck to his ass. Mom decides not too. We're not sure if it is Stef's tongue halfway down Dan's throat if it is actually Anna Nicole Smith trying to get out of Stef as she does appear to be channeling her.
Mom wakes the girls at 8am. They complain. I complain too, I haven’t slept until 8am since I was 14. . In a props coup, Mom actually wakes them up by clanging garden HOES together to make a loud noise. High fives all around from the props guys can be heard in the background of that scene.
The girls now get to help Mom plant her HERB and VEGETABLE garden. The first thing that needs planting are the GRAPES. Hmmmm….
Instead of actually planting anything, the prospective dates decide to make the garden into a mud wrestling ring. Mom thinks it’s fun that they had fun.
Her garden still needs sowing… the ho’ing has been done.
Dan actually takes the girls out for a date.
Surprise! it’s to a spa.
Surprise! we get more slow motion undressing shots.
Surprise! Stef is all over Dan.
Surprise! Mom and Dad are in a limo watching it all.
Dan thinks it’s a great idea to play spin the bottle so he can properly evaluate all the girls kissing abilities.
Lisa: Sweet little peck
Tawny: Aggressive I’ll-Tackle-You-Then-Shove-My-Tongue-Down-Your-Throat kiss
Chelsea: Long soft kiss.
Stef: Doesn’t get another try.
Chelsea and Lisa get back into the hot tub with Dan, while Tawny and Stefanie make out. Yes, with each other. Dan is loving it. Mom and Dad are not. Well Dad says he isn’t, but sadly Nick (the lie detector guy) doesn’t have the lie detector test warmed up.
Mom and Dad storm in and have Lisa and Stefanie come with them. Nick is moonlighting as the chauffeur, and takes them back to the house for the test.
Lisa feels confidant.
Stefanie is nervous
What do we learn about Lisa?
She has cried to get something she wanted.
She is attracted to Dan.
She does not think she’s the prettiest one there.
She got an older guy to buy her a car.
She likes Dad.
She did get drunk while escorting Asians around. Somehow I don't know that is as bad as her past denial of the event because she doesn't drink and she doesn't associate with Japanese people.
She has knowingly dated a married man.
She told the truth 3 out of 7 times.
What did we learn about Stefanie?
She doesn’t want Dad as a Father in law.
Dad bores her.
She’s manipulated them this week.
She uses sex to get stuff.
She has lied this week.
She has cleaned in a bikini.
She is sexually attracted to women.
She would have sex with Dan just to get to Europe.
She told the truth 5 out of 8 times.
ELIMIDATE… oops, wrong show…ELIMINATION
Mom and Dad did ask Dan what he wanted. He told them he wanted Lisa to stay. He is more attracted to her than Stefanie. That was readily apparent in your two private dates with Stefanie, when you had her take off your pants while rolling around in campfire food and when you made out with her in the swimming pool.
Mom and Dad understand that Dan is an equal opportunity creep and rather than letting him share his "charm" with Lisa later they send her packing.
They decide they would rather keep the manipulative, bisexual, lying, bikini clad maid who finds Dad boring and wouldn’t want him as a father in law.
Good Bye Lisa.
Be sure to tune into NBC Saturday January 25 to see whether it will be Stefanie, Chelsea or Tawny who gets to go to Europe.
A special thanks to Lurkinggirl for the comedic transplants that this recap so desperately needed.
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