This episode opens with the same synopsis we were given last week. Guess there weren’t very good ratings for the premiere episode so NBC thought they’d try to wrangle a few more viewers in and not let them think they missed anything.
In case you didn’t know, Don is bald
It is Sunday morning and we begin our day with a message from the dreaded FAX machine. This time, though, it is not an elimination. The women are given a challenge, a “bald” faced challenge, if you will. The women need to say the word “bald” as many times as they can during lunch. The four women who say the word the least amount of times will have a dirty secret revealed about them. Poor Don. I mean any man going bald must have a small complex, so NBC decides it would be great to have all the women basically point at him and laugh.
So as the women sit down to lunch the “bald” comments come flying out. Some talk about doing their hair and going bald, some talk about the bald eagle, some help one another out and talk about going to Bald Head Island. Although everyone is laughing, we see Don getting annoyed and he even asks the women to stop. They don’t though, and continue to try and beat one another before time is up.
I know something you don’t know
Brown arrives not wearing a UPS shirt, but an APS shirt. American Parcel Service? All Parcel Service? Ass Pinching Service? Heaven forbid NBC let the viewer think it’s United Parcel Service. Anyway, the envelope with the dirty little secrets arrives. The four women who basically were polite and didn’t say “bald” enough are Joanne, Cynthia, Patti, and Lori.
Joanne’s dirty little secret is that she is so afraid of commitment and hasn’t had a steady boyfriend in over seven years. Could it be that Joanne thinks she’ll find love by going on reality dating shows to get married to a man she hasn’t known but for a mere five weeks? Nah, Joanne just says, “Men stink”. Obviously Don and the kids are somewhat shocked to hear this, although you have to give Joanne credit for her honesty. She admits maybe if she isn’t the one doing the picking this time it might work.
Cynthia’s dirty little secret is that she uses her looks to get out of traffic tickets, get reservations at fancy restaurants, and get into clubs for free. What woman hasn’t? Cynthia mentions that she doesn’t think flirting is bad. The kids ask her if she would still flirt if she were married to their dad. Of course, Cynthia answers no.
If Patti doesn’t like what a man is wearing on a date, she’ll have them stop at a mall to buy a new outfit. Don mentions that if she did that to him he would think she would be joking. Imagine Patti saying “No honey, you need to look good when you’re out with me”. Patti tells the kids that she would not do that if she were going out with their father.
Lori’s dirty little secret is that she pampers herself with so many facials that she is called “Mama Smurf”. Patti explains that she gets these blue facial peels, which make her face look blue hence, the nickname. This prompts Chris to ask if she has had any plastic surgery. Lori admits to having a breast augmentation. Don immediately perks up at this new twist, or shall I say, “bump” in the road, and mentions they look great.
After these revealing revelations, the kids get to reveal nice facts about the top three women who mentioned “bald” the most. We find out that Christena organizes volunteers to build homes for the needy. The kids are impressed with this. Christy gives anti-drug speeches to schools across the country. Don’t people who are recovering drug addicts do this? And Kathy organized a fundraiser for muscular dystrophy and raised $20,000.
Heads or Tails?
With this newfound information, the kids receive a FAX telling them they are to eliminate one lady from the competition. Don mentions that out of all the women he feels he has the least chemistry with Patti. He admits there seems to be a wall built up, and she seems somewhat superficial. Heidi likes Patti though. Chris then mentions that he doesn’t like Joanne because of her commitment issues. Once Don is out of the room, the kids find out that Heidi and Chris want Patti to stay, and Joe and Karla want Joanne to stay. Stuck at a dead end, the kids decide to flip a coin to decide the fate of these two women. Heads for Patti, tails for Joanne.
When the whole group meets in the living room, Karla says in a high-pitched choked up voice “We’re doing this for our dad and it gets harder and harder everyday”. Well obviously since Karla wanted Joanne to leave, I guess Joanne will be going home. Karla says “The person we have chosen is . . . . Patti”. What a strange way of acting when your favorite gets to stay.
We see that Patti is quite disappointed but handles herself gracefully. She mentions how much she enjoyed meeting everyone, and the Muellers have a very special family. Joanne mentions she thought it would be her, and Don comforts her as she begins to cry. Smooth, Joanne, smooth.
The First Date
After the elimination, all the women along with Don are hanging out in the kitchen. Christy begins her conversation with Don by mentioning that all the women think he’s incredibly attractive. She then cuts to the chase by asking Don if the car (aka $200,000 red Ferrari) is still here. He says yes and that he’ll have to take her out for a drive sometime. Smoothly he asks if Christy drives a stick, to which she replies, “I learned on it”. I bet she did.
At dinner, Don mentions that he’ll get to spend some alone time with the ladies as the days continue. Tonight he’ll have an opportunity to ask a lady to share a nightcap with him. The camera pans to Christy who is looking quite confident because of her previous conversation. But Don asks Joanne if she would like to join him. Joanne, obviously taken aback by this request, gladly accepts. Christy immediately puts on a frown and tells Don, “Just don’t bite her hand”. Meeeoooowww! Don admits he picked Joanne because she has been put through the ringer this week and would like to make her smile. Aww, how sweet. A pity date.
While the date is going on, the kids are discussing their bottom picks. Karla and Joe both have Kathy as their bottom, while Heidi and Chris both choose Cynthia. Then the horrible FAX gives out its high-pitched ring. This time though the kids are instructed to turn on their TV and watch their dad’s date with Joanne. They immediately turn it on, and it looks like one of those sappy soap operas. We hear slick Don complimenting Joanne on her hair and saying she must have done more than just modeling her hands. All in all, there is mostly complimenting and slight flirting. No good-night kiss, just a friendly hug to the kids relief.
In the morning Don asks the ladies to join him and the kids in a morning swim. It’s time to show off who’s got the goods and who doesn’t. We already know Lori bought some of those goods so she has a slight advantage. Heidi mentions that Lori and Christena are in the top 3 for her, while Karla mentions that Kathy still doesn’t seem sincere. Don says that he liked seeing all the women in their bathing suits but Christy stood out the most. I see where Don has his priorities.
The women then get to spend some one on one time with Don. The kids receive a FAX saying they are allowed to watch all these dates. First we see Don feeding Cynthia some fruit to which Cynthia replies in Japanese “I like you so very much”. The kids think she is very sweet until they see her giving Don a massage and nibbling on his ear to which they are horrified.
Next up is Christena whom we see tumbling into a hammock. Adorably Don tries to get on with her and they both have a good laugh. The chemistry is definitely there and it seems they have been together for years. They hold hands and talk closely while staring into one another’s eyes. Although there is no kissing, the kids notice the undeniable chemistry.
Afterwards we see Lori and Don in a hot tub. Don just keeps asking Lori if she’s having fun to which she replies she is. This is obviously an awkward moment, and Don seems to be somewhat distracted by Lori’s breasts. Unfortunately for Lori, there doesn’t seem to be much chemistry and the kids notice this too.
Kathy and Don spend their date swinging on a bench swing. The kids notice that Don and Kathy always seem to easily fall into conversation. Soon after their small chit chat Don goes in for the kiss. At this moment the kids are aghast and probably traumatized forever at seeing their dad make out on their living room TV. Joe admits, “I almost felt I did something wrong”. It is wrong, Joe, it is.
Joanne gets to start off her date by walking in on Don making out with Kathy. She comes over and says “Ok, my turn”. Kathy leaves, and Joanne tells Don “You must be having the time of your life”. I sense some bitterness there. Don compliments her again as he did last night, but this time there doesn’t seem to be much chemistry, and they end up sitting apart from one another the entire time.
Before Christy’s date, she asks Kathy if she kissed Don. Kathy admits she did. Christy then self-righteously mentions that is a little fast and she doesn’t want to be kissed. Once down by the pool she challenges Don to a race across the swimming pool to the margaritas. When Don wins she tells him he false started. There’s that beauty pageant competitor coming out. They chat about sailing, and the kids notice their dad has great chemistry with her. We then see Don hold Christy and kiss her in the pool. Who’s so self-righteous now? Christy tells Don “If you don’t pick me, I’m gonna pour this (margarita) down your back”. Ahh, threatening a man on a first date always wins his heart. Don admits that he doesn’t get to pick to which she replies “Then what am I doing here with you?” The kids don’t like this turn of events and feel Christy is only out to win. Karla says, “This isn’t a pageant.”
I scream, you scream, we all scream . . . see ya!
The kids receive yet another FAX saying they must pick two women to go out to the ice cream truck that will be arriving out front. The kids pick Joanne and Cynthia. As they approach the ice cream truck discussing which kind of ice cream they want, they are greeted by Nick the polygraph man. Joanne groans and says, “You are gonna be in all my nightmares!” Joanne didn’t fare too well last episode, so she has a right to be scared this time.
The kids ask Joanne the following questions:
1. Do you think I (Heidi) have good taste in clothes? Yes
2. If you marry my dad, would you mind running some occasional errands for us? No
3. Were you jealous when you saw our dad kissing Kathy? Yes
4. If you marry our dad, would you keep a secret from him if I ask you to? No
5. Do you really think men stink? When they stomp on you heart and leave you in the road to bleed to death, yes. (Don’t hold back now, Joanne!)
Before Cynthia is questioned, we see her meditating trying to get “centered” but falling apart because she is angry that she was chosen. Her questions are:
1. Will you make our dad do yoga? Yes
2. Have you flirted with our brothers this week? Yes
3. If our dad gained fifty pounds would you still marry him? Yes
4. Are you mature enough to get married? Yes
5. Is it all right to flirt with other men when you are in a relationship? No
The kids discover both Joanne and Cynthia lied on important things, and now it’s getting harder to decide. Don doesn’t seem too heartbroken about the upcoming decision and mentions he doesn’t know what to think, but it’s time to make another decision. Cynthia looks like she is about to explode into tears at any moment, while Joanne sits with quiet confidence.
Heidi tells the ladies they are a wonderful group of women, but only one can win their dad’s heart. Tonight they need to say good-bye to Joanne. Joanne looks disappointed and mentions everything went numb. She gracefully thanks the group and mentions she had a really great time. The kids felt Joanne was very sweet and funny, but just wasn’t right for their dad. Joanne mentions that she hopes Don meets “Miss Right”. As Joanne walks the walk of shame the camera shows Don wiping something from his eyes. This looks to be good editing because I don’t think Don was shedding any tears.
We’re almost halfway there! Tune in next week to see more drama unfold as we narrow it down to see who Don will get to marry.
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