Fresh off the hit reality show series “Meet My Folks”, NBC has come up with another brilliant idea to support the institution of marriage by having children decide who will marry their bachelor father.
The premise: nine women will move in with dad and the kids with the kids putting these women to the test with challenges and polygraph tests. Only one will win dad’s heart, but honestly that doesn’t matter because these women need to win the approval of the kids first. To sum it all up dad says, “This is the biggest decision of my life, and I’m not even making it.” Exactly.
The show opens in a dramatic fashion with the kids grilling dad in a polygraph test. The one question they ask him “Will you marry whomever we pick for you?” and the dad answers yes with a thumbs up from the polygraph man. Dangit! Now I have to recap this show for the next five weeks. Why couldn’t he have just said no?! Oh well. Let’s meet the kids.
First is Joe who is 26 and the oldest son. He states the obvious that the best idea would be for his dad to meet “Mrs. Right”. Next is Heidi who is 21 and tells us she is “Daddy’s little girl”. Third is 22-year-old Chris who is the youngest son and seems to be the jokester in the family. Finally there is Karla who is the oldest daughter and mother of dad’s first grandchild. The daughters explain that they would like to see their dad marry a woman who is down to earth, sweet, and normal.
After campaigning all about town to find desperate errr. . . I mean willing women to appear on this show, we see a long line of ladies willing to be interviewed by the kids. Some are too young, too NOT divorced, too muscular, and too cheerleader. Most of the women picked are good looking, unique, and classy with no kitsch to their act.
After it is narrowed down, the women are led to a courtyard where poly-polygraph men greet the women in unison with “Hello ladies! Have you ever had a polygraph test before?” I am instantly reminded of The Matrix where Neo fights a million Agent Smiths. I’m desperately hoping there will be a cool special effects fight among the ladies, but alas no. Instead we are up to our first eliminations (remember folks, this is a five episode deal so we need to throw out the baggage quickly).
The women are strapped into the machines with cords tightly around their bosom region. I’m assuming the kids also need to know whether some are fake or home grown. First question is “Do you believe in the institution of marriage?” One woman does not and is dismissed. Wow! That’s irony considering the basis of this show. Next question, “Do you think you can be committed to just one man?” Again one woman is eliminated, and again great irony since dad will be having a relationship with nine women at once. Third question, “If my father couldn’t afford a wedding ring would you still marry him?” One woman is eliminated. And lastly “If we pick you, will you marry our dad?” and this time no one leaves. This is truly amazing since none of these women have ever seen this guy. They must have lied on that ring question.
The nine women left are welcomed into the home. Our lovely contestants are Lori who is divorced, works as an adolescent engineer (read mom), and has two kids. Second is Kathy from Houston, TX who is looking for the man of her dreams. Third is Christy a mom of three sons and a former Miss USA. Fourth is Christena who is divorced with two teenagers and is looking for someone with passion. Our fifth contestant is Christie from California who is a nurse. Sixth is Patti from Los Angeles who is in advertising and is looking for a man of substance. The seventh contestant is Cynthia who is from Detroit and admits the perfect man is focused and kind hearted. Eighth is Carol who is divorced and is a former airline pilot, and lastly,Joanne is a hand model, has never been married, and is looking for someone to talk to, laugh with, and enjoy every single day.
The women then meet Nick, Karla’s husband, and baby Cole, the new grandchild. Enamored with little Cole, the ladies are then led up to the bedrooms. Or should I say bedroom. All women will be sleeping on single mattresses in the same room with only one bathroom. We see most women force smiles and laugh nervously at this new aspect to the competition.
Bye Bye Brunch
The following morning the women are invited to a brunch where they hope to meet dad. As the kids are getting ready downstairs, the FAX machine starts ringing. The kids are instructed to eliminate one woman at the end of brunch. This woman will also not get the opportunity to meet dad.
We come back from the break, and the kids are desperately trying to get to know these women as much as possible during their brunch. At the end of breakfast, they go into the kitchen to discuss the possibilities. The kids then come out with eight silver platters of chocolate covered strawberries and one doggy bag to hand out to the unlucky lady. We see that all the ladies get the silver treatment except for Christie our lovely nurse. Although the kids thought she was sweet, they did not think she was as classy as the others and would probably not work out with their dad. Christy is very surprised since she had just got there and didn’t even get to meet dad. She says she didn’t think it would hurt this much, and we are left seeing her make the walk of shame down the driveway.
We come to the halfway mark of the show and finally get to meet our most talked about dad. The women see a red Ferrari driving down the street, and they immediately start cheering. You can almost hear all the ladies’ brains going “Ca ching!”
Dad gets out of the car, and I immediately think “Oh my god! This is ‘Who Wants to Marry Captain Picard?’” But no, we are introduced to the handsome bachelor dad, Don Mueller. The first thing you notice, and hence the Picard reference, is his clean shaven head. He is also tan, wearing a dark blue suit with a lighter blue shirt underneath, and smiling from ear to ear as he greets his prospects. Don tells us he believes in love at first sight and that his children will help open his eyes. He is looking for compassion, honesty, sincerity, and someone pretty wouldn’t be that bad. Don then greets the ladies in their formal attire and they are ushered into the house.
The ladies and the family all meet in the living room and start getting to know one another. Carol even remarks, “I think he (Don) is red hot like his car” which makes Don blush and the kids giggle. As the others get to know one another, Don invites each lady to come out to the patio to have a little one on one time.
Don is a smooth guy and dances with all the ladies, but gets to know each woman a little first. First up is Christena which Don immediately says a classic pick up line “You either smell good or its these candles”. She admits she is attracted to Don and would definitely pursue a relationship with him. Next is Christy who tells Don she doesn’t want to be a “Miss” forever. Afterwards she says Don seems pretty down to earth like her and she is pretty comfortable with him. Carol tells Don that she is dying to be in love and later admits Don is very charismatic with a great smile and eyes. Joanne shows Don her beautiful hands and he is definitely impressed. She thought their banter was a good start. Cynthia tells Don about her experience as a Reiki healer to which Don immediately asks, “Can you heal me?” and Cynthia wittily remarks, “I don’t think there is anything to heal on you!” Cynthia thinks their dancing together was a strong romantic moment. While dancing, Patti asks Don to describe himself in one word, to which he responds “Run”. Too bad all the ladies couldn’t hear his advice. Patti admits that she thinks Don is a “10”. Lori talks about her teenage kids to which Don remarks she’s too young to have kids that age. Lori feels there is definitely chemistry between her and Don. And lastly, Kathy admits to Don she is very active and has grown a lot in the past three years. She later confides she was very comfortable with Don.
As they all gather back into the living room, the dreaded FAX machine starts ringing. The kids are now instructed to pick two ladies and take them to the garage where one will leave. The kids gather Don’s impressions from the patio dances. He says he likes them all but admits the women he has the least chemistry with are Carol, Patti, and Cynthia. We then hear Don in a voiceover admit, “This is a real unusual situation for your children to pick your soul mate”. You think? It is now the kids’ opportunity to take into account their father’s impressions as well as their own. Along with dad’s choices, the kids also discuss that they don’t feel Christy, Miss USA, is very sincere and that she is only there to win.
The children come back and announce the two they are picking are Carol and Joanne. Carol nods her head as if she is expecting this and Joanne seems to be in utter shock. They are led to the garage where they meet polygraph man again. Joanne immediately remarks “You again! I thought we got rid of you yesterday!” Is there something to hide Joanne?
Joanne, admittedly nervous, is strapped in by her chest again and is asked the following questions by the kids:
1. Do you find our dad attractive? Yes
2. Have you read an entire book in the last twelve months? Yes
3. Would you spend time with our side of the family during Christmas? She answers that she’s Jewish so therefore, yes.
4. Have you flirted with the brothers in the family? A rather quick yes
5. If you marry our dad will you let us move in with you? Yes Hello?! These kids are in their 20s!
Second is Carol who does not get the same questions as Joanne:
1. Do you like our dad’s hairstyle? Yes
2. Can we choose the color for the bridesmaids’ dresses? Yes
3. Are you willing to cosign on a car loan for me? Yes (isn’t Don a multi-millionaire?)
4. If we pick you are you willing to work full time answering phones at our dad’s office? No (we need to see the kids’ answers on this one!)
5. Do you really want to pursue a relationship with our dad? Yes
The kids deliberate and gather in the living room for the final announcements. Don believes in whatever they decide to do, and Heidi says in the end only one woman can win dad’s heart. And the lady that leaves tonight will be Carol who looks sincerely disappointed. The kids say the reason they picked her was they thought she was too aggressive in her style towards Don. Carol says that she had a fabulous experience but that she was disappointed because she wanted to fall in love.
And this concludes our first dramatic episode. Tune in next Monday to see which lady or ladies will lose their chance at marrying Don.
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