Married by America
Episode Two – Recap
This week, Matt and Jennifer’s friends and family narrow down their potential suitors to the final two, all in preparation for Monday’s results show.
And Now… the Rest of the Story
Sean is back, and he is still ready to make an arrest.
It is a good thing Sean is hosting this show, because he would never make it on “Are You Hot?” We all know how Lorenzo Lamas feels about gaps between the thighs. Work on that Sean… work on it.
For those of you scoring at home, and based upon the ratings from Monday there aren’t too many of us, the obvious questions floating around involved trying to figure out how they could stretch this show out over several weeks. I know this is Rocket Science Labs, the experts who stretched 15 minutes of Joe Millionaire material in to four hours and three weeks, however, once the vote was done, what was going to happen to these crazy kids?
Sean tells us that once the engagements occur, the second phase begins and we will track the five couples as they grow to hate each oth… oh sorry, uhm, get to know each other -- yeah, that’s it, get to know each other over the next few weeks. My hope is that phase two will be more exciting that this part of the process.
Let’s jump in! Remember, Jennifer and Matt were introduced in episode one’s recap, but there is additional information on many of the contestants and suitors in the Married by America forum at fansofrealitytv.com.
We meet Jennifer’s three selection helpers, her brother, mother, and friend Alicia. Sean asks Mom how she feels about her precious little girl doing a show like this. Mom replies that she knows America makes great choices.
Say what? Good choices?
Paulie Shore movies made a lot of money. Some people think Jennifer Lopez is cute. We fall for the cheesiest marketing schemes imaginable; I mean how many times can Tide be new and improved? Yet, Mom says America makes great choices?
Jennifer, you are in trouble before we even begin. Nevertheless, none of us are going to be stuck with her, so let’s find out who is trying (with a quick view of what they did upon introduction in episode one):
Joshua, a 25 year old investment banker. He says that he looks like Prince William.
Xavier, originally from France, this 29 year old clothing importer has the accent and the looks that scream out “player!” He confirms those thoughts when tells us that he didn’t invent French kissing, but he is quite good at it.
Scott, 33 years old, he is a former military guy, and now has been working in several fields, not to mention running for Mayor of Tulsa, Oklahoma. He acts a politician.
Paul is 30, and I never would have guessed he is that old. He has classic model looks, and is a web developer.
Jeremy is also from Atlanta. He is a 30 year old advertising executive, and fills the stereotype nicely. He tells us that he is a Gemini. Memo to Jeremy… this isn’t the 70’s. Also, the Hotlanta reference was good about the first two times you used it… let it go.
We begin with a question from Jennifer’s brother to all five suitors. They are asked what is the one thing they would be willing to change to please their partner.
Paul is up first, and the lights must be bright up there, for he immediately begins to melt down. Experts are still trying to figure the hidden secrets of his response. Something along the lines of “change the I to WE, because WE is better than I, and there is no I in TEAM, etc…” You get the picture. Things look bad for Paul, who had to be an early favorite in the Vegas betting line.
Joshua tells us that his parents have been married 31 years. He remembers what Coach used to tell him, and says that he will give 100%. Joshua, the correct answer is 110%, go run two laps young man.
Jeremy is ready for this question. He says that he would first and foremost learn to say “yes my queen”. I had to pause my TiVo at that point. Yes my queen? Were you castrated on the way to the program Jeremy? Besides, we know that Jennifer is a princess.
Xavier says that he is willing to change anything in his life for the right woman. Well, anything except for his world famous kissing skills.
Scott states the obvious when he says that marriage is a compromise and being willing to do so is the most important aspect. Frankly the answer stands out though compared to his peers. Scott has clearly watched Bull Durham – you always need to have your clichés handy.
Sean gives all the suitors a chance to confess. No surprise that no one steps forward and Sean informs us that the dirty secret is that Scott is 33 and lives with his Mom. This sounded more like a Meet My Folks moment, as his explanation made it sound like Mom had to move in with him since she and Dad aren’t together anymore.
The family and friend huddle up to discuss the first boot selection. Paul is given the quick ticket out, and Jennifer’s brother says that it is because they couldn’t understand his “we and I” analogy, and suspect that Jennifer would not either, as she is very concise.
Paul tries to stammer out a defense, but quickly grows confused and walks away mumbling something about “there is no I in REJECTED.” Paul will have no trouble finding a date, I think Jennifer’s friend, Alicia, almost got up and walked out with him.
Now, each member of the selection team gets to pose direct questions.
Mom asks Xavier about the most romantic thing he has ever done for a woman. He scores major points when he says that you do plan on being romantic, you either are or aren’t, and if you are, it should be a constant thing. Mom is buying it.
Alicia picks Scott for her question, that being what did he learn during his campaign to be the youngest Mayor in Tulsa history. Scott says that he learned to overcome his fear, and have the courage to go after what you want. I am impressed with Scott. He listened to the reason why they booted Paul, and his answer is short, direct, and clear.
Jennifer’s brother asks Joshua about his stated desire to have many, many children. Joshua gives a curious answer, saying that children are our future… Yeah, Whitney Houston said that once, but I am not sure that makes your case.
Finally, Jeremy is asked about a rather interesting fact. His parents took him to strip clubs as a teenager. Wow, they must have been the ‘cool parents’. In any case, Jeremy has a great answer saying that the experience “taught him the value of a dollar!”
Well, perhaps it wasn’t a good answer, for the family chooses to say goodbye to Jeremy. They say that one of Jennifer’s criteria is that she wanted to meet someone from outside of Atlanta. I have to believe that is a made up excuse. You’re telling me that Jennifer is willing to go on TV and let people choose her fiancée, but she can’t risk that being someone from her home town?
The remaining three suitors are then shuttled off stage for private interviews, and at the end of the show we will find out who the final two are.
Matt’s selection team is his mother, sister, and best friend Mike. Looking at Mom and Sis, I have to wonder out loud if he was adopted. He just doesn’t share resemblance with the family.
Mike is kind of interesting. He settles the issue of what happened to the third geek in Sixteen Candles. We know Anthony Michael Hall and John Cusack, but don’t forget the tall one, Cliff… I gotta believe it is Mike!
Regardless, Matt settles in to the sound proof booth, and the five ladies are brought out:
Kelly is a 26 year old professional horseback rider. Those have to be some very happy horses.
Sally sighs as she arrives at her pedestal. Sorry to pull you away from your fame seeking Sally, but you do have to go through the motions. She is a 26, and a billing coordinator from Boston.
Cortez originally hails from Puerto Rico. This beautiful 27 year old now lives in the continental US, and works in accounting and billing for a cosmetic surgeon. Coincidently, her parents got together through an arranged marriage.
Darcy is 27. She is a merchandising manager who seeks a confident guy.
Jennifer is also 27, and she works in medical sales. She looks a lot like Billie Jean.
Mom decides to start digging for dirt right off the bat when she asks the ladies to describe why their last relationship failed.
Sally says that her last boyfriend was a little younger than her, and he wasn’t ready from marriage, so they decided to part as friends. Translation: He wanted to eat pizza constantly, get drunk every weekend, and I wanted to shoot his Playstation… he was really hot in bed though
Jennifer replies that her last relationship ended due to bad timing, and the fact that he didn’t have enough time to devote to giving her attention. Translation: He caught me cheating, his flight got in early, and the timing really sucked. He still should have loved me though.
Kelly is next, and she says that the last relationship was over before it started. He was getting over a long term relationship, and just wasn’t ready. Translation: I was rebound gal.
Darcy notes that her last relationship ended because they were in two different places in their life. Translation: He was in prison.
Finally Cortez says that her last relationship ended because it was a long distance one and that the communication didn’t hold up. Translation: He stopped calling me.
No one volunteers to offer up a confessional tidbit, so Sean goes forward with the dirt on Darcy. She believes in abstinence before marriage. Ooooh! Let’s kill her for that! I am relieved to see that the crowd applauds her… not that I am pursuing that admirable goal myself… at least not intentionally…
But enough about me, who gets the boot? They ask Jennifer to leave. I am shocked. Mom explains that she feels Matthew would mow her down.
Really? The same Matthew they introduced to us? I doubt it, in fact, I don’t think he would mow down a weed, he seems waaaaaayyyy too nice for that.
Mom goes after Kelly, wanting to know about her notorious status as the class clown. Kelly says that she would love to meet a guy who makes her laugh, and that they would steal her heart.
Sis asks Sally about the time she was engaged, but met another man and ran off to Chicago. Wow… they should have used that as the big secret item. Sally response that she is not proud of that, but she also would not change it, as she learned what real love and relationships are all about.
Hmmm, I note that you are not with this guy any longer Sally.
Mike asks Cortez about her parents arranged marriage. She says that they made it 50 years, so it definitely can work.
Mom finishes up by quizzing Darcy about her workaholic tendencies. Darcy doesn’t back down, noting that she is proud of what she has accomplished, but that right now family and love mean more to her.
It is time for someone else to go home, and the decision is a tough one. Mom gives the bad news though, and it is Darcy. She says that Darcy is not saucy enough.
I am shocked. I personally would have kept both Jennifer and Darcy for the final three, but too late. Off to the private interviews they go.
Jennifer’s panel returns, and we see a couple of clips from the private interviews. They grill Xavier about allowing Jenn to call the shots in the relationship, and he is clearly confused, noting that he has always called the shots.
Sean reads off the final conclusions reached regarding Scott, Xavier, and Joshua.
Scott is considered charismatic, funny, and a risk taker. However, he is not settled in life and may not be exciting enough for Jennifer.
Xavier is a well traveled. He is also brave, but they worry that he is too flirty and suave.
Joshua is in a word, a hottie. He is ambitious and motivated, but they say he is too young to get married and lacks the experience of the other men. Hmmm… did some of the panel sample Xavier’s skills back stage?
Clearly Joshua is the bootee, and he leaves wishing the remaining two luck.
So Scott and Xavier are going to the vote, and it is time to bring in Jennifer for her final plea. She is sitting almost comatose and bored in her booth when all of the sudden she practically leaps out of the TV demanding that we give her a smart, humorous, generous, social, football loving guy who likes to hang out in the kitchen.
Xavier says that they would be a great match because he likes to cook too. Scott adds a little more content to his argument, and gets a dig in on Xavier noting that he has better morals. That’s what happens when you bring in a politician, the negative campaign ads don’t take long to appear.
So now we come to the final selections for Matt. We see a couple of tame clips where Cortez and Sally respond to some softball questions. The panel’s final conclusions?
Cortez is gorgeous and sweet. Maybe she is too sweet, and may not be tough enough for Matt. Not tough enough? Huh? Are you sure this the same Matt that was introduced earlier? Just what does Mom think her son is? He looks and acts like a funny, nice geeky guy, not a serial killer.
Sally’s comments include their opinion that she knows what she wants, but she is flighty and may not be ready to commit. Sally flashes the panel and annoyed stare.
Kelly is in trouble. Mom says that she is just like Matt and that they would be great buddies. Buddies… the kiss of death. Sorry Kelly, you know you are going, and it comes as no shock when Mom gives her the bad news.
Time for final pleas. Matt asks America to take what they have learned about him, and look deeper for the gal who will provide trust, respect, and good communication.
Sally says that we have gotten to know her on a personal level (really? In all of five minutes?) and we should vote based on that. Cortez makes a better speech, asking us for her help to set her up with the man of her dreams.
On Monday we will find out the results of America’s votes. From there our couples will begin their bonding period. Until then, may your sound proof booth not leak!
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