8/02 Screen Caps -- Countdown to payday
Let's start off with a look at the remaining suitors, but before we do I would like to appologize. I made a couple of minor mistakes when I listed the guy's occupations last week and I'd like to take this opportunity to correct that.
First up is Morgan, the guy with the million dollar cheque. Of course he's never going to get the chance to cash it (as if NBC even has a million dollars just laying around -- cable TV is just killing the broadcast networks) so when he gets booted off the show he'll be returning to his job as a mascot for a minor-league baseball team.
Next up is Caleb. This gets a little complex the twists are really twisty this season, Caleb originally had a million dollar cheque but Morgan won the painting contest and was able to swap his one dollar cheque for it. On second thought that wasn't very twisty at all. Caleb's constant whining about losing his cheque has earned him the nickname "cry baby blubber puss". Caleb had to take time off from his part time job as a cashier at McDonalds to do this show.
Mike is sitting pretty with his cheque for $250,000, if there is any more cheque swapping Morgan is the obvious target and $250,000 is a nice chunk of change. Mike used to be an enforcer for the Russian Mafia but since entering the witness protection program he now works as a L.A. Police officer.
Last, and certainly least, is the guy affectionately known around the mansion as Dollar-Boy, it's David S. Even though his cheque is only worth a dollar his friends back at the sausage factory are cheering him on, when I say 'cheering him on' I mean laughing at him and when I say 'friends' I mean people that barely know he exists.
"Damn the greenhouse gases, my hair needs hair-spray".
"Did Mommy say to do the collar first, or last?"
"Oops, is that my hair-gel or the Conch snail contact poison?"
"Is that blood?"
"How do I kook?"
"You look like Charley Brown's gay brother".
"Look at the count-down, it's like we're astronauts"
[RANT]The clock is counting up, moron, if it was a count-down the count would be counting down, that's where it gets its name. It's not a count-down, it's a clock. A 42" Plasma Clock worth a few of thousand dollars but still just a clock.[/RANT]
"How do I work this damn phone? What's with this 'pick a picture on the phone' thing anyway? Why don't I just say who I want to go on the date with? NBC is really stretching to try to find some drama on this show since everyone is so obviously just here for the money".
"I'm thinking, four dates, four guys, I'm guaranteed at least one date".
Apparently this guy has never heard the word Jinx before, hopefully someone will explain it to him tomorrow when he gets home.
"Watching this clock is as exciting as watching paint dry".
I know how he feels.
"What's with all the serious talk, I just want to have fun".
"Fun? what's 'fun' got to do with it? This is about winning a million dollars. Oops, forget I said that".
"Huh, said what? Sorry I wasn't listening, I was picturing you naked".
"Look at all this crap in this fridge, there's hardly any room left for beer and I have no idea where we're going to put the left over pizza".
Lawn bowling? What kind of cheap assed date is lawn bowling -- [sarcasm] when I spell romance I spell it L-A-W-N B-O-W-L-I-N-G [/sarcasm].
Watch the clock, watch the clock, watch the clock -- commercial. This is so lame... Hint for NBC: Watching a clock isn't exciting unless there's a bomb attached to it!
"You never told me you two were making-out while I was sitting on the island by myself playing with my snake".
"I wouldn't call it making-out".
"What would you call it".
"Is that a sausage in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"
"It's a sausage".
Roller blading, could NBC have setup a cheaper date? And we're expected to believe that they're willing to pony up a million bucks at the end of this? Yah right!
"I've got to take a dump, so bad..."
NBC blew so much money on the roller blading date they couldn't even afford fake license plates for the limo...
"Would you like fries with that?"
"Hey Dave, we're trying to figure out what this little room under the stove is for... any ideas?"
"Hmmm, nope. It's a good size to store old pizza boxes in".
If there are any young guys reading this, check this out. Caleb is playing hard to get and it's driving Rachel mad for him. Remember guys, the best way to turn a chick off is to be interested in her and the best way to turn her on is to ignore her. I know it doesn't make any sense, but here's proof.
Denied! Sorry dude, the producers tipped her off that your cheque is worth a million dollars. You're history.
"Morgan you look really uncomfortable, what's up".
"I hate being on TV when I'm not hiding in my giant squirrel costume".
"I need someone to fall for me in the end so that I can crush their heart as I prance off with my million dollars".
"Damn, her body's banging, seriously".
'Banging'? At least he didn't say that she had a little rocket body.
"Morgan, I really feel that we have a strong connection but it's not stronger than your million dollar cheque so you're going to have to get lost".
"Psst, do you know if any of the remaining guys have a one dollar cheque?"