It's another episode of the show that asks the burning question, "Can Rachel win a million dollars by finding a guy gullible enough to choose her over the money?"
"What's your cheque worth?"
"What's your cheque worth?"
"I'll show you mine if you show me yours."
"OK, but I still want to know what your cheque's worth".
"We get downstairs and there are paddles on the seats, I haven't played with paddles since my frat days. Now how does that go? Oh yah, 'Thank you sir, may I have another?'"
"You will bet with the value of your cheque for a private date with Rachel".
"I bet 25 cents".
"The bidding will start at $25,000".
"My cheque's only worth a dollar, what the #%$@%$# am I even doing here?"
"$275,000, going once, going twice, sold! To the sucker, I mean guy in the second row".
"$275,000 dollars? Am I insane? I have to start staying away from auctions this is a bigger mistake then that $37,000 picture of dogs playing poker".
"I'm trying to make these men fall for me so that at the end of the show I can break the heart and crush the spirit of the guy I pick as I walk off with a million dollars".
Check it out, he went for the titty grab but he missed...
I hope I don't get in trouble for saying 'titty', damn I said it again.
"I need to find a man who will pick me over the money so I have the choice for Love or Money at the end. Oh who am I kidding, I'm taking the money".
"I was uncomfortable holding hands with Alex but I didn't want to let go because I need him to fall for me, but he could be flirting with me just to win the money, so maybe I should have let go, but then again maybe he is falling for me which would be great because then I'd get the money so maybe I should flirt back more, but if he's playing me then I should drop him but if hes's not -- AARGH! This is so confusing, why are they making winning a million dollars so hard!"
"Mike's trying to figure out my motivations for being on the show, is he playing the game or is he really interested in me... Arrgh! I'm the most attracted to him, not as attracted as I am to a million dollars of course, and because of that he'd be the easiest one to pretend to be falling for".
"Good God I love money!" -- That's a direct quote.
"I could win, like, a million dollars at the end of this game if I play my cards right" -- that's another direct quote. It would be easier to make snarky comments if she would at least pretend to be interested in finding love.
"Saying I'm a game player may not have been the best thing to say, because the guys might realize why I'm really here".
"Eveyone has been saying how you're so funny. So be funny!"
"I can't just be funny on command".
"If you cared about me you'd do what I want, so be funny".
"Umm, Knock knock?"
"I don't think Rudy's playing for money, was was nervous and that showed me that he was interested in me".
"She bought it, hook line and sinker".
"Caleb turned me off, he didn't fawn all over me like the other guys, what's up with that?"
"Why did you choose me at the first elimination?"
"You've got bigger breasts than Andrea".
"He seems honest and genuine, someone who may be gullible enough to pick me over the money".
"This is the last hand, the guy with the most chips gets to ride me in the limo, I mean, ride with me in the limo".
"David picked me up and carried me down the stairs like I was some kind of prize! Oh wait, I am some kind of prize... that was cool then".
For those tuning in for the first time, Purple = Flashback.
"I'm excited about my first one-on-one date, because I remember my first one-on-one date with Lucifer, I mean Preston, and what a great connection I was able to make him think we had".
"We were all dressed up and I felt like a movie star, a movie star playing a role and waiting for that big fat pay-cheque".
"He presented me with this necklace and I felt like Cinderella".
I haven't seen or read Cinderella in quite a few years, but I don't recall her being given a $500,000 necklace...
"At the end of this game, I could have two half-million dollar necklaces".
Oh my freaking God, if that's her investment strategy she shouldn't be allowed to HAVE a million dollars.
"I paid $275,000 for this date, I'm getting past first base!"
"I thought I was being mauled".
"My big mistake was not getting my nails trimmed".
"When I got home from my date all the guys started questioning me about the date, asking about my feelings and crap. I think they all turned into women while I was gone".
"Because you don't know the value of the guy's cheques it's tough for you to determine who's playing for love or money. Here's a tip for you -- they're guys, they're all playing for money".
"I know that, but I'm trying to determine who has a $1 cheque because he'll pick sleeping with me (or so he thinks) over the dollar".
"You can pick one guy and learn the value of his cheque".
"I pick Mike".
"Be a dollar, be a dollar, be a dollar... crap!"
"I'll be here tomorrow."
I'm keeping the men who are the most gullible and the guys I'm most attracted to, if I have to sleep with someone to get them to pick me I want it to be someone I like".
"This elimination is hard for me because I don't know the value of your cheques".
"Rudy, you weren't able to be funny on comamnd, so I need to ask for the ring back".
"Alex, I feel a real connection with you but as a friend. It's not you it's me. OK that's a lie it's you, get lost bozo".
"Josh, I really like you but you gave up too eaisly in the Limo. I need a real man who will fall for me and not take the money."
"Man did I misread that situtation".
"In these final five men I think there is a stong possibility that I will find someone gullible enough to pick love over money".
Now watch closely...
Driver wanted sign on the rear quarter panel...
No driver wanted sign on the rear quarter panel.
Next Week, I learn the names of the remaining guys. A couple of them anyways.
I appologize, these are easily the lamest screen caps I've done. It's tough to make fun of people for being money-grubbing bastards when they freely admit to being money-grubbing bastards. I'll try again next week.