This week, while waiting for the appearance of the object d' affection, the ten remaining bachelors of For Love or Money 2 engaged in stimulating discussions about important political and theological issues of our day while playing congenial board games and enjoying sweaty glasses of tea and lemonade.
Okay. So that’s not what happened. But let me indulge a small fantasy for just a moment.
After the elimination of Richard, Dustin, Sean, Paul and Chris the night before, the men had time to discuss their surprise at Erin’s choices and comment on the added incentive of a one million dollar prize.
Most were surprised at the elimination of Chris from their ranks. Others discussed the tempation of a cash prize. In voiceover confessionals designed to heighten this tension, we hear one of the men observe sagely, “Money is the root of all evil.”
Munch, was that you evoking one of my personal pet peeves?
Choosing teams takes me right back to gym class ...
After breakfast, host Jordan invites the men back to the main room and congratulates them on making it through the first elimination round.
Mr. Obvious then tells the men that making a good impression on Erin is critical. However, over the next few days, only eight of the ten will be meeting with Erin in two group dates of four.
Could leave two men
Out in the cold
Their chance at
One million dollars
Jordan opens an envelope and announces that Wade and Munch will be team captains for the dates, and get to select the other three men who will accompany them.
Wade picks Thomas, Greg and Deric, while Munch chooses Dan, Chad F. and Eric, leaving Vic and Chad V. out in the cold.
Looking forward to the evening, Wade confesses that where his interactions with women are concerned, he is “wide open” and “tells ‘em everything,” so keeping the million dollar secret is a challenge. Conversely, Deric says that he doesn’t feel guilty about keeping the secret at all.
I didn't know the Hula was the traditional dance of Bel Air ...
That evening The Waders meet Erin beachside at sundown. As they walk down the beach they are greeted by hula dancers who entertain the troupe. As an icebreaker the men are singled out one by one to dance with the hula girls.
Erin thinks Deric is a good guy, but believes Thomas is looking at the competition simply as a great experience.
At the beach, Erin pulls Greg aside for some alone time saying, “Greg has exceeded my expectations.”
As the date ended the group walked back to the mansion carrying torches. In one spot, the rising tide left only a rocky path, and Greg gallantly offered Erin a piggyback ride across. This scored points with Erin and left the others mentally kicking themselves for not having thought of it first.
Back at the ranch, Chad V. and Vic challenge Munch on his team selection. Munch stammers and stumbles before coming up with, “You two guys wouldn’t be hurt.” I didn’t buy this, and neither did Chad and Vic.
Whats more attractive than a man in an Afro wig and a ball cap?
The next day The Munchers meet a pigtailed Erin at a baseball park.
Eric declares that Erin is “glowing like and angel” and “nothing is sexier than a girl with pigtails in a baseball cap.”
Dear Eric. We know from your Meet My Folks appearance that you were still a virgin during that filming. So tell me, just what kind of books .. er, publications, have you been reading to encourage that particular opinion?
About this time, Munch produces an Afro wig for the occasion because, “you never know when you’re going to need one.”
Good naturedly, Erin tries on the afro, which later causes Munch to note that he and Erin share the same mischievous gleam in their eyes. Not everyone has that, says he.
No indeed, Munch. When Erin says that Munch is like “your favorite stuffed animal,” I know he’s a goner for sure.
As, the Munchers begin warm ups for their day at the ballpark, Eric helps Erin with her stretching routine. This leads to more mental kicks from the rest of the team as they look on enviously and privately proclaim Eric to be the “#1 contender.”
Whether by chance or foresight, the number on the jersey distributed to Eric is “1.” Damn that Reality Television Evil Foreshadowing (RTEF)! Strike One, Eric, You’re going home.
This date, Erin chooses Eric for one-on-one time and they end up discussing the three-year age difference between them. (Erin is 30, Eric, 27).
Afterward Eric declares not only that Erin is every guy’s dream, but that he is personally willing to bite and scratch to win her heart. When he reckons out loud that “my chances are at least as good as the other guys,” I call Strike Two! and curse RETF once again.
Erin later dooms Eric to certain reality TV failure when she privately terms Eric “aggressive.” I call a Ball on this one, because I’m quietly rooting for Eric and hope he gets a chance to redeem himself later.
And I thought Hugh Hefner looked silly in a smoking jacket ...
That night at dinner the doorbell rings and the men find a card which announces Erin’s arrival at 8:30. The card directs the men upstairs to don their evening attire.
There the men find a rack of the “worst clothes ever” and dress up in retro smoking jackets and pajama sets to prepare for the evening’s Pajama Party.
Erin says that she wanted to see Vic and Chad since they had been excluded from the group dates. Vic earned alone time with Erin in a cozy chat by the fireplace. With a flourish, Chad V. interrupted to invite Erin on a tour of the mansion’s living quarters upstairs.
The joke was on Chad V. as we were treated to flashbacks to the first season of For Love or Money. While Erin gamely feigned surprise, she remembered the time that she had spent with Paige in these very rooms.
I thought you bounced quarters off a well-made Army cot ...
Wanting to see Erin in her bathing suit, the men suggested a relaxing trip to the hot tub.
I’ve noticed we’re seeing a lot more of Erin’s abdomen this season, and I’m wondering if she spent three weeks with a personal trainer in between filming. Her physical fitness is not lost on any of the men, least of all Eric, who observes that she has a sexy, tight stomach you could bounce quarters on.
Unlike Rob in the earlier season, the men keep a genteel distance from Erin in the hot tub. (All the better to see you with, my dear). The leering and staring becomes too much for Greg, who excuses himself from the party and goes upstairs to read, saying the hot tub scene was, “not my style.”
Obviously they couldn't get WWF Smackdown! on cable ...
After Erin leaves the party at 1 a.m. the men are left alone with raging testosterone, which they release in a wrestling battle royale. Some of the men chalked the melee up to the effect of a one million dollar bounty on their competitive nature. Or maybe it was the beer.
When Eric proclaimed the debacle a “train wreck” and said he was neither pleased nor impressed and further, “neither would Erin” I nod in agreement while clicking off Ball Two.
Erin, I think you're playing 'eeny, meeny, miney, mo'
At breakfast, Mr. Obvious returns with news:
Eight went on dates
Two were left behind
Three will be eliminated tonight
Enjoy what could be your last day.
Erin says she is not looking forward to the elimination, but knows only that she must follow her heart. Erin, based on the last elimination, I have no idea what drives your heart or your motivations. But I admit, I’m intrigued. So here goes:
Dan: You are quite the package. I definitely connected with you in a lot of ways. But for some reason, there’s not romantic connection.
Greg: You know how to treat a lady. I have become even more and more enchanted with you.
Thomas: I think I told you before that you simply exude energy.
Chad F.: You are so much fun to be around. Always smiling.
Munch: You have learned how to make a lady laugh. However, there's no emotional connection. You are going to make someone very happy someday.
Chad V.: I haven’t spent much time with you, but I feel like our discussion was nice. I would like to get to know you better.
Wade: When I’m with you, I feel like there’s something about us where we understand one another without having to talk too much.
Vic: I haven’t quite known if you are here to find someone emotionally, but our conversation comes so naturally. You make me laugh.
Eric: When we first met, I felt sparks. You have thrown yourself out there, I’m not quite sure if we are what the other is looking for. (here it is. The long speech that sends Eric to the showers. Did I tell you I saw this coming?) I was also flattered when you asked for the chance to get to know me better. And I’d like to take you up on the offer. (what?)
Deric: You have so many good qualities. One either has butterflies in their stomach about someone, or they don’t. And I haven’t felt that with you.
So Erin has now collected eight rings from her rejected suitors who burn their checks before heading into the night courtesy of Capitol Cab.
Next week – Eric falls for Erin while Wade smells the money.
For Love or Money 2 - Mondays on NBC.
And goodnight Woogie, wherever you are.
Are you a contestant on For Love or Money 2? Welcome to the FORT! We’d love to hear from you. Questions or comments, Bumpkin@fansofrealitytv.com.