“For Love or Money” – Episode 4 Recap – “And Then There Were Three”

[CaliGirl]

When we last saw our cozy group, it consisted of dashing Rob and the four remaining contenders for the Man or the Moolah: Lauren, Kelly, Paige and Erin. The tension is mounting and I don’t know about you, but I can barely stand the suspense.

This past week has not been scandal-free. The Gun was smokin’ again with the news of Paige’s DWI arrest in her home state of Texas. No wonder she and Rob have so much in common despite the 12 year age difference. Not only did she blow past a toll booth but when she was finally stopped, a fake ID was found in her car which she had used to buy drinks with since she was only 19 at the time. She was arrested twice more after that for driving under the influence and driving with a suspended license. Nice going, Paige!

In another bit of news, Alima Ravenscroft, professional virgin and teacher (who was eliminated by Rob during the 2nd round), was dismissed from her teaching post as a result of appearing on FLOM. They sure are strict in Kansas.

Once again, back at our happy mansion, the foursome is having breakfast and mulling over their chances at this game that they’re all pretending not to play. Erin says that she really hasn’t strategized, she is just being herself and hoping this will get her through. Paige claims that this is the first day that she actually realizes that she could win the whole thing. I have heard this since Survivor hopefuls have first voiced it and realize that Paige is an avid reality TV fan just like me. I feel an instant rapport with her now. Kelly meanwhile claims to have no idea how she is doing, and Lauren is still in it for the money.

Four Dates and Four Chances to Win Rob’s heart
Host Jordan makes his first appearance at the communal table and announces in his usual dire tone that they have all come a long way. They will have four individual dates which will afford them further opportunities to explore their true intentions. If only he didn’t sound so damn somber. He warns them that they had better choose wisely because it could secure their position in the Final Three. Talk about the bleeding obvious.

The dates will fall into four different categories:
1. Gondola ride
2. Horseback ride to romantic dinner
3. Bowling
4. Mystery Date (I remember playing that game and it was dorky)

If ever the playing field was uneven, this was it. The scrambling for the best dates begins with Erin snatching up the horseback riding card and Paige yelling about the bowling date for no apparent reason. This was getting out of hand so they wisely decided to draw numbers. Erin wins the mystery date, Paige gets the Gondola Ride. Kelly, much to her dismay, gets to go bowling with Rob, and Lauren will go horseback riding and have a romantic dinner at the end of the trail with our hero. Kelly will not shut up about getting stuck with the bowling date but then reveals that she actually has her own bag, ball and shoes at home.

Bowling for Dollars
The first victim, I mean date, is Kelly and Jordan tells her she must be ready in half an hour. She flies up the stairs yelling, “I need help!” and the accommodating Erin says, “Yes, milady.” Actually she says “OK” an runs after the demanding Kelly.

We now see Rob behind the wheel of a cool ’55 Thunderbird as he barrels through the mansion’s gate to pick Kelly up. In a voiceover we hear Kelly assure us that Rob has been her focus from day one, lest we think that the bucks are a motivating factor. Heaven forefend!

The wacky twosome is headed out as Rob’s voiceover tells us that it’s a “beautiful day” and he has a “beautiful girl” by his side. Didn’t he use that same damn line the last few times? He tells us that he was having so much fun driving that he didn’t even want to get to the bowling alley, but he did want to know if Kelly could enjoy this sport. In any case, we next see Kelly and Rob looking spiffy in their matching bowling shirts and at first it appears as if Rob is doing a lot better than Kelly, but she soon gets her groove on and before we know it she gets a turkey. This apparently means getting three strikes in a row. She asks him how he will feel if she beats him and he replies, “I’ll be fine” so she goes ahead and bowls a 140 to his 139 and is crowing about it. Kelly decides that as the winner she has a right to ask Rob the question that has been preying on her mind, “Why have you made the personal decision to pursue me and Paige and why haven’t you made a pass at Erin?” Of course, knowing Rob as we do by now, I mean the guy is an open blank book, he feels really uncomfortable and doesn’t want to say.

Suddenly, they are back in the car and Rob blurts out that he’s attracted to her. Kelly asks if this is physical, and he tells her he’s attracted to her in “a lot of ways.” Luckily, he doesn’t list them. Rob suggests a kissing game that he must have remembered from Junior High. At every red light, they get to kiss. This is sooo Seventh Grade! Kelly is told that he finds her “intriguing” (a word that he decided to stick on her like Super Glue), as he’s getting to know her better. She’s thinking about how great it would be to win the money and take vacations with Rob. Unh uh, Kelly, it simply does not work that way, but you’ll find out.

The girls are waiting at the Sorority House, but Kelly will not divulge the details of the “kissing game” and just sticks to the bowling scores. She feels that the date went well and her confidence level is at 75%. Honestly, Kelly? I think you can give yourself a higher score than that.

A Date with Mr. Ed and Mr. Rob
Lauren is feeling nervous. She has not felt any sparks yet and is still in it for the money. Nothing wrong with consistency. As Rob comes riding towards her I get a strange sense of déjà vu and Rob morphs into Joe Millionaire. Yikes. Rob hands Lauren a strange bouquet of white and green flowers because he has found out that green is her favorite color. Ever hear of emeralds, Rob? Wait, that’s Joe Millionaire again. Dang.

Voiceover Rob tells us that Lauren is very down to earth and beautiful, but he would like her to discover his goofy, silly side. Don’t keep us waiting, Rob.

The ride continues to their dinner destination, The Inn of the Seventh Ray which is a romantic place nestled above Malibu in the Santa Monica mountains. Lauren must be nervous because she makes a very strange and impersonal toast, “To amazing horseback riding abilities.” What is that all about? Maybe it’s because Lauren is just not “feeling it.” Instead she is leading him on as she tries to go further in this game. Rob now leans in for a kiss (his favorite pastime because it doesn’t require any speaking) and Lauren displays an uncharacteristic cruel streak when she says it was like kissing a pillow. Face it, the girl does not feel anything. End of story.

The hens, er, girls are waiting anxiously and the Q & A begins. Lauren says that Rob is a “kisser” and now Paige wants her to rate him on a scale of 1 to 10. Lauren asks whether the rating is for Rob “laughing” or Rob “normal?” What’s the dif? She gives him an “8” and the date a “5.” Lauren decides not to say anything else, but Paige’s edict is that Lauren has no interest in Rob. We’ve heard it all before, Paige dear. You are such a bore.

Flyin’ High On Our Mystery Date
Erin’s date begins early in the morning when she is whisked off to an airfield. Surprisingly, she hears airplanes overhead. She is gleeful, she loves airplanes. This is the most animated Erin has been so far. Rob, in his usual unanimated mode, hands her the prerequisite flowers. He says she’s a beautiful girl who is wearing cool sunglasses.(Rob, it’s ok to use synonyms like “striking,” “stunning,” “attractive” etc.)

They fly over the California Coast side by side in a bi-plane and it’s just beautiful as well as a lot of fun. Well, it would be for me, I don’t know about these two. Rob is thinking (careful, Rob) that he’s concerned about “clicking with Erin and going to the next level.” Would that involve kissing in an airplane every time you see the Ocean, Rob? Kelly is also ruminating about getting to know Rob better. They are now riding in the limo to the San Diego Wild Animal Park and Rob asks Erin how she feels about him. Wait a minute, isn’t this the type of question that he feels so uncomfortable with that he doesn’t answer it? Erin slides out of that one faster than a greased snake by answering “I think you know how I feel about you.” Good job, Erin.

They get to pet the rhino’s horn which is supposed to bring them luck, and Erin says it’s like a Fifth Grade date to the Zoo. I don’t remember going out on dates in the fifth grade, but apparently Erin does. Now Rob is trying his kissing routine on her, but she pulls away and Mr. Insecure doesn’t know if she has feelings for him because she’s not “willing to let herself go”. Geez, Rob, give it a rest, will ya?

Paige in Wonderland
Paige is telling us that she doesn’t like to start a relationship based on a lie. Why don’t you tell him about your 3 arrests then, Paige? However, all of these pangs of conscience are forgotten as Rob presents our girl with a bunch of sunflowers and she innocently asks him what his favorite flower is. Rob answers, “African violets” although I have never seen a bouquet of those in my life, just in pots. Nonetheless, Paige presents him with the very same. Coincidence, clairvoyance? I think not. Rob is thrilled. No other girl has gifted him with anything so far. Big points for our fairy tale princess, Paige.

The happy couple is enjoying a sunset gondola ride and this time it’s the cheeky gondolier who suggests the obligatory kissing game. Every time they go under a bridge, it is customary to kiss. Paige could not be happier since she was hoping for “lots of kisses.” By Rob’s admission, “She grabbed my head, and away we went.” However, the worry of finding it hard to talk while keeping such a huge secret still haunts Paige. The date of course was “perfect” as they can’t stop looking at each other and she knows she has feelings for him that she’s never had for anybody. She comes out with a strange “Paigeism” when she states that he needs a girlfriend and “The most convenient one would be me.” Alright already.

Paige comes back to the house and is just ga-ga. She doesn’t even want to answer the questions about lippage and tongue speculations because she is so “love struck” according to Lauren. However, she just can’t resist it when Kelly says that she hopes Rob won’t hold it against her that she didn’t French kiss him, and responds, “I hope he didn’t hold it against me that I did.” You minx.

Last Pleas at the Fireside Chat
The girls are whiling away the time by playing cards when Somber Host Jordan makes his second appearance. He says, “I trust that the last couple of days have been nice,” (10 second pauses between each word) and that it would be a shame to make it this far and not to make to the Final Three. So if they want to make a final plea, they should do so now, or they can choose to walk on by. Now, he really lowers the boom by saying, “Enjoy what might be your last day!” Oh my heck, how ominous can you get?

Rob awaits at the fireplace and says he is still unsure of his final decision. Yeah, you bet. Kelly comes in and it’s the usual “hi” and “how are you?” Kelly wastes no time in asking him to keep her and she hands him a note which he opens after her departure. All I remember is the tacky last line of a poem about their date in which says she is “anxiously awaiting the next stop light.” Hmmm.

Lauren is thinking she hasn’t got much of a case to plead because she didn’t make out with him but she toughs it out by telling him that she’s sorry if she seemed shy and he’s looking for a spark. However, he feels like Lauren is holding back.

Erin has a note for him too. How creative is this trend? She tells him that she’s aware that she’s built up this wall but it’s already breaking down and she hopes he will be patient. He says that he has been patient. What could the poor girl say after this except that she’ll see him out there. Her note had a giraffe on it with the saying “In my thoughts.” Rob was not overly touched by that.

Now he is wondering if Paige will ignore him again this time while she says that he’s already made his decision regardless of whether she talks to him or not. Guess what, after the break, we see that Paige has made her way over to Rob and he seems surprised. She says, “I don’t know what I would do if I were you, but I’m sure you’ll make the right decision.” Rob assures her that he doesn’t know yet. These exchanges are straight out of “Phrasebook for Lame Reality Dating Shows.”

Rob does let us in on a teeny secret and I feel my heart beat faster now. He says that there are two that he definitely wants to continue with and he’s still struggling about which of the remaining two he wants to keep.

Stairway to Elimination
The remaining four ladies are slowly descending the staircase which Jordan proclaims to one and all, “Here we are again, this is a big night. What more is there to say, I wish you luck and I will now go and get Rob.” Why do they have to stand there and Rob has to be fetched? I don’t want to start questioning anything now, because I would have to begin with questioning the premise of the show.

Rob appears and dazzles us all with, “Good evening, I hope y’all aren’t melting.” He’s referring to some California drizzle because it’s not like Texas rain to Rob. He says how much harder it’s been this time because he’s gotten to know them all so much better. We know.

Paige – Hug. Had a great time on gondola date. Loves her passion and the way she does things and wants to spend more time with her. She feels confident because their connection is getting stronger. STAY.

Kelly – “Hello.” “Hello.” (Hey, I don’t want to be the only one bored here, I’m going to drag all of you with me.) Rob says that he’s told her a couple of times that he’s “kinda intrigued” by her and she has a “kinda devilish grin” which makes him wonder what’s behind it and that’s what he wants to do. Kelly assures us again that she’s in it just for Rob, although the money would be a great prize too. STAY.

For Erin and Lauren the tension is palpable.

Lauren – Hug. He tell her how great it’s been to get to know her because she’s so smart and dynamic. Their horseback ride and their dinner was romantic but he feels she was holding back. In classic Rob fashion he says, “I’m not sure why, but it made me think I had to say goodbye.” Your honor, instruct Mr. Campos to make a definitive statement instead of this gibberish. (My own private courtroom fantasy is a bit different from this, I assure you.) Lauren is gracious. She says she understands and that he has great girls here. DISMISSED.

Erin – Of course we all know that there is no reason for Erin to worry now. Rob says that he felt like he was with his best friend on their date, but he thinks there’s a spark and he would like to find it. Why don’t you start by finding yours, buddy? STAY.

He asks all the girls to come down the steps so that he can beseech them to open up with him and put themselves out there as he has done. For the third time that evening he says, “I am not looking for someone to live with, but someone I can’t live without.” I want my Dramamine NOW. He bids them goodnight and of course the flamboyant Paige yells back, “Goodnight, sweetheart.”

Lauren wishes she had gotten to the next round but has to sacrifice the check to the fire gods and leave. The girls meanwhile drink a toast to Lauren.

Why oh why does this damn show have to run an extra ten minutes each week? It drives me nuts.

This week the extra ten are to show Jordan leading Rob to the secret chamber and close-ups of Rob’s best frown as he is finally told that even though the women came into this game strictly for him, they were then told of the money twist. Rob now speculates about the true motivations of the women and he says that it feels “sinister.” At the same time we hear voices of the women in weird layers speaking of “secrets,” “money” and “lies.”

Next week we are told that there is yet another twist to be revealed. Oooooh. I can hardly wait, can you?

If you would like to comment on this recap, write to caligirl@fansofrealitytv.com

[Google]

 

[Billie Jean]

CaliGirl ~ Great, great recap! Thanks.

[Karma]

Cali, your recaps are far and away the only redeeming part of this show! (Well, with the possible exception of watching Paige play an "innocent") Thanks for suffering through this drivel with me and giving me something to laugh about later.

[mimi]

Yet ANOTHER great recap, Caligirl!! I suffered through a lot of interruptions during the show last night, so your recap filled in a lot of gaps for me. I love your witty comments, too! My personal favorite:

"Voiceover Rob tells us that Lauren is very down to earth and beautiful, but he would like her to discover his goofy, silly side. Don’t keep us waiting, Rob."

Yeah, Rob, where's that "goofy, silly side" of you? C'mon, man, don't hold back, let it all hang out!

[katebeth]

Thanks again, Cali... I made it to Lauren's date, then crashed!

What would I do without you?

[Miss Filangi]

Thought I'd quote some of my favourite parts..

4. Mystery Date (I remember playing that game and it was dorky)

As Rob comes riding towards her I get a strange sense of déjà vu and Rob morphs into Joe Millionaire. Yikes. Rob hands Lauren a strange bouquet of white and green flowers because he has found out that green is her favorite color. Ever hear of emeralds, Rob? Wait, that’s Joe Millionaire again. Dang.

Rob assures her that he doesn’t know yet. These exchanges are straight out of “Phrasebook for Lame Reality Dating Shows.”

Kelly – “Hello.” “Hello.” (Hey, I don’t want to be the only one bored here, I’m going to drag all of you with me.)

Great job CaliGirl!

[realitynut]

Or was Rob whispering something to Lauren that we couldn't hear during the dinner portion of their date. She looked turned off by what he was saying. Did anyone have closed captioning on or can anyone read lips? It seemed like he was asking her something about kissing or maybe moving forward physically :

[mimi]

I think he was saying something to the effect that she'd better put out immediately if she wanted to spend another week in the mansion.

[Miss Filangi]

He probably told her that her dress matched the vegetables.

[brockdrywall]

CG,

How do you type so well and eloquently without spilling vodka all over your laptop? I have to figure out how to watch this show sober...