Last Comic Standing 5 Recap 07/11 – It’s Hot, It’s Comedy, It’s Tempe!

[John]

Our regular recapper, pg13, couldn’t be here this week. So, please consider me the opening act, and he’ll be back next week with all the inside scoop I know nothing about. I like comedians, I just never really watch them, so I won’t be recognizing any faces or have the dirt pg13 has. I also don’t know the answers to the Joke of the Day. Sorry about all that. But as they say in show business, or Pink songs, let’s get this party started!

The final stop of the LCS auditions is in Tempe, Arizona, for reasons lost on me. If someone asked me to name the top 50 locations to find comics in the United States, Tempe would rank approximately 473 on my list. People down there are just too busy being hot to be funny, aren’t they? Nevertheless, here we are. You know who’s not actually here? Of course, it’s our host, Bill Bellamy. How a show has a host who only appears on half the episodes, I don’t know. He doesn’t seem very hostly to me, but what do I know? This episode, they managed to get a shot of Bill pretending to be in Tempe doing the intro, but since he doesn’t appear in any of the actual show footage, it’s clear he’s just phoning it in.

After obligatory montages of the line, and people who will never get on stage, it’s time for the comics to step on stage.

Ryan Hamilton, from Salt Lake City, UT. He’s the Mormon version of Jerry Seinfeld, and he’s pretty funny. He’s coming back.
Suli McCullough from Studio City, CA. Another funny guy, also coming back. Ken & Brady from Phoenix AZ couldn’t be less funny if they were drowning cats in a bathtub on stage. Not a chance.

And that leads us into “unfunny physical comedy” montage #1, hopefully emptying that line outside of most of the bad comedy.

Andrew Orvedahl from Denver, CO. He’s back.
Robin Reiser from Los Angeles, CA. She looks familiar (an imdb entry was very unhelpful), and she’s back, barely.
Chris Bennett from Tempe, AZ. He does a tired, unfunny routine, and he’s so outta there.
Lavell Crawford from Los Angeles, CA. He’s funny, and he’s back.

Another line montage, and a WAY-too-long clip of Rusta Rhymes doing his (I imagine) best white-boy rap. It’s awful, and I feel sorry for the judges for having to put up with that crap all day long (well, except for Ant. If there’s a hell, I hope he has to spend eternity with Rusta Rhymes).

Next up is a comedian who doesn’t get a nameplate, but he’s back. We’ll catch him later, I guess.
Hippieman from Boulder, CO. Nothing to see here, and he’s gone. And that queues a montage of unfunny people getting the boot.
Chuck Roy from Denver, CO. He looks like a larger, younger Bob Seger, and he’s coming back.
John Caparulo from Studio City, CA is my favorite comedian of the night, and luckily, he’s coming back tonight. A quick imdb search shows he’s been on Leno twice and had a Comedy Central special.

John’s the last comic we see before we flash forward to the call-backs, and we get to see who’s got it. Quite frankly, I hate the first part of this show. They just want to make fun of the bad comedians, and when comedy goes bad, it’s by its very definition, NOT funny. Show us the funny, and leave the Hippiemen at home. Also, what’s up with all the Colorado people? Is it something in the water up there?

First, we have the requisite “I’m nervous” interviews. First of these is from Greg Warren from Kirkwood, MO. He’s the guy who didn’t get a nameplate the first time around.

Andrew Orvedahl is up first. He has some edgy comedy about electric chairs and birth control pills. The crowd doesn’t seem all that into it. Kivi Rogers is up next, and since he didn’t get featured in the first part, we know he’s just there for show. As he goes into a story about how his love-making doesn’t measure up to television, I’m waiting for a gong of some sort. Greg Warren gets his turn. He’s a white guy who does his black friend’s voices, which has been done a million times and I don’t find funny at all. The crowd seems to be into it, which just goes to show you the difference between comedy on TV and comedy in person.

After a break, Ryan Hamilton is back. We’ve seen him featured on every single LCS commercial we’ve ever seen, so you know he’s kind of funny and strange looking. Chris Voth is next, another no-preview guy, and he does jokes about his grandma. Yawn. Suli McCullough is back, doing jokes about the guy who played Barney being black. He blew his best material in the audition, and I have a bad feeling. Lavell Crawford is up, and he’s making jokes about his weight, but using some originality, and I like him.

Christela Alonzo is up, the first time (and likely the last) we’ve seen her. She accentuates Lavell’s style as she does tired old jokes about her weight. Robin Reiser is up talking about dates and shaving. I’ve heard it a million times before, and so has the audience. Rocky LaPorte, another new face, talks about hospital emergency contacts and his parents, and it’s clear why we haven’t seen him before this. Dave Landau uses his time to bash Bush, comparing him to Hitler, and it’s clear he’s lost this audience. Jay Larson goes on an insane rant about peeing in someone’s eye. Yep, it’s just as funny as you might imagine. John Caparulo is up, and he does some very original stuff on how stupid he is. I like him, the crowd likes him, and I’ll be very surprised if he doesn’t make it.

Chuck Roy is talking about construction in Arizona, and even though it’s not that original, it’s funny. Brandon Vestal jokes about hitting pedestrians, and since we haven’t seen him before, he’s doomed, and he’s the last comedian of the night.

And, we’re about to find out if I’m right about John, as we cut to everyone on stage, and we get to find out who moves on. And more importantly, who wins the CAPITAL ONE Audience Favorite award, presented by CAPITAL ONE. Do YOU have a CAPITAL ONE card? Because if you don’t, you can’t win the CAPITAL ONE Audience Favorite no-hassle pass! I was always aggravated by this “no hassle pass”. Do they really hassle the ones who just get red envelopes? Is Ant standing in the back shoving them and telling them how bad they suck? If anything, they should be hassling the CAPITAL ONE Audience Favorite winners, because the judges didn’t get to hand-pick them.

Comics moving on: Chuck Roy (who really wants a beer), Lavell Crawford, Greg Warren, John Caparulo (who’s the CAPITAL ONE Audience Favorite!), and our final contestant, Ryan Hamilton/. Let me just say that this was the most anti-climactic final pick ever, because he’s been on every commercial for the show, there was no way he wasn’t moving on.

As a final segment, they list all of the 32 comedians who are moving on. But since they don’t show nameplates, I’m not even going to try guessing how to spell their names. If you’ve been reading along, you know them anyway. And I’ve got my money on Mel Silverback. If I’m in the crowd, he can throw his feces on me any time.

Well, I’ve had a fun time opening for pg13, who will be back with a slightly tardy recap next week, as he’s currently busy making paying customers laugh. Thank you for only throwing soft objects at me, and not your drinks. Until next week, tip your wait staff and keep watching – it only gets better from here!

[famita]

John, great recap! Can you really stand Mel Silverback?

[lopevian]

I was always aggravated by this “no hassle pass”. Do they really hassle the ones who just get red envelopes? Is Ant standing in the back shoving them and telling them how bad they suck?

Great job John, thank you!

[Mantenna]

It's always a treat to read your recaps, John. Nice work!

[pg13]

Hey FORTskateers,

I've got just enough time before heading back on the road for one more day of triple digit degree travel and road comedy to watch the tape of this latest episode of Last Comic Standing...and really, after reading John's recap...I'm not sure what deeper insight I'll be able to offer...

Oh yeah, definitely give it up to John for coming through in the clutch and nailing an LCS recap on the first go, huh? Cheers to you, my friend!

There's a good comedy scene in Arizona...fed by its proximity to California, certainly...but they've also got some good homegrown talent that sometimes decides that they'd like their dry heat without ANY water, thank you. I also know that a bunch of people from outside of the Arizona/California corridor chose Tempe as their place to try-out...so, this should be interesting.

First up, I certainly recognize Ryan Hamilton. Ryan lived and worked in Seattle for a short time before moving on--which, I think, is the same strategy employed by the aliens of "War of the Worlds"--and he kind of looks like one of those spindly beasts, doesn't he?

Ryan is one of the sweetest guys you'll ever want to meet--and he's incredibly funny. I've had the pleasure of working with him in the past and I was sad to see him leave Seattle for more success elsewhere. I should also point out that he won the Sierra Mist "America's Next Great Comic" contest in 2005...AND that once again the quirky editing process of not showing us anything funny by those who are truly funny seems to be in effect here--as it seems that Ryan is moved on to the second round just because Ant thinks that he's odd looking... Well, it IS national network tv, Ryan...be happy.

Suli McCullough seems to win over the judges just for his positive energy level...

Ken & Brady seem to have missed the memo about this being Last ComiC (note: not plural) Standing--but then again Mel Silverback made it, so who knows what might or might not make it? I know John didn't like them...but I bet there's more to this act than what we saw...and I bet that other stuff is funnier than we saw...

I watched the dance montage four times just to make certain I didn't recognize anyone. Nope.

There are fewer and fewer people watching this show...even fewer FORTskateers commenting here...and I think the editors know it...because the pace seems fast.

Andrew Orvedahl got his laughs quick. He moves on. Robin Reiser took too long to get to her first laugh...but Alonzo wants to give her a chance. She moves on. Chris Bennett incurs the ironic wrath of Ant--as ANT, of all people, says that he's heard Chris' bingo jokes before... Well, fiddle-dee-dee...

Lavell Crawford is a big man. The editing is weird here--as the judges are definitely laughing harder than the jokes are earning. (Note--no doubt, Lavell rocks the mic in a hot room...but this is three experienced and jaded comics he's talking to...and nothing they showed Lavell saying should have made Kathleen cackle and drop her forehead to the table.) He moves on.

What happened to the Joke(s) of the Day?

Or, was that what Rusta Rhymes was supposed to be?

Greg Warren has been doing comedy for ten years. Kathleen greets him with a big "Hi" because he's from Missouri and she's from St. Louis. CONSPIRACY THEORISTS CAN NOW GO CRAZY!!! He moves on.

Hippieman does not. Neither does AJ Fowler, neither does Kevin Davidson, neither does Matt Peterson. They all get quick hooks while delivering jokes that seem, at some level, to get a laugh.

I agree with John's assessment that it is hard to watch week after week of auditions to get on this show when there seems to be little in the way of consistent criteria for what the judges will like or not--and that's especially true with how the show is being edited...

Chuck Roy comes in with energy and attitude...but his second joke is a "I look like ________" joke... OK, I get it--they LIKE those jokes...because Ryan Hamilton did his "I look like a white Chris Rock" joke--but Matt Peterson gets mocked and thrown into the Freak Show Montage for his "I look like a cross between Gary Busey and Farrah Fawcett" joke.

...help an audience out, Magical Elves...you're befuddling your viewers into not giving a sweet damn about this show...making this, likely, the Last Last Comic Standing.

Oh yeah, Chuck comes back...

John Caprarulo doesn't like big dogs. He comes back.

...and that's it for the auditions.

Since we're back in the US, there's a Capitol One Audience Choice...and since it isn't anywhere important, Bill Bellamy isn't anywhere to be seen.

As John explained above, we see Andrew Orvedahl, Kivi Rogers, and an LOOOOOOOOOONG snippet of Greg Warren. This would seem to suggest that Greg doesn't move on...based on the theory that they're not going to burn material for those who'll have to use their material in the weekly competitions to come...

After the break, Ryan Hamilton returns with ANOTHER "I look like ____" joke (it's the one you've seen him do on all of this season's preview ads--about looking like the illegitimate son of Jerry & Elaine...) They cut to Ant clapping the way a parent does at a child's recital.

Words...cannot...express...

Luckily, they show us more of what Ryan does...(oooooh, Danger Will Robinson, Danger!)...and hopefully some of you agree with me that he's damn funny.

Chris Voth, Suli McCullough, Lavell Crawford all do what they do...in ever increasing amounts. (They showed Suli giving a generic, non-joke set closer "That's my time"--for no reason whatever.)

There haven't been many Latin-American comics on LCS. Christela Alonzo shows that they exist. It would've been interesting to have learned more about her and her story...but this is the speed round of LCS auditions and there's no time for getting "Up Close & Personal".

After the break, we see Robin Reiser (any relation to Paul, I wonder?), Rocky LaPorte (who we should have seen more of...if we're not moving him on to the next round), Dave Landau (who gets a Hitler joke on network tv--haven't seen that since "Hogan's Heroes" was canceled), Jay Larson (who seems to be doing a solo monologue from his one man show more than a stand-up routine, but it all works in a comedy club if its funny), John Caparulo (who kills with a routine about being willfully dumb...and I have some mixed emotions about that, but see my comments above about it all working in a comedy club...)

By the way, "I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry" still looks, to me, to be the worst idea for a movie since...oh, I don't know, how about "License To Wed"?

Chuck Roy wants a parade in Denver...and he wants the world to know that Denver stand-ups put on a hell of a show. And then he does some localized material--good for audience response, bad for getting on a national tv show...but maybe the reason we're seeing it is because he moves on? (Now, I'm second and third guessing myself about how they edit this show...ARRRRRRRGHHH!) Brandon Vestal hates pedestrians.

And that's it.

Envelopes go to: Chuck Roy, Lavell Crawford, Greg Warren, John Caparulo and Ryan Hamilton.

Evidently, it's a sad day in comedy (so, said the not-moving-on Sulli McCullough). I know it's a sad day for my friend and fellow Seattle comedian Andy Peters who was at this audition...and got snapped off rudely by Ant before he got 30 secnods into his act and didn't even get to make a Freak Show Montage. Sigh. (And, Andy beat Ryan in last year's "Rocky Mountain Laff Off...which just goes to show you, you never can tell...)

Here, then are your 32 semi-finalists:

From New York: Arj Barker, Lori Chase, Jane Condon, Joe DeVito, Dwayne Kennedy, Amy Schumer

From Montreal: Gerry Dee, Debra DiGiovanni, Mel Silverback

From San Antonio: Ralph Harris, Sabrina Matthews, Andi Smith

From Los Angeles: Sarah Colonna, Dante, Dwayne Perkins, Jon Reep, Sean Rouse, Thea Vidale

From Sydney: Lawrence Mooney, Fiona O'Loughlin, Adam Vincent, Gina Yashere

From London: Spencer Brown, Matt Kirshen

From Minneapolis: Tracey Ashley, Doug Benson, Tommy Johnagin

From Tempe: John Caparulo, Lavell Crawford, Ryan Hamilton, Chuck Roy, Greg Warren

That's 32 semi-finalists... If they do it like previous years, they'll split them into two groups...and move 5 from each group on... But who knows... I thought they were going to squeeze Tempe & the semi-finals in THIS episode...

ANYTHING...to get this show started...right?

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIT A MINUTE.

They ran an ad for the next episode right after the credits...indicating that they'll only be showing the first half of the semi-finals this coming week. (Meaning that, as I guessed, they'll have 16 competing for 5 spots this week...but the remaining 16 will wait until next week for the final 5 spots...as if they couldn't drag this out further, right?)

BUT...they then announced that the special guest judge will be...

Tom Arnold.







Tom "formerly Mr. Rosanne Barr" Arnold.


Granted, Tom WAS a stand-up comedian in the Minneapolis scene back in the day...but those who were there then have often pointed out that he had a reputation for not having audiences find him funny back then either.

On the other hand, if they wanted to boost their ratings with fans of the Best Damn Sports Show Ever...

...couldn't they have gotten John Salley???

pg--I'll be back with a full sized recap for a half-sized semi-finals show...Tom or not...but once again, give it up for John for his excellent work this week, huh?--seattle

PS--Look out Lewiston, Idaho...I'm on my way to see you as we speak!

[mom2]

And, we’re about to find out if I’m right about John, as we cut to everyone on stage, and we get to find out who moves on. And more importantly, who wins the CAPITAL ONE Audience Favorite award, presented by CAPITAL ONE. Do YOU have a CAPITAL ONE card? Because if you don’t, you can’t win the CAPITAL ONE Audience Favorite no-hassle pass! I was always aggravated by this “no hassle pass”. Do they really hassle the ones who just get red envelopes? Is Ant standing in the back shoving them and telling them how bad they suck? If anything, they should be hassling the CAPITAL ONE Audience Favorite winners, because the judges didn’t get to hand-pick them.

Call Screech!! Tell him here's his chance to duel it out with Ant !!

[fluff]

The final stop of the LCS auditions is in Tempe, Arizona, for reasons lost on me. If someone asked me to name the top 50 locations to find comics in the United States, Tempe would rank approximately 473 on my list.

Another line montage, and a WAY-too-long clip of Rusta Rhymes doing his (I imagine) best white-boy rap. It’s awful, and I feel sorry for the judges for having to put up with that crap all day long (well, except for Ant. If there’s a hell, I hope he has to spend eternity with Rusta Rhymes).



I was always aggravated by this “no hassle pass”. Do they really hassle the ones who just get red envelopes?

Excellent recap, John

I have to say I didn't know Tempe was such a furtile breeding ground for comics.
I thought they specialised in Paradise Hotel contestants there.