Our regular recapper, pg13, couldnít be here this week. So, please consider me the opening act, and heíll be back next week with all the inside scoop I know nothing about. I like comedians, I just never really watch them, so I wonít be recognizing any faces or have the dirt pg13 has. I also donít know the answers to the Joke of the Day. Sorry about all that. But as they say in show business, or Pink songs, letís get this party started!
The final stop of the LCS auditions is in Tempe, Arizona, for reasons lost on me. If someone asked me to name the top 50 locations to find comics in the United States, Tempe would rank approximately 473 on my list. People down there are just too busy being hot to be funny, arenít they? Nevertheless, here we are. You know whoís not actually here? Of course, itís our host, Bill Bellamy. How a show has a host who only appears on half the episodes, I donít know. He doesnít seem very hostly to me, but what do I know? This episode, they managed to get a shot of Bill pretending to be in Tempe doing the intro, but since he doesnít appear in any of the actual show footage, itís clear heís just phoning it in.
After obligatory montages of the line, and people who will never get on stage, itís time for the comics to step on stage.
Ryan Hamilton, from Salt Lake City, UT. Heís the Mormon version of Jerry Seinfeld, and heís pretty funny. Heís coming back.
Suli McCullough from Studio City, CA. Another funny guy, also coming back. Ken & Brady from Phoenix AZ couldnít be less funny if they were drowning cats in a bathtub on stage. Not a chance.
And that leads us into ďunfunny physical comedyĒ montage #1, hopefully emptying that line outside of most of the bad comedy.
Andrew Orvedahl from Denver, CO. Heís back.
Robin Reiser from Los Angeles, CA. She looks familiar (an imdb entry was very unhelpful), and sheís back, barely.
Chris Bennett from Tempe, AZ. He does a tired, unfunny routine, and heís so outta there.
Lavell Crawford from Los Angeles, CA. Heís funny, and heís back.
Another line montage, and a WAY-too-long clip of Rusta Rhymes doing his (I imagine) best white-boy rap. Itís awful, and I feel sorry for the judges for having to put up with that crap all day long (well, except for Ant. If thereís a hell, I hope he has to spend eternity with Rusta Rhymes).
Next up is a comedian who doesnít get a nameplate, but heís back. Weíll catch him later, I guess.
Hippieman from Boulder, CO. Nothing to see here, and heís gone. And that queues a montage of unfunny people getting the boot.
Chuck Roy from Denver, CO. He looks like a larger, younger Bob Seger, and heís coming back.
John Caparulo from Studio City, CA is my favorite comedian of the night, and luckily, heís coming back tonight. A quick imdb search shows heís been on Leno twice and had a Comedy Central special.
Johnís the last comic we see before we flash forward to the call-backs, and we get to see whoís got it. Quite frankly, I hate the first part of this show. They just want to make fun of the bad comedians, and when comedy goes bad, itís by its very definition, NOT funny. Show us the funny, and leave the Hippiemen at home. Also, whatís up with all the Colorado people? Is it something in the water up there?
First, we have the requisite ďIím nervousĒ interviews. First of these is from Greg Warren from Kirkwood, MO. Heís the guy who didnít get a nameplate the first time around.
Andrew Orvedahl is up first. He has some edgy comedy about electric chairs and birth control pills. The crowd doesnít seem all that into it. Kivi Rogers is up next, and since he didnít get featured in the first part, we know heís just there for show. As he goes into a story about how his love-making doesnít measure up to television, Iím waiting for a gong of some sort. Greg Warren gets his turn. Heís a white guy who does his black friendís voices, which has been done a million times and I donít find funny at all. The crowd seems to be into it, which just goes to show you the difference between comedy on TV and comedy in person.
After a break, Ryan Hamilton is back. Weíve seen him featured on every single LCS commercial weíve ever seen, so you know heís kind of funny and strange looking. Chris Voth is next, another no-preview guy, and he does jokes about his grandma. Yawn. Suli McCullough is back, doing jokes about the guy who played Barney being black. He blew his best material in the audition, and I have a bad feeling. Lavell Crawford is up, and heís making jokes about his weight, but using some originality, and I like him.
Christela Alonzo is up, the first time (and likely the last) weíve seen her. She accentuates Lavellís style as she does tired old jokes about her weight. Robin Reiser is up talking about dates and shaving. Iíve heard it a million times before, and so has the audience. Rocky LaPorte, another new face, talks about hospital emergency contacts and his parents, and itís clear why we havenít seen him before this. Dave Landau uses his time to bash Bush, comparing him to Hitler, and itís clear heís lost this audience. Jay Larson goes on an insane rant about peeing in someoneís eye. Yep, itís just as funny as you might imagine. John Caparulo is up, and he does some very original stuff on how stupid he is. I like him, the crowd likes him, and Iíll be very surprised if he doesnít make it.
Chuck Roy is talking about construction in Arizona, and even though itís not that original, itís funny. Brandon Vestal jokes about hitting pedestrians, and since we havenít seen him before, heís doomed, and heís the last comedian of the night.
And, weíre about to find out if Iím right about John, as we cut to everyone on stage, and we get to find out who moves on. And more importantly, who wins the CAPITAL ONE Audience Favorite award, presented by CAPITAL ONE. Do YOU have a CAPITAL ONE card? Because if you donít, you canít win the CAPITAL ONE Audience Favorite no-hassle pass! I was always aggravated by this ďno hassle passĒ. Do they really hassle the ones who just get red envelopes? Is Ant standing in the back shoving them and telling them how bad they suck? If anything, they should be hassling the CAPITAL ONE Audience Favorite winners, because the judges didnít get to hand-pick them.
Comics moving on: Chuck Roy (who really wants a beer), Lavell Crawford, Greg Warren, John Caparulo (whoís the CAPITAL ONE Audience Favorite!), and our final contestant, Ryan Hamilton/. Let me just say that this was the most anti-climactic final pick ever, because heís been on every commercial for the show, there was no way he wasnít moving on.
As a final segment, they list all of the 32 comedians who are moving on. But since they donít show nameplates, Iím not even going to try guessing how to spell their names. If youíve been reading along, you know them anyway. And Iíve got my money on Mel Silverback. If Iím in the crowd, he can throw his feces on me any time.
Well, Iíve had a fun time opening for pg13, who will be back with a slightly tardy recap next week, as heís currently busy making paying customers laugh. Thank you for only throwing soft objects at me, and not your drinks. Until next week, tip your wait staff and keep watching Ė it only gets better from here!